Trashy Magazines || Self Para
Meredith was in the grocery store when she saw the magazine. She had just wanted to get some granola bars, but that’s not how life worked. She walked forward, budging in front of several people and not carrying. Her legs were weak and her face pale, Mer felt like she had been hit by a car. When she approached and there were not one, but three different magazines, She felt like the metaphorical car had backed up onto her.
She had never really believed 98% of what magazines tried to sell, but if there was one source Meredith trusted it was a good People magazine. Many days had been spent on one of her parents movie sets, with nothing to do, but read a giant stack of two-year-old People magazines. She picked all three of them up and took them straight to the checkout aisle. Not even bothering to think about how she was currently living on a very tight budget, this was well worth it. She needed to know what they said, but Mer knew even just opening them may bring on a flood of tears.
Meredith got to her car and threw them into the back, she needed to drive home and pretending they weren’t there was the only way she may be able to get there without obsessing over it.
Her brilliant method of out of sight out of mind surprisingly didn’t work at all. She couldn’t believe that he had moved on. She was stupid, she thought when she got home there would be some teary reunion and maybe her engagement ring would return to her. Sure she had been sleeping around, she imagined he had too but had hoped that like her no one was filling the void. She had been hoping so strongly that he needed her as much as she needed him.
She got home swiftly, in what might be Meredith’s most dangerous drive yet. Reaching into the backseat she grabbed the magazines and practically sprinted into the house. Running up the stairs to her room, Meredith felt young again, like she was once again getting home past curfew and hiding from her parents, or racing upstairs with Kieran when her parents were far too busy to notice her.
She shut the door behind her, and threw the magazines onto the bed, starting with the fakest one, In Touch. There were pictures from this girl’s blog, all sorts of artsy and fake. Pictures of a necklace he had given her, them holding hands, and then at some banquet.
“Fuck, fuck fuck...” Mer whispered as she opened the next one, and read interviews with Kieran. She could still hear his voice in her head. She could remember the nobodies who asked her the same questions to put the two of them on small time gossip magazines. She remembered the pictures she had deleted off of her phone, she remembered it all.
Meredith didn’t realize it until there was a small splash but she was crying. She swore some more and wiped her eyes, finally she opened the People magazine. It proudly read, Bye Bye Meredith. Like she was some dead fashion trend. It hurt. Her throat hurt from trying to keep from breaking into full out sobs.
This one had a few pictures of her, but mostly to talk about the engagement. Then there were tons of photos of the happy couple, who the journalist kept referring to as Kelise. Meredith thought she was going to vomit. The article ended with a joke about how Kieran should hurry up and put a ring on it.
One by one she threw the magazines across the room to three loud thuds. Her sadness turning into anger, but even that left her too quickly, to just being numb.
She sank down onto her bed and hugged a pillow tightly. She was naive and an idiot. Meredith Wilson was still so hung up on a guy who had been over her for god knows how long. She wanted to call him, just hear his voice, ask the hard question, how long? How long had this trial separation been for real? How long had he been seeing this fucking life blogger. But she didn’t so, she just laid there, quiet and teary.
