we're the product of love that we do not receive.

indie show-based ilya rozanov rp blog written by cami. 18+ only. read pinned post/guidelines

[menaceonice]

pinned post! (updated 3.3.26) hello! my name is cami. she/her. i'm 28 and have roughly 14 years of RP experience, all in very different fandoms. this is my indie rp blog for heated rivalry's ilya rozanov. est. jan 2026. 18+ only, minors DNI. read my fanfiction "all that i have" here! interest tracker / opens / memes / ilya's playlist

this blog will be solely show-based until i read the books. ilya is a brand new muse to me as of january 2026, so it could be a bit rocky at first while i feel him out.

my writing is typically pretty angst-heavy, but there will be nsfw content on this blog. i would prefer for that not to be the main focus of the blog. also open to a little bit of fluff, slice of life, etc.

common triggers on this blog may include blood/injury/violence, homophobia (from NPCs, i do not condone this obviously!), alcohol/smoking, mentions of mental health issues, parent death/grief. nsfw will be tagged as "usft" and triggers are tagged as "trigger tw"

as stated above, this blog is strictly 18+ only. i also will not write with muses below the age of 18. i will only be writing ilya as young as 18, ranging up until about 30.

non-exclusive, and absolutely fine with roleplaying of multiples!

i would prefer to keep my interactions limited to heated rivalry characters (canon or OC) or potentially other fandoms that may mesh well. i tend not to write with sci-fi based or non-human characters, it's just never been my thing.

PLEASE do not reblog my threads i have going with others. i'm typically extremely chill, but i will block you for this without warning. i would also highly prefer for you not to 'like' threads that you are not a part of, especially if you aren't a mutual of mine.

even after 14 years i still kind of suck at plotting - i'm more of a go with the flow writer. but definitely open to it! most of my threads start by sending memes or open starters, occasionally closed starters when i get inspired or have a regular partner.

remember that roleplay is just for fun! i do not take myself too seriously. i use small text +/- static icons. my responses tend to be a few paragraphs, rarely more or less.

if you'd like to write but don't have a tumblr rp blog, please don't hesitate to message me and ask for my discord! i'm also willing to try writing shane and kip.

still under construction as of january 4 but hope to be here often!

[caphollander]

Probably too much. He didn't say it aloud, not yet, eyes looking onto Ilya's stumbling form speculatively. He does enter the room, spots the bottle - he'd never seen Ilya drink whiskey - so now he's not just curious, but a bit concerned. "No thanks." Not that he relishes in the idea of Ilya drinking alone but he hardly plans on getting drunk with him. "Are you sure you want me interrupting?"

[menaceonice]

❝ mm? interrupting— interrupt what? i invited you over, didn't i? ❞ ilya slurs a bit on his words. he's only just now starting to realize maybe this was a bad idea. shane was the worried type, and ilya was already drunk enough that another glass could be detrimental.

❝ you are sure you don't want drink? i don't have the ginger soda, but i do have ginger vodka, goes great in moscow mule! ❞ he stumbles toward the kitchen, where he's got almost his entire whiskey and vodka collection displayed out on the counter. ❝ come on. let me make you something. ❞

[rinkholy]

Shane's dreams are horrific and uncomfortable. It's not unusual for him to have nightmares, but this is something else entirely. He dreams of being scrutinized, stripped bare and on display for everyone to see. He dreams of doctors and nurses poking and prodding at him, making comments about his body, about how he's almost so so perfect, but there are things that aren't quite right. He dreams about Ilya looking at him and finding him disgusting, sneering that he couldn't stay with someone as pathetic as him. Shane doesn't know why it takes him so long to wake up, but when he finally does, he's gasping and sobbing, the spike of his heart rate enough to alert his nurse to come check on him.

Once settled, he glances over and sees Ilya still beside him. It makes his heart squeeze, both in adoration and despair. They wouldn't be here if Shane could just fucking get it together. He sniffles a little, frowns. Eli probably went and checked on Anya for them, so she would be fine, but he also thinks about how worried his parents must be, and another wave of guilt washes over him.

Sighing, he stares up at the ceiling. It has to be the middle of the night because there's no sunlight coming through the window at all. The only other sounds are the sound of his heart monitor and the background noise of the hospital. Shane glances over at Ilya again, lightly brushes his thumb over his knuckles. "Fucking hell," he mutters, wide awake now, not wanting to descend back into the terror of his dreams.

[menaceonice]

ilya squeezes his hand, using the sleeve over his shoulder to wipe the tears that spring to his eyes the moment shane starts crying. they've been together so long, yet he's never seen shane so fragile before. he hates that shane is going through this. he hates that he has been probably his whole life, but now it was manifesting to a point that was dangerous.

he's looked into it a little bit recently: orthorexia. shane claims he's brought it up in therapy, but it has only been getting worse. it makes ilya feel awful about himself, too. the way he eats. but he was so active that he burned right through everything. sure, he felt tired if he didn't get all the right food groups in, but he felt okay about his diet. shane seemed to eat so healthy. he prided himself on his diet, on his exercise regimen.

but something was wrong. now he was purposefully skipping meals entirely. it was turning into a new type of monster. not just an obsession with being healthy. an obsession with... control, maybe? ilya didn't know. and shane wouldn't talk about it.

❝ hey. it's okay. ❞ ilya whispers. god, he wishes he could crawl into the hospital bed with him and just hold him. he doesn't know if that's something shane would even want right now. ❝ baby— can you just... look at me? ❞ ilya pleads, needing the tiniest bit of reassurance that shane didn't completely hate him.

[shollander24]

For all that he'd like to have protested further, Shane didn't have the energy for it. Instead, he let Ilya pull the covers back and guide him into bed. He shifted over, slowly but surely, until there was enough room for Ilya too—if he was going to insist on staying, even at risk of getting sick, Shane assumed that he would be joining him.

"Macrobiotic." He corrected, though he tried not to press it too much, Ilya was being sweet to him. Even if he wouldn't usually eat the crackers, it was a thoughtful gesture. "Antibiotics are when—" Shane's voice faded. He swallowed once, then again, his eyes fixed somewhere over Ilya's shoulder. "Sorry." He pinched the bridge of his nose, waiting for the nausea to ease before attempting to speak again.

[menaceonice]

ilya recognizes the look instantly. guys got sick at practice or after conditioning too hard quite often. his eyes dart around the room for a trash can. once he finds it, he brings it over. he sets it on the floor next to him, sitting on the end of the bed. probably not a bad idea to have one nearby, just in case. ❝ is fine, you're fine, you're sick. it's why i'm here. ❞ ilya reminds him. ❝ maybe wait a second on the drink. i can get you like... cold rag? always helps me. ❞

[ohisms]

✱ ˚｡⋆ ↪ 𝕯IAL TONE ... ( a collection of texting prompts, based on drunk texts. adjust phrasing as necessary, mature themes present. )

-> THE DRUNK ONE.

[ TXT ] : where r uuuu

[ TXT ] : come get me plz plz plz

[ TXT ] : i dont know where i am

[ TXT ] : the ceiling is so pretty tonigjt

[ TXT ] : wait unblocked i need 2 say smth

[ TXT ] : tell me something u never told anyone

[ TXT ] : is it bad i threw up in a bush

[ TXT ] : keep me company.. cant sleep

[ TXT ] : wish u were here ;;;))))

[ TXT ] : answer me coward

[ TXT ] : u left without saying bye. that was rude

[ TXT ] : tell me im okay

[ TXT ] : i'm gonna throw up brb

[ TXT ] : alcohol is a scam but a good scam

[ TXT ] : everything is loud and soft at the same time

[ TXT ] : do fish know theyre wet

[ TXT ] : u probably hate me lol

[ TXT ] : can u bring me mcdonalds

[ TXT ] : u ever think about how weird existing is

[ TXT ] : uber so expensuve rn :(

[ TXT ] : come save me hero

[ TXT ] : everyone else is so boring

[ TXT ] : ur face. god. ur FACE

[ TXT ] : ur too good for me anyway

[ TXT ] : oh ur answering now yay!!!

[ TXT ] : my hand is so far away rn

[ TXT ] : ur name is so pretty

[ TXT ] : u dont even care do u

[ TXT ] : ok i'm gonnna pass out now

[ TXT ] : someone bought me a drink

[ TXT ] : i love u so muchhhhh (u dont have to say it back)

[ TXT ] : keys inside. stuck outside. help

[ TXT ] : i miss u can u come over

[ TXT ] : what if we ARE the aliens

[ TXT ] : come over. wear the shirt

[ TXT ] : bed too big. need fill it

[ TXT ] : why didnt it work between us

[ TXT ] : u get me. like actually get me.

[ TXT ] : listening to our song n cryin a lil bit

[ TXT ] : just wanted to say ur amazign ok

[ TXT ] : i hate ur fuckign face soooo much

[ TXT ] : sorry if im annoying u

[ TXT ] : ok i forgot what i was sayign

[ TXT ] : i think i ruined everythign

[ TXT ] : thinking abt u. thinking abt ur hands

[ TXT ] : FUCK U

[ TXT ] : that's it. that's the text.

-> THE SOBER ONE.

[ TXT ] : lol where are you

[ TXT ] : you're gonna regret this tomorrow.

[ TXT ] : send me your location

[ TXT ] : i'm not playing these games.

[ TXT ] : are you safe??

[ TXT ] : drink water. actual water.

[ TXT ] : let me call you.

[ TXT ] : i'm not playing guessing games

[ TXT ] : stay PUT.

[ TXT ] : send me a selfie so i know you're alive

[ TXT ] : you're adorable when you're like this

[ TXT ] : you're annoying when you're like this.

[ TXT ] : i'm not bringing you tacos at 2am

[ TXT ] : screenshotting this for when you deny it happened

[ TXT ] : you're spiraling. drink water.

[ TXT ] : DON'T text your ex!!

[ TXT ] : next time i'm taking your phone

[ TXT ] : look at who you're texting right now.

[ TXT ] : i'll still be here tomorrow, i'm not going anywhere.

[ TXT ] : get your mind out of the gutter

[ TXT ] : i'll tell you tomorrow

[ TXT ] : nevermind i don't wanna know

[ TXT ] : text me when you wake up

[ TXT ] : you're a mess. my mess tho

[ TXT ] : go home!!!

[ TXT ] : you're lucky i love you

[ TXT ] : you still have your wallet? check your pockets

[ TXT ] : too late isn't it

[ TXT ] : where did your other shoe go

[ TXT ] : are you writing a novel?

[ TXT ] : go to bed before you confess something

[ TXT ] : that's either sad or brave

[ TXT ] : you owe me breakfast and an explanation

[ TXT ] : you're NEVER living this down

[menaceonice]

completely useless, stupid headcanon that ilya can never remember the name of shane's diet. so he'll call it the "microbiotic" or "antibiotic" or "probiotic" diet 💀💀

[shollander24]

Shane leaned into the touch, surrendering more of his body weight against Ilya than he usually would have liked to. When Ilya pulled away, he let himself be ushered back towards the bedroom, pausing to make sure Ilya was following. "Thank you... those should help."

Shane didn't really have a preference at that point. He just knew that with how unwell he had been all day, he needed to try keep hydrated. He'd managed to keep some water down for the last hour at least. "You really didn't have to come, shouldn't you be out celebrating with your team?" He'd watched the game. Ilya had done as promised, Boston had completely destroyed Montreal.

[menaceonice]

❝ shh. ❞ ilya quiets him, pulling the covers back and helping ease him into the bed. he knew shane was probably going to feel bad, but— ❝ i want to be here. with you. i don't give a fuck about one game. we go out all the time. believe me, we win a lot. ❞ ilya brags with that familiar, smug smirk spread across his cheeks. ❝ i don't want you alone. ❞

he pulls out the pedialyte first. it was probably the most bland of the three, and he didn't know what he could handle right now. ❝ i also brought animal-shaped crackers. i know is probably not part of your weird antibiotic diet or whatever, but they're supposed to be boring. so if you keep this down, maybe you can have some of these? ❞

[rinkholy]

"Fuck--fuck yeah, I do. W-want you to cum inside, get me pregnant, holy shit-" Shane groans, his head falling back against the pillows, curling his fingers to find his prostate. Once he does, he lets out a strangled gasp and whimpers, hips bucking up harshly. He wishes it were Ilya so, so bad, but this'll do in a pinch. "Wanna feel you, baby. I want you to cum inside of me and then fuck it back into me." He swallows hard, his hand around his cock stuttering as he gets closer and closer to finishing. "I'm so close, Ilya, please-"

[menaceonice]

❝ oh, god— ❞ ilya frantically props his phone up against the sink, trying to get the perfect angle so shane can watch him finish. he strokes himself rapidly with one hand, the other one cupped underneath his sack as he finally lets go. ❝ fuck, shane! fuck, i'm coming— ❞ he presses his forehead against the wall and gasps as ropes of his seed start coating the mirror relentlessly. he grunts quietly with every throb, eyes finally glancing over at the phone to watch shane's reaction.

[menaceonice]

// doing replies in order from newest to oldest btw - if there is anything you are itching for (including memes you remember sending) just lmk!!

[menaceonice]

Help me name my next fanfic! It's going to be a painful one-shot about Ilya finding a box of his mother's things he didn't know existed.

these are the two i am between right now (might change after i finish)

pieces of her

treasures of hers

Remaining time: 6 days 2 hours

Disclaimer: I wouldn't expect to see this fic up for at least a month while I finish "all that i have" 🥲

[femmenerd]

the ottawa centaurs are a hockey team made up of wife guys, geeks, shy gays, alliesTM, proud dads, and an extroverted bisexual dog lover with clinical depression who is all of those things at once.

their team dog failed service-dog school; their coach is a younger mr. rogers, basically (quietly fierce social justice warrior, soft bisexual man happily married to a woman, wears cardigans tho i can’t prove it); their social media manager looks like jesse plemons and smells like apples & queer joy.

i can’t wait to see them on my teevee in s2!!!!!!

[menaceonice]

Started a super in-depth carrd a few months ago and never finished it. Should I try to finish it or not bother? lol

Finish the carrd, I want to know more about YOUR Ilya

A rules page is sufficient enough for me, just focus on replies and asks

Cami's button 🫡

Voting ended onJul 18

[wonderful-rp-resources]

70 horrible questions

Specify which muse for multimuse blogs.

Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

Who did you last say “I love you” to?

Do you regret anything?

Are you insecure?

What is your relationship status?

How do you want to die?

What did you last eat?

Played any sports?

Do you bite your nails?

When was your last physical fight?

Do you like someone?

Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Do you hate anyone at the moment?

Do you miss someone?

Have any pets?

How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Ever made out in the bathroom?

Are you scared of spiders?

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Where was the last place you snogged someone?

What are your plans for this weekend?

Do you want to have kids? How many?

Do you have piercings? How many?

What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Do you miss anyone from your past?

What are you craving right now?

Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Have you ever been cheated on?

Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

What’s irritating you right now?

Does somebody love you?

What is your favourite color?

Do you have trust issues?

Who/what was your last dream about?

Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Do you give out second chances too easily?

Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Is this year the best year of your life?

How old were you when you had your first kiss?

Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

Favourite food?

Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Is cheating ever okay?

Are you mean?

How many people have you fist-fought?

Do you believe in true love?

Favourite weather?

Do you like the snow?

Do you wanna get married?

Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

What makes you happy?

Would you change your name?

Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you. What do you do?

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex whom you can act your complete self around?

Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

Do you believe in soulmates?

Is there anyone you would die for?

[menaceonice]

// so much muse but have to go back to work now WAAAAA hopefully should get caught up on a lot this weekend!

[rinkholy]

Eli is quiet as Ilya speaks, pulling her legs up into the chair and resting her chin on her knees. She knows she hasn't been present lately, distracted and frazzled and always on the verge of not showing up or leaving. The truth of the matter is that she doesn't know how she's supposed to do this, how she's supposed to live a lie for the sake of her career. This is her absolute fucking dream. So why did she have to realize this about herself now? It couldn't have waited until she retired, maybe? Then again, Eli has always felt like something was wrong about her, something that she didn't have the words for until recently. Ever since she was a child, she didn't think she was meant to be a boy, and now that she knows she's not, it feels so fucking unbearable.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Ilya," she finally mutters, staring down at the table, unable to make herself look at him. Her eye contact is usually passable, but in uncomfortable situations, looking at anyone becomes painful. She absently spins the chair from side to side, trying to push down the panic that sits solidly in her chest. Eli swallows hard, lets out a long breath, her forehead resting on her knees.

"I have been struggling with some stuff, but there's nothing anyone can do about it." She sniffs, feeling tears spring into her eyes. God dammit. She told herself she wasn't going to cry, but it's so, so fucking hard. Eli squeezes her eyes shut, lets out a long breath, but the dam bursts anyways. Her shoulders shake as she starts to sob, fingernails digging into her legs. Fuck.

It's too much. It's so fucking much. "F-fuck, fuck, I'm sorry, I'm--" She lifts her head, hiding her face in the sleeves of her hoodie. "If I t-tell you what's wrong, you--promise you're not going to tell anyone. P-please, Rozy, please-"

[menaceonice]

❝ okay— shit. ❞ maybe ilya should have been expecting a reaction like this. he'd clearly been bottling it up for god knows how long, he was bound to break eventually, but he didn't expect it to be so sudden.

ilya hops off where he was sitting on the table, trying not to panic in return. he's seen shane at this level, maybe a few times, but it was after 8 or 9 years. he'd only known eli for 8 or 9 months. he doesn't want to say the wrong thing. doesn't want to touch him if that's going to make it worse.

❝ hey. ❞ he finds a box of tissues on the TV stand and slides them gently across the table, closing in a little bit of the distance but not crowding him. ❝ i'm not, okay? not unless you're in danger. ❞ he really hated using those words if he didn't have to. eli knew what he meant. ❝ —and you don't have to. if you don't want to. but, yes. it stays between us. is fine. ❞

[menaceonice]

continued from here with @shollander24

❝ i told you, i don't care. stomach of steel, yes? ❞ ilya reminds him with a soft smile, one hand moving up into his hair. he presses his lips gently against shane's temple. he's burning up, despite the shivering. he knew he must be feeling awful. he continues rubbing his back for a little while longer before taking a step back and grabbing the bag he left on the table. ❝ i got, um... i didn't know what you liked. so i have gatorlyte, pedialyte and some thing called drip drop. different flavors. small sips. ❞ he directs shane back toward the bedroom, grabbing a small wastebin along the way, just in case.

ilya really never had a little sibling or partner to look after, so this is all a little new to him. he's probably overdoing it, but he honestly just wants to spoil shane. it's a dynamic they haven't explored much: actually giving a shit about each other. maybe he just wants to feel important. needed.

[rinkholy]

Shane doesn't know what's turning him on more: the dirty talk or the fact that Ilya is doing this in public. He would never be caught dead doing something so risky, but fuck..fucking hell, it's so hot, the fact that Ilya would. He breathes shakily, sticking his fingers in his mouth to get them wet before reaching between his legs and sliding two of them inside. "Sh-shit--ah--inside. I always want you to cum inside," he chokes out as he fingers himself, trembling. "Feels so good when you do, Rozanov, like you're marking me as yours."

[menaceonice]

❝ yeah? you want me to fucking breed you? ❞ ilya has almost forgotten where he is at this point. all he can picture is being with shane. he clenches his hand tighter around his cock as he watches shane finger himself, imagining shane's walls tightening as he gets ready to cum for him. ❝ oh, fuck. i'm so fucking close. ❞ ilya whines, a faint wetness starting to leak around the tip of his length. ❝ i can't wait to cum in you again. ❞