Success, Power & Money: The antithesis of spirituality?
I've been absent from Tumblr for a little while and gone into a bit of private personal shell. @lateralsymmetry woke me up from hiding asking why I had stopped posting so I thought I'd share what's been going on with me.
First I tried out for a reality show. I know, it sounds totally ridiculous but I thought it could be fun but its one of those things that sounds funny or awesome on the outside but actually made me feel a little unwell on the inside. Ego striving for attention for all the wrong reasons and all of that. It also took time away from more noble pursuits like this blog and well just about anything else I could be spending my time on.
I also got caught up and confused by this practice of essentially attempting to bring events into my life through visualization. I discounted it, but continued to attempt it anyway as it seemed to be working for a friend. What that lead to was a bit of a fantasy world that got shattered when events didn't actually turn out as planned (or visualized). Disappointed and a little broken, I've gotten back to basics which for me means healthy eating, exercise, gratitude meditation and a focus on family. Did I mention I was also gaining weight for the first time in my life since pregnancy. Ugh!
The real breakthrough for me came during a horse therapy training session where we were doing exercises with the horses to help work through emotional & spiritual issues. The first session the therapist let me know that I showed leadership qualities. As I led the horse through the herd, the herd followed, an unusual behavior for that group of horses. I commented that I didn't necessarily want to be a leader since it seemed like too much responsibility and stress. The coach let me know that I should be a leader as long as it was right for me.
This was a big shift for me. Realizing that I had power to shape the role of leader to my liking, that I didn't have to be the same kind of leader that I've seen neglecting their personal, family or spiritual life but instead could be the type that inspires, brings together, brings out the best in team members. That I could still take time for personal reflection, reading, blogging, exorcize, meditation and family!
This had never occurred to me. I had somehow classified success, power and money in some compartment separate from my spiritual life. Simultaneously I came across a chapter from A Path with Heart by Jack Cornfield that talks about breaking down those compartments in our lives and bringing mindfulness to ALL aspects of our lives.
At a subsequent horse therapy workshop, the therapist observed my actions with the horse and pointed out, "The definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I was a little annoyed and offended at first but took the comment to heart and realized all this time I've been trying to get out of what I'm currently doing to get to another place, change careers, change homes, change, change, change. What if my version of doing the came thing is actually constantly doing something different and what if I focused on what I'm currently doing and bring as much energy and enthusiasm to that.
The results have been fantastic. Greater satisfaction and happiness at work. Lots of good feedback from co-workers and my boss. A peaceful routine at home. Back on track to a healthy and happy life style...
So that's whats been going on since I last posted to this blog. Sorry if its been a bit rambling and maybe even incoherent at times but I've got a lot to get off my chest. It feels good to share these latest revelations with this community as I know some of you will understand.
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