garlic bread to go!

hey man! i'm freddie, i'm 22 'n i'm always down to share a slice with buds!

[tianween]

call me beep me

[mensaperro-blog]

tianween:

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: yo i was totally working all thru scream

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: IVE DEFINITELY SEEN FINDING NEMO DUDE

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: LIKE YKNO, THE SCENE WHERE THE SHARKS TRY TO EAT MARLIN AND DORY ANYWAY

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: UR THE CLUB DUDES AND BEA IS THE HUNGRY DUDES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[text to: found dead in miami 🐶🍕👅]: hey i just changed ur contact what do u think

[text to: found dead in miami 🐶🍕👅]:  [IMG_8028]

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: smh ur such a speciesist

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: (yeah thats a real word i googled that shit)

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: EVEN IF SHE WANTED TO EAT U SHE WLDNT DO IT MAN SHES MY SISTER

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: im not scrappy that joke is bunk dude

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: o shit manager caught me textin

[tianween]

call me beep me

[mensaperro-blog]

tianween:

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: yeah bc i have this fuckin essay to do. and then i have two more essays to do and three lab reports to clean up

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: astrophys is a liferuiner

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: BECAUSE SHES GONNA EAT ME FEDERICO 

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: HOW DO YOU NOT SEE THIS

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: we really skim over a lotta primal rules my dude BUT YOUR SISTER DOES NOT AND I STILL KINDA VALUE MY LIFE

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: ur so hateful 😭😭😭😭😭

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: shoulda chosen a normal ppl major then mdude

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: or like. not watched scream w me last nite

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: SHES NOT GNA EAT U!!!

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: U CAME TO MY HOUSE SHES COOL W U

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: HAVE U NEVER SEEN FINDING NEMO DUDE!! UR FRIEND NOT FOOD SMH

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: ur words r cuttin me deep benjamin

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: im a good boy dont do this

[tianween]

call me beep me

[mensaperro-blog]

tianween:

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: working hard or hardly working

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: ngl id be shocked if it was the first

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: not like im workin on this hell essay for class tomo tho lmaooooooo

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: yeah shes totally fine with YOU, HER BROTHER, NOT A SNACK

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: i think she drools when she looks at me /;m;\

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: whats wrong w the govt. besides all the things wrong w the govt

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: oh haha dude laugh it up all u want

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dont see u out here givin goblins their garlic knots n shit

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: man why wld she b droolin?? u kno she’s gay rite lmao??

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: ur not everyones slice of carrot cake bunny boy

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: NO MORE GOVT 

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: 🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅

[mensaperro-blog]

stood up

[text from: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dude im still in the labs rip

[text from: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dont start click without me tho

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: aw.... man now i look hella sad @ the glug

Looking up from his phone, Freddie gave the dude at the bar a sheepish grin. He’d been sat at the bar for, like, a super long time, and now he felt like a total asshole for all up an’ wastin’ this dude’s time. “My roomie just stood me up, man. Freakin’ sucks, right? Guess I’ll, uh, just get, like...” The werewolf’s face slackened thoughtfully, as he blinked up at the menu. Man, it was so much easier to just crack open a Bud at home. “Dude, could you do like a root beer float?” 

Oblivious to the barman’s displeasure, Freddie gave a pleased whuff and reached down to pull out his - uh oh. No wallet. Like, Benji was always the one who remembered money for shit, and now Freddie was alone with nothing. Looking over to the person sat at the bar next to him, he raised a big paw, “Hey, uh, d’you have, like, some money I could borrow? I’ll totally pay you back, I swear.”

[tianween]

call me beep me

[mensaperro-blog]

tianween:

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: bc they loooove me im their precious spoiled baby boy whos fled the warren into the unknown all alone and cold and sad

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: ofc they make me food every time i go home they know how i eat

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: also u didnt know my moms before freshman year i def helped when i was a kid like. every night. always.

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: SEE THATS JST ME GETTIN BONED DONT BE LIKE THAT />o<\

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: hey you gotta pass the time somehow right. why not think about the countrys highest officials bangin it out

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: man knowing how to vote and KNOWING THERES MORE THAN ONE PERSON IN THE GOVT ARE TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: thanks man i owe u one 😘😘

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: THE WARREN

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dude dont make me laugh im working smh

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: beas totally fine man idk what ur problem is w her.. shes chill

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: id rather think abt my sister than think abt the obamas gettin nasty stop it

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: NO MORE GOVT CHAT OK!! or no bagels for u and ur kiss emojis

[steamcleanmyspoons-deactivated2]

me

[plasticcflower]

We’re All In This Together

[mensaperro-blog]

@tianween

[weloveshortvideos]

the man I need to marry

[tianween]

call me beep me

[tianween]

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: dude i can cook

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: itd just be like 90% chinese food

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: also we dont have a kitchen man we live in the dorms

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: so ykno. dont get fired or we are HELLA boned

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: um yes federico i definitely think obama sends michelle eggplants

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: ALSO THE GOVT IS MORE THAN ONE PERSON MY MAN DO U THINK THE PRESIDENT IS AN FBI AGENT

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: anyway blease buy me bagels

[mensaperro-blog]

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dude if u can cook why do ur moms do all the work huh

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: 👀👀👀

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: if i get fired im getting bea to deliver food to us so ykno. watch out dude

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: i actually dont think i wanna think abt the obamas sex life while im @ work tbh like hard pass there

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: u think i kno abt the govt?? 😂😂 dude i dont even kno how to vote

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: ill get u ur bagels!!! calm ur bunny ass 

[mensaperro-blog]

(elijah) "I think you've mistaken me for someone else."

Aw, shit, again? Man, he wasn’t doin’ great with his orders today. This was, like, the third time he’d got it wrong - boss wasn’t gonna be happy if she found out. “Dude, you sure?” The werewolf held the pizza out with one hand, the other awkwardly scratching the back of his fuzzy head as he tried to smile beseechingly. “Like, I wouldn’t turn down free pizza if it showed up at my door, right? ‘s’gonna be cold by the time it gets to wherever it’s meant to be.” Like, he’d have to text one of his homies at Moonpies and get them to sort a replacement order but, like, if he could cash in on this free pizza, it’d all be good.

[ofcorvids]

Elijah toyed with the ends of his loose T-shirt and looked at the big fluffy guy’s forehead rather than meeting his eyes. He was a bit nervous about the situation, he always was with food orders. This time though, his desheveled looks from lazing about and Naruto Ninja Storm 4 playing on his screen in the back weren’t helping his whole ‘always look presentable’ mentality, either. “I mean, I didn’t exactly pay for it. Are you sure you should just be giving a whole order away?” He questioned. In all honesty, a free pizza sounded ideal. Microwavable craft mac and cheese was all he had in his pantry, and he hated the stuff quite a bit. Moreover, he was so tired. Ripping open the plastic covering and pouring some water even felt like too much work to him. Unfortunately however, he didn’t really want to spend money either, and he was sure any half-decent delivery man wouldn’t actually give it up totally free, right?

[mensaperro-blog]

Awh, shit, man. Now the dude was all up and, like, makin’ him think and shit. Man. Like, it just made sense to eat the pizza, right? By the time he got it all the way to wherever the hell it was meant to be, it’d totally be all cold and shit, and then the custo would give it back to him anyway, and then he’d be stuck with a whole damn pizza and nobody to share it with. Like, as long as he texted Ramiro back at the shop to make sure the right dude got the right pizza, he was totally off the hook to have the pizza - uh, the customer was totally off the hook. Right.

Having mulled all this over, eyes glazed and head slowly nodding, for a good minute or so, Freddie gave a slow grin. “Oh, dude, totally! Like, just, uh, think of it as, like, good luck, right? Or, like, a free gift... Yeah! Man, like, I’ve never turned down free food, dude.”

[mensaperro-blog]

Fuzzy. Shit was, like, mad fuzzy. His head, his mouth, his vision - all furry and tingly and out of focus. Awh, man, what was he smokin’ last night? Shit didn’t usually feel this bad. Freddie rolled off of his bed and onto the floor, landing on all fours with a whump and blinking rapidly, trying to bring his hands into focus. Except... they weren’t hands. Like, shit was all up and lookin’ like fuckin’ paws, man. Thick, dark hair covered his forearms and hands, the nails blackened and sharp, the fingers stubbier. Dude.

Padding into the bathroom, the werewolf fumbled for the light, jerking one hairy forearm up to cover too-sensitive eyes as the sudden brightness made his headache peak. He shook his head and peered blearily into the mirror, trying to work out why his fuckin’ sister was stood in front of him. Awh, shit. It wasn’t Bea - it was his own reflection, all fangs and fur and knots of muscle, his eyes flickering yellow under the fluorescent bathroom lighting. With one unsteady “hand”, Freddie tentatively grabbed at his fur-tipped ear and tugged, and heard a sudden whop behind him. Awh, man... He even had a freakin’ tail. Benji wasn’t gonna be happy.

[tianween]

call me beep me

[tianween]

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: i dont think bagels and cream cheese counts as a full set of groceries

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: p sure some ppl dont even consider that a full meal

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: this isnt a war its espionage. duh. but if u touch the capn crunch ur goin Down 👊👊👊👊

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: still. dont get caught again 

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: also they made a dancing dude its jst not out on phones yet

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: unicode 9.0 my man its comin for us all

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: hey do u think the govt monitors emoji usage to find out how we think

[mensaperro-blog]

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dude its totally full groceries when ur best bud/roomie works fr a pizza joint n gets u free food like always

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: like ud be a skeleton if u lived alone man accept it

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: face the #facts

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: if i get fired were both boned and bea will be like hella mad stop makin me do bad shit at work dude this is on u and ur capn crunch

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: idk if the govt knos what emojis are like do u think barack obama sends michelle eggplants bc i dont think he does tbh

[mensaperro-blog]

"The sun is awfully bright today."

Man, he should’ve stayed in bed. Like, totally didn’t need to be out before midday after the fuckin’ night he’d had - Freddie hadn’t even woken up indoors, having extricated himself from a hedge as the sun began to rise. All he wanted was to crash in his bed, but Benji had texted askin’ him for all kinds’a shit, and he felt bad for not comin’ home so... like, had to drag his sorry ass to get the roomie some carrots or whatever. Slouched outside the Brome with one hand shielding his sensitive eyes from the watery sun, he could barely lift his head to say drowsily, “You’re tellin’ me, dude...”

[mensaperro-blog]

(elijah) "I think you've mistaken me for someone else."

Aw, shit, again? Man, he wasn’t doin’ great with his orders today. This was, like, the third time he’d got it wrong - boss wasn’t gonna be happy if she found out. “Dude, you sure?” The werewolf held the pizza out with one hand, the other awkwardly scratching the back of his fuzzy head as he tried to smile beseechingly. “Like, I wouldn’t turn down free pizza if it showed up at my door, right? ‘s’gonna be cold by the time it gets to wherever it’s meant to be.” Like, he’d have to text one of his homies at Moonpies and get them to sort a replacement order but, like, if he could cash in on this free pizza, it’d all be good.

[mensaperro-blog]

Place one of these in my ask if we've never interacted before

"Do you know where the closest diner is?"

"You look familiar. Have we met before?"

"I'm sorry! I really should watch where I'm walking..."

"Are you hurt?"

"You have a lovely smile."

"Were you talking to me?"

"The sun is awfully bright today."

"... I think I know your sister/brother/mother/etc."

"I think you've mistaken me for someone else."

"Don't be an idiot!"

"What's your name?"

"I'm [...]. It's great to meet ya!"

"No, go ahead. I'm not in any rush."

"Where're you from?"

"This is just how I am."

"Get out of the way!"

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

[tianween]

call me beep me

[tianween]

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: buy cream cheese too im the one who ate that but

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: its your rolls on the line mdude

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: this ransom is important 💰💰💰

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: i think im gonna sue unicode for not making good food emojis. you in?

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: also wheres ur manager dont get ur ass kicked for texting under the counter again

[mensaperro-blog]

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dude ur like askin me fr a full set of groceries now what gives

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: im gna eat all ur capn crunch next time u go out ur makin this a food war that i dont wanna be in

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: like im a pacifist dude uve like forced my hand or paw or whatever

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: boss is like idk out back or whatever

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: fuckin randy keeps fuckin up orders again so im off the hook fr bein shitty 💃💃

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: man forget food emojis wheres the dancin dude emoji this is sexism

[tianween]

call me beep me

[tianween]

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: man i feel that 

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: tucks you in 😴

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: dont let it get cold the onions get all mushy and weird yknow. gross

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: you better get the good kind tho. no store brand bullshit right dude. dont buy me shitty bagels or im gonna eat all ur pizza rolls

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: dont make me eat the pizza rolls scoobert 🔫🐰

[mensaperro-blog]

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: catches those zzs real hardcore 😴😴

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: ppl keep tryin to order shit n im just like snnnzzzt lol #fuckeduplike20ordersagain

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: DUDE ILL GET U THE NEW YORK ONES ITS FINE JST LEAVE THE PIZZA ROLLS OUT OF THIS

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: 🐶🍩 👌👌

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: ik thts a donut not a bagel bt im doin my best bro

[tianween]

call me beep me

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: duuuuude

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: freddieeeeeeeeeeeee

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: my mannnnnnnnnnnn

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: im fuckin starving when are you off work /;m;\

[text to: FEDDIE WAP🐶🍕]: also whyd you eat all the bagels i wanted those

[mensaperro-blog]

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: bruh i’m so fuckin tired man

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: real fuckin snooze hours ∪-_-∪

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: i got ur veggie supreme under the counter tho its like waitin for me to finish and shit

[text to: 🐰😂👌💯💯🔥]: dude i was just so hungry man like all up and munchies....... sorry tho i’ll totes buy some more omw 🙏🙏