Blog Entry : 21-01 (Realization / Reflection)
These past few years I’ve been a warrior of my silent battle. I survived, yes. And it wouldn’t possible without His guidance, unconditional love, understanding and His amazing grace. Despite of being a lost soul for how many years He never forsake me. He never stop to reaching me out. He never give up until I found my way toward Him. Until He gave me refuge and unexpected companions that truly changed my life.
“You used to be far from God. Your thoughts made you his enemies, and you did evil things.” – Colossians 1:21
Years ago I used to be far from Him. I was blinded of the things I though was right. I did ungodly things. I let myself drowned in this world. I engulfed myself with someone’s love. It felt surreal, and let the strange feelings overflow in my system. But it did not stay for long. Temporary happiness is no longer evident. Until I failed… then my emotions started to manipulate me. When pain, suffering, rejection, betrayal and lost appeared from the picture then expect for chaos. I left behind, I felt so alone. I was fooled. I lost hope, my faith. I stopped believing. I felt hallow inside me, dull and dry. I fueled my heart with hatred, pain, anger and vengeance. I fed my mind with all the negative and bad thoughts. I’ve drowned with my sufferings. I was lost. I almost gave up my life.
“When you cross deep rivers, I will be with you, and you won’t drown. When you walk through fire you won’t be burned or scorched by the flames. I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, and the God who saves you.” – Isaiah 43:2
“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, Come to me and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
But He never let me. He used someone to rescue me from my wreck. An old friend came out and invite me to their church. At first I was hesitated to attend but God is really a persistent father to his child. That was the time I started to see a light of hope from my darkest world. I become involved with retreat, group study and all. I repented and surrendered all my burdens, pain and my life. Little by little I found refuge and safe place. I started to stand up and move forward. With his words of guidance, wisdom and unending love I felt alive once again. Gradually, all the negative emotions and thoughts I fueled in my heart and mind was replaced by love, hope, happiness, contentment and forgiveness. I put God the center of my life. I thought I would be dead by that time of my darkest moment but now felt renewed. Indeed it’s an amazing grace. By God’s grace I redeemed myself from lost soul. I’ve become strong, strong in faith. Truly he didn’t allow me to walk alone. He kept his promise and He saved me once again.
“We struggle just to have enough to eat, but we never satisfied. We may sensible, yet we are no better than off the fool. And if we are poor, it still doesn’t do us any good to try to live right. It’s better to enjoy what we have than to always want something else, because that makes no more sense than chasing the wind.” – Ecclesiastes 6:7-9
Afterwards, my life’s smoothly going well. However, the sheep learn how to wander and her wandering leads her to once again being carried away in worldly things. When I finally got a job there’s something inside me looking for more. Seeking for more that would satisfy my needs. Maybe because of my family’s life status and my responsibilities are roaring at my face that time. And all my plans didn’t work out or turn the way I expected to be. I once again carried away and let my insecurities in life ate me. I let my debts, bills and all financially shortcomings drowned me. I was working hard but still, there’s no fruit of labor. I did everything I could. But in the end it didn’t satisfied me. That time it’s all about “earning money”, “earning more money” until there’s no sense at all. It didn’t have any sense for real. I put money on the center of my career. My urged and desires of wanting a stable lifestyle for the future continuing to grow. I always worry for the future and tomorrow’s ahead. I depended on money and work to satisfy what I need. I forgot Him once again. I’m human yes, and part of human nature is that we’re always hooked in worldly things; material things, money, career power and all aspects of wealth. But this won’t justify my wrongdoings. I invested all my time and effort but all my hard work and perseverance found only disappointment, worriedness, hopelessness and frustration. I forgot to enjoy every blessing day that God blessed us to live abundantly. But instead I focus on having and wanting something else. I overlooked the real purpose and meaning of life. Truly I neglected Him to put at the center of our life and the real object of our hope. And yes, it doesn’t make sense at all than chasing the wind.
“Only people who don’t know God are always worrying about such things. Your Father in heaven knows that you need all of these. But more than anything else, put God’s work first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well. Don’t worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.” – Matthew 6:32-34
Not until He tapped my shoulders once again. Realizations suddenly flooding on my system and it overwhelmed deep into my soul. I focus myself on worrying and worrying over again on something that in the first place I should not. Why such having a little faith? Where in fact the answer is here in front of us all along? Because of my thirst for significance of these things; Work, Money, Pleasure and Relationships I neglected the true significance and comfort of life. All along it’s all about earning money, having work, having someone to be with, planning and planning your goal etc. but the truth is… all of these has no sense at all. It’s pure empty and doesn’t bring fulfillment like what we have long for. Real contentment and solid foundation of faith will bring true fulfillment. Focusing only to God and make him only the center of everything; life, decisions, plans and work. Truly, God knows everything about us even the desires of our heart and our needs. Just like what his promises told us “Don’t worry about tomorrow” because he will take care of it for us. And yes, “You have to enough to worry about today” let’s do what he wants because before we even ask he is already working on it.
“Delight yourself to the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. – Psalm 37:4-6
That time when God tapped my shoulder that’s when the time I learned to follow His will. To trust Him more and depend on his promises and words. Now I fully understand that everything I have been through all this years is mere fact his mercy’s in disguised. It’s all about his plan. He is working all along, when the times I felt so alone and lost He was there watching and guiding me. When that time I almost end my life he was there to stopped me and tapped my shoulder to continue living. When that time I stopped believing he was there by using someone to help me back on tract. When that time I fueled my heart with anger, hatred and vengeance he was there to replaced it with pure love, hope, happiness and contentment. When that time worldly (money & work) things consuming me and keep worrying for the next day of my life, he was there to make me realized that all of these is not worth pursuing. When that time all my plans failed he was there to remind me that He have a better plan ahead of me. All of this things in this world is temporary and nothing is certain in this life. All along he was there helping me throughout my hardships and sufferings despite of my lacking’s of attention and focus on him he never forsake me. That’s what we called God’s love and mercy on his children. Admit it, some of his little deeds we didn’t notice and consider because of some circumstances we are facing. And so am I, because I was distracted and blinded on what’s happening on me, on my emotions and on my current circumstances. And now I am thankful, beyond blessed and grateful because I survived my silent battle with help of our almighty Father. And taught me how will I lived abundantly, with purpose, meaning, hope and freedom.
Let’s delight ourselves to the Lord! And depend on him in everything. Love the Lord our God with all of our heart, soul and mind because His love for us is beyond our imagination. Remember he gave his only begotten son Jesus Christ for us to be saved from wrath. That’s why we are granted of salvation. That’s how He loved us. Jesus Christ gave his life in order to redeem us. Whenever we struggle and suffer once again always remind our self of our true comfort in life and death and with his promises. Stay deeply rooted and firm faith to him. In order to not fall in evil again, plant a solid foundation to our life. And that is, keep on putting God as the center of our life. Keep your faith stronger and never stop on praying. Learn on how to depend on his will and plan because He knows best for us. He will not forsake us. Lived abundantly and Christ-like way with hope and freedom. It’s not too late for you to start over. It’s not too late to reconcile with Him. It’s not too late to accept Jesus Christ our Lord as our savior. God’s loves you. And He will always will.
Wanted to end this with comforting scriptures that surely it will guide you in everyday life. God Bless!
“We know that God is always at work for the good of everyone who loves him.” – Romans 8:28
“You have accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord. Now keep on following him. Plant your roots in Christ and let him be the foundation of your life. Be strong in your faith as you were taught. And be grateful.” –Colossians 2:6-7
“Many are the plans in the mind of a man but it is the purpose of the Lord that will be established.” – Proverbs 19:21
“God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind humble, meek and patient. Put up with each other and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together.” –Colossians 3:12-14
