PRICELESS. @meanpizzazz - Tumblr Blog

So a friend of mine told me how yesterday his coworker died on the way to work due to speeding and crossed a red light (she was late for the third time, so I’m guessing she was trying to avoid a write up). As soon as she crossed the light she was hit on the drivers side by a semi. The messed up part is that in less than an hour her table was cleared for a new worker. In less than 4 hours they had sent out the news that they are hiring. By the end of the day the hiring manager had contacted 4 people for an interview. Moral of the story is, these jobs don’t care about your ass. They will replace you in a snap. Don’t risk or waste your life trying to go above and beyond for a job that could care less about your wellbeing.

blackpoeticinjustice

^^^^^

archiemcphee

Russian artist Svetlana Petrova has an awesome marmalade cat named Zarathustra whom she photoshops into famous works of art. No matter the renown of the artist or beauty of the subject matter, Zarathustra’s ample tabby frame immediately becomes the hilarious center of attention. He melts alongside Dalí’s clocks, cuddles up to Vermeer’s milkmaid, da Vinci’s Lady with an Ermine and Mona Lisa, and even Whistler’s Mother. We particularly love his use of modesty tail whilst lounging in Edouard Manet’s Olympia and the tip of the tail positioned in place of Adam’s hand in Michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam.

Petrova is currently exhibiting artwork at The Barn at Stonehill House, in Abingdon, Oxfordshire in a show entitled Russian Extremes – From Icons to I-Cats. The show runs through June 5, 2014.

Follow the ongoing high art hijinks of Zarathustra at Svetlana Petrova’s website, Fat Cat Art.

[via RocketNews24]

iamthebestby2ne1

meanpizzazz

Or in my case, He.

supernatasha

goblinparty

Donna Meagle is my life inspiration

sansadaynes

archiemcphee

“My cat likes to hang out under the kitchen sink, so we got him a name tag.”

Meet the latest addition to our collection of working cats: Arnold Hewitt, Regional Manager of the Cupboard Under the Kitchen Sink. He’s got a nameplate and a necktie!

[via /r/aww]

🔊🔊🔊

You are worth it :))

maeril

Hi everyone! This is an illustrated guide I made as part of my co-admining work at The Middle Eastern Feminist on Facebook! It will be published there shortly. The technique that is displayed here is a genuine one used in psychology - I forgot the name and couldn’t find it again so if you know about it, feel free to tell me! Some could say: “Yes but you can use that technique for instances of harassment other than Islamophobic attacks!”, and my reply is: Sure! Please do so, it also works for other “types” of harassment of a lone person in a public space!! However I’m focusing on protecting Muslims here, as they have been very specific targets lately, and as a French Middle Eastern woman, I wanted to try and do something to raise awareness on how to help when such things happen before our eyes - that way one cannot say they “didn’t know what to do”! I’d like to insist on two things: 1) Do not, in any way, interact with the attacker. You must absolutely ignore them and focus entirely on the person being attacked! 2) Please make sure to always respect the wishes of the person you’re helping: whether they want you to leave quickly afterwards, or not! If you’re in a hurry escort them to a place where someone else can take over - call one of their friends, or one of yours, of if they want to, the police. It all depends on how they feel! For my fellow French-speakers: I will translate it in French and post it on my page as soon as I can :) Please don’t hesitate to share this guide as it could push a lot of people to overcome bystander syndrome!! Lots of love and stay safe!

luvs-jade-deactivated20250604

Thank you!

nerdygrlwonder

I feel this is going to be very relevant in the coming years. Please, please, please watch out for each other.

kerosenedeluxe-deactivated20180

Important

brittany-murphy

Video: Stranger Pugs

kainimuramonster

THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS WHEN YOU FORGET TO RINSE THE TUB OUT AFTER USING A LUSH INTERGALATIC BATHBOMB!

He’s fine. He got a bath.

Lush glitter is made of seaweed.

zooophagous

The sparkliest baby

malocclusive

He’s the night sky~!

secretoctopus-deactivated201912

standupcomedyblog

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

eclipsebykimlipmp3-deactivated2

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

danfuckedoffbutreturns

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

andlifeisgrand-deactivated20160

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

thesporkidentity

[Audio transcription: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.

Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?

Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…

BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’

Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.

And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’

They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.]

justlookatthosesausages

reblogging again coz this time it has audio transcription (bless you) and it’s still forever hilarious omg

seventeenangrybees

God I love John Mulaney

superpinkshot-deactivated202308

archiemcphee

Your kitchen sponge works hard and deserved a good night’s rest. Tel Aviv-based designers OTOTO (previously featured here) recently unveiled Clean Dreams, a delightful sponge holder that’s shaped like a bed frame, complete with two fluffy pillows and a sponge serving as the mattress. It also fits most other standard size sponges.

Clean Dreams will be available later this month. Visit the OTOTO website for additional info.

[via Bored Panda]

chonce

not voting for hillary clinton is a vote for donald trump

4rkham-asylum

But also THERE ARE MORE THAN TWO CHOICES IN THIS ELECTION pls people, I know it seems unlikely, but if everyone who didn’t want either candidate wrote in a name, someone else would stand a chance [and we could live with ourselves, not having voted for one or the other]

chonce

no they wouldn’t, literally do not do this

tootyfrootycasbooty

please educate yourself about nader and the 2000 presidential election before encouraging this literally terrible idea

somepretty-things

People on both sides say “Not voting for my candidate is a vote for the other guy” No, it’s just not a vote for your fucking candidate. Vote for who you actually believe in, otherwise you might as well not vote. If Hillary actually gave a damn she would try harder than just say “Vote for me cause I’m not Trump” No bitch, how about you show me something I can believe in. God damn, no wonder so many people don’t fucking vote.

teamironmanforever

*sigh*

Let me explain why they say a vote for a 3rd candidate or not voting for Hillary is voting for Trump:

The United States does not have a direct democratic voting system. We have an indirect system called the electoral college.The electoral college is a compromise between election of the President by a vote in Congress and election of the President by a popular vote of qualified citizens.

To win the Presidency you do not need a popular majority; you need the majority of votes of the electoral college.

The way the college works is that the two parties select the delegates that will serve as electors, and the electors pledge to vote for the candidates, depending on their party affiliation, of either the democratic or republican party. So, when people go vote, they are actually going to vote for electors that have pledged to vote for a specific party/candidate.

Each state is allocated a different number of electoral seats, and so not every state is truly worth the same given that every candidate is racing to secure 270 seats (minimum required to win the election).

What’s important to note is that the electoral college is a winner take all vote in 48 of the 50 states, meaning that the candidate with the higher number of votes in a given state will get ALL of the seats. This is one of the reasons why third party candidates are a wasted vote.

Based on our country’s history, most States around the country have already been defined as either red or blue, because the majority of the people that go and vote in said states tend to stick to either one or the other no matter who is on the ballot. It becomes a bit of loyalism to a party or, more accurately, just a strong distaste towards the ideals of the other party. However, there are a few swing states that really define the elections, for each election cycle they tend to change depending on who is on the ballot.

Now, third party candidates, which is often used as a protest vote, have never worked because a) they are not written into every state ballot, meaning that there are states that don’t offer these candidates given that they did not qualify b) have rarely gotten enough votes to even be up for electoral seats c) ALWAYS end up hurting one of the two candidates, for, in close runs, they can make one of the other two candidates lose a SWING STATE.

This is what happened with Ralph Nader in 2000. The votes that he received hurt Gore in certain states, particularly florida, which led to Bush winning as he had the majority of electoral seats even though he did not have the majority in popular vote.

Now, in the latest poll, it shows that the race between Hillary and trump is very close, and, when third party candidates are involved, it actually HURTS Hillary’s chances.

Now, if it hurts her enough, Trump can obtain the much needed swing states. If he gets over 270 seats (and thus more than hillary) he WILL win the goddamn election.

This is not a year to vote for a third party candidate. This is not a man you want in the oval office of the most powerful country in the world.

There is nothing NOTHING you can pull out that will make Trump the lesser of two evils.

We live in a country that has a two party system, so yes, a vote for a 3rd party candidate or a non-vote IS actually a vote for trump.