To this day, I find it so hard to keep my distance from you...
I want to talk you, so badly, and to tell you so many things...
If my therapist's point of doing this exercise is to get my feeling's out, it wouldn't be honest to not share this feeling.
We could be so good together. I still think that.
For whatever reason, you chose a different path. I thought we could conquer the world. Anything felt possible with you. I thought we were supporting each other.
We were buffered for so long from the realities of an increasingly harsh world. We didn't have a need to get out of our bubble. You made me feel safe, except until you didn't.
When I knocked myself out in May 2023, maybe it was the jolt I needed to recognise that things weren't working. Maybe...
We did try, maybe not hard enough. I'd hoped you had tried harder. Maybe I should have tried harder. By you telling our friends I should have divorced you was telling..., maybe you should have listened. Your lack-lustre effort did not motivate me.
I wish you had shared how you were feeling, about what I wasn't giving you. Maybe our core values weren't aligned. Perhaps in each of us growing up, it highlighted that we had grown apart. From those formative years, we actually had become very different, evolved individuals. From May 2023 to January 2024, I was riddled with guilt, anger and confusion.
I'd hoped that you would man up, grow up, show up and have some future foresight. I did not want to be your servant, your photographer documenting your muscle gains. I wanted to be your equal. It was not the time for that, for you.
Those vows didn't amount to much for you...
Maybe we just got too comfortable.
prguitarman
origamiaround