In honour of pride month…
🏳️🌈Strifeharts gay awakening headcanons🏳️🌈
Cloud already knows he was bisexual, and has known since he was thirteen. However it was not something he ever got comfortable advertising, nor did he explore his feelings further than privately. This is mainly because Clouds first crushes were Sephiroth (unobtainable) and Zack (very taken). Other reasons were both the military and Midgar societies attitudes all round. It wasn’t illegal to be gay, but it wasn’t a good thing to be either.
As Cloud became an adult he never really found the time or the desire to do any exploration. He dated Tifa, and he did love her, he’d loved Aerith too. His relationship with Aerith was never able to flourish and even when he found her again in Radient gardens, it felt like that kind of relationship had passed them by. With Tifa, they simply grew to be different people that still loved one and other, but they couldn’t be with each other.
All this to say, when his feelings for Squall start developing, he doesn’t act on them at all, because he never has. The feelings, though, grow into a painful ache over a long period of time that make it simultaneously hard to be around squall, and also physically impossible to stay away from him.
In true Cloud strife style, he runs away for weeks at a time, then comes back and soaks up Squalls attention through helping him out on construction sites and working late with him. On these nights they eat take out on Squalls office floor and chat quietly in a way they only seem to do with each other.
Every time, Cloud wants to lean over and kiss him. He never does though.
Squall has no clue he’s bisexual. Like none whatsoever. That is of course until the revelation hits him at three clocking the morning when he can’t sleep and he can’t figure out why. It’s a revelation that leaves him in the tailspins of a panic attack because what the actual hell?!
As far as Squall ever knew, the only person he’s ever been in love with is Rinoa, and that is it. She was his whole world and he has never felt that way about anyone. He’s never even noticed guys before… okay that’s not true. Objectively he knew Irvine had been a very attractive guy, and he’d maybe had one or two dreams that left him confused and with a certain problem over his late adolescence, but he’d never thought about dating him.
And then there was Seifer. Again, Squall had never thought about dating him, but there had been moments in the past when they’d been nose to nose in an argument, where Squall had a flash of insanity that said he should kiss the other man. Those ideas had later grown legs, but they were intrusive thoughts! That was IT!
It was not in fact it, he now realised.
Squalls revolution that he might have been bisexual was all to do with Cloud fricking strife. And no, he couldn’t even blame it on the man’s androgynous features because that wasn’t what attracted Squall most. Cloud was physically stunning, no denying, but Squall liked a lot of Clouds more overtly masculine qualities.
Things like the broad set of his shoulders; the way he smelled distinctly of motor oil and men’s aftershave; the way he looked with his arms folded, fusion blade at his back, making his whole silhouette look intimidating even in the shadow it cast.
He thought Cloud looked beautiful in the skirts he sometimes wore, and the makeup he sometimes did; but there was a point the day before Squalls blinding flash moment, where Cloud had been in a simple black V neck and some scratty old work pants, where Squall had been physically arrested by the sight of him.
Maybe it was masculinity that attracted him? But then femininity also attracted him. He’d tried to logic himself out of his realisation by forcing himself to think about sex with another man, but that had only solidified his revelation further and made him need to take a very cold shower.
More specifically he liked Cloud Strife.
Once he realises, he feels like things should feel different; like maybe he should be different. Maybe it’s those old stereotypes from school banging around in his head, but he feels like he’s suddenly sneaking around pretending to be straight or something, and while he doesn’t seem outwardly different, he’s spiralling on the inside.
What truly gets to him, is the days Cloud is off world. He can’t help pining and being pissed off. Most people don’t really see the difference in his demeanour, but Aerith does… Rinoa would have too. He was quieter (if that was possible) when Cloud wasn’t there. He snapped more and slept more in the negative sense. He wasn’t depressed, but getting up was a chore when he knew Cloud wasn’t going to be around.
It makes those evenings sat on his office floor sacred. Everyone else thinks they’re working, and they are, but they spend more time having dinner and talking.
It’s on one of these nights that the insane little part of his brain that had told him to kiss Seifer rears its head again and tells him to lean over and kiss Cloud.
Except this time, he acts on the impulse.
He’s not an impulsive person by nature, but something about this feels important, like if he doesn’t do it he never will. And while words are most definitely better than just kissing someone, it surely gets the message across.
When Cloud hesitates Squall pulls back, thinking he’s made the other uncomfortable, but then the take out boxes are shoved aside and he’s on his back being kissed desperately by cloud.
“We probably can’t go too far on my office floor” is what he says when Cloud lets him breath and starts kissing a trail down his neck.
It gets Clouds attention enough to pull him back up.
There is something in clouds eyes that dims them a little and he sits back looking deeply unsure of himself all of a sudden.
“I can’t do this if it’s just a one time thing or fooling around. I’m sorry.”
It’s said with surety that he Suprisingly feels in his bones, and the look it pulls from Cloud is worth every ounce of it.
He gets kissed again, and then again. At some point he feels himself chuckle in a way he hasn’t in years (fond, infatuated and slightly adoring) and he has to pull cloud up to stand so that they can go home and do some more kissing without worry of being interrupted.
