To Be (forgiving and kind) Or Not To Be
Today, my girlfriend started an argumentative conversation over a facebook post of mine. It is being educative for both of us, and surely our argument is unsettled because no one is right or wrong here.
Original post: “Yesterday, an old friend of mine texted me saying she is getting married. When I asked with whom, she replied with a guy. I could clearly sense a pinch of sarcasm in her way. After all she is one of the people who bullied me all through my school/college life because of my 'boyish' attitude. And, they never really had any proof of my sexuality, as I have always been much cautious enough. But, they can always guess! However, interestingly, yesterday, I didn't really care much. And, continued the conversation with a very kind tone.
Once I promised myself, I will try to be kind even with the people who hurt me, just to prove that I am better than them. Though, it's not always possible. Moreover, it might be a sign of weakness. Well when things get out of control, I just start avoiding those people or otherwise, my words can get sharp like a sword.”
Her: “Why being kind with whom hurt you? You don't have to prove anything...just to what you feel to do...”
Her: “Who is that girl who hurt my ****(some sweet words)?”
Me: “Just another shitty friend of mine :)”
Her: “And you call her friend?”
Me: “Hahah. Childhood 'friend'”
Her: “I still don’t understand why you keep contacts with people who hurt you”
Me: “I have a scale. I measure up to how much I will tolerate lol. My tolerance is another weapon against people like them.”
Her: “You are too tolerant then =__=”
Me: “N(y)ah. My society is too intolerant. … Which means: (let’s say) There is a village where everyone is corrupted. So if you start isolating the corrupted then the whole village will become empty. lol”
Her: “Mhh but it can’t be that everyone is corrupted. At least one will remain”
Me: “I believe if I can tolerate up to certain point I will, I will only to bring the good in that person. If we can kill the badness in people with kindness, I will try. But, if their rude behavior exceeds my standard then, I will be necessarily harsh with them.”
I have a (personal) philosophy based on kindness, and tolerance which is basically encouraged by my beliefs on Islam. I tend to believe that, a child isn’t born evil or bad (even Psychopaths aren’t inherently evil). We learn from our environment, and from our experiences. If a child is born in a chaotic environment, and there is a high chance that child would learn the sense of violence from its surrounding. Same goes to sexism or homophobic behavior or intolerance against something different. My ‘friends’ or acquaintances who have bullied or teased me, they are nothing but a product of their society. So, if my kind behavior can bring out the good in them, or bring out the tolerance towards something different, then why wouldn’t I try it? (It’s part of Islam by the way. We need to be kind, and tolerant towards others) I try to keep giving people resources or research materials so that they can educate themselves on gender, and sexuality. But, sometimes, I give up. I give up on people when I see their minds are way too corrupted with the societal customs, and traditions. And, they are in no way going to accept the change.
It really doesn’t mean, I keep tolerating everything. I can also be a harsh person if necessary. And, I have left company of many people in my lifetime. I never went back to them ever again, specially, I have an uncontrollable intolerance towards betrayal. I get really uncomfortable around people who bitch about others. And, my mind explodes if I hear people talking behind my back. When someone is entrusted with some information (in Islam it’s called Amanat), they should keep it. It’s a heinous act to disclose people’s personal information (in order to use it against that person with wrong intention) to others, and, it’s more disgusting, and arrogant when people make up fake information and propagate it.
In short, when someone’s negative act crosses my scale of tolerance, then, I would take proper action or steps. That action depends on the situation. We all should know our rights, and stand for it. Tolerance doesn’t mean tolerating anything or everything.
PS. I have way too many lacking. Sometimes I raise my voice during arguments, I frown, and I have thousand more lacking in me. But, I try to stick with my philosophy.
