Hi! I'm low-key a Ranboo simp but I'm a newbie so I'm just writing a little fic about cooking with him. The reader is an Afab cosplay and gaming Youtuber who has been dating Ranboo for a year and he's finally back from the UK. So now she's teaching him how to cook.
"Hi, Guys!" Ranboo jumped at my loud intro and I dropped the arms I had thrown into the air and we both started giggling. "Ranboo's back from the UK! EEEEE" I hugged him stomping my feet quickly. Ranboo just looked tired in comparison to my over-excitement.
"Ok instead of dilly-dallying we're gonna get right into the video. Babeh? What was one of the videos you posted in the UK?"
"I made burgers." He said putting on an ashamed facade.
"You made burgers. And what was one of the things you decided was less relevant than Shane Dawson." We both started giggling.
"Yeah! Seasoning! You can't be making it look like white Americans don't season their food. So I'm going to teach you how to cook a burger, Properly."
"You don't have to do the sad act anymore."
"Ok," he replied less silently.
"Anyways!" He jumped again. "Is something wrong? you keep jumping whenever I talk?"
"You're just so loud." he whined
"Well, YOU decided to date an Italian. That's' your fault, I grew up in a screaming environment, we're naturally loud."
"Houuuh!" I gasped dramatically at him.
"We're gonna be making burgers so what do we need?" Ranboo redirected me.
"Right! we need Seasoning!" I grabbed a handful of bottles and dropped them messily on my counter. "Cheese!" I ran to my refrigerator and grabbed the cheese, slamming it on my table. "Buns!" I slapped my own ass dramatically then squatted down and grabbed a bag with burger buns. "Beef or turkey or any of your vegan substitutes. But then again I'm Italian and we don't believe in veganism" I ran back to my freezer and slammed a pack of burgers on my counter. Once I had edited everything was getting slammed onto the counter instantaneously.
"Ok! first thing we do?" I turned to look at Ranboo.
"No, but good. We preheat the grill. Where's my grill pan?" I got into a goblin-y squat
"I think when I did the dishes, I put it in the oven."
"Aw, I'm rubbing off on you, Italians keep our pans in the oven so we can make space for the excessive amounts of Tupperware we own. I got on all four to pull the cast iron pan from the depths of my oven and slammed it on the stovetop in front of us.
"PAN!" we yelled in sync. It took several takes for us to yell that without cracking up immediately.
"Fire!" I yelled while flicking on the stove and watching 20 blue flames grow under the pan.
"Ok, now we," I pointed both my pointer fingers at my boyfriend.
"Yes, we season. With?" Ranboo shuffled through the bottles I had dropped onto the counter.
"Uhh pepper," He held up the bottle to my camera doing the beauty guru thing to make it focus. "Salt," he continued on with the joke "And g-" he looked at me through his sunglasses "Garlic powder?"
"You've been feeding me garlic powder?"
"Yeah, so I can kill you and steal all your subs." We cracked up again And I started seasoning a patty. "Ok, are you watching me? Pepper first then salt then the garlic powder. And this pan should be ready so you can season above the pan." I hovered my hand over the pan.
"No don't do that!" ranboo grabbed my wrist pulling it up and away from the pan.
"I'm not-" I started wheezing "I'm not gonna burn myself. I'm just checking to make sure it's hot." he released my wrist and I plopped the burger down so the not spiced side was face up. The burger started sizzling deliciously in the pan.
"You hear that? Do you what that sound means? Happy stomach!"
"Ok, now you do it." Immediately Ranboo reached for the salt, and I swatted his hand in the direction of the pepper shaker. "Pepper first then salt, then garlic powder!"
"Ok," he started shaking some pepper and then shaking more until the patty was almost flooded with pepper.
"Woah! Jesus Christ! that's enough pepper!" I blew the small mountain off, and into the pan. "Just crack some salt and sprinkle A LITTLE garlic powder."
Ranboo twisted the right amount of salt out and then started rapidly cranking the bottle until I had to grab it out of his hands. he reached for the garlic powder and started slowly sprinkling the garlic powder then the goblin that lives in his brain told him to dump half my garlic powder onto the patty.
"No, no no Stop! there are certain impulses you don't need to act on!"
"Ok but this one I needed to." he motioned wildly with his hand mocking my Italian-ness
"Ok, but-*giggle*" There are some things that he makes fun of me for that I just think are funny. Like how my arms get all flail-y when I'm angry. I brushed off some of the seasonings and put a lid on the burger.
"Alright, I'm gonna clean up while crazy" I pointed at ranboo "Stays still." There was a jump cut and all that was on the table was the sliced cheese, buns, a plate, and the butter dish.
"You did get one thing right, in the U.S. we butter our buns." I spanked ranboo hard on his butt and he jumped. "So can you butter the buns while I flip this burger?"
"Sure." I received a spank on the ass that made me jump forward.
"Ow!" I dropped the lid then grabbed a spatula to flip the patty while gently rubbing my butt cheek to soothe it.
"Oh, that was not that bad! I've spanked you harder than that!" We both looked suggestively towards the camera. and after realizing we did the same thing started cracking up again.
"Ok, I need to put cheese on this before it burnssss." I drawled out the 's' then switched to an Australian accent "Muenstah!" I slapped a slice of cheese onto the patty. "What?" I looked at ranboo while he crossed his arms.
"MUENSTAH!" He yelled into my face making me giggle at him. I turned off the heat and put the lid back on. then I told ranboo to make it look like tons of time so we posed like we were really bored and slowly made our position weirder like me laying on top of the fridge while he head stood against the dishwasher. Only about a couple of minutes of recording went in between choosing poses and I checked on the cheese to see that it still wasn't melted. I sighed dramatically and swung my head over to look at Ranboo.
"Sure." He grabbed my hips and propped me up on the counter and I pinched a part of his mask and pulled it down. My body was positioned so that you could see my arm pulling it down but not revealing his face you could see me lean in to kiss him before I edited in one of those color-blocked tv screens. There was footage of me and Ranboo kissing but god knows what the internet would do with it, besides there were shot where you could see the side of Ranboos face.
When we cut back I was pulling the buns off a nonstick pan and Ranboo was unlidding the burger.
"Alright, now that our buns" We had to rehearse it but we simultaneously smacked each other's asses. He shoved a spatula under the patty and aggressively plopped the piece of meat down.
"Alright, what condiments do you want on your burger?"
"Huh? We always use con- oh! Just ketchup."
I was wearing socks so I walked and slid over the fridge to grab the bottle. I returned to the frame with a bottle of ketchup and a bottle of mustard.
"Aw yuck! you better only put that on half of the burger. You've already tainted it with garlic powder."
"I am- w- NO YOU tainted it with half the bottle, if this tastes like shit it's your fault. Ok? I'm setting the record straight that I am not responsible for any of your-" in editing, I cut it off because I have a foul mouth.
"Anyways!" Ranboo shouted, "This burger you have prepared let's taste it." He squirted some ketchup onto the burger and smooshed it down
"Dangit! I wanted to put mustard on the burger!"
"Well, I didn't!" Ranboo propped me on the counter so that only my neck and collar bones were in the frame. I could hear him take a big bite let out a hmm and swallow. He put his mask back on and tugged me off the counter and I nearly fell all the way off but he messily caught me by my left arm and my left calf.
"Ok, I'm gonna try this now." I took a bite and backed away with my arms in disbelief. "That is so good!" I yelled from quite a distance. and then ran into the frame and hopped back onto my stepstool.
"Gotta get back on my GD stepstool. Yes, stepstool because Jonathan over here is 6 foot fourteen! And both of our faces can't be in the frame at the same time so I have to get-" I stepped off the step stool and grabbed it and held it like Travis Scott. Except I was mostly out of frame but my hands waving a step stool crazily.
"They can't even see you, baby."
"Exactly!" I slammed the stool down and stood on it frustratedly "Because you're too tall!" I angrily took a bite of my hamburger then held it up for him to take a bite. There were plenty of sillies and goodies that didn't make the rest of the video. But I'll definitely be baking with 'boo more often.
