[melodybell]

symphonies of crickets

thumping in my ears

my heart harmonizing

to the pace of their tune

left to right, right to left

your voice adding lightness like the moon

yet warm like the sun and filling the air;

sharing stories from past lives

to your dreams of possibilities

the night is so dark here,

glimmers of suburban lights twinkling below us

while the sky blends and drapes over

the ridges of the mountains

into the endless, infinite abyss

and just like the mountains tucked away into the sky

i have the feeling;

i want to be covered

i want to be lost in you

now you hang from my lips,

i replay the moments,

i see the shape of your name

catching my breath

because it spells out pain

in our separate worlds, we sleep alone

so i’m pausing the tape

saving it for another rainy day

i have a feeling

it’s my own heart

that will continue to ache

i.h.

[melodybell]

i walked around with a big ole blush. it’s been years and the memories replay on every other corner. the pink sky feels like it’s bleeding into my cheeks. i didn’t believe in “pinch me, i’m dreaming” moments but here i am squeezing. i let go of all of it. the ritual begins. i lay in the ocean as the salt wrings me out. letting sand cover my body as if it were gold. how is this different? i made it this far and finally felt consistent. floating in between, i am at peace. the plane is landing now and all i keep thinking “nothing is truly worth it unless you can set it free”.

i.h.

[melodybell]

i’d love to feel again

to run my fingers through the abyss of your skin

believe in a higher power

see through another lens

be pushed a little by the wind

all my hot breathing self into you

i could take a pass

explore the gap

miles and miles of distance

nonchalant, yet caring so much

i put up my facade

with all the indifference

i.h.

[melodybell]

the rain is hitting the cold ground as i lay my ear to the earth and listen to it cry. you are looking at me upside down, thinking, if only we could go back to before. before the coffee started turning bland, before the earth got warmer, before our words dissolved into grainy bits of sand. so close but so far away, better held safe inside my hands. the pages flip back to the beginning but i can’t remember if i said your name or if my mind got carried away. some days you aren’t there and sometimes i think i’m not either. it’s raining harder now and the cat wants to go outside.

i.h.

[melodybell]

drowning into a pile of clothes that are scattered around my floor. the moon is hanging low and i can see every skeleton hung from the tree. they’re telling me to move but i can’t reach the door. i gather my scream and hold dirt in my hands waiting for it to turn gold. nothing is worth it unless you set it free. they say you are your own worst enemy, but forgiveness comes at a cost. people can invent the best and the worst for you.

i.h.

[melodybell]

burning in fire

the circles, overlapping

with one another

the sting hurts

so good, that i can't

remember how to

forgive

myself, or someone else

stuck in the embers

waiting waiting waiting

for some kind of sign,

this is the right pain

i.h.

[melodybell]

our clothes were covered in rosemary

which meant that october was near

we tethered our fingers into knots

so that we would not forget what we had

and what we had not

the wind pushed us towards the shore

held up by the numbers, held up by the time

it’s always different,

the way the leaves change

real love

leaves you somewhere

other than where you started

i.h.

[melodybell]

there’s a sea between us and your nails are as large as my fingers. i’m carrying crosses on my back while you’re sleeping till 12 o’clock. crying under pillows is easier when the music is turned up loud. cold air seeps through my eight layers and i’m still trying to get warm. i never wanted this, but i was sucked down your gutter with plastic cutting my sides as i went. the direction we’re going is for better or for worse. my hardened heart will never soften to yours.

[melodybell]

i took all the punches

even when they were

hitting the hardest,

my feet stayed planted

into the cement

heavy with burdens,

until i brought them,

took them into the bathroom

i looked in the mirror,

i cut it,

i forgot it,

all away

i.h.

[melodybell]

i am dodging garbage cans while smoke is filtered between your teeth. the commute to work kills any happiness that was present before we left. there are hardly any birds in the sky anymore and i’m holding my scream into the nothingness. all i can think about is leaving this for a place that doesn’t exist. when time stops, i can feel that all my wrongs have undone your rights.

i.h.

[melodybell]

venom

shoulders relax spine cracks. the city is off in the distance and so am i. as sensitive as a spider i can feel every tingle on my eight legs. when you ask me to say what is on my mind it is quickly made into a joke rolling off your snake like tongue. my bite is no missile. but your venom is sweet and i can't fight the addiction any longer. was i ever ready to begin with?

[melodybell]

your words aren't grains of salt. they are rocks falling on my feet and i can no longer walk. the smell of fresh newspaper in the morning burns my nostrils. i dress the bed and hope that it will make up for all the mess. this life i can't undress. a pool of water sits on the bathroom floor and i am drowning. i.h.

[melodybell]

adults

childish behaviors and cigarette breath. hiding under the table counting pills of fabric in the carpet until there aren't any left. each mountain is a reason why you left. hot train rides holding hands and i'm suffocating. a small body and eyes too big that turn you on. i warned you this would happen. i.h.

[melodybell]

every adjustment every question “are you ok?” there are no instructions of how to dial into how you’re feeling I keep bitting the inside of my cheek and it’s like tasting blood whenever you speak there’s no mouthfeel, no body, just lack of heart sitting in a bag that was too fresh to start

i.h.

[melodybell]

i am two inches away from your mandible for a moment, no longer you roll over to the edge of the bed, holding your face i feel rest eating away at your neck, so i draw two centimeters closer to try and make up for all the times i created distance i lean in, nibble on prickly skin thinking it will close the gap between you and i- the endless web of books that won’t make sense

i.h.

[melodybell]

a cat with a spilt tail crawling down your forearm on skin, that is soft as fingers sliding through a bag of fresh beans, yet, you bite gently, pulling us along history’s map, like a painting of irradesent glass losing our way in the emptiness of every road that carries sounds from borrowed space

i.h.

[melodybell]

coffee all over my tounge and teeth it seeps into my veins like ink, speaking thank yous, what’s ups, whether you love me, love me not you’re a sweet thing a bouquet of flowers day dream, lost in thought what if? could we? the distance in us, tension ridden, lost in the cup

i.h.