mdub oddities

Humorous happenings, utterances and sights in and around UMW.

[mduboddities-blog]

trike on trike on trike

It's been a couple semesters since I last took part in an awkward run-in with the Vocelli's deliverers. Luckily, a critical advancement in the field of nonautomotive pizza delivery has emerged since then to make deliveries easier. Not-so-luckily, neither deliverer in this instance was making use of this new advancement, as they were both ridin' old school pedal trikes. As I approached the top of the steps from the Underground to campus walk this weekend with my friends, we saw two Vocelli's deliverers on bicycles traveling in different directions. As they neared each other in front of Lee, they realized that neither was going to be able to continue straight ahead and they nearly crashed into each other. This was the only instance I've ever seen where the apparent difficulty of pedaling a Vocelli's tricycle has come in handy. Since neither was traveling at a particularly break-neck speed, they were able to slow to a head-on stop without a crash. As my friends and I walked around them, they started to battle awkwardly about who would go around whom. I thought they were kidding and that they knew each other but as we got closer I realized that was not the case and they were actually battling to see would go first. That made it more awkward, but what made it worse was my sober but seemingly drunk friends yelling about it while we were ten feet from them. This oddity serves as a fine reminder that college is much like pre-school. Although we're studying field degrees, we're still fighting to see who is the better tricycle rider. 

[mduboddities-blog]

guac 'n' roll

Most people would question the quality of mexican food that came out of a gray van, but "most people" doesn't include taco-loving college kids, which is why the new Taco Truck in between Lee and Trinkle has a respectable line every day that it's there, even in the pouring rain. It has happened twice now that I've walked by around 2:00 just when it was closing up for the day. I, like many other students here, did not question anything about eating mexican food out of a gray van. Until I saw it leave. A little after 2:00, the windows slam shut on the truck (it's a van, let's not lie), it does a deft 6-point turn, and peels out of the space faster than an Audi can accelerate, as if it has to get back to that parking lot it's stored in across the street before anyone notices it was gone. But it has great tacos so I think I'll keep going there. 

[mduboddities-blog]

Do other schools announce snow days during breaks? Is that a thing?

[mduboddities-blog]

soup, bro?

When first adjusting to college life, most people concern themselves with the new: which things will be a change, which will take getting used to, and which will result in an awkward parental conversation in the future. What most people don't think about is which repetitive routines and will-be old habits will form once in college. For example, last year my friends and I ate dinner at five o'clock the first week of school not because we wanted people to think we were 80, but just because we were hungry. Now, even though we live much farther apart and have new routines, everyone still shows up to dinner at five every night out of fear that we may starve to death if we wait till six. For this reason, I've only ever had the chance to experience Seaco or the Nest at 5 pm. Who knew that the Nest was a happenin' place just an hour later on Saturday night? Not I because I'd never been. Until yesterday when I had dinner there with a friend and was able to experience the pool showdown/ping-pong match/brofest that are apparently regular occurrences. One notable oddity in particular that caught my attention was a bro dressed in three different neon colors, wearing a full-arm cast on his right arm and trying to eat soup. He was sitting at a table with three friends, all of whom dressed in equally bright neon and chuckling at their friend's vain attempts to eat with a broken arm. The tri-neon bro was obviously right handed as he tried first with his left hand to use a spoon but to no avail. When his mature, college-aged friends chuckled at him in hypermasculine tones, he switched to the broken arm but spilled soup down the cast as he squealed in high octaves and his now hysterical friends gasped "It's just soup, bro!" and "Just hold the spoon, man!" Next he flung soup onto his friends who were instantly devastated that their sporty neon was now covered in soup. The table of bros then silenced as they were all covered in soup and had no one left of whom to make fun. Side note: the Nest does not serve soup. 

[mduboddities-blog]

attn: sarah smith

This Thursday marked the first night of an ongoing series at Dodd Auditorium called Great Lives, which is a collection of speeches given on prominent historical figures who did indeed lead great lives. While the opportunity to listen to distinguished, educated historical lectures for kicks does not attract many students, the talks do attract a large number of community members. Fortunately for me, many of them are older than seventy years of age and thereby entertaining, if not wise and fragile. As I was standing in the doorway of the house about an hour before the talk was to begin, an older man wearing the single whitest pair of shoes that ever existed in the universe approached me to ask a question. While I was looking for the sunglasses I didn’t have with me, he asked about someone for whom he was looking. For anonymity purposes, we’ll call her Sarah Smith. The conversation went something like:

“Good eve-!”

“Do you know Sarah Smith? My wife told me to find Sarah Smith.”

“I don’t know the name. Is she a student here?”

“Yes, Sarah Smith. She is from New York, the Hamptons I think.”

*Ooh, Sarah Smith from the Hamptons, everyone knows her.* “I’m sorry sir, I don’t know her. She may be here a little closer to the talk. Or I can take your information.”

“No. I’m looking for Sarah Smith. She isn’t coming to the talk. She is a student here.”

*OH, SARah Smith. What? No.* “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t know the name.”

“Ah well, I’ll just ask around. I’m sure someone here is bound to know Sarah Smith. William and Mary isn’t as big as it is old!”

I would’ve told him that based on that last comment, he sure isn’t going to find Sarah Smith here, but he pranced off rather deftly, or as good as any 70 year old man can prance in platinum sneakers. Also, ‘as big as it is old’ makes so sense so I just let him keep looking. He’ll prance/find his way to Williamsburg eventually.

[mduboddities-blog]

aslan 2012

As we continue to near November 6th, the number of aggressive democrats in a frenzy to get everyone and their brother registered in every town they've ever visited increases tenfold each day. Because it has become impossible not to pass by the voter registration table at least 7 times per day, I've heard some pretty good responses to the "HIAREYOUREGISTEREDINFREDERICKSBURG?!?!?!?" Most people either opt for the ever-awkward "Uhh, ummm yeah. Bye." or the "Yeah!" lie that, depending the the enthusiasm with which it's exclaimed, can be equivalent to a free pass. Today when I walked by the table and the guy who registered me here 3 days ago asked if I was registered in Fredericksburg, a girl behind me who thought she was being spoken to replied "No, I'm registered in NARNIA. And I'm not even voting for the lion that everyone loves!!!" The guy had obviously not got that response before and was taken a little aback. But not that far back, as his snarky "OH YEAH?! Well have fun buying out the Burlington Coat Factory after the White Witch makes it winter all the time!" comment was only slightly delayed. At first I figured that they were friends and being stupid like friends do, but after the offended Narnia voter stormed off, it was clear that they did not know each other. I think it's important to remember that these people can vote too. Unless of course they live in Narnia.

[nevver]

Don’t forget

[mduboddities-blog]

Today, while walking back from the dumpster, I saw a college student playing with life sized mannequins in the Chandler parking lot. 

[mduboddities-blog]

15 minutes could save you 15% or more of your astronomy grade

This past Wednesday in my Introduction to Astronomy lab, we followed our professor with two first names outside, around 3 different trees, up a hill, back down the hill and finally settled where we began in the middle of a parking lot to look at the stars through a large telescope that he recently learned how to use. While we were standing around with baited breath waiting for the M-13 to come into focus, an almost painted '88 pickup with tires larger in diameter than the stars to which we were no longer paying attention pulled up and unloaded 9 young men who looked like they were on their way to audition for the role of Geico Caveman. They were all 9 wearing what looked like potato sacks and John Lennon glasses and once the last one was almost out, the truck peeled out of the lot with a loud squeal and the cavemen were left standing 2 inches away from us, looking very afraid. For about 45 seconds, all that transpired was silent caveman-to-novice astronomer group eye contact and then they all backed away slowly up the hill towards Pollard. They did not return in the time we stayed out there but they did leave everyone wondering. Except our professor. There's a 99.4% chance he didn't notice any of it. 

[thecatspajama]

pepsi, not honey

While standing in line to order food at the underground, I heard the cashier ask a girl what she wanted for her drink. When she said they only had Pepsi drinks, the girl ordering food said “Ohhhh honey!” in an oddly sassy voice that didn’t match anything else she said. Then I saw the cashier make the strangest face, like she was afraid the girl was going to get mad or something. Meanwhile, I was standing behind them trying not to laugh.

[mduboddities-blog]

Usually it's the people who work there doing the sassin'. 

[mduboddities-blog]

though this be madness, yet there is method in 't

Shakespeare defined madness as foolish behavior inconsistent with the behaviors around it. Friedrich Nietzsche postulated that it "is rare in individuals, but in groups, parties, nations, and ages it is the rule." Because I'm one among a large group of friends, I'd side with the latter. After this morning, I'd define it as happening upon a piano-playing, vest-rocking spotted pig named Hamlet on Ball Circle. I'd expound on that by clarifying the telling of this story to one's acquaintances in vain because who the hell would ever believe that story. As it were, this is how my morning went and when I tried to tell my friends, I was met with incredulous HAHAHA WHATs and/or the one-eyebrow-raised jaw-on-the-floor 'You're hallucinating' look. I guess I should be flattered that everyone thinks I'm imaginative enough to make up such a situation and get two other people to pretend to back me up, though that's quite the method. Upon spending some time staring in disbelief at the playful pig, we found out its name is Hamlet, its current life goals include learning piano, it's smarter than a dog and it can run faster than a cheetah. Plus it's real, so there's that. 

Photo: Berkley Schmidt

[mduboddities-blog]

Apparently Seaco has turned away from ice cream to the point where it's not only enough to put the breaker box high up on the wall of a stall in the girl's bathroom, but it's also necessary to extract the breakers themselves on the off-chance some ice cream crazed female will sneak in and turn them back on under the guise of using the restroom.

[mduboddities-blog]

the ladling daughter returns

It makes complete sense that the first oddity observed this year be at one of the most commonly trafficked places on campus at one of its most popular events. Today, Sunday, at brunch in Seaco, I noted a girl at least my height ladling something almost liquid into a pitcher. Because I'm a comparatively tall person, her height alone would've caught my attention even if she hadn't been wearing a sequined backpack with matching rain boots and gloves. Also, she was looking at the ladle (she was holding) like it was completely alien and she seemed to not know where to pour the oatmeal soup. As I was standing in line behind her, she extracted a pitcher from her blindingly ghetto fabulous backpack, set it on the counter, and filled it with whatever she thought the food was. I interpreted the confused/amused/shocked look on her face to either mean that she had never before seen soup or that she was amazed that a ladle could hold so much mystery liquid. She was obviously so amazed that she had to test out her new-found ladling abilities multiple times in a row, causing all the other questionable liquid-needing patrons of Seaco to "Ugh!" in line behind her. There must be some greater being to whom we can attribute the inability to not miss the dynamics of Seaco. 

[mduboddities-blog]

the elderly

The elderly are a rare commodity on college campuses. Aside from those few seemingly ancient professors, it is uncommon to see old people roaming, or rather shuffling, about campus. When I do see one, however, they’re always doing something weird. Yesterday a woman of approximately 4,682 years barked at me as I was leaving Giant. Quite literally, she ‘woofed’ like a dog. Then I stared at her until she realized that she was the one making it awkward. On a separate occasion, I was eating lunch with my friends at Seaco when a different woman the same age as Giant Lady walks by about 2 feet from our table. Just as there is a lag in the conversation, the woman sneezes loudly enough to cause everyone at our table to jump in their seats in surprise. It’s loud in Seaco but this woman’s sneeze was deafening. Then she just walked away like it’s not superbly weird to stop in front of a table of people you don’t know and sneeze obnoxiously before leaving unceremoniously. And old people think we’re weird.

[mduboddities-blog]

i do enjoy living with a bar tending walrus

I’ve had the extreme pleasure this year of living with a roommate who says things that make no sense and it’s been quite odd. The following is a list of the best quotes exclaimed by her at one point during the school year. It is the case for most of them that knowing the context in which they were uttered would not help determine what she was trying to say. Also, there are no typos. When I read through this list, I imagine it in a Jenna Marbles-esque montage.

*She swears a lot.

“Your whole family is a f***ing video game!”

“I’m sorry I’m Ghandi.”

“I’m going to fill your wall with hippo milk!”

“I glitter all day every day.”

“I could go for a ghetto pickle right now.”

“Yes, there are a lot of white girls in here.”

“Yo hand is not gonna do innythanggg!”

“If they said ‘Pretzels from the Hood’ you might be worried that their factory was in the Bronx. Or Queens.”

“If you jump into a hole, it’ll hurt more because it’s shallower what the f*** is that?”

“I feel like I’m smoking a cigar but I’m eating a cookie.”

“I don’t think Dorothy wore stripper heels.”

“It’s a wide open deep container for me!”

“They’re yelling. Why are they yelling? They befuddle me.”

“She’s in every position besides the position that you’re supposed to be in on a bed!”

“F*** that tiara!”

“They’re jingling so they must have packages!”

“I really wanted to go camping but I didn’t want to camp, so I’m not going camping. Ohhhr noo!”

“I want headbands from the drugstore.”

“The only way you can get cheese is through crackers. WHAT THE F*** AM I SAYING?!”

“I felt it along my back and it was like ohhhh.”

“GIRLLOOKATTHATBODY.”

“I don’t jump into creaminess. Do you jump into creaminess?! I might if I were bored. Ahh creaminess.”

“God I hate elves, except the ones that make cookies. Ooh, those are good cookies too.”

“I could eat a pig I could not eat a pig.”

“You’re leaving when we’re about to bullshit my future?!”

“Ahhmo write me uh gospel hymn and sing it fo shizzle.”

“My knee is oozing snot and jelly. Probs strawberry.”

“I just want to booty pop down the hallway! Can you not kill my dreams of booty popping for once?!”

“I miss cheese.”

“I fell asleep because latin is a dead language and it makes me dead inside.”

“The bunny hop is not shit!!!! The bunny hop is something else!”

“Nothing is f***ing awkward in kindergarten!”

[mduboddities-blog]

parkingwalk

Ever since I learned to drive, I’ve had a joke with my mom about what she calls her “parking mojo.” This term refers to one’s ability to find the first parking spot everywhere they go. My mom has perfected this skill to a tee, like, first-spot-at-Macy’s NYC-on-Christmas-eve perfected. While I’m not always that lucky, I do tend to notice those people that seem to always get the first spot. Of course there are always the people that make up their own spots whenever a parking lot is particularly full- usually an extra car or two on the end of a row or on some grass. Or like today at Giant when an ancient couple pulled right up on the sidewalk. Living in a tourist town that is filled with Massachusetts drivers in the summer, I’m all too familiar with what bad driving looks like. That said, I’ve never seen someone park their car completely on the sidewalk. They were at least 407 years old and I would wonder if they were blind but they were driving, so there’s that. Upon exiting the driver’s side, the man wheezed with the air of someone who hasn’t been able to really hear in 10 years “Is this okay hun?!” His wife replied “WHAT!” As I approached the car on the sidewalk- you know, walking- I thought about telling him that the parameters for the area that is generally dubbed ‘okay to park in’ ends where the building facade starts but I was already running late and it most likely would’ve taken a while to explain. Maybe they thought it was one of those old fashioned drive-through grocery stores. 

[mduboddities-blog]

takin' it easy

It’s always interesting to see what different articles of clothing college students deem “weather-appropriate.” Everyone was nagged as a kid to put on their coat before going outside and, if they were like me, took it off the second they were out of their parents’ sight. Now that there is no one in college to tell them what to wear, it is very common to see oddly-dressed people walking down campus. Fortunately for them, they’re half expected to dress like hobos just because they’re in college. Today as I was approaching GW Hall, my attention was caught by a woman who was dressed quite oddly and who was decidedly not college-aged. As she got nearer, I discovered that she was in fact middle-aged and sporting a light-blue, over-sized t-shirt that hung on her petite frame like a drapery and read “I once went to the Panama Canal.” And found five dollars? Luckily it also had a picture of the Panama Canal on it to dissolve any possible ambiguity there. She was also wearing a denim beret, electric blue, capri-length leggings, black basketball shoes, and what are so affectionately referred to by my friends as douche bag socks. As she strolled carelessly down the sidewalk in the pouring rain, she sung a marvelous rendition of the Eagles’ Take It Easy. It’s nice to know that some people remain unfazed by bad weather. And mirrors. 

[mduboddities-blog]

everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you

As someone living in a wholly female dorm, I’ve become quite accustomed to the idea of clothing as a rarity that is unnecessary most of the time. I got used to it after the third time I walked into my friends’ rooms and they were all clad in only underwear. However, until today, the dorm was the only place that I’d experienced such a severe lack of clothing. As I was putting my plate away at lunch, a girl wearing a completely see-through dress walked right in front of me. By “see-through” I mean windowpane-like and by “right in front of” I mean almost brushed up against me as I gawked at/ judged her. My first assumption was that she was wearing a bathing suit underneath but, after taking a second look in the least creepiest way possible, I realized that it was definitely not a bathing suit. I felt awkward even looking at her for about 2 seconds before deciding that the awkardness was her fault for wearing something that so lasciviously focuses attention on herself. Unlike with many other oddities on this campus, everyone else in the room noticed it too. Especially my friends, by whom something like a nearly naked person in a dining hall would not go unnoticed. I assumed when I got back to the table that they’d seen the same thing I’d seen as evidenced by their shedding of tears and slapping the table in an objectionable manor. At least I wasn’t the only one to see it this time.