ellie has undiagnosed tourette’s, showing signs since they were in the single digits. it started out innocently enough: there would be a skip in their step, whether walking or running. it manifested sporadically; there was no telling when it would happen. then there was blinking — constant, hard blinking. ellie would shut their eyes so tightly that sometimes they could see white. it would happen during conversation, it would happen in moments when they're alone. this was never a cry for attention; these were urges. it felt good to do, so they would do it.
the few adults that bothered sticking around would show concern, maybe ask about it once in a blue moon. but to ellie, it was this part of them that couldn’t be described with words. it was also embarrassing. children would notice, too, and they were the worst. teasing was never off the table.
ellie, wise beyond their years, always knew it was normal. some people have this condition [ they think — no, they know — they can't be the only one ], and that was okay. it was fine. was it?
it didn't make enduring the teasing any easier, didn't make the fights any less frequent.
through the mentions, the acknowledgments, good or bad, they became so mindfully cognizant of their tics that they began suppressing them. [ tried to. ] don't give them another reason to pay attention to you. you’ve suffered enough bloody noses and broken fingers to last a lifetime. some days were easier than others. some days the urge would grow so exponentially that the moment they found solitude in their room, they let it all out — shamelessly. it was like they were on the verge of exploding, toeing the line as the seconds ticked down until nightfall. it was fucking hell.
as they've gotten older, found company in good people, they're not as predisposed to suppress them. it's still a habit that forms in irregular moments but for the most part, they just let them happen.
ellie's most common motor tics are head bobbing [ this grows in frequency and intensity depending on their stress; often gains headaches in the process ], lip smacking/making a popping noise with their lips [ usually appears when alone, but extreme silence tends to trigger it the most ], wringing their hands, nose rubbing, pulling at their fingers, and clearing their throat to an extreme degree — sometimes to the point of hurting it.
ellie also possesses some vocal tics but those typically range in saying curses in excess and quick succession [ or saying it excessively in their thoughts, to the point where it gets overwhelming ].
