In Blue Ink

By MKT

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I like the photos you chose. They really bring out the sadist in you.

I’m impressed. I didn’t know I had this much furious rage caged within such soft, breakable skin. That there was molten anger kept by bones within. So I’ll touch myself the way I wish you still did. The kind that wrecks, welts and ruins. If you think your grasp can find another neck, think twice sweet grem. No breath given to you will ever measure up. This was the ultimate Fuck up. So keep searching for her, your glamorous cover up. The perfect wind up, mindless to fill with your cock. Hurry now, for time ticks through and I’m nowhere near done with you.

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

(R)Wrex

The red runs rampant. It riots through the riddled town, it ricochets from rattled wanderers down ragged eye sockets. Wishers regarded this as momentary, little do they know it’s what keeps me alive. Red release. Red release. Red red red rennaisance.

Nothing feels as good as this hurts. No eye roll reigns me in like this. No mess worth the clean up. Regardless of repair I recede into the recesses of rapture. Sweet rapture.

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

These stories are safer. Seated beneath covers I can travel, love and lose. I can rebel and scream, I can revolt and writhe. These stories are safer than the ones I lead. The ones banking on the bullshit behaviors of me. The ones fragile and flexible, susceptible to muse and guile. I praise and pardon myself in these stories. They replace mine, slutty and gory. Replace street heroin with illustrious heroines.

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I struggle slapping between solitude and shared space. To rebuild the walls I need each week, dismantle them to let you in. For days I’ve burnt myself, too vulnerable. For days I’ve emptied myself, too tearful.

Not to imitate your kindness nor your love. Not to seek for what you lack. Only to stay warm, keep the walls low and the dogs away. To transition gentler from when I have pocketfuls of gold to the emptiness that follows. So cold.

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I’m trying to learn, failing most days but still trying.  I don’t dissapear when they take their eyes off me. I am no more powerful when outsiders marvel. 

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

please shine down on me

i dried out, hardened and cracked.  after days before, sagging from intimacy, blackouts and tears let.  feigning indifference and disinterest  for it’s protective, isolative distance. 

a pattern of thought usually flowing unfought pushing roses back into roots strangled by my own soil

pause..breathe...brush back the bramble to let the warmth settle on seed.  no self-contrived divide, resenting a private misperception.  this honesty a soothing effervescent. 

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

i’ve given you miles, three states from home.  i’ve given you my eyes, my house, the words that i own. i’ve shared the scars and the secrets,  undressed each heathen,  stepped so many sweltering steps beyond safety i can no longer see it. 

i’ve expanded, invited and upended where I was, what I was ready for, and how much i was prepared to pair away.  i’ve trusted and lept.  i’ve shown you truth after terrifying truth, shared space in the dreams i’ve slept. 

been more than open, i’m transparent.  and still. the call for more is apparent.  the unease. the jealousy.  i’ve given you the treasures i have and still you seek more in me. 

7/3/2017 - Priest Lake, Idaho 

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

Truth or Dare?

who am i joking? we always choose dare.  so hear me now, hear me loud, and hear me tear. 

a fire is eating the earth.  chewing up land and burping back smoke. turn black, destroying, and still giving birth. for not all of us can calmly show, gently flow, or quietly know  what our hearts burn with great worth. 

so i dare you, my chilled child, to waltz toward, turn face and smile.  press perfect cheeks against her fire and listen as she whispers wild. 

“I love him. Bring him closer.” 

see, your dare is her truth. and her truth might scare the game-playing soot out of you.  have you a love, one both truth and dare?  for anything less snuffs to compare. 

[megantreesinme]

#cantstopcamping // I sampled more beer, soaked in more sunsets, quit smoking and lost 5lbs. Oh, and my heart grew 3 sizes that trip // #moreroadtrips

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I was drawn to someone who made me feel safe. You would wrap me up in your arms and shield my skin from the sparks So now to feel fear from you destabilizes and unbalanced is me. For I am scared of you not in your fists but in your feelings. I am scared to share scared to be honest scared to show myself again to you because you threatened to leave at each glimpse of imperfection. A relationship with threats is unsafe To hear someone say "that's abuse walk away" for the second time is hard to take especially since I believe in you in the other side, the true you Not the misogynist you learned to be, or the self protections you had to see. So know that this will not last if we give up our future holding on to our past.

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I pray. Or hope. Or wish. Or dream of. A morning where I don’t wake up crying. Where ficticious and factual fractures leave me be. Where i can find a peaceful four hours for sleep. Where the heat of my anger and the chill of the sheets dont combust and conspire, inxoticate insanity. I want clear clouds. I want clear dreams. I want peace and an alarm I can meet with dry eyes and soft sleep.

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I won't give every part of me for fear of refute. This time last year I Risked Reacted & Rained. There are many minds, the social, the skin, the smiles & the silence. I had no idea you held them all until you startled and slipped me to the slate. 12/23/15 from an airport

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

i am not an idea to be held in abstraction until you stumble upon some satisfaction 

i am sick and fucking tired of fools entertaining the idea of me,  but fleeing fast once they’ve set me free.

lies like you are why i’m guarded and made of mortar. this is why i believe in bricks not blisss and this is why i will painfully sew my lips 

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

I feel no longing, no wish things went differently, no wish for absolution or even obliteration.

Pieces of you play on my thoughts, silhouetting them like smoke into the shape of your skin, the size of your life, the sound of your eyes, and the sight of that comfort.

I’ve yet to erase these trails since no other fabric is bound strong enough to sail.

10/28 For the intermittent memories

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

i find it funny how ruffled and unfurled  unfinished business can make us. 

breaching the barriers we believed were resolute corroding the finish rusting right through 

we never see the wave that rips off our roof and we don’t feel the longing  our hearts demand is due

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

our eyes lie before us, so why is behind all i see? even from within closed lids, the image emerging is not who lays beside me

it’s you and the corner of your bed it’s you and the tilt of your dreaming head

i’ve avoided this moment for months fearing exactly this apparition scared a sleepless brain won’t translate the omission 

the question remains:  do i turn away and feign the space  or do i approach and hold tight to what is so unsettlingly not the same

[megantreeswroteme-blog]

‘Cause I want someone to cuddle and help me.  I want someone to make breakfast for, to take to shows and the beautiful open places. 

I want someone to share my days and my skin with. I want to get to know someone, slowly and carefully so I don’t crash or get crushed just yet.  I don’t want to wait for someone, I don’t want to disappoint more people by being myself

and I don’t want to be wanted in ways I can’t be had.