Auggie's Trash Heap

I'm sad and tired but I'm working on it. they/them

[mayhap-madness]

It's so hard not to fall back into the habit

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[treedecor]

I feel so disconnected from everyone and everything. How am I supposed to be happy in a place I so clearly don't belong

[depression-took-over-my-liiife]

[guitarplayermrs]

[beautifuldarkmind]

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.

[mayhap-madness]

a·ro·man·tic

/ˌārōˈman(t)ik/

Experiencing little or no romantic attraction to anyone.

I used to feel guilt; anger; frustration

Emotionless, cold, empty

I had no idea that the phrase "I'll never feel that way" could become a comfort rather than a nightmare

Thank you to my past, and I'm sorry that we couldn't have a future

[mayhap-madness]

I could have died today but it just feels like a dream

[smolcoffeebeann]

oh no no no no no no @mayhap-madness

[crimson-chains]

Victor in the teaser looks soooooo good!!!!

Of course I had to draw him ^^

[driflloon]

good morning everyone lets just go back to sleep

[seraphimrot]

[darklittlehidingplace]

23-9-19

[theirdelusion-deactivated202106]

[milklump]

[traumavnts]