a/n: guess who finally got a laptop mofos? when I say that this fic has given me griefâŚ..I am in no way exaggerating,,,, but, the past is behind us! letâs just enjoy it now đ
plsâŚI seriously hope yâall like this. technically itâs still Friday for some people ;) and I promise that the story will get better as we go along.
Pairing: Hoseok x Female Reader
Warnings for this chapter: Mentions of alcohol consumption, a creeper dude, emotional abuse, insinuations of past sexual abuse, insinuations of self harm, language.
Trigger Warning: if you are easily triggered by this type of stuff, pls donât read it. I have some fluff on my account, you should enjoy that instead! Hereâs a link to my other works â BTS ML
Tag list: @melikeylikeyjimin
If you wanna be on the tag list, send me an ask or dm :)
Daisies in the Dark Masterlist
All stories have a beginning and all stories have an end.
But, how does one know where to start a story? And maybe, sometimes we donât want to know the end; since unfortunately, not all stories have a good finish. Perhaps weâd like to leave it unfinished and rewrite it in our minds, because all humans want a happy ending.
Youâre still reading so I guess youâd like to see for yourself how this story goes.
Have you ever heard the story of how the sun fell in love with the moon?
Well, youâre about toâŚ
And I canât promise you that itâs going to go the way youâd like.
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3 yrs before the incident
One more chance. Iâll give her one more chance, you thought as you grit your teeth, watching your once best friend in the lunch line chatting it up with the annoying girl from history class.
Your breath caught in your throat when your former bff Lena made eye contact with you from across the cafeteria after filling her lunch tray. A small smile went to find itâs way onto your face when Lenaâs eye contact lingered, but it was gone in a matter of seconds when she just twitched an eyebrow and sauntered off to sit at a table across the room; the conversation between Lena and her new bestie continuing as if nothing had happened.
So it was true, sheâd left you for someone else. Like you were worth nothing more to that girl than a tissue; use it once and throw it away. Not a very good comparison at the time, but thatâs all you could think of as you watched them sit down; you were worth no more than a small used tissue.
Your hands started to twitch awkwardly not knowing what to do with themselves now and you stared at the lasagna on your lunch tray; if you could even call it thatâall it was was a lump of overcooked noodles drenched in sauce the color of a burnt tomato with who knows what posing as the ground beef, covered in a crispy layer of cheese.
You definitely werenât hungry, but staring at the sad excuse for lunch in front of you and contemplating life as nothing more than a wisp of a tissue floating through the air, not knowing where it might end upâwas better than watching Lena start a new chapter without you.
It didnât make sense, you were best friendsâŚwerenât you? Guess it didnât matter now, since a friendship takes two people to make it work, and seeing as one was currently occupied elsewhere, you would have to make do with what you had, which wasâŚa depressed piece of lasagna staring at you from itâs home on the untouched tray. You poked at it with your fork and looked at it-thinking. Then you whispered to the disheartening meal,
âOh wellâŚat least youâre not gonna leave me for that annoying- what was her name? I donât even know, but who cares, right?â
Then you suddenly realized what you were doing and looked up quickly in embarrassment, afraid someone had seen you. But the regular drone of kids talking, shouting and laughing was the same as always. Of course no one had noticed, because you were invisible.
And you were talking to a piece of lasagna.
You were a senior this year, at seventeen. At least this was the last year of hell, then you could do whatever you wanted. You had a lot of things you wanted to do and places to travel to, maybe you couldnât do them all but youâd be damned if you didnât at least try.
But one thing was for sure, you couldnât just sit there and stare at that fake lasagna pretending like Lena wasnât betraying you right across the room. So you got up and brought your uneaten food to the window where kids leave their empty lunch trays and put your tray down, but kept the small carton of chocolate milk. Then headed out of the cafeteria to spend the rest of your lunchbreak in the library. You fiddled with the unopened milk carton and mumbled to yourself while you walked,
âItâs fine, I donât need her anyway.â
That wasnât the first or the last time.
2 yrs before the incident
âUhhh, ya know what little missy? I think if you give me twenty-five percent off everything, maybe we could come to a compromise?â
This manâŚâŚwas going to die in a minute if he kept going on like this.
You tried your hardest not to just scream at this pervert to leave and say you wouldnât do a damn thing for him. You just settled for licking your dry lips while he started to smirk at you. He brought his hand up to rest against the counter, then started to slowly tap his fingers. You made eye contact with him and said sternly, âIâm sorry sir, but I canât do that.â
âWhat if I give you my phone number? And weâll make it fifteen percentâŚâ He tried again, not once breaking eye contact with you.
âDo you have a coupon?â
âThen no, we canât move the price down at all, would you like to pay the full price or leave sir?â You stared him dead in the eyes, this creep, you thought angrily, how dare he call me that? I hope he just leaves, I donât care if he doesnât buy anything. The man leaned over the cash register, âhmm, this isnât very good customer service. Maybe I wonât come back.â Please donât, you thought, but instead of saying that you settled for, âitâs not about customer service, this is store policy, Iâm sorry sir but I canât do anything.â
âYa know what? I like it when you call me sir- you say that a lot to meâŚ.whatâs a pretty little lady like you doing working in a rundown grocery store, hm? What about college? Youâre what, eighteen? If youâd like, I can give you my number and you wonât have to worry about this job, Iâll take care of you.â He smirked and arched an eyebrow at you from the other side of the counter.
It was probably a good thing there was a big cash register between the two of you, since you werenât sure what wouldâve happened if you had free range. By now your brain was just blurry and you saw nothing but blackness because of the fury settling inside. What a disgusting man. You didnât care if you got fired, you were gonna teach him a lesson or two about trying to get young girls to do stuff for him in exchange for money. You leaned forward which made him lean back in surprise, then you said loud enough for the other people in line to hear,
âIf you do not pay the full price right here right now, then leave. If you think Iâm looking for a sugar daddy then you are sadly mistaken. You have enough money to pay for a girlâs life in exchange for your own personal services, so you have enough to pay the full thirty five dollars. There are people waiting behind you so make up your mind now, sir.â You said the last word mockingly and raised an eyebrow at him in defiance. The manâs eyes grew in shock, then he glared at you but he didnât say a word as he threw forty bucks in your direction, grabbed his bags and stomped out of the store.
You took a deep breath and smiled at the next customer who cautiously came forward with their items.
The second you stepped through the door after working a twelve hour shift you slumped against the wall and yanked your sneakers off; dropping them to the floor carelessly. The apartment was dark so you assumed your mom wasnât home- probably out drinking away her troubles again. Walking into the kitchen, you sighed at the sink full of dirty dishes, and the counters that were no better. The smell wasnât too bad, probably because your nose was used to it by now. You walked to a cupboard and rummaged around until you found a sleeve of saltine crackers. After that you grabbed the softened butter and a knife and walked to your room; stepping over and around the miscellaneous junk spread throughout the apartment.
After about an hour of sitting on your bed, scrolling through your phone and munching on what your dinner was that night, you heard the door open and what you could only assume was your mother stumble inside. Your motherâs heels clacked against the hard floor by the door, then a heavier pair of footsteps could be heard with them. You sighed deeply, but stayed as quiet as you could. Not again, you thought miserably. Just, please just go do whatever youâre gonna do and leave me alone, you prayed silently squeezing your eyes shut.
There was a lot of stumbling and cursing and your chest was tight with anxiety, scared that at any moment they would drunkenly come into your room by accident. Eventually, your motherâs bedroom door slammed shut and you let out the breath you had been holding. Thank you God, thank you, you clasped your hands and shook them, then carefully and as quietly as you could, you set the remaining crackers and butter on your nightstand. Then you shifted in bed to lie on your left side and tried to make sure the bed didnât creak at your movementsâ cringing a little when it squeaked a bit. It was gonna be alright, heâwhoever he was, didnât know you were in the house.
You closed your eyes and tried to ignore the lingering feeling on your skin, even though it had been over a year since the last time. You stuffed your hands over your ears, willing yourself to sleep despite whatever was going on on the other side of the wall.
Morning came all too soon, and with it a massive pounding headache from the lack of sleep. You groaned when the sun hit your eyes and made the darkness an annoying shade of orangey red from behind your eyelids, your brain in a fog from the tiny bit of sleep you were able to get even though it was plagued by nightmares. Then you suddenly snapped awake and shot up in bed, grabbing your chest and feeling all around yourself frantically, breathing a sigh of relief when you felt your shirt still on your body. You were okay, it was just another nightmare. You tried to steady your breathing while taking deep breaths in and blowing them out slowly. Then you looked towards the door and cupped a hand by your ear; listening intently. After a minute or two of silence that didnât really prove anything, you sighed and swung your legs out of bed- planting your feet on the floor despite laundry being scattered everywhere. Sneaking towards the door you put an ear to it then slowly turned the knob. Normally you wouldnât even be risking going out of the safety of your room but you really had to pee, you would just have to be quick.
You scurried quietly to the bathroom and when you were finished you were on your way back when your momâs door swung open. You flinched and wrung your hands keeping your eyes downcast, too afraid to look up. But then you sighed in relief when it was only your mother that pushed past you to go to the bathroom. You decided to risk it and peeked into your momâs bedroom. A weight lifted off your chest at the sight of the empty bedâhe must have left earlier.
âArenât you supposed to be working or something? Whyâre you just sitting around reading?â Your mother scoffed at you from the doorway, after slamming your bedroom door open to confront you.
You set your book downânot ready for another fight, âthey gave me today off, Iâm back on the schedule tomorrow.â Your mother just glared at you and crossed her arms, âoh, so you think we can afford to have you lying around, taking days off? Lazy ass.â With that she turned and slammed the door shut, leaving you to sit there and scold your heart to stop hurting, because it just wasnât worth it.
You donât need her Y/nâŚ
So thatâs what you did.
1 ½ yrs before the incident
You walked into the apartment after three classes in a row; each one being about two hours long. You dropped your backpack by the door with a thud then changed your mind and picked it up again, not wanting another fight when someone tripped over it in their drunken state. You decided just putting it in your room would be best.Â
Canned vegetables with canned chicken really wasnât too bad if one could figure out the right stuff to put in it. After years of this, you had discovered your favorite seasonings and you were mixing yourself up a nice concoction for lunch before going to work, humming and talking to yourself as you did soâwhen there was loud pounding on the front door.
You werenât very alarmed, knowing exactly who it was, and so you opened the door and stepped aside as your mother staggered in, thankfully alone. Turning to look at you, your motherâs eyes were a bit glassy as she spoke, âis there any food around here or do I have to do all the work for that too?â She wasnât drunk, but she wasnât too far away from it. You didnât say anything and just walked to the kitchen, took your lunch and handed it to your mother.
âI just made this for you, thought youâd be home soon.â
Your mom just snatched it away and walked to her room calling over her shoulder, âalmost nineteen years old and all you can do is make a half-assed meal for the woman that gave up everything for your lazy ass.â
You just grabbed your bag and put your shoes on, trying to ignore the insistent hunger pangs in your stomach, then walked out the door for work.
âY/n? May I speak with you please?â It was the next day and you were just leaving the history classroom when your professor called you over. Your grades were far from satisfactory, but you really did try. You walked over to Professor Kimâs (who also happened to teach your Korean class as well) desk and tried not to hang your head, since you knew what was coming. She was a nice lady, but could also be strict at times.
âY/n, Iâm going to get straight to the point. I heard that you wanted to travel to South Korea. We both know youâre struggling a bit in the academic department, but I know youâre a good girl, and you speak Korean pretty well.â
You looked up, utterly confused, this wasnât about you almost failing history class? Professor Kim just smiled and continued, âthere is a scholarship program to go and stay in Seoul for a year, learning Korean and going to the university there. I thought you might be interested in it.â
You were so shocked you couldnât speak for a full minute, just stuttering out nonsense until Professor Kim laughed and put her hand on your shoulder. Then she handed you a packet, telling you to fill it out and give it back to her as soon as possible.
This couldnât be happening. Good things didnât happen to you. Could this actually be your escape?
You thanked Professor Kim over and over then scurried out of the room before anything else could be said and possibly destroy this amazing opportunity. As you left there was a new lift to your step.
Two weeks had passed and no word from the scholarship people. You turned nineteen in those two weeks, but that didnât mean much to you. All you could think about was the scholarship. Things at home didnât change, they never did. Until one day when you were heading home from work, completely exhausted, and you saw the mailman at the front door knocking. You ran up the steps but your mother opened the door right when you got there. You said hello to the man and took the mail from him, being our to thank him. When you turned to go inside, your mother snatched all the mail from you and stalked off. You followed her cautiously, âuh, may I see that? I think I might have gotten something.â Your mother turned and glared at you then spat, âand what could you have gotten in the mail? You donât even have friends, and the bills are in my name.â You tried not to roll your eyes, even though the bills were in your motherâs name, she wasnât the one paying them.
Scanning through the envelopes, your mother stopped when she saw one with the name Y/n Y/l/n on the front. She turned and looked at you accusingly, âwhat is this?â Before you had time to even process what you were doing you snatched the envelope out of her hands and dashed around her, running to your room. You shut the door and locked it, hearing the woman outside screaming horrible accusations and threats at you but not caring a single bit. The envelope was whiteâsuper white actually, almost looking unnatural. Your fingers shook as you gently tore it open, running a finger carefully along the top so you could pull the letter out. The paper inside was just as bright, and the bold black lettering stood out.
Your breathing hitched, was this actually happening? A second scan over the letter and a quick yet painful pinch to the arm confirmed that, yes, this was actually happening. Your hands trembled as you slowly pulled your phone out of your pocket and carefully typed in the number printed on the paper. The sounds of your mother screaming outside the door and hitting it, the cars outside, your own heart pounding in your ears- it all faded away to a dull thudding when you heared the ringing through the phone, once, twice, you held your breath, three rings in, fourâŚâŚclick
âHello? This is Jill Dunning, how can I help you?â
âH-hello? I- I was told to call you.â
âAre you Y/n Y/l/n, by any chance?â
You cleared your throat nervously, then took a deep breath before answering.
The flight there was extremely long and tiring so by the time you were getting off; you couldâve cried tears of joy, having felt like the plane ride really was going to last forever and youâd never step on solid ground again. But there you were; standing in the middle of the Seoul airport, completely and utterly free.
Not to mention, completely and utterly lost.
You looked around but couldnât see anything other than a lot of people rushing around; businessmen and women, families with little children that stared at you with wide eyes, college students; and yet not a single soul that looked like they might help you find who you were looking for. You shifted your heavy backpack and decided to walk a bit, maybe you could find where the luggage came through and you could at least collect the rest of your bags. After you walked for another minute you saw a sign with a suitcase on it, hanging from the ceiling with an arrow pointing down. You hurried over to where it was pointing and saw a giant metal thing with suitcases going around on it, people looking at tags and grabbing them before hurrying off again.Â
You walked over briskly and just in time too, because your two suitcases had just come around the bend in the giant machine. You double checked the tags and after confirming they were yours, you heaved them off the machine and caught your breath after setting them next to you. Then you had to figure out where you were and where your roommate, who was to be picking you up, was. You went to the name of your roommate in your contacts and pressed it before you held your phone to your ear. After one ring, the sweet voice of your roommate answered in Korean.
âHey Eui, I just got here and Iâm so lost. I just got my bags.â
âIâm so sorry Y/n! Iâll be there in less than five minutes. Traffic was awful, but Iâm walking into the airport now. Just stay by the baggage area, ok?â
You had talked to her on the phone many times over the past four weeks and you really liked her, you couldnât wait to meet in person. You hung up and looked around, watching everyone else go about their days; rushing to catch flights, leisurely browsing the shops in the airport, then you heard an excited squeal and turned to see a girl running and jumping into the arms of a boy who you assumed was her boyfriend. You just smiled and kept looking around- trying not to think about how badly you wished that was you.
You turned at the sound of Euiâs voice and smiled widely when she approached you with open arms. Eui wrapped her arms around you and then pulled away, still smiling, âwelcome to Seoul, are you ready to start over?â That had to be the best sentence you ever heard in your life. You smiled back at her and grabbed one of your suitcases while Eui grabbed the other one.
And you were; a new place, a new school, a friendly face, and no people from your past. It was time to start over and let things go, because life just got a whole lot easier.
You had no idea that whether you liked it or not, your past would continue to haunt you, no matter how many miles away you ran.
