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Kaledo Art

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@mayarii-darling
Eridian scientists proceed to stuff Grace's face with meburgers until Rocky stops screaming
Learn to walk again
mwah is a very important word
must feel good as fuck to curse a prince for being rude to you while you were larping as an old woman for no reason
why tf was marx writing whole ass books 😭 he should have been condensing his ideas into easily manageable posts. or fuck maybe even a visual novel
Prince Philip is the most badass prince EVER. And here's why.
Okay, so he’s got a girly face, and he wears tights and some high boots. Sure.
But check out that noble steed. That’s one ready-to-kick-ass-and-take-names steed.
While other princesses just run away and leave nothing, Philip gets AN INVITE TO HER HOUSE. He gets a song, a dance, and a first date.
He comes home, just to tell his dad he’s not going to marry the princess because he’s in love.
No. Other. Reason. He rides in and is just like, “I met the girl I’m going to marry. Now I’ve got a birthday party to be at. Bye Dad.”
Now how much do you think his dad weighs? That short fat little man? Probably pretty heavy.Not a problem for Prince Philip.
And then he gets jumped by goblins, both hands tied behind his back
But that’s not enough to stop Prince Philip.Oh no.
He breaks his hands free and starts chucking goblins.
Look at that face. That face. The “BITCH JUST YOU WAIT” face. He may be tied down by a dozen goblins but he’s not gonna take no shit from this witch.
In fact, he’s so strong, she ends up keeping him chained to the wall, but he still fights back.
Now when he finally does get free–
He’s ready to go into battle UNARMED. He don’t need no shield or sword, he’s going to go punch Maleficent’s face in with his fist. If Flora didn’t stop him, he probably would have, too.
Backed up against a cliff edge, nowhere to go. Fighting off goblins. But there’s so many and just one Philip.
NBD I’LL JUST JUMP AND SLIDE DOWN THE ROCK PILE IN MY SKIN-TIGHT TIGHTS.
Gate closing?
who gives a fuck? certainly not prince philip.
Lighting hitting rocks around me?
NBD BRO
Giant forest of thorns?
Bitch, get out of my way. I’ve got a princess to save.
Giant dragon of hell?
CHARGE HEAD ON.
Fire? Dragon? Burning dry twigs? No. Fucking. Problem.
Just smack that bitch on the nose.
Sheer cliff face? Fire burning behind me? Back to a wall?
Calm down guys, I got this.
I’LL JUST FUCKING SCALE IT ONE-HANDED.
And fight the bloody beast from 500 feet high, with literally nothing to save me if I fall.
Lose the shield off the cliff?
JUST STAND THERE AND SMILE ‘CAUSE I’VE GOT A FUCKING MAGIC SWORD THAT’S GOING THROUGH YOUR HEART BITCH.
Just chuck it. Straight through.
Then jump out of the way…
And survive. That’s what happens to bitches who mess with the woman I love.
Get the horse.
Get the girl.
EXPLAIN NOTHING.
that’s how he EARNED his happily ever after.
Srsly. The most bad. ass. prince. disney ever wrote.
I 1,000% never thought of it from this point of view before and am now screaming Too Hot, Hot Damn, Made that dragon wanna retire man.
Suddenly thinking of 1989’s The Little Mermaid and you know what, give Eric some props here because he had the weirdest fucking hour of his life—
Wakes up from hypnosis where he was about to marry a woman he’s never seen before with his mystery girl’s voice, the instant he wakes up then the cute girl he’s actually fallen in love with now has that voice. Then she drops to the floor and has a fish tail, and then the first girl is suddenly cackling “too late!” and bursting out of her skin. So it turns out she’s actually an octopus woman who drags herself over to the real mystery girl - who’s a mermaid?! They’re real?! - and taking her back into the ocean. And Eric has no idea what’s going on here but okay, one of these women is clearly evil and he needs to go after his mystery girl.
And all of this happens/he realizes what he has to do within like, a single minute.
Prior to this he was just living out a sweet romance after having a Meet Cute with a shipwrecked girl, but okay, guess he’s involved in whatever the fuck this is. Acting first, questioning later.
And this is all before the kaiju attacks.
He is my princess diana
hello! hello! hello! hello!
the reality of being a writer
One of my favorite Bloodymary tropes is Simon dropping some random childhood trauma lore and mandated-reporter-middle-school-teacher Grace going:
if you're writing and find yourself thinking 'this is too weird/gross/offputting/esoteric/ambitious/catered to my specific interests + sure to push away a broader audience' that is the devil speaking and it is a lie. you are already firmly on the right path and you need to double down
the thing too is that. I've heard, when the book came out, the big twist was the alien. right? because it was from the guy that wrote the martian, a notoriously hard sci fi book, so this was just another notoriously hard sci fi book and oh my god what the fuck there's ALIENS in here?!
but to me, who decided to watch the movie 1) because it was getting stellar reviews, and 2) Because There Was An Alien, the twist for me was that grace didn't want to be there. the big twist of the film was that grace was a coward and was forced onto this mission against his will. not to mention the taumoeba leak, but. that was it. that was the thing that had be gasping in the theater. the big surprise. not that aliens were involved in a hard sci fi product, but that the main character, the guy we were rooting for, the man whose perspective we had been in for hours, was drugged and shot into space on a suicide mission to save the fucking planet and he didn't want to go. he ran. and to learn later on that in the book, he was given amnesia on purpose? because he threatened, Bluffed, that he would sabotage the mission once he woke up? I mean. when will we ever get a protagonist like ryland grace in a blockbuster movie again.
Grace, your friend is an apex predator.
Bloodymary….
they have wormed their way into my head