Thoughts of Yesterday

I'm 26. I'm not sure how I got to where I am but, I have an idea of where I want to be. 

[meknownowriting]

An Ongoing Battle for Success

     It happened again, I didn't blog for a year. Not that it is disappointing so much as it is embarrassing that I forgot about it again. My life is still where it was at the beginning of the year. My budgeting is still in shambles. The overthinking is a constant strain. Life and bills are beating me without an end in sight. This one, is for the ones that feel like they may be falling behind.

     The year has been full of excitement and adventure. While at the same time it has been filled with hope and disappointment. From traveling for work and traveling for vacation it has been a good year. The negative thoughts only lurk when I am not occupying my time with something... I don't know what that something is, overthinking at random hours of the night, making irrational decisions in the early AM hours. My mind may not be all the way there, but I feel like sometimes it doesn't matter.

     Some old acquaintances are getting married, some having babies, some doing drugs, and others not really sure on which way life is pulling them. I'd consider my self in the "not sure" group of people. I want to find a wife. I want to buy a house. I want things to just fall into place. But not everything will. The only things that fall into place are the things that I didn't know I needed until they appear. Everyday I tell myself things will get better and that I'm so close I just have a little bit further to go until I make it to my final destination.

     Am I doing things right? Am I lazy? Am I an idiot in everyone's eyes? Do I have a chance to end up where I really want to be in life with what I'm doing in life? How do I save money if I don't have money to save? How do others do it? Is my family broken? Am I the person in my family that is going to fail? What do I need to change?

     In the end, I believe everything will be alright, but the only way to find out is to make it there. Everyday is a mystery. As long as you have a want you have the world by the tail. There is always someone that knows your story and somebody that knows your pain. Though a family may be broken, it doesn't mean that the family can not be loving. No matter the path of others, keep your focus on the daily tasks in your life. You are the owner of your own time. Bills will always be there, ask someone that may be ahead of you financially or in life, those are the ones that we need in our lives for they keep us striding for our own accomplishments. If one person can do it, there is a very good chance that others will. The late night thoughts need to be laid to rest. The best place to wind down and relax may very well be your grandparents house. They have lived a life and have probably forgotten more than we have even experienced. In the end everything always works out.

[meknownowriting]

The Next Step 2k18

     I continue to ignore blogging, though writing is more than stress relieving for me. I’ve been happy in 2017, but there is still a lot left to be desired. I keep looking at ways to grow my bank account and the struggle is real. I keep being told that I need to invest, but in what? After wrecking my first GTO and my insurance being 3x higher than what it was I seem to be just waiting for it to drop to something more reasonable. The holiday season was good to me. The new year will be another fresh start for me.

     Where to begin, it has been so long since I’ve been on to blog my life. I am working at Mars now and only work 15-16 days a month and I absolutely love it. Smelling like caramel and chocolate when I leave work may be the best part of every day. I typically get home to a house full of puppies that at going crazy and playing like wild animals. Relaxing and playing video games with roommates tends to be my habitual activity. Though I have slowly been getting my new GTO back to the condition I had my first one in is still on my to do list.

     My GTO is a big part of my life, as it lets me get away and cruise as often as I want. I took the old one into a building. Left the scene like an idiot and didn't go to jail that night. Luckily I only got a ticket for it. I was lucky enough to upgrade for less than what I got my original for. I did get to enjoy the summer on my motorcycle only to see to a friend when it started to get cold. I will definitely get another one sooner than later.

     The new year is upon us and I have many goals set to accomplish in 2018. Getting my investments inline will be a big one. Now that I am making a living wage I am finally able to save a little something on the side for once. While I am trying to invest on my own. I have no idea what I am actually doing. 24 is a weird age, so many people doing things with their life's and I sometimes feel like I may be falling behind.

     My life is fun, though I try to have a personal life, I am more of a hermit. It is much warmer inside this time of year for me to not be as social outside of work. Learning is my favorite part of life. 2017 has had a lot of learning experiences and I think 2018 will be more of the same. Hopefully with more personal and financial growth. I am thankful that I still have all of the family I had going into 2017 still around. Not sweating the small things has what has gotten me to where I am today and I do not plan on changing my ways.

[meknownowriting]

Been awhile #1 Overthinking.

I initially started off saying this was going to be an everyday thing. I then came to the conclusion that I have a lot on my plate and just not all the free time to lay my thoughts out. I’ve been working my modest job as front desk of a hotel for 4 years this last November. I recently got in touch with a company about working for them. The interview went great, I’m just waiting on all the background stuff to come back to possibly make the switch. I’m watching my beloved Jayhawks play basketball while I’m at work today. Keeping my positive attitude going. I recently hit a pot hole in these lovely roads of Topeka. It bent my rim to my Pontiac GTO. I’ve been out of a car for almost a week now. Tires and everything should be good to go by tomorrow. Then I just need to do my alignment. Not much of a car guy. But I can take care of the basics.

          The hotel is going well for the most part. I keep watching as the new property keeps being worked on. The one that I was told I would be apart of management if I stayed, yet this was a year ago when “it was almost done”. Maybe I’m a little bitter but I love the company. Being a broke 22 year old is not my favorite thing to do. So I've made the decision to see if I can get out at a place that will pay me much better. That is where me waiting for the background info and UA test to come back and get the move to the other job taken care of and over with. Meanwhile my hotel is about to go under another inspection as Hilton does two a year and we typically have no problem passing with a higher score. I’ve put so much time into this job that I almost don’t want to leave.

          I’ve been trying to do the whole relationship thing and I don’t know what it is but I keep messing something up. Or they do mess it up. I don’t know though, that is where I am lost. I understand I’m an asshole but I’m a nice asshole. Between getting a house with two good friends and trying to make bank. I think that all 20 something year olds should know which one is easier. But I suppose as all my bills get paid eventually....that is the real goal. Just getting by until I advance my career is where I am at. Holidays have never been favorite. Other than Halloween, I think most other holidays are kind of depressing. Being an Agnostic and more of a realist maybe why I say that. Just to hallmarked out for me anymore. Hopefully everyone enjoyed their Thanksgiving. Maybe, if I get some notes I will be back to write more tonight while I am stuck at work. 

[meknownowriting]

Case of the Mondays

          Today I woke up after a Sunday off, then it started. Working at 3pm and getting up at 2pm seems to be a daily struggle. I stayed up until 5:30am again. I love the sleep I get, it’s such a deep sleep. Starting off everyday by taking a shower and officially waking up. The drive to work is a fun one though. I spin tires turning out of my apartment complex and do flybys on the highway. Getting somewhere I need to be early is something that I have always done. Not because someone is expecting it of me but because I feel like it is the proper thing.          My hotel has 89 rooms and sells out every Monday through Wednesday at an average of about $119/room. I have people from all over the U.S and Europe. Business travelers are our standard guests but during the summer leisure travelers will come through and seem to be much more needy or rude. Not all business travelers are my favorites but most of them bring me food and seem to be decent people outside of their job. I still can’t believe I found a job that I love day in and day out that pays all my bills.           It’s rainy, slow, and extremely quiet at the hotel most of the time. I love my 3pm - 11pm shift because of the guest interaction. I’ve worked all three shifts. I’d have to say 11pm - 7am is the worst. Really the last two hours are the hard ones. Walking down a long hallway at 3am is exactly how horror movies start and it gives me the creeps a little. Plus, it only makes myself talk to myself more than I already do. The 7am - 3pm shift is the most inconvenient for me, working 3pm - 11pm every day then being scheduled to get up before the sun is rough for me, like I said earlier I went to bed at 5:30am today. Though the morning shift does allow me to eat a free breakfast if I choose.          Mondays we usually have about 70 arrivals and I work alone. It is easy for me, I’m quick, organized, and prefer to do things my own way. I’d have to say the only downside for my evenings at work is the amount of food that I have ordered ever so often. I always ask where all my money goes and obviously I waste it on food and beer, which I feel like is pretty much a necessity for a 21 year old in Topeka, Ks.

[meknownowriting]

After Work Hours

I leave work at 11pm CST. I get into my 2004 GTO thinking that I finally don’t have to deal with anything else until I get to work the next day. I hop on the highway accelerating as fast as I can to get up to speed so I can get home. That would be to easy though, I get pulled over a couple 2 miles from my apartment. Speeding and illegal window tint are the reasons. The cop inspects my vehicle and hands me a $150 ticket.          Once I arrive at home I kick off my shoes, sit down with my roommate and load a bowl. We toke and joke as we sit in the place we call home. My roommate is my closest friend. I don’t always feel that it goes both ways, though I know we are very good friends since  Freshman year of high school. We are very chill and enjoy casual conversations that have no real meanings. We can also say and discuss anything that we need to.

[meknownowriting]

My 2004 6 speed manual Pontiac GTO. Not a huge car guy, but it does take me on trips to clear my mind often.

[meknownowriting]

The gist of it

          Every day I stand alone. Not because I am alone, but because I work as a Front Desk Clerk at a Hotel. So many lives pass me by everyday that one can only imagine what all of them constantly do day in and day out. Coming to work and putting on a smile for the past three years has been a huge treat in my life. It seems to be the only constant in my life and with how confused I am, I will take anything that puts a smile on my face.          I enjoy dealing with people at work because it is not about my life. I get to ask the questions instead of being asked. I get to make people smile. I get to meet people from all over the world. I get to see into other peoples life and build myself around the ideas of the common business traveler.          I tend to enjoy helping random people out more than people I know, I think it is because I don’t want to disappoint people that are in my daily life. Which doesn’t make much sense in my head either. I’m excellent at holding a conversation or breaking the ice with people I don’t know and I can literally say I get paid to talk to random people. I just want to talk to people all the time, about nothing, but about everything at the same time.          I’m happy, I think, but I’m not sure I really know what happiness is.