There's just no telling how far I'll go.

[meekayylove]

12/27/23

I cried again today.

[meekayylove]

12/7/23 New Beginnings

I am so thankful to God for new and abundant opportunities from this week. I got three.. THREE job offers in one week! (Maybe four actually but it’s in the air lol) but fr, How crazy is that? :0

These past few weeks I worked my ass off prepping and going to interviews and to feel confident in my abilities to land jobs is something I am so proud of myself for. :,) I look back on my previous posts about being rejected to grad schools and to see that I’ve come this far is just so humbling and fr makes me wanna cry sometimes… 😥

The hard part now is just deciding where to go from here. Do I choose a job that is physically and more emotionally demanding but pays better with opportunities to grow. Or do I choose the job that is closer to my house and less pay but within my niche (aka pediatrics/schools) ????

The other job I’m like meh about but if I take the harder job I would probably have to pick up other jobs too bc that’s not full time atm. Anyways, I’m gonna pray about it and hopefully I know in my heart what to choose by next week! One job I applied for actually is my DREAM LOCATION so we shall see if I get that one 🥲 I hope they get back to me soon 😭

If ur reading this, pls keep me in your prayers. I’ll keep u in mind 🙂 k bai

[meekayylove]

8/11/23

This is the second day jn a row i had a dream about you. What are you trying to tell me? :(

[meekayylove]

7/18/23

It’s one of my last few nights here before I move and I can’t help but think of all those times you were there for me. So many things around me remind me of you. And for those times and memories, I will always be grateful and thankful.

I wish I could have told you that.

I wish I could have said alot of things.

But..Things are different now… and to respect where we are in our life, I decided I shouldn’t tell you how I feel or even open that door. I hope you are well and I’ll always be rooting for you from afar.

Always,

M

[meekayylove]

3/27/23

It still hurts sometimes. Some days more than others.

[meekayylove]

05/26/22

We broke up today.

[meekayylove]

Level IIA Fieldwork rotation 2.21.22

This week marks my last week at my fieldwork at the school… I am feeling a lot of emotions and anxiety and just feeling the worst right now. I’m literally shaking and feeling like I need to throw up all the time. Instead of feeling excited for a new journey and remembering how far I’ve come, I have alot of negative emotions overwhelming me. I hope and pray that I pass. I can’t even focus on the next FW rotation which starts next Monday because I have to just get through these next 4 days. Please Lord 😞🙏

[meekayylove]

09/12/21

I think when I’m alone with my thoughts and by myself I lose motivation to try to reach out to others for support. Now it’s this endless cycle of just loneliness.

[meekayylove]

8/20/21

I feel like my self esteem and confidence is getting lower. I try to be okay at school and around other people but on the inside it’s getting getting harder.

My friends or who I thought to be my friends.. they didn’t invite me again or like they used to study. I feel alone. And sad. And like something is wrong with me.

[meekayylove]

Random Things I'm grateful for today 8/12/21

-caring friends

-being able to afford to buy a coffee at starbucks lol

-making it through another day of school

-waking up on time and making it to school on time

-alfie

-family

[meekayylove]

07/26/21

Another sleepless night. I hate it when thoughts are always racing through my mind and I lose sleep over it.

Last night I was sad and cried until I slept :(

Hopefully things get better..

[meekayylove]

Feeling left out.. 6/11/21

So... I've been feeling sad and left out lately with my group of school friends. I've just been feel sad because I've expressed how I felt to them and its still kinda the same. Maybe it's me? But I don't really want to blame myself because I felt like I have been putting effort and trying to hang out with them every moment possible even if I have so many things to do. I've been feeling disconnected with one friend in particular. I just feel weird now that she doesn't really initiate or try to talk to me like how we used to talk before. I don't know what I did wrong or different ...but I just get sad that I feel like she doesn't value or put in effort into our friendship as much as I try to do for her. I am feeling distant from everyone and feel more alone than ever. I just feel like I can't tell anyone because it won't matter.

I feel like no one cares.

I feel lonely.

I feel useless.

I feel unloved.

[meekayylove]

2/18/2021 end of second trimester!

What was suppose to be a fun and destressful time turned into a HELLA stressful time and a search party for my friends bf. Soooooo let’s hope and pray we find him soon cuz it’s now 3:43am and he’s been out for more than an hour ☹️

It’s also 39 degrees outside.

[meekayylove]

08.28.20 midterms

Guys... I had the most challenging experience of grad school these past two weeks. Especially anatomy. Idk why it doesn’t stick but yeah... to sum it up I did really bad on my first two practicals. I basically bombed it and got D’s. Literally, I cried for four days straight, had an anxiety attack, I cried in front of my friends, my professor, and yeah... just wasn’t my best. (Yeah I know I cry a lot).

So many thoughts ran through my head. I felt I wasn’t good enough, I wasn’t meant to be here, i felt dumb, I felt ashamed to tell my family that I wasn’t doing well. All those thoughts and more, really consumed me and I was really scared that I wasn’t going to move on with my cohort. I let my fears and anxiety take over and I didn’t seek out for help for a little while because of how ashamed I feeling.

But Today. I took midterm and guess what!!! I passed! 😭 not the best score of the class but I raised my grade up by 7%! This is such a big milestone for me and I am just so thankful for those who supported me along the way. Most importantly I couldn’t have done it without the grace of God. Forreal. Like those times I felt at my lowest, I prayed so much and it helped me stay motivated when I studied so much. I’m honestly not here without, God and I’m just so humbled by the feelings I feel. Anyways, I still have a lot more projects and presentations to go!!!

Until next time <3

[meekayylove]

Why do I feel like the people who are smart and doesn’t need a tutor.. GET A TUTOR?! 😭 ugh I’ve been waiting for one for a while and I’m on the struggle bus trying to catch up. I hate how behind I feel...

[meekayylove]

7/19/20 Week 3!

Hi! I haven’t been able to update in a while because of the big move. But I’m here now, settled in my new place, and doing alright. I’m so thankful that God really was on my side with this whole move and gave me this place to live in. My roommate is pretty nice! 

Anywho, today’s service message was about courage. God definitely knew I needed to hear this. But yeah, so thankful to have taken the time to listen to the message. Some key points I got from it is that it is through trials that show us how real faith is. God wants to do this journey with you and that you just need to take that step of faith to let Him in.

It is in our selflessness and sacrifices that our courage will grow. In times of adversity, will you be one to push through towards the task or will you run away and retreat? By having courage and showing that you will face it, you can share the courage to others and you can be that beacon of hope. 

I think to relate it back to my academic journey, I am honestly, having a hard time right now. I have been running away from what I need to do by distracting myself and doing chores when I need to focus on my studies. I’ve been going back and forth avoiding it when it would just get worse if I do. I know that as a future therapist I want to be the best I can be for the patient, but how can I am having a hard time with muscles?! I know I can’t give up or retreat. Things will change today. God is with me. It’s time to have courage. 

[meekayylove]

07.06.2020 First day of grad school!

Ahhh so this post is before class and I’m definitely feeling the jitters. I feel like I’m the type of person to feel too much and get so anxious with my own self OR I supress it that I don’t feel any emotions. It’s so hard trying to balance my emotions to stay calm, but hopefully I will make it through today. I keep reminding myself “let faith be bigger than my fears”.

Affirmations of the day: “I am smart. I am confident. I was chosen for a because they saw something in me.”