aspiring false prophet

he spews garbage so you dont have to!

[valerie-venacava]

big reason i haven't been posting on here is that i just haven't had anything To post. but then i remembered i have a small handful of fakemon stuff i've only ever shared with a couple buddies lol

these guys were part of an art challenge i did with @mecha566 and two friends who aren't on tumblr. my bf drew a fossil (which he called the membrane fossil), and all four of us would draw what pokemon we think it'd be revived into. these guys were my interpretation!

not much to them, really. they're based on early synapsids, namely dimetrodon. the names come from "solar" + "synapsid" and "solar" + "-saurus" + "aurum". the fire-typing and solar theme comes from the idea that dimetrodon's bigass sail was for thermoregulation (which i can never remember if that was disproven or not). solaurus also pulls from cotylorhynchus bc i think it makes a fun shape for a mon ::P

the hot-blooded ability boosts their speed and sp.atk by 50% in harsh sunlight, iirc (i never wrote down what it did lol !!!)

[mecha566]

santa man (2026)

sleigh us a song, you're the jingle bells sing sleighing songs tonight 'cause we're in all the mood for a santa claus and the christmas lights are so bright

[orteil42]

you grow up with only a surface understanding of computer history and as you learn more it seems advancements recede earlier and earlier in time. they made the first 3d game in 1991. they made the first 3d game in 1985. they made the first 3d game in 1967. they found a Banjo Kazooie prototype inscribed on oxidized bronze gears retrieved from a mycenaean shipwreck

[seobot]

[crawfishcomic]

Mappa Mundi

[orteil42]

We're closing the Cookie Clicker Patreon soon!

after 7 years up we feel it's time to retire our Patreon. between the Steam + mobile versions and the console ports, we're rather more established now than back when we first launched it. a Patreon also requires regular upkeep, which it turns out is not something i'm very good at! it's not a very nice thing to neglect and i never maintained it as often as i would've liked.

it was still a lot of fun coming up with perks, and we're proud of how well they meshed with the game itself. the custom grandma names will remain in the web game, and i'll try to progressively honor all approved cookie suggestions in coming game updates. the supporter discord channel will also stay up.

for a while i wasn't sure what to do with the heralds system, which boosts everyone's cookie production based on how many people were subscribed to our highest Patreon tier (it's been inaccurate for a while due to breaking changes in Patreon's API that i never figured out how to fix). in the end, Opti suggested simply fetching the same data as the Steam version, where heralds are based on how many players are currently playing, divided by 100. this means paid players help out everyone's CpS, which is basically the same intent as the old Patreon system! (this also means the bonus from heralds will frequently be near maxed out, as we currently seem to average a little under or over 10,000 concurrent players on Steam depending on time of day!)

these changes and a couple other tweaks are currently up on beta (v.2.055, may take a while to roll out for everyone) and should be out on the live version shortly should everything go well.

we'll keep the Patreon up for a little bit longer (until January 24th 2026). if you've been wanting to get a grandma name or cookie suggestion in, this is your last chance! (we'll still be generally accepting cookie suggestions from other places)

thank you to everyone who's supported us over the years! 🍪 -Orteil

[orteil42]

Is Opti really just your "roommate" or is there something more going on...?

nothing escapes your keen eye! we are indeed no longer roommates, as we have since moved and are now neighbors instead. single btw

[mecha566]

the horseshoe crab song

🎵🎵I don't want a lot of features, I've got everything I need 🎵🎵(and IIIII) don't care about expanding very far beyond the beach 🎵🎵I just want to feel at home, for millenia on my own 🎵🎵make my blood turn blue, all I want to be's a horseshoe

[orteil42]

i've never played Luigi's Mansion but i'm assuming at the end of the game when all the characters are like "thank you for vacuuming up all the ghosts and saving us" he goes "don't Luigi's mention it"

[valerie-venacava]

handful of models for a minecraft mod i've been chipping away at every now and then; info below the cut

the hurchin is a neutral mob that spawns in the khoral reef (a desert biome i'll probably talk about later once i get it actually implemented). it can be tamed by giving it a helmet, and to attack it fires spine projectiles that have a chance to apply poison

the vermaus is a passive ambient mob that spawns in the khoral reef. the only thing of note it does is that every couple minutes, an adult vermaus checks if there is another adult within a couple blocks. if so, both enter love mode and spawn a baby vermaus, totally independent of the player's involvement

the maw is a neutral mob that spawns in standard, warm, and lukewarm oceans. it kills any fish nearby, eating their dropped meat. once a maw has eaten 5 items, it enters a 20-minute cooldown until it can hunt again

the skyllop is a passive ambient mob that spawns in the khoral reef. like bats, it roosts on the underside of blocks when not flying

[orteil42]

gacha game where it's gijinkas of. idk uhhh numbers. and you start seeing fanart and shipping discourse from people who thirst about 19 or 235 or 611. don't miss the prime banner this month. yeah i'm pulling for 97 she's literally my wife? and they keep coming up with new numbers. and player complaints about powercreep culminate when they release 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 (blonde twink)

[orteil42]

be real with me. what comes to your mind when you read the word "fromage"

[orteil42]

i WILL apply my home language's distinction logic to english and that's why as far as i'm concerned an ape and a monkey are the same thing

[smallmariofindings]

Promotional "Mario ❤️ StreetPass" pin from Germany.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source

[orteil42]

terrified of unwittingly enjoying the shadows in the cave. the song you didn't know was a cover. the movie you didn't realize was a parody. the game you never knew was a bootleg port. and then even after you find out, there's something in you that still likes the shadow better than the real thing

[cryptotheism]

I've never had a scotch egg but they seem easy as fuck to simulate mentally.

[cryptotheism]

I can imagine with perfect clarity what it would be like to bite into a scotch egg

[xeno42alpha]

how do you know you can without having compared it with what it actually is like?

[cryptotheism]

Im an empath

[orteil42]

media where the main character wakes up to find that the world they lived in has changed beyond recognition while they were asleep (ie. 28 days later, idiocracy, futurama, the walking dead) should count as isekai