it's always necessary to sit with trees and get reacquainted with yourself. so many things right now are old and so many things are new and a few things lie in-between for which i'm very grateful for. i have opportunities to wash myself over with. i have time -- even if i don't, really. i want to learn to rid myself of the guilt and shame that accompanies me more than another human does; that's not normal!! at least -- i don't want that to be my normal. and i do get a choice. i do! :) i get a choice. i am in control. things are scary every day and i have to push a lot to be a person but we all do in our own ways and as much as i am scared of being in control there is a comfort in knowing that you call the shots more than anything in your days (it is a collaboration with Earth but you have Control). i am 26 and i am farther than i thought i'd be when i was 11 years old. it's been since then that the years continue to be a test of that: if i am still here. but when you grow up, you see that everyone thinks that! everyone is strong! everyone knows the sensation of continuing. and alies are real. and i'm grateful for all of the cool movies that exist. and it's not that bad. but you have to let it be not that bad. it is your choice
