Love, Not Romance: A My Mister Meta
When I see the arguments about whether the relationship between Dong Hoon and Ji An is of a romantic nature or if it is purely platonic, I can’t help but feel like we’re missing the message of the entire drama. Or perhaps I should say, we’re feeding into the exact issue which My Mister has decided to take on as its central theme.
Society has no place in which to put this connection Dong Hoon and Ji An have. It grapples with what label to give it. What kind of relationship do they have? Are they friends? Lovers? Mentor and mentee? Is it a father-daughter type relationship? Sibling-like? None of these are exactly right, so maybe a little bit of everything? But society hates that answer. It wants to fit everything neatly into its own box, label it, sort it and cleanly file it away. Anything that doesn’t fit into one of those easy categories creates a mess. It’s messy and therefore it is prohibited. It’s difficult so it must be policed, derided and preferably destroyed.
The problem is not that one side of the fandom or the other is wrong, wrong, wrong about the nature of what’s going on here. It’s that we feel compelled to say it has to be one thing or the other. That there is no possible middle ground.
I don’t think the ambiguity with which this relationship and Dong Hoon’s feelings toward Ji An in particular are being handled should be viewed as the show runners attempts to side step controversy or merely up the suspense or try to have things both ways. The fact that they are refusing to define the relationship clearly in one direction or the other is, in my opinion, one of the major points of the entire drama.
The point is, it doesn’t need to be defined. It doesn’t need to become disambiguous. Not all human interactions are that clear cut. We keep trying to neatly bisect this nuanced arena of human relationships into sexual and non-sexual. Romantic and platonic. Trying to neatly package up this conversation inside one of those words and call it a day, doesn’t work. It certainly doesn’t give the writers the credit they deserve for developing this relationship as carefully as they have.
Ji An says that she likes Dong Hoon. She’s been very clear about that. But what form that liking takes and what its end goal might be is a matter of debate, I think. Is it an immature infatuation like what a student feels for her teacher? Is it merely respect and gratitude? Is it physical attraction? Those explanations seem far too dismissive. Does Ji An imagine a future for the two of them? Does she have any expectation of her feelings being requited? I would argue no. I believe Dong Hoon still thinks of himself as a married man. I believe as long as that is the case he is fundamentally incapable of consciously cheating on anyone. And Ji An knows him well enough at this point that she is aware of that too. Therefore, at this point, without a dramatic shift in this paradigm, moving their relationship officially into an overtly romantic arena is, in both of their minds, impossible.
All that being said, I think Ji An and Dong Hoon love each other. I do. They miss and worry about each other. They protect each other. They understand and forgive each other. They would fight and die for each other. That’s love. That’s capital “L” love right there. And I do believe that love is platonic, in the true sense of platonic love. Love that transcends physical bodies. Of two spirits recognizing one another, inspiring one another, calling one another to live in a better, happier way than they have before.
Is that romantic? I don’t know. Depends on your definition I guess. For me I say that the Dong Hoon/Ji An relationship exists in the gray area between “I love you.” and “I’m in love with you.” In its mystery lies its beauty.
What we should call that feeling? What might it mean? What might it become given the right time and opportunity? None of that is as important as the simple fact that they feel it. That they should be allowed to feel it. Without the pressure to label it or mold it into something that society understands and approves of. It is of itself, by its very nature, selfless and elevating to them both. And therefore it is precious, however we try to define it.
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