Coolcoolcool

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Hanging By A Moment kinda hurts. Not like it did in Year 9, but it still does, a little. Can't listen to Somewhere Only We Know after it. I miss Taimur. He doesn't miss me anymore and it doesn't feel good :/

[maydaytestinglalala-blog]

Read his blog, read about how much he loves her and how much pain he suffers for her and I miss him again. It's been only five days since I last missed him; I'm such a saddo.

[maydaytestinglalala-blog]

Jdsjdjffjdjfjggghh IDIOTS

I was avoiding hanging out with him I mean, when he was horny and wanting sex I said I most probably couldn't hang out I kept making excuses oh god I didn't know why I was doing that or what was wrong with me And then When I was sad and my heart ached I half wanted to hang out And I said I'd probably end up getting him to come to ibn or something Also I think we're too couply He didn't notice (that'll be apparent in a minute; keep reading) but we are We miss each other A lot It's starting to feel like it's the stupid, sad 'can't live without you' thing I don't like that That's annoying I don't want that kind of missing But I know if it goes away I'll want it from him again And he said 'I'll miss you so much' just as we were saying goodnight (it's 5 AM and we're whatsapping because he's sleeping over at Toby's ;|) and I was about to send 'Ugh this is getting too couply let's just go to sleep now, night' But I backspaced it with some kind of feeling because he'd just said 'Night best friend (:' He doesn't see it Maybe I'm overreacting, then... Or I feel it and he doesn't But I don't think it's that I'm uncomfortable with the couply-ness Although yes I know if it goes away I'll want it back again Ugh I could type for ages A very long time But I just want to go to sleep again good night.

[thesempiternalsea]

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HE never wants to hang out *pouts*

I always ask that Well you know what Nah never mind; I wanna hang out with him -_-

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You know what I need?

I need Taimur to tell me I'm perfect and amazing and everything I emotionally told him that day when I said he needed to get over Mirm. I need him to get over mirm and tell me that about him, and then hold me and let me cry and kiss my forehead etc. Gosh can I just hang out with him like this this weekend? No I can't He won't be cute on his own; I'll have to force it, and I'll end up feeling pathetic if I do that. And he'll end up thinking that I'm too clingy and annoying and wondering how he got stuck with me and how to break it to me that I'm clingy. And then he won't break it to me and will instead stop being like that and that'll hurt a lot. What am I even typing. Taimur, if you see this, please please please actually want to kiss me cutely without feeling like it's just to make me feel better? Please :'( SARAH WHAT ARE YOU SAYING CAN YOU PLEASE STOP NOW Please ;|

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Sarah stop being so clingy please

It's really messed up ;-; Just leave him alone.

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Why am I even friends with Taimur?! Sure, he sometimes makes me feel better, but I fucking waste my life on him. And Mirm. I need to stop caring. Ugh. Every time something bothers me, it's always something Mirm or Taimur did or didn't do. It's getting really old, to be honest. Can I just move to Canada and start new? I've ruined so many relationships by going out with Taimur, and I highly doubt they can be fixed. I'm fine with trying to fix them, but I don't think anyone else really cares so I just end up feeling pathetic and like shit. Examples of relationships I've fucked up since going out with him and/or liking him and not having something else to ever talk about: me/Yash, me/Niki, me/Hannah, me/Tanya, me/Sanjana. Idk if me/Sierra aren't as close because of the Taim thing; I think that's cuz she changed. And Taim/I didn't screw up me/An; that was a bit eh from before. I also haven't talked to D'Arcy in ages, and I did yesterday, but damn I'm going to end up seeming suddenly too eager to talk to him. Well, screw it, I don't mind seeming like that if I end up being friends with him again. Tanya/me and possibly Sanjana/me won't work; Yash'll get involved. Niki and I are okay now so (Y) Also, it's almost the summer holidays. How about I just move to Canada and that's it; new start? Seems like a good idea to me. But my mum said I might even be able to graduate here. Oh joy. Why am I friends with Taimur? I like it when he's cute and sweet and when he's horny, but otherwise I get the feeling I'm annoying him, and that annoys me/pisses me off/makes me want to cry (the latter make me feel pathetic and sad and write these kinds of posts and question everything.) And it hurts me every time he talks about Mirm. Like I always have something to say about him, he always has Mirm on his mind. And it is also getting old. And yet I'm still friends with him. I don't know what to do. I just ugh I don't know what I want from him. I know I can't last long in a relationship with him, I know that. Why am I still friends with him?! Ajsjdkktrkkfkg ;-; I'm going to go say hi to him now. Because I am weak. *Sigh* :/

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I feel so lonely :(

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I wanted to fall. I wanted to fall hard.

               - James Frey, A Million Little Pieces

I want to fall. I want to fall hard. I want to fall and fall and fall and keep falling forever, until he of the eyes catches me and holds me and tends to me and promises me the world. But not this world. I want to fall out of this world, and into a world of beautiful, green eyes; crystalline pools of Arctic Sun Marijuana Leaf Water-Colour perfection that he sees everyday in the mirror. I want to fall into a world of soft, brown hair. I want to fall into a world of that beautiful laugh, that small hint of an accent, that warm-like-sunlight-on-a-cold-day smile. I want to breathe these worlds in, become confined to them, never leave them. And I want them to never leave me. I want those worlds to continue forever, and I want those worlds to be the ones I fall into when I fall. Because I want to fall, because when you fall, you get hurt, and when you get hurt, he takes care of you. I want him to take care of me. I want nothing; nothing, save for him, for he is he of the eyes. But I'm lying. Because I don't want to stop falling there, and land next to him. I don't want to stop falling at all. Falling either means you'll never stop falling and never feel any pain or hurt ever again, or you will fall and fall to a stop and feel pain and hurt and cause people to take care of you and love you. I just want to fall. Whether it's until he catches me, or until anybody does, or until nobody does and I just keep falling, forever, I just want to fall. And I want to fall hard.

[maydaytestinglalala-blog]

I remember when we were sitting in lunch one day

We were cracking up, as we usually do. Then someone pointed out that we're the only 'group' that ever laughs around here (our school); everybody else is just so normal. Liam said that at least we won't die of cancer. Now he sits with other people. Kinda funny, I think :P

[maydaytestinglalala-blog]

A post.

I'm living again, awake and alive I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies Today, I was in a mood. Usually, in these kinds of moods, I would be determined to do something and then later just not have the heart or the guts or idk. This time, my mood was about how I really want to prove a point. To myself, my parents, and whoever else. I don't know exactly what this point is, but I'll be getting someone to change my Tumblr password, and not go on it, and I'll do school work and study for my tests and exams and work hard on that and on music. I hope. But anyways, it's because there was this one part of the year where I completely stopped caring and I skipped lots of classes and didn't give in assignments and didn't care about my grades, and I really hate that I chose a time when grades really matter for becoming like that. I still do skip, but less frequently, and I don't tell anyone anymore, I just don't show up. I need to give in some assignments, so I'll work on them today, hopefully. And I haven't seen the Supernatural episodes yet, and I might not today, because I want to just focus on work. Also, my dad'll know when I'm downloading something and he knows I've got work so hebwon't be happy and might take my laptop away. I'm gonna go take a shower now and hopefully, when I'm done, eat lunch and get to work/studies. I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams And I will grow up where I wander wild and free