Internal Screeching™️

ded

[meltingiguess]

T e t r i s

Me: please god i just need this one thing to go right. this very important piece just has to fit perfectly in the puzzle of my life and i can die happy

God:

[meltingiguess]

🍆

My favorite scam threat emails are the ones that are like “I know all the dirty videos you’ve been watching” like gee whiz I’m a sleep deprived student I don‘t visit the hub but boy does chem turn me on

[meltingiguess]

?

*confused gremlin noises*

[badjokesbyjeff]

The owner of a seafood restaurant sends one of his sons undercover to his rival's restaurant

The owner tells him to get a job as a cook, and figure out the recipe for his rival’s famous clam chowder.

The first day, the son comes home with a basic list of ingredients that the rival uses. They try making it, but it doesn’t turn out the same. The owner sends him back.

The second day, the son comes home having watched the rival chef prepare the chowder. They try again to make it, and it’s close, but the consistency is off, it’s too watery. They try to figure out what they’re doing wrong, and the son realizes that he was distracted for a minute while the chef did something.

“He must have added a secret ingredient, one not on the list, while you looked away!” concludes the owner. He sends his son back for a third day, this time telling him not to take his eyes off the chef for a second.

The son comes back the next day excited.

“You’ll never believe what I saw!” he says. “He did have a secret ingredient, it’s a piece of paper!”

“A piece of paper?”

“Yeah, he keeps a stack of printed paper in the kitchen. It’s a bunch of Wikipedia articles he’s printed out, of various movies. When he makes the chowder, he tears out the synopsis of a movie from one of the articles and puts it in. It’s the strangest thing, but that’s the secret ingredient.”

“Ah,” says the owner, “the plot thickens.”

[meltingiguess]

goddammit jeff

[meltingiguess]

Plants

I really wanna be one of those cool wild plants that’s like YEAH THROW ME AT ANYTHING I’LL DESTROY YOUR KNEECAPS but no i am a houseplant. i hate life i am sad i shall die now.

[meltingiguess]

Anime

watch anime they said. it’ll be fun they said. well you should’ve warned me that watching your lie in april would cause me to spiral into despair you sick human

[meltingiguess]

Pet ?

Quick question so if you mush a dog and a cat together and create a dogcat would it be the most indecisive creature ever? as in it is halfway omg i love my owner and halfway i despise you humans. you scum of the earth

[dankmemeuniversity]

[meltingiguess]

*sets up camp at the entrance of the bridge for the rest of my life*

[meltingiguess]

Loki.

Am i the only one who doesn’t believe in Loki x Sylvie bc if i found an opposite-gendered me I’d 100% throw them through a window

[meltingiguess]

Shitpost

Young life is so unfair i have no time left in my life for fun everything is work work work *cries* *watches anime for the 6th consecutive hour*