On the one hand, I believe that anyone who goes out of their way to make other people feel badly or small or inconsequential or stupid, is an asshole. And anyone who can do all that and not have to go out of their way? Deserves the thrice fold return on karma in the most immediate and unpleasant way possible. Laws of effect, man.
But on the other hand, I also have a problem with the idea that anything, or anyone, (and in this case specifically, fandom) should make you, or me, happy.
Fandom as an event, isn't sentient. The people involved are, and anyone over five years old who hasn't figured out the universe does not revolve around them, unless they deliberately construct their universe to do so, is in for a shit load of disappointment. There will always be people in fandom who drive you batshit. There will be views and comments and opinions and, heaven help us all, stories that just make us wonder what the world has come to. It's one thing to decide you do not want to be unhappy in your fandom(s) du jour, it's another thing entirely to like, expect, fandom to somehow align itself to your wants and desires. Or your moods for that matter.Â
By observation alone, I've pretty much come to the conclusion that the only people who actually manage to get fandom to fit their personal expectations are the aforementioned assholes and uber-assholes, primarily because their cause is destruction and deconstruction, and generally making life miserable for anyone who isn't in their set or willing to make attainment of Assholedom a goal.Â
But over all, lamenting the lameness of any fandom, while it has it's satisfying note of getting agreement between equally tired and dispirited fen, doesn't actually change anything. It's like cemetery markers: "Here Lies Maygra's Tolerance for the in-fighting in Highlander, or Mag7, or SPN." Even if you don't move on, there's a point where the bitching and in-fighting become the fandom. It happened in Highlander where I played, it happened in Mag7, Supernatural (ongoing - that’s 15 years of bullshit) -- which isn’t to say that some people, a lot of people, aren’t still finding joy and pleasure and great goodness in those places, because they are. Because those people have chosen, despite what others might see as just a frothing head of discontent, that there's still much love and happiness to be found in those places. Brava for them. Seriously. Not to be all Pollyanna and Mary Sunshine and shit, but really: how you experience a fandom is a reflection of yourself because you know going into anything that the ratio of cool people to annoying people of varying degrees is going to be about the same. If your bullshit meter is set low, you will be annoyed faster than if it's set high. Those people who are driving you mad aren't doing it to get you riled, most likely. What they are doing is constructing the fandom the way that pleases them and what you want doesn't really register.Â
It does register with your friends, with people you meet who want more of what you want. And you are probably driving those other people batshit too -- in fact you know you are when you want good plot constructs, good characterization and good grammar and anything that falls below your standards is chaff. Their goals are not your goals. Their priorities are not your priorities. Fandom isn't a democracy and there's no centralized Board of Standards. No fan police. There is, at best, a more or less common level of decency and civility that should be observed as with any society, but no way to really enforce it except by mutual consent and a certain level of animosity when those standards are breached.Â
If I'm unhappy in a fandom, it's pretty much up to me to figure a way to get through it, change it, or get over it.Â
Fandom is fun. Even some of the bickering is fun (Tall, Taller). It's inspirational, the people are cool, the fic is great save for the fact that there can never, ever, ever be enough good fic. (Face it: good fic is like crack, the more you have, the more you want.).
Don't let the assholes get you down.Â
#fandom, #spn, #highlander, #mag7, #opinion, #don’t-be-an-asshole, #mode: banhammer activated
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