so. i’ve got a new blog that i’m moving over to. if you want to follow me there, i’d be happy to continue any threads we may have going, start new ones, or we can part ways here if you would like. it’s been a weird time for all of us for a lot of reasons, and my extended period away was rough... i realized that i put my trust in someone who ended up damaging me rather than helping me as he had promised, and it just. it fucking sucks, yo. and while i know i’m not responsible for what other people do, i still don’t feel quite right about how things happened. so i wanted a new space, and i’m ready to go.
so yeah! if you get a follow from a random tumblr, that’s probably me.
while mercy was used to standing out in a crowd, she hadn’t anticipated how out of place she was going to feel in the middle of hope county. she liked setting herself apart from others, and wrapped herself up in designer labels to offset the memory of growing up with next to nothing, and tried to present herself in a particular way. she held herself to a different set of standards and did her best to exude power and confidence. it was necessary in order to be taken seriously, and when you were running your own crime syndicate, you wanted to be taken seriously.
here, though? here she admittedly felt a bit like a fucking clown compared to the other residents she’d come across. (which hadn’t been very many, when she thought about it.)
this place was nothing like new york, and she felt very removed from her comfort zone. the realization that she had grown accustomed to a certain amount of chaos and noise hadn’t gone unnoticed to the woman, but she’d contend with the greater implications and impact that might have on her mentality or overall outlook on life later; for now, she had things to do.
there weren’t many things that could pull her from her work or out of her home state altogether, but she’d heard rumors of movement out in this hole-in-the-wall place she couldn’t just dismiss it, though initially, she had really wanted to. but persistent rumors, along with the constant whispers of something called ‘bliss’ had her paying more attention to everything she heard, loathe as she was to admit it. mercy didn’t enjoy the idea that someplace so remote could be worth her time after all, and she sure as hell hadn’t wanted to make the journey out this way, but she begrudgingly relented as soon as she figured there was money to be made if any of what she’d heard happened to be true. if she kept hearing the rumors then there had to be something to all of this, right?
she only wished she’d known more about the actual state of things and the goings-on before she’d made the journey to hope county. mercy hadn’t known there was so much happening, or that nearly every place she’d visited was a literal fucking war zone. no wonder she hadn’t seen many people out traveling the roads or even occupying the towns. before she could even wonder why nearly every building she passed had its windows boarded up she found herself speeding past the tiny town she’d rolled through. she saw a handful of people running down the road to her left, which was strange in and of itself, but it wasn’t until she heard the familiar sound of gunfire that she realized why they were running in the first place.
well. no wonder she hadn’t seen people walking around.
the woman was no stranger to death or destruction given her background, but she sure as hell wasn’t about to hang around and deal with any of that. maybe it made her seem more than a little cold and perhaps a bit heartless, but she didn’t have any time or patience to deal with someone else’s problems. she just wanted to find out who she needed to talk to so she could figure out just where she could find this ‘bliss’ shit was and how to move it back home. this was a business trip, goddammit. she wasn’t about to get involved in anything more than that.
so after finally managing to find someplace to stop and talk to someone and learn about somewhere nearby, that was riddled with the stuff, mercy went off to make the journey to find it. she could tell that the woman she’d spoken with had wanted to say more, but she tuned all of it out as she’d left. no need to hear anything else, even if part of her did want to know just what the fuck was wrong with this place. dodging bullets was almost an everyday occurrence back home, and while she could have expected hillbillies with guns out in the middle of nowhere, she certainly hadn’t thought things would be quite like this. but again, she was here on business. mercy had to remember that. their problems were not her problems, and she wanted to keep it that way.
the drive out of town had been a bumpy one, to say the least. mercy prided herself on being an excellent driver, but she wasn’t used to driving on uneven dirt roads and dodging wildlife or the occasional stump. considering how fucking weird and inconvenient this entire experience had been so far, mercy found herself growing angrier and angrier as she drove towards her destination, gripping her steering wheel white-knuckle tight as her blood pressure rose each time she heard a bit of debris noisily hit the sides of her car. she wasn’t even sure if she was going the right way, and she hoped she was remembering the directions the woman had given her moments ago, otherwise, she was going to fucking lose her mind. all of this seemed like such a bad idea now, and she cursed under her breath the deeper she went into unknown territory. considering how the woman always had a plan for everything, she sure as hell didn’t have one now, and there was nothing she hated more than not being in complete control.
before she could allow her anger to morph into actual panic, however, mercy found what she was looking for further up on the hill to her right. she’d have to get out of the car and walk to it by the looks of things, but the structure matched the description of what the lady back in town had told her. a frown was etched into her features as mercy turned the engine off and she got out of the car, her irritation growing as she made the trek up over uneven ground in her sky-high heels. god, she hoped this shit was worth it after all the effort she’d poured into this endeavor, otherwise, she was really going to be pissed.
the closer she got, though, the stranger she realized this particular structure looked. it almost seemed like… maybe some kind of makeshift religious shrine given the way there was a cross attached to it. but there was also something else that felt off. her heart felt like it was going to jackhammer out of her chest and it almost felt as if time were slowing down, and her head felt like it was swimming. each step she took felt almost as if she were floating, gliding, and being carried along with the gentle breeze that blew across the surrounding fields of tall grass and wildflowers. maybe she was just imagining it. after all, again, this whole trip had taken the weirdest fucking turns each time she tried to find this place. but now that she was finally up the hill and closer still, she saw that there were others nearby, both of them seemingly occupied with what looked like some kind of devoted prayer.
and she thought things couldn’t have gotten any fucking stranger.
well. what-the-fuck-ever. maybe they could at least tell her more about the stuff she was looking for and its effects.
“uh, yo. how ya doin’?”
her new york accent was especially thick to her own ears now after having listened to the way most of the locals spoke, at least the ones that had been around long enough to provide her with conversation anyway. it definitely marked her as an outsider, and she could understand how that would make it harder for anyone to trust her. with that being said, however, the way the two strangers had almost immediately turned to regard her with such hard looks and with some kind of crazed madness burning behind their eyes, mercy wasn’t sure she quite understood why they were regarding her with such a level of malice.
one of them, a man, looked quite unkempt. his long hair looked as if he’d never known what a comb was, and his beard was home to a few blades of grass and other debris that mercy couldn’t discern, but she wasn’t entirely certain she wanted to anyway. the other was a woman, and she looked absolutely faded, as if she had no real idea what was actually going on. her clothing looked ripped and dirty like she hadn’t had them washed in quite a long time, and a mask was covering her nose and mouth so all mercy could see were her eyes. and those eyes… they were so off-putting, so unsettling. it was as if she were looking straight through the smaller red-haired woman, her milky-white irises boring holes right through her to see into her very soul, yet they felt as if they were completely unseeing at the same time. quite frankly, it was more than a little fucking spooky.
before she could open her mouth to speak again and ask her questions quickly so she could get the fuck out of here and back to town, the man charged at her, declaring that this was not a place for outsiders, for those who weren’t dedicated to ‘the father.’ at least, that’s what it sounded like. she couldn’t be sure. mercy was too busy squaring up and falling into a southpaw stance to hit him with a well-timed jab after dodging his clumsy strikes, then hitting him with a left cross, aiming upward to hit him squarely in the throat and knock him flat on his back. but she couldn’t relax yet, because the maniac with the creepy stare and bald head was suddenly upon her, wielding a goddamned shovel of all things, and she had it poised to strike.
it felt as if this other woman moved with some kind of god-like speed with how fast she’d made her way over to mercy, and it had clearly caught her off guard; already she was feeling a little strange now that she was in the vicinity of this shrine-like place, and her movements felt more than a little sluggish. and because of this monster’s speed and the fact that she had a weapon with such great reach, it was inevitable that the red-haired new yorker would take a crack to the face. pain exploded throughout her head from the impact and she hit her knees with a loud scream, but she wasn’t given any time to recover, or even lift a hand to try and nurse her injury (as if such a thing would actually help after taking the metal blade of a shovel to the face as she had). the crazed woman was lifting her weapon again to strike, this time hitting her squarely in the abdomen, and with an ugly noise, mercy fell to the ground in an unceremonious heap.
now she knew what it was that the lady back in town was trying to warn her about before she’d left. apparently, this place was fucking dangerous as hell, and she should have listened so she could have at least been prepared. like a fucking moron she’d left her pistol in her car, and with the way this bitch with the shovel was coming at her, there wasn’t any way in hell mercy was going to be able to run and grab it. all she could do was uselessly lift her arms and draw into herself to brace for another impact as the crazed bald woman lifted the shovel again, ready to bring it down upon the tiny redhead beneath her.
god-fucking-dammit. she knew she shouldn’t have made this trip alone.
mercy didn’t imagine this was the way she was going to be taken out, but hey. weirder things had happened, right?
mercy considered herself to be a reasonable woman. she prided herself on being fair with her crew or with clients, legitimate or otherwise. she didn’t overcharge anyone and made certain that when the time came for payment, everyone was awarded their cut, and both parties were happy. if she needed to, she would dip into her own funds to cover costs, and spent a lot of her time helping on restorations in between her busy schedule of catering to the scumbags of the underworld and securing her territory, or making certain money was moving in the right places to be layered back into circulation. she took care of the people she worked with, and she made sure her crew were happy with the turnout. they were good at what they did, whether it happened to be with fixing cars or with more… nefarious deeds. some of them had been with her since she was young, some joined later after she’d managed to gain some ground, and others were fresh-faced newbies looking to make an impression and stick around in the business in order to make a small fortune. whatever their reasons, mercy had pulled them all in and managed to formulate some semblance of a family, and she didn’t take it lightly if anyone crossed one of her men.
it was why this particular incident had happened as it did.
mercy was used to, in some way, not being taken seriously. whether it was her age, her stature, or the fact that she was a woman, she’d discovered there would be a multitude of reasons for it, and that she had to establish an image and cultivate a reputation if she wanted people to consider her a threat, or at least someone worthy of a certain modicum of respect. she had fought her way through and proved her worth many times over to get where she was, and yet still… fucking still… there were those who would continue to doubt her skill despite how many times she’d demonstrated that she could manage to handle her own. it was pathetic, and she hated it, but she was also under no illusions that she was almost always going to have some kind of disadvantage. it was why she hand-picked the men that worked with her. she needed to know she had their support, that she could depend on them, and they, in turn, trusted that she would keep their best interests at heart. so when a client refused to pay for work that her crew had done for him, mercy was finding that, while she was a very reasonable woman, she simply couldn’t abide letting someone disparage her people without real consequences. it just wouldn’t feel right to allow this pompous, irate, overprivileged man in the middle of a mid-life crisis berate her men and walk out of the shop. she’d been as patient as she could be in that situation, had tried to talk him down, tried to salvage everything as best she could… but after being screamed at about something so asinine as the drivel coming out of this guy’s mouth, mercy finally had enough.
it had been swift, the way her crew rounded on the man and pulled him into the paint room connected to the garage. it was a prime location for things like this, given just how easy clean up could be when the room was usually primed for paint jobs already. it was all just a matter of ripping the plastic off the walls when they were through. this was something she tried to make a point of driving home before laying out this man’s options: either he would pay for the work as agreed and leave or he would not leave at all. mercy didn’t have any intentions of actually killing the guy. he was wealthy, which usually meant that he was somebody who had attachments who probably knew where he was. if he ended up missing after coming to work with her, it’d raise too many questions. but she had no real qualms with sending a very clear message. she wasn’t anyone to be fucked with. while she took no real pleasure in hurting other people (most of the time), mercy would never shy away from doing what needed to be done.
after processing the transaction mercy told the man to take his car and go. he ran off to do just that, hustling to make short work of the back lot and out of the area as quickly as possible. but he just wasn’t moving quite fast enough.
“benny,” with an air of nonchalance, mercy spoke as she moved to grab a baseball bat concealed behind the lobby counter. “i’m gonna call an ambulance. i think a guy jus’ got hit by a car back there. maybe we should close up for the day, y’know? s’dangerous out there.”
one of her men wordlessly took the bat from her and ran after the man. two others quickly followed after him and shut the door behind him.
“alright. i’ll stay an’ help ya close up.”
mercy shook her head and waved a hand dismissively. she could easily handle closing the place on her own, and it meant that no one else would be lingering if any cops came by later. she was more than capable of dealing with all of that, and wasn’t about to risk any of her boys after the work they’d done today.
benny hesitated, but then shrugged and went about gathering his things to leave for the day. he didn’t like leaving her by herself, given all the times she’d nearly gotten herself kidnapped or killed, but mercy’s indomitable will kept him from voicing any of his concerns, at least right then. for now, benny would spread the word that it was time to leave, and soon, mercy was on her own. solitude was rare in her work, and when she was younger she had craved it, but now, in the odd times she had it, the woman found the silence unbearably overwhelming. if she didn’t have something to do and keep her occupied her mind would race, and she’d be reminded of times that had long since passed that she had tried so hard to forget. before her subconscious could drag all of that out of her, however, she remembered she still had things to do.
she moved to her office and dug around in her purse for her cell phone. upon excavating it, and after feeling satisfied she’d offered her men enough time to work and high-tail it out of the alley, mercy dialed emergency services to let them know some poor man was met with terrible luck.
“couldja hurry? it looked pretty bad.”
she played the part as best she could as she sashayed through the garage, shutting off lights and locking doors. after being reassured that help was on its way, mercy ended the call and put her phone on a nearby table with a sigh. she wondered if maybe she should have kept her emotions in check, that maybe she was being too harsh. he was just some miserable fuck looking to reclaim a past glory by restoring his car. he probably just didn’t want to pay; mercy had every faith in her men and their work so it couldn’t have been that. but was breaking a man’s bones like that justified? should she have let him continue to throw a fit and have just taken it?
no. fuck that. she wouldn’t let anyone say things like that in her building.
if there were repercussions, she’d handle that later. everything would be fine. she had to remind herself of that as she crossed to the garage entrance to hit the switch and bring the shutter down. before she could do that, though, she caught sight of a rather imposing man headed her way, with a bike in tow. her first instinct had told her to be wary, that perhaps this man was looking for the one earlier, and now that she was alone and vulnerable, it was the perfect moment to strike. but her mind pushed all of that aside, deciding that she was simply paranoid. she owned a garage. he had a vehicle that probably needed servicing by the way he was pushing it rather than riding it. this was completely normal.
or as normal as things could get in her world anyway.
she would have told him to come back later since she was shutting everything down, but… mercy didn’t have the heart to do it. she had watched him roll the bike up, after all. she wasn’t about to turn him away after seeing that. so she drew in a breath and straightened up, then sauntered out of the garage to meet the stranger.
“hey, my man, how ya doin’? somethin’ i can help ya with?”
the woman made certain to keep a small amount of distance between them, despite the fact that she was trying to be as friendly and open as she could. it didn’t mean she was going to completely let her guard down, though. that would have gone against her nature. but it also wasn’t like her to turn someone away if they needed her help. she’d remain cautious, but still with a bit of warmth and politeness.
because mercy was nothing but reasonable, of course.
from the 2016 film . gun / shooting references present .
“ i’m reading the news , thank you very much . ”
“ you’re such a good liar . ”
“ i haven’t found the right time to tell her . ”
“ are you a watcher or a player ? ”
“ this looks very sketchy . ”
“ is this legal ? ”
“ i could give you some space . ”
“ i don’t want space . ”
“ hand me the zoom lens . ”
“ i’m counting on you to get me to the final round . ”
“ don’t let me down and i won’t let you down , i promise . ”
“ this is so gross . ”
“ that’s so creepy . ”
“ you just got suspended . ”
“ i thought you were done playing nerve . ”
“ you need to learn to take a few risks every once in a while . ”
“ i do take risks . ”
“ you’re not nearly as hot as you think you are . ”
“ what do you mean , you signed up as a player ? ”
“ they can’t shut it down . there’s not a single server . ”
“ is that right , hacker boy ? ”
“ you’re just gonna kiss some random person ? ”
“ oh my god . i can’t believe i just did that ! ”
“ you won your dare . congratulations . ”
“ he always tell you what to do ? ”
“ i’m just warning you : i don’t think i’d make a very good partner . ”
“ am i supposed to come in with you ? ”
“ you look very pretty . ”
“ do you know what we’re supposed to do now ? ”
“ did you take my stuff ? i mean my wallet , my clothes … everything’s gone . ”
“ come on . we have to make a run for it . ”
“ please tell me these are our clothes ! ”
“ are these stolen ? ”
“ be quiet . i gotta concentrate . ”
“ can you do something like this but less shitty ? ”
“ you have to trust it . ”
“ i really don’t like that noise at all . ”
“ blindfolded ? on the motorcycle ? ”
“ there’s no way in hell i’m doing that . ”
“ you’re not gonna believe this . ”
“ i know you’re scared , but you gotta talk to me . ”
“ this is good . you’re doing great . ”
“ are we clear now ? ”
“ we did it ! ”
“ that was the craziest thing i’ve ever done . ”
“ just give me a real dare . ”
“ how would i know if i’m being hacked ? ”
“ should we maybe go check it out ? ”
“ stop yelling at me ! ”
“ i almost died tonight and you were nowhere to be found . ”
“ when you said i should live my life , did you mean i should live my life in your shadow ? ”
“ you’re the most repressed person that i know . ”
“ go right ahead and show us all what a fiery little spark plug you’ve become since lunch . ”
“ don’t walk away from me . ”
“ wake up , this is a game . ”
“ do you really think that someone like him is actually gonna be with you when this is all done ? ”
“ why do you have to be such a bitch ? ”
“ if you want to know where i am from now on , sign up and watch me . ”
“ i wasn’t trying to hurt you . it just got out of control . ”
“ move . just get out of my way . ”
“ i wanna take you someplace safe . ”
“ just tell me we’re gonna do this . ”
“ i have to finish this . ”
“ i know it sounds crazy , but i can do it . ”
“ do you think you can change the code ? ”
“ just raise your gun slowly then shoot me in the shoulder . i’ll be fine . ”
” what if i miss ? ”
” come on , just shut up and play the game ! ”
“ i’m not doing this . ”
“ is this what you really want ? for us to kill each other ? ”
“ why don’t you take off your masks and show yourselves , huh ? ”
“ it’s easy for you to be brave in a crowd . ”
“ don’t you guys see that you’re all still responsible for what happens tonight even if you are just watching ? ”
“ are you really believing this bullshit ? ”
“ then shoot me . i dare you . ”
“ you were in on this ? ”
“ she’s a badass . watch out for her . ”
“ you guys are the dumbest smart kids i’ve ever met . ”
“ i just wish that we could’ve met some other way . ”
“ crazy first date , huh ? ”
since i still don’t know if i’m going to be able to go home or if i’ll be thrown into some facility for further treatment, i’ll start putting stuff in my queue.
on the brighter side of things, though… if for any reason they determine that i need to be sent to the inpatient program, it might not even be for the full two weeks. i did some research on the facility and it seems that the average length of stay is anywhere from 5-10 days. while this still doesn’t sound like a good time, at least it means that i might not have to be gone for very long if things go down that path.
but i’m trying not to think about the “what-if’s” right now. it’ll just make me feel like i’m losing my mind even more than i already am, and it’d just give them more incentive to keep me anyway sooo. ya know.
but i’ll let you guys know what’s gonna happen as soon as i know more. until then? take care of yourselves and take care of each other. and if you see someone is having a rough go of it, reach out to them and remind them that you care. sometimes that’s all someone might need to help them get through the day: to be reminded that they are loved and supported and that someone cares about them. if you’re having a bad time, don’t be afraid to reach out to someone you trust and talk it out with them. if you’re having a good day, make an effort to shine as brightly as you can, because some folks around you may need a little extra light.
and always remember that i love you guys, and i appreciate you all so, so, so much. 💕
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