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[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

I'm gonna make it my main goal to become internet famous just so I can pubically talk shit about my family and tell the whole world what it's like living with religious extremists and I'm dropping names times and dates. count your days freaks I'm going on soft white underbelly and then becoming an influencer and I'm gonna make tiktoks like "grwm while I tell you about how I used to get locked in a garage as a child #maybellinepartner #ad"

[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

I am fucking going THROUGH it. I'm extremely resilient and I always bounce back no matter what bc I've never had the choice not to, but god I feel so unbelievably alone. I have my friends, and I love them so much, but the emptiness I have inside of me that my family is supposed to fill is always sitting right below the surface. I can never get anyone to talk to me like a person, because I'm the scapegoat. I'm the baby of the family, I'm the only one who isn't married, who isn't christian, who isn't following the elders orders. I've had to go to NA, I've ran off to several countries just trying to escape them. I've almost died from my addictions. and instead of helping me or acknowledging that the religious abuse I went through by their hands made me develop ocd & ptsd that I'm probably going to have forever, they just punish me over and over.

besides they'll only talk to me if I'm doing what they want me to do. If I do as they say and cut off all the people that have been there for me when they weren't, left behind my job that I literally need to stay sane, let them find me a husband of their choosing, and only spoke to them, then I would be accepted. I don't know why this is my life but I can't describe the pain I feel to people who haven't experienced this. my dad cut off contact with me because I tried to kms 6 years ago because it goes against gods wishes, so I don't have that side of my family either. I have no one blood related to go to and I wish so badly I didn't have to live like this.

It would be awesome if I could just be a trad wife and have 18 kids and be barefoot 24/7 and only trust in the lord but it's not who I am. It's never going to be me. I've tried so many times to go to god, I've tried going to church consistently, I've tried it all. my body naturally rejects it. maybe if they introduced it to me in a normal way, and didn't have strangers touching my head, speaking in tongues, and telling my mother I'm going to hell it would be different. maybe if they didn't tell me I was possessed by demons when I tried telling them that for some reason my thoughts keep telling me I'm going to die if I don't do xyz, I wouldn't feel sick every time I entered a church. maybe if they didn't throw away all my clothes & collectables because "demons were attached to them", I'd be able to trust them. maybe if they comforted me when I said I got raped instead of telling me to take it up with jesus before never mentioning it again, I'd be fucking normal in general.

they shit on me for my past drug use, for the men I've dated, the occultism I've participated in, but they fail to realize that if they just treated me like a human I never would have gone through any of that anyway. I had no choice at the time. I ran off to another country with a porn producer because it felt safer than being at home. I ran off again and chose to stay with a man who almost killed me because I couldn't stomach going back, and I developed muscle atrophy and could barely walk when we broke up because I couldn't get myself off the floor when I was stuck with them again. they're never going to understand my choices and why I felt like that because they don't care to know. I'm such a different person now, I don't even drink, but it doesn't matter to them and never will. I think I have to go no contact and I never thought I'd get to this point.

anyway when is my sexy future husband going to save me before I fucking kill myself

[jakarimalotara]

[worldscoolest]

[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

retrograde is definitely retrograding bc I'm longing for my ex that put me in the worst mental state I've ever been in & nearly didn't survive

[mccleans]

for example nothing

[sligoriverblues]

[flickrarchives]

cuba am on flickr 2011

[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

I'm rewatching dexter and tbh he is so unsexy I don't understand how he became the modern day patrick bateman. he's awkward, can't keep a woman happy, he's out of control w maladaptive daydreaming, can't take accountability. his brother is way hotter and shouldn't have died

[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

despite my botched bleaching session I'm getting so much attention.........I said hi to my coworkers client today and he did a double take and started blushing where was this when I was brunette

[patronsaintofweepingmothers]

"THE LITTER" (2009), DDEE WILDER

[dresaaa]

[rockabillywife]

I’m starting a gofundme to get a mojito

[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

my boss has a serious heart condition that could literally kill her at any moment and her way of dealing w it is by taking copious amounts of adderall to push through the day and it's stressing me tf Out

[maybeimjustkindalikethis]

I get so irritated listening to people who don't work w dogs for a living talk about behavioral issues. "chihuahuas cause more deaths than pitbulls" (?) "labradors aren't aggressive" "pitbulls weren't bred for fighting it's always the owner" just stop talking u sound and are so fucking stupid

[junglejim4322]

Be so completely yourself that everyone wants to kill you