Marenne

Her life is her art.

[mgkj-g]

5th

05/12/17

To the love of my life,

 Kenneth means… handsome.

James means… a follower.

While Gonzales is one of the most popular surnames in the country.

 What a beautiful name.

It suits you perfectly.

 Hi babe! Hi! Hello! Hi! Hello! Hehehehehehehehehehehe

Happy 5months of... courting? Well hehehehe

Happy 5 months of love, babe! 😊

Who knows we could make this through? Yeah, I know masyadong mababaw yung sobrang kaligayahan ko na ika-limang buwan natin ngayon. But it really feels like we’ve been together for years. Like really? It’s our 5th month? I thought it’s our 5th year already. Hmm, soon. Through God’s grace and the power of our love. Char hahahahaha.

 But to be frankly honest,

How I really wish to be there by your side right now to celebrate this special day of us in each other’s arms.  How I really wish. Haaay.

I want to see you.

I want to hug you.

I want to kiss you.

 I need to see you.

I need to hug you.

I need to kiss you.

 I just miss you so much.

Every second and every minute of the day, you never fail to come and visit my mind as always. It makes me feel alive. Everything goes fine whenever I think of how much I love you.

I love you so much, baby.

Back when the time I met you, I never thought of having you as the man of my dreams. I just see you as a normal guy. A random guy who would just come and go in my life. We became friends through radio broadcasting. The funny thing here is that even when I hate you, I don’t want you to go away from me. It’s like I want to hate you and love you at the same time. Maybe because I am really bound to loving you.

You made me realize that it’s not always dreaming of a man who would love you madly, deeply, and unconditionally that makes a great love story. Sometimes all you should do is to open your eyes and look for that man in front of you who offers you his life to spend the rest of his life with you. And I am very happy that God gave me you.

Our training lasted for several months and as RSPC went near every one of us got nervous yet excited. But in my case, I felt sad as well because if one of the groups wouldn’t make it to the nationals, surely, the bonding moments would be close to an end. And it did happen. Our Filipino team won 4th place. That only means that I would never get to see you again. I would never get to hear your voice again. I hate it because I am already falling for you and suddenly you’re leaving. Kaya siguro maraming campus journalists na pinipigilan yung sarili nila na mainlove sa kapwa nila campus journalists kasi nga masakit naman talaga. Syempre kahit naman babae ako aba may kirot din yun sa puso lalo na ‘pag hindi mo na makikita yung taong inspirasyon mo every training. Yung tipong ginagalingan mo sa airing para magpaimpress sa kanya. Hahahahahahaha.

That time I told myself that maybe it’s time to forget you. I wouldn’t get to see you anymore. I even don’t know if you even like me or it’s a one-sided feeling. But then, after the competition, we go talk virtually. We chatted on facebook. I was giving you advises to keep going and make that comeback happen. And everything goes well unexpectedly.

I don’t know but after that conversation, I feel like we’re going to talk more. Wow! Assumera si ate mo! Hahahahahahaha. I was claiming that opportunity of talking with you a chance given by Him that maybe my love I feel for you is worth a try. Char hahahahahahahahaha. But really, the love feels like heaven and that you’re worth keeping.

So, to make the long story short, you became mine and I became yours.

Kenneth, thank you.

Thank you so much.

It has been five months already but I am so thankful that He blessed me someone like you.

You are more than what I deserve.

I couldn’t believe that someone like you would love me this hard. You took care of me more than I took care of myself. You make me laugh to the point that I’m crying so hard and my tummy gets hurt because of joy. You make me cry like an ugly duckling. You loved me more than I loved myself. Thank you so much, baby.

We really have different perspectives in everything. But then, thank you. Thank you for respecting my personal opinions. Thank you for listening. Thank you for understanding. You will always be my favorite listener.

There are times—well many times actually hehehe, when I get jealous about your exes. I don’t know. I just can’t help it. I feel like they are taking you away from me. Because right now, that is what they are already doing. I know you might think that I look obsessed with you. Whaaaat!? Hahahahahaha. Sorry about that babe. I just love you so much.

I know that there are lots of girls who are far better than me. More gorgeous. More beautiful. Sexier. More attractive. More flawless. More stunning. But, just telling me how beautiful I am in your eyes, it makes my heart cry out of joy. It touches my heart. I feel like I am beautiful. And I am more thankful because despite of my not-so-good physical appearance, you still see me as your queen.

For the past five months, we’ve been through a lot. And I know that we are going to face more obstacles in the way. The journey is not easy. And I know that as days, months and years go by, it is going to be hard. Thank you for holding my hand in this wonderful journey of love. And I choose you to be my partner in taking this journey of lifetime. I will always choose you, over and over again.

Babe.

I love you.

I won’t go away from you. My heart is always yours.

And I hope you stay with me, too.

My mind would never get tired of thinking about you. My eyes would never get tired of looking at your handsome face and your beautiful smiles. It feels like that part of your face is meant for me to see. My heart beats more lively when I think of you.

I will always be here to listen. I will always be here to laugh with you. I will always be here to cry with you. I will always be here to rock the world with you. I will always be here for you.

I am looking forward for our future, babe. I know that nowadays, it’s too rare to see couples in our age lasts. But may God bless our relationship to make our love work.

I hope we never get tired of loving each other. I hope we never gave up from loving each other. I just hope and wish all the best for us. For the love we build together. We can make it.

I am sorry, babe. This is the only thing I could give you. I couldn’t give you the material things as of now. I couldn’t give you back what you have already gave to me. I couldn’t give you chocolates, flowers (yeaaah! Boys need flowers, too! Hehehe), photo album of memories just like what you see in the social media and so many more. This is all I can do for now. I want to see you right now, hug you and kiss you. But you are too far from me. Maybe when I get home.

But even if you are far from me,

I love you more than the bad days ahead of us.

I love you more than any fights we will ever have.

I love you more than the distance between us.

I love you more than any obstacle that could try and come between us.

I love you the most.

I love you, Kenneth James Gonzales!❤

I will always love you.

Happiest 5th month of love!

I’m looking forward for more seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and years of love with you.

Lablablablablablablablablabloveyou!

 Always and forever,

Mary E.G

[lematworks]

[mgkj-g]

There are moments in your life when you’re discouraged and so lost and all you can see is darkness. You want to scream for help and wait for the people who are dear to you to come and lead the way back home. But you just can’t do it. You can’t draw them down with you - so you chose to fall alone. You have to keep the mask on. It’s better than seeing everyone you care about suffer because of you.

[maorisakai]

Starry night and coffee  Maori Sakai Exhibition 2016 “Coffee for you” -Personal work-

[escafeism]

She is an Iceberg Every time people look at her, they always see flawless, dewy skin and face, on-fleek dark brown eyebrows, a winged eyeliner on top of a brownish-gold eye shadows and perfect amount of mascara coats. People see perfectly contoured cheeks and jaws and a dash of highlighters, she finishes her look with a bold red lip. People were amazed on how explicit she looks with her gray dress down attire, a 4 inch high black stiletto and tousled hair. People are intimidated on how she presents herself, her posture, and pleases them with her wit and intelligence. Indeed, she is a beautiful image of a little girls have been dreaming of. However, people don’t see her soggy and lifeless skin face covered with tons of powder and concealer, the thin lined eyebrows caused by stress, dark circles forming around her eyes making her look like a panda because of crying at things she regrets, and her thin eyelashes caused by excessive wiping of tears. A blackish red lip indicating that her body is not receiving any nutrition because anxiety always gets her appetite. The gray dress down attire she ’s been wearing all day is her nightwear because the thought of changing to a more comfortable clothes are drawn away by the haunting thoughts of why’s, what if’s and maybe’s. People don’t see what is behind the dazzling image she always portrays whenever she walks out from her room. Her bedroom, her den and sanctuary, its four corners and walls are the witness of all the regrets and pain, sadness, and inferiority. No.one knows she is an Iceberg.

[escafeism]

I don’t know what to feel anymore. I want to express the hurt I’m feeling right now but I don’t know how. I feel like anytime I’ll explode. I can’t think about the right words to say to voice out these feelings, because everytime I do, I feel that the words I’m going to say will be wrong. I want you to understand me. I want you to know that I’m hurting too. But I don’t know how to express it. Maybe silence is the best way. I hope one day you’ll realize that I’m in pain too.

[escafeism]

Ipaalala mo sa kanya. Ipaalala mo sa kanya Kung saan kayo nagsimula. Ipaalala mo sa kanya ang dahilan kung bakit mahal mo siya At mahal ka niya Ipaalala mo sa kanya kung gaano mo namimiss ang dating siya Ibulong mo sa kanyang tenga Ang mga pangakong binitawan Mga salitang pinanghahawakan Ipaalala mo sa kanya ang lahat.

Ngunit kung talagang naglaho na Ang pagibig , nagsarado na ang kanyang puso At siya ay handang tumalikod At umalis na Sana'y ipaalala niya sa'yo na ito ang oras Upang siya'y Palayain mo na

[escafeism]

If you must love me...

Don’t love me for my physical beauty, it fades and you might regret choosing me. Instead, love me if you find my soul beautiful; when I can make you happy or you can’t let a day pass without hearing my voice, that should be the reason why. If you must love me, imperfections can score because that makes me human and real. It may not be pleasing to see but still, embracing them makes love so genuine. If you must love me, expect arguments since there will be some circumstances that I cannot understand you. Gloomy clouds will have the time to take the place of the bright sunny skies that darkens my world and I’m not able to see everything, even you. But take heart, you will always be in my heart until the end of time.

[escafeism]

What they did was neither brilliant nor stupid. It was actually more practical, more honest and more appropriate than what everyone think. They were not torturing themselves, no. They were reliving the past; they were tracking the things that went wrong. And now that they are standing at the front door of the very same coffee shop where they first met, it was there that he realized that it was not the changes that scares or saddens him the most. But the familiarity of it all. The smell of coffee brews exploding from the shop, her lavender scent that outgrows the plague of coffee scent which first caught his attention, the lousy way she wears her favorite loose shirts which he finds intriguing but simply cute, the way she arranges her things at the table as if she was an executive and the shop was her office, and the way she address the waiters by name as if they were all her friends. Every bit of detail, every drop of memory is pouring down on his head and gushing, like fresh water rivers on the first few weeks of spring, heading straight to his heart. And somehow, a single contradicting thought came up on his mind that causes him to feel a sudden pain.  It is as if a perfect picture of spring was interrupted by a sudden breaking of a big branch. He embraced it. He felt it lingering from his heart spreading to his whole body making his hands cold and numb. He was even more surprised when he tried to look at her and she was already looking at him. Then he asked himself, how something so wonderful ended up so abruptly and starts falling apart? And how something so beautiful can be so painful.  He was so lost by all his thoughts that he never realized he already pulled her close and hugged her tightly. And somehow, that even made him feel worse. How did it ended up like this when he loved her so much? A seed of resentment starts budding in his heart. He hated how things have ended. But he hated himself more for letting that happen. It was a poison taking roots in depths of his heart, something so bitter than he is certain no one can cleanse it but the girl standing in front of him.  He grabbed her hand and his tears starts falling over it one after the other. Then he finally found the courage to utter the words that he thought would be forever trapped in his heart. With his forehead over her hands drenched with tears, he fell on his knees and said - “How did we end up like this?”

hishiddenletters, Left without a reason (via escafeism)

[escafeism]

It’s time for me to find other things to love not because you loved them. There are a lot of other books out there, ones that didn’t remind me of you in the fictional characters and how they acted because you told me you loved it. There are other songs with verses that didn’t scream the brown of your eyes, and the chorus without a hint of the sunrise in your smile. There are other desserts without the taste of your liking, without your opinion of its worthiness to try. There are so many shows that I will love the humor not because it made me laugh the way you did. There are so many animals in the world that I will love not because you think they’re cute or fluffy, but because I just love how adorable they are and they exist for me to see. Because I loved far too many books, and songs, or pastries, or any thing that I never thought I could love because I loved the idea of you being in love with them that I learned how to accept them, because it caught your attention. You were fascinated by those things, and it made you alive. It made you happy, and I loved seeing you love those things. When you loved me, I felt I could love who I am and be any book, or song, or food, or comedy show because whatever it was as long as you loved it, I would never say no either way. I fell in love with the idea of you falling for me, and finding I am capable of being loved despite of my ordinariness as another girl among all the others, and I found this the only reason to love who I was. Yet now I realized it’s not supposed to be that way. I should love myself because I can, and I am lovable with reasons other than you. I should see that I can learn to love so many other things with my own reasons, to love myself not just because you made me feel I was worthy, but because I will always be rightful of it even if you never existed. Even if we never met. And especially, even now that you’re gone.

wrong reason // socheesy (via escafeism)

[eradura]

eradura.etsy.com

[mgkj-g]

Siya: Ako lang ba ang walang pake sa Pokemon Go?

Ako: Ako lang ba ang walang pake sa 'yo?

[escafeism]

I don’t want to be rude or anything but would you be so kind to leave me the same way you found me? I don’t really like being carried around like I was part of someone else’s body. I was taught to walk with my own feet at an early age.

hishiddenletters, On my own (via escafeism)

[superayks]

Ang pagibig parang pag aabang ng sasakyan sa kalsada. Maraming dadaan pero lalagpasan ka lang. Mayroong hihinto pero aalis din agad. Pero mayroon din namang isasakay ka hnggang makarating ka sayong paroroonan. Minsan matagal pero kung marunong kang maghintay, marerealize mo na sa huli, worth it ang lahat.

(via superayks)

[superayks]

When you feel like giving up, please tell me. Sana kung nanlalamig kana sakin, sabihan mo ako. Huwag mong sarilinin, hayaan mong maging aware ako sa nararamdaman mo. Para naman alam ko kung anong gagawin ko. Para mapag usapan natin agad. Para maresolbahan pa natin kung ano mang problema sa relasyon natin. Sana kung nakukulangan ka sa mga ginagawa ko para sayo o nasasakal kana, sabihan mo ako. kaya ko naman mag adjust eh, kaya ko naman gumawa ng paraan at ayusin ang sarili ko. hindi ung hinahanap mo na agad sa iba ung mga kakulangan ko. Na di mo manlang ako binigyan ng pagkakataon na patunayan ang sarili ko sayo. Sana kung gusto mo ng sumuko at napipilitan ka nalang sa akin, sabihan mo ako. Huwag mo na sana paasahin pa ang puso ko na gusto mo pang magtagal ang relasyon natin kung hindi ka naman na pala masaya sakin. Sana huwag mo akong iwan bigla sa ere. Clueless kung ano bang nagawa ko, kung ano bang pagkukulang ko para iwan mo nalang ako ng ganon kadali. Umaasa na sana maayos pa tayo. na baka may chance pang bumalik ka sakin. Sana kung gaano ko kagustong mag stay sa tabi mo, ganon mo rin kagusto na mag stay sa tabi ko. sana kung gaano ko iniingatan ung relasyon natin, ganon karin para satin. At higit sa lahat… Sana kung gaano ako katakot na mawala ka, ganon ka rin katakot na mawala ako sayo. Kasi mahal kita e. mahal na mahal. At handa akong patunayan un sayo.

Sana lang kaya mo rin gawin ang lahat ng ito para sakin.

[dakilanggerlpren]

Alam naman talaga natin kung hanggang saan lang yung pwede nating ibigay, alam naman talaga natin kung kailan na tayo nagpapakatanga at lalong ramdam naman talaga natin na wala na talagang patutunguhan ang isang bagay pero sadyang mas pinipili nating kumapit at magbulag-bulagan kasi naibigay na natin ang lahat, wala ng natira. Kapag bumitaw ka hindi mo na kakayanin pang bumalik sa simula at pulitin ang sarili mo. Katangahan man para sa iba pero ito nalang yung choice na meron ka.

(via dakilanggerlpren)

[dakilanggerlpren]

Note to self: Own your imperfections and use it as an advantage.