My partner and I had a convo abt my weight (I brought it up) she said she worries about my weight and said losing 20-30lbs would help.
Guess who's going to starve themselves lol.
09.24.25
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@melancholy-journal
My partner and I had a convo abt my weight (I brought it up) she said she worries about my weight and said losing 20-30lbs would help.
Guess who's going to starve themselves lol.
09.24.25
My friend had to confiscate all my meds so I won't OD so that's where I'm at. Hope y'all are doing alright 🫠
05.31.2025
When you reach out to friends for help while in crisis and are ghosted, ignored or if someone does respond makes you feel worse. Love it. I love that for me.
09.25.2024
I honestly don't think many people would even cared if I died. My s/o, her parents and maybe a few distant friends but my family wouldn't care. The people I've been trying to be friends with wouldn't care. At the core of it, no one would care. So why do I keep clinging on to life? What's the fucking point?
09.12.24
Literal convo I had last night that's been fucking me up tbh:
I asked my s/o if she would tell me if she didn't want me to talk to someone.
She said 'no.'
(That's lying, right? Not being forthright when asked a direct question?)
I told her this 'so you would lie to me?'
She said 'It's not lying'
I said 'It's literally lying. You wouldn't tell me the truth when I ask you a question, that's lying."
She changed her tune and said 'I guess I would tell you.'
I said 'Okay, so now let me ask you, is there anyone you don't want me to talk to?'
She said 'I get jealous when you about someone else a lot.'
(I made a friend & I've been talking about her to my s/o.)
I told her 'I only share that to be open with you.'
She responded with 'Its a 'me' problem. It's fine.'
But it's obviously not "fine". So my reaction; delete most of my social media. Fb & Twitter to be exact.
Because now I feel guilty for talking to people. Now, I want to isolate and not talk to anyone.
I told her I did this and she was kind of upset about it 'Why? We were having fun.'
Idk maybe because you made me feel guilty for making a friend ??? I might redownload it but not interact with anyone. Not until we talk more about it because it left a bitter taste in my mouth. I've been so depressed lately (more than usual) & making this friend has helped me not feel so shitty. Until now. Until I felt so fucking guilty for making a friend, for sharing it with my s/o.
Like, do I just download it again & talk to my friend anyway but just don't tell my s/o about my friend anymore? It all sucks. And I shouldn't feel like I made a mistake by trying to be social, something I struggle with immensely!!! AND I only got on Twitter because my s/o asked me to!! Idk, I'm just really sick and tired of always being treated like I've done something wrong.
09.12.24
I'm so fucking lonely.
09.09.24
These mental illnesses are so fucking lonely. I can't just talk about how lonely I feel on my main acc. Even if I did no one would care. No one cares here either tho.
My heart aches with grief & loneliness. I feel like no one can understand the mixture of hurt, apathy yet sadness I am experiencing. It's contradictory, I know.
It's like a ball of string is tangled up inside me. Trying to untangle it just makes it worse.
09.09.24
Margaret Atwood, “The Blind Assassin.”
Sometimes I swear it would just be better off if I just fucking died. I'm so fucking tired or everyone and everything. I'm fucking tired.
08.30.2024
I feel so lonely and dejected.
08.28.2024
I was looking through old saved draft emails, and when I said old I mean over a decade ago. And one of them contained a photo of my fresh cuts. I haven't cut in a bit now but seeing that made me miss it, now I'm kinda just say here unsure how I really feel about that.
08.24.2024
Chen Chen, from "Poplar Street"
🤢 Remembering🤢 when 🤢I 🤢let 🤢myself🤢 be 🤢vulnerable 🤢🤢🤢
How could I be so foolish • 07.31.2024
Please keep caption on, thank you.
— rhythmicrhinoceros
Carmen Laforet, from Nada
Text ID: My chest was heavy with a thousand daydreams and memories.