Mayo Dick @mayodickchronicles - Tumblr Blog

You already know what time it is

Life is an illusion spawned by our mind's constant struggle to see the truth from the lies. Pluck your eyes from your skull, only then shall you be free from your enslavement to the visual world. There is only 1 truth in this world. It is referred to as “Mayonnaise” but it is the nectar of the gods.

#truth #mayodick #hashtag

I like my women like I like my coffee; brewed to an extreme heat, burning me at any chance, able to be warmed up on demand, giving me horrible diarrhea all day and covered in mayonnaise

#coffee #hot babes #prefereces #mayodick #hashtag

If life has taught me anything, it’s that terrible work place sexual harassment incidents involving mayonnaise can be completely forgotten if you just believe in yourself and if the body isn’t found.

#dreams #swag #mayodick #hashtag

I’m playing through undertale, so far it reminds me of playing games like this when I was a kid. Even with a murderous flower and everything

#undertale #repressed memories #mayodick #hashtag

So I got to Lowes looking to buy paint. When I get up to the counter a woman in a blue smock asks me what color I’m looking for today after a brief conversation about summer vs winter weather. I pull out a picture I zoomed in on of a very off white color. She says “no problem” and goes to make the color, I pay for it and she asks what kind of color that was, it seemed uncommon. I told her it was just something I came up with.

#semen #mayonnaise #errands #mayodick #hashtag

I feel an explanation is needed as to why I disappeared for so long. After my last post I was called over to my parent’s house. I assumed they wanted to have breakfast and catch up. Turns out they knew about my delectable sexual appetite for the magnificent white paste. It was an intervention. I left immediately. At first they kept calling, then they started finding my personal social media accounts. Surely I was in a jam, which is not nearly as great as being in mayo, believe me I’ve tried. So In my distraction I had a car accident. I was in a coma for what seemed like forever. When I woke up some asshole who obviously had seen too much Futurama greeted me to “WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMORROW.” Nearly punched the gentleman. But after a bit of waking up I was given the great news.. My parents were dead! Head on collision with a tree. Now I can once again feel the cool, moist, orgasmic condiment on my genitals in peace once more! Catch you guys later, I have a prostitute, a jar of mayo, and a bag of dreams to get through..

#deadparents #adventures #lifeisgood #mayodick #hashtag

HIDE YO HELMANN'S HIDE YO HINES! MAYODICK CHRONICLES IS BACK AND FEELIN’ FINE!

#thecomeup #don'tcallitacomeback #mayodick #hashtag

I saw something at the store today. They started selling Mayo with hot sauce in it. I was partially intrigued and somewhat afraid for my penis. Bought it, took it home, lit some candles, and got into the typical ritual stance. Slowly came up to it like a nervous teenager at their 1st time. As I went to stick it in I started feeling the burning sensation around my rock hard cock. But it felt good. I Stuck it in and fucked it for a good while before cuming. It was amazing.

#mayodick #hot sauce #amazing #euphoric #hashtag

Ah another day another jar. Sometimes I sit around and wonder; is there more to life then sticking your penis in a condiment? Then I remember....no there isn't, this is why people are constantly depressed. They do not know of the magical healing anti-depressant I have found. I will fuck these jars until the day I die!!

#mayodick #eatallyoucan #lifeisgood #like wow #hashtag

I bet some of you are curious...why stick your dick in mayonnaise? Well ask yourself this: When doughnuts were invented, how long do you think it took for some guy to try fucking it? When Mayo was invented, how long do you think it took for some guy to try fucking it? Both probably happened pretty quickly. But when I tried fucking doughnuts it wasn't satisfying. Mayo is the one true way!

#mayodick #doughnuts #questions #hashtag

I'm thinking about getting a tattoo of a jar of sweet white mayo on my thigh. Maybe with a open jar and a place to fit my penis so It looks like it's being stuck in there.

#mayodick #just guy things #hashtag

Today I got some of that good #Hellmans and started out with the tip and then went all in.....I came instantly.

#hellmans #mayodick

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