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This one is the post that got by far the most notes out of anything I've posted and I'm reasonably sure every single type of discourse is happening in the notes. I'm too scared to check. So I'm gonna tell everyone a story. A few years back I decided I was fucking sick of all the gaslighting by everyone around me and so I set myself a challenge for two months to prove to everyone I WASN'T "just a glutton" or "delusional" or anything. My challenge?
Eat 2200 calories. No more. Not one calorie more.
For 2 entire months I stuck to the challenge I set myself. I downloaded MyFitnessPal just for this challenge. I measured every single gram of food I was putting into my body. The salads, the meats, the grains, the fucking sauces, every ounce of drink and everything under the sun. For 2 whole fucking months that calorie tracker was practically my holy book. I never went under 2200. Some days I went below 2000.
The results? My body literally began to shut down. I felt lethargic. I had headaches. I could barely pick up a box. I felt dizzy almost constantly. By the second month I was frequently collapsing and got delirious if I had to do anything that wasn't staying in bed. So many times during this self-inflicted challenge my physical state got so bad that I was TERRIFIED of collapsing and someone calling the paramedics on me. Because I knew that if I got sent to the hospital THEY WOULD FUCKING KILL ME. They wouldn't understand my situation, would think I'm just some fat fuck experiencing the consequences of being a fat fuck, and I have no doubt that the controlled amount of food they would give me in the hospital would finish me off, because Of CoUrSe the fat fuck doesn't need more food! They're just a FaT fUcK.
Guess what didn't happen? Weight loss. The entire 2 months I was doing this challenge my body fat didn't budge one bit.
Aside from the initial "Holy fuck it's FOOD" period of my body wigging the fuck out when I finally stopped restricting and allowed myself to eat when I was hungry? My body went back to normal. I felt energetic and happy and HEALTHY when I was eating the amount that my body needed. I felt like I could do fucking anything.
And that's how I know that I'm simply not imagining it. I DO need more calories than what's considered "normal" in order for my body to function normally and be healthy.
I don't need your criticism. I don't need your gaslighting.
Your mockery of me needing more food than what's "normal?" Guess what? It's ableist!
There are plenty of thin people that PUBLICLY eat large quantities of food. Think the super skinny mukbangers that upload with such frequency that according to the InFaLlIBlE lOgIc of diet culture, there's no way they could be essentially starving enough to maintain the figure they do. And yet they do. And such mukbangers are often showered with praise, they're told they look pretty, their videos are relaxing and help people and yada yada. All the mukbangers who are visibly fat? No difference, except they're met with hatred and vitriol and legions upon legions of trolls.
And the sad truth? Despite all of fat activism's attempts to make fatness more normalized, we STILL haven't made it safe for fat people to just eat things. We really haven't. I'm even willing to argue that everyone's made it WORSE for fat people to eat. The only references that are ever made to what fat people eat are the sort of "I eat very little and I'm still fat!" "I eat less than my thin friends and I'm still fat!"
And that's the fucking problem. Because when you're so desperate to push the narrative of "fat people eat very little actually", ultimately you're still playing into fatphobia. The kind of subtle fatphobia that says you can only be fat if you're eating very little. You can only be fat if you don't let yourself eat "too much".
The message is still "You're only allowed to be fat if you're a "good fatty"".
And not only is it perpetuating fatphobia, it's perpetuating misogyny! That fatphobia primarily affects feminine-leaning people and this whole "fat people who eat very little" narrative shames every fat people who can't follow this standard, and it itself seems to disregard the misogyny inherent in saying it's wrong to "overindulge" or eat "too much" or anything feminine-leaning people aren't "supposed" to do.
So to everyone who wants to make a mockery out of me being unashamed to admit that I need to eat more than the average person just to avoid a horrible death? Go fuck yourself before I fuck YOU up with a metal bat, you abusive gaslighting piece of shit.
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