I actually would like to start this little journey of mine by revising some notes I did back then (2022-2023ish).
First of all, I'd like to quote them word for word, give some context if possible and provide my comments afterwards. Since I believe every perspective is valuable, I'd also like to hear smth from you after reading! It may be just something simple (a comment, an emotion etc.) or something extremely throughout.
Remember, it's up to you.
"My body feels like it's slowly giving up. Could be because of my horrible treatment, but what if Hume was right? Maybe all changes that we have perceived on the one, are accompanied by corresponding changes to the other. Maybe if my body gets more , heavier changes, the same occurs to my soul. Or mqybe my soul gets them and they occur on my body aswell? Our body and soul are both alike. They can't live without the other, so what if one of them gets weaker and weaker? The other part suffers it as much as the first one does. Though, what if it doesn't feel like it can heal? What if it isn't just physical damage, that is repairable through our body cells etc. , but damage that scares my soul. It can't just get repaired over time. Time isn't the only necessary treatment.
Is it maybe meant to stay?" (10.06.23)
(For context: I use the term "relationship" in both a platonic and romantic way. Since it concerns both categories, I use this term to generalize it)
I believe the fact of temporary relationships did me for the worse during that time. I couldn't cope with the possibility of people actually leaving my life for good and when that finally happened, my views about relationships shattered in an instant. I was pathetic and tried to maintain a relationship that wasn't meant to be. I couldn't bear actually losing someone who got to know me. I was hurt and afraid. I tried to translate this pain with the knowledge I've gathered from philosophy classes , which is a pattern you most likely will realize throughout my old texts. The correspondence between one's body and soul was dear to me during that time because of me wanting to find out if this tremendous pain in my soul would be able to vanish at some point in my life.
Nowadays, my perspective has shifted. I went through the one or other heartbreaking breakup (in both kinds of relationships) and found myself hurt at every one of them. However, I also finally got to learn accepting such events. There will be people in my life (and probably your life aswell) , that appear nice and fitting to you , personality wise. It might be even running smoothly for a long time, but there will be some that one just has to let go at some point. Let it be for the lack of commitment, communication or something similar, there will be a reason and it will be enough for them [or yourself]. The worst part? As much as you may love them, if they have decided that they do not want to spend time with you anymore, there won't be a turning-back. As much as you may want, may fight to stop the inevitable... When they make such a huge decision of not wanting to see you anymore, they most likely will commit. There's nothing else for you to do than to accept. It will hurt and you'll try to understand. They may offer you an explanation. This will be something that you have to rest on your mind for a while tho and come to terms with it.
I'm still partly struggling with this. The only thing that helped me is to concentrate on the present and not the past [or a potential future]. I should rather be glad and happy around my loved ones that are here *right now* and not the ones that are gone. It's fine if it hurts at first. Afterall, you cared about them. Letting go of them in the present is the one right thing. You may cherish the memories you spent together, but their present self is something you shan't acknowledge anymore for they let you go and you should also let go off of them. For the both of you.
Thank you for reading and I'm curious what some may think about this :v
Accurate depiction of the slightest yearn for anyone. Loving too much is both a blessing and a curse