âIf youâre going through hell, keep goingâ
Last week I went to my cousinâs graduation ceremony where he was awarded a First Class History and Politics degree. In the the closing speech, Sanjeev Bhaskar (The Kumars at No. 42), spoke about his failed attempt at getting into the University of Sussex back in the 1980s, and how demoralising, devastating and utterly demotivating it was. He quoted Winston Churchill: âIf youâre going through hell, keep goingâ. Heâs now the Chancellor.
Let me state now, that this is NOT a cry for help, or a âFEEL SORRY FOR MEâ blog post, but a record of overcoming failure. Itâs about how I managed to power through those rocky moments in life that jump out and bite you in the bum when you least expect it.Â
Last year was undoubtedly the worst year of my life. As well as coping with the trials and tribulations of being thrown into a world post-university, with a debt of ÂŁ15,000 and the strain of having to move back home with my parents, my boyfriend broke up with me, I was rejected from my dream job, and I spent the summer nursing my Grandma until she died.
I felt as if my life was completely out of control. The career path Iâd pursued for 4 years had faded away into the distance, and Iâd lost two of the people I loved most in the world.
When you feel as if thereâs nothing much left to live for, my god itâs hard to keep going. I was utterly fed up, and I came to realise that I was depressed.
The worst thing about depression is feeling like youâve fallen down a hole you canât climb out of. Itâs so easy to slip and fall, but a bloody nightmare to pull yourself out of. People would say to me: âaww donât worry about it, things will get better!â but if youâve ever suffered from depression, youâll know that this is the most ANNOYING and USELESS thing that anyone can say to you, because at that moment in time you feel like things are NEVER going to get better.Â
And, to be honest, they wonât to begin with. Unfortunately, when life hurtles to the deepest depths of the earth, it takes bloody ages to rebuild it again, regain in confidence and restore self-esteem. But, as Churchill said âif youâre going through hell, keep going.â Half of struggling through depression was admitting that yes, this was my hell. The other half was questioning âhow on earth am I going to get out of it?â.Â
For some, medication is the answer. Obviously it depends on the severity of the illness but as I knew that my depression was only circumstantial, I didnât want to rely on chemicals to make me happy. I had a few counselling sessions but really, for me, it was about finding one positive thing a day to keep me going. Be it writing a card to my Grandpa, baking some cakes for a friendâs birthday or making an extra effort to chat to a shop assistant in Boots. Somehow that collection of tiny, mundane things kept me going when I was struggling to even get out of bed in the morning.
Everyoneâs hell is different and I know that mine is far from being even SLIGHTLY terrible. Whether itâs battling a mental illness, questioning your sexuality, being homeless, being unemployed, going through heartbreak, or struggling with a bereavement â everyone has a completely different experience of âhellâ and everyone has a different way of keeping going. It doesnât matter how you achieve it, all Iâm urging you to do is to not give up and KEEP GOING.
I wouldnât have achieved anything if Iâd have given up to work in an office, crumbled because of my Grandmotherâs death or refused to ever go on a date again. I wouldâve been a boring, miserable person. And yes, it was the worst time of my life, but in a strange way, Iâm so pleased it happened. The phrase âcharacter buildingâ doesnât exist for nothing.
A year on and Iâm getting lovely facebook messages, phonecalls and texts from friends and family congratulating me on my new job. Iâm so lucky to have such an incredible radio presenting job that I love doing every single day, but although it seems that Iâve been offered it overnight: âThere is no success without failureâ and in my case that clichĂ© is one hundred percent true.Â
As I walked from my cousinâs graduation to get my train back to Southampton, I saw a homeless man asleep on the street. In front of him were colourful pictures in chalk and a message explaining that he didnât believe in begging for money, so instead he drew pictures to cheer people up and if they wanted to pop some spare change in his hat then they could. To the left of the pictures was a quotation. I couldnât believe that within the space of 10 minutes Iâd been introduced to this quotation twice, both in equally poignant, but entirely different ways. It read: âSmile, as when youâre going through hell, you just got to keep on going.â If he can do it, then we can do it.Â
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