Cards Against Humanity Starters:
“I drink to forget alcoholism.”
“This is the prime of my life. I’m young, hot, and full of crippling debt.”
“Dear [NAME], I’m having some trouble with doing the right thing and would like your advice.”
“During sex, I like to think about Mufasa’s death scene.”
“White people like all-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99.”
“I’ve had enough of your face.”
“Having problems with menstruation? Try shutting the fuck up!”
“The gypsies said my inner demons are how I’ll die.”
“I don’t need luck! I have edible underpants!”
“Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s daddy issues.”
“My superpower is being a dick to children.”
“Studies have shown tasteful sideboob is good for you.”
“Honey, mommy and daddy love you very much, but apparently mommy loves daddy’s credit card more than daddy.”
“When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50 foot statue to commemorate a tiny horse.”
“The class field trip was completely ruined by puberty.”
“Licking things to claim them as your own will always get you laid.”
“Hope is a slippery slope that leads to a disappointing birthday party.”
“Step one: almost give money to a homeless person. Step two: taksies-backsies. Step three: profit.”
“Me time never fails to liven up the party.”
“Why not spice up your sex life by bringing that thing that electrocute your abs into the bedroom?”
“Ever since the ‘incident’, every time I close my eyes, I still see your sad little naked body.”
“Women get turned on by tentacle porn.”
“Help! My son is farting and walking away!”
“I lost my virginity by pretending to care.”
“I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend by giving a tumor a cutesy nickname.”
“Thanks to the sharing economy, I can now make money renting out my used panties.”
“Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children a can of whoop-ass.”
“Honey, I have a new roleplay I want to try tonight! You can be shutting the fuck up and I’ll be not having sex.”
“The next Happy Meal toy is pinkeye.”
“My mom freaked out when she looked at my internet history and saw 'a-big-black-dick.com/a-bigger-blacker-dick.”
"Can it wait a bit? I’m in the middle of making poor life choices?”
“Remember the old days when you could just slap 'SWAG’ on everything?”
“TSA guidelines now prohibit whining like a little bitch on airplanes.”
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