That blog that writes long essays

24 she/her. Avid series watcher, book reader and procrastinator. Drowning in school work. You will mostly find k-drama commentary here. Sensitive topics will be addressed, but content warning will be included, if you feel like more content warnings are needed, feel free to message me. Open to submissions on topics you wish for me to address or comment on.

[mgsapphire]

August 2025 Watchlist

Trigger

The Winning Try

Revenged Love

Cinderella's Closet

Learning to Love

Beyond the Bar

[mgsapphire]

Head over Heels and Grieving to Live

Hiii, how's everyone doing?

I am back, and probably won't be back until, like, 3 years later. But this is my rant place, and the one place where I can rant about my favorite TV shows.

I just finished Head Over Heels, a story that was marketed as a high school rom-com, but was so much more. After years of watching K-dramas, a lot of stories seem to be hyped too much, and end up being too empty, this show? The total opposite.

Head over Heels is a story about the power of grief and unironically, the power of friendship through it all. It's a story about the precocious loss of innocence, and how harmful pain can be if not expressed properly.

Our 3 protagonists are Seung-A, Gyeon-U, and Bong-Su, three kids who were too young for the responsibilities they carried. A child shaman who was exploited by her parents, a child blamed for all the bad luck, and a child soldier with no name.

With seemingly impossible situations, the storytelling brought forward very real, modern problems:

Children exploited for fame, who lose their sparkle to serve the greed of their parents. Forced to be exposed to relentless bullying, and who are forced to take it with a smile. In a way, this is a callout to modern-day parents of child influencers.

Children never ask to be born, they are not to blame for all the bad things in life, they are born to be cherished, and protected. Children are born to laugh and to play, and not worry about grown-up troubles. No one should take advantage of the innocent need to please that children have.

Children are not weapons of war. They are supposed to laugh and play and simply put, thrive. Children should not be at the forefront of war and carnage, they should be leading the future, they should be growing and eventually burying their parents, not the other way around.

The power of names is once again a theme. We need to be remembered; our name needs to be called for us to truly exist and be loved. Someone named us out of love, and many people will eventually call out our name. Our sorrows and joys are all neatly packed in the way someone calls out to us. Names bind us together, like an invisible string that connects your mouth to my ears, your heart to my mind, your joy to my sorrow. Oh, how powerful it is to be called lovingly and to reply with joy. Yeomwha punishes herself by not giving out her name, she tells Gyong-U not to force himself to like her, when his body reacts with hatred, there it is, the subtle message that names exists to be called out lovingly, and Yeomwha does not think herself deserving of that love, no one will be able to pray for her soul to rest in peace. That is much more punishment that whatever expects her in hell.

Ji-Ho made sure to call every one of his friends lovingly, even Bong-Su. Ji-Ho's soul is warm like the summer, a hug that embraces the deepest sorrows. That's Ji-ho. He would understand all three pained souls: the girl who shoulders everything, the boy who feels like a burden, and the boy who couldn't grow up. He soothed them all, he held on to them, and simply listened. He did to them what Seung-a does to ghosts. He consoled them. Because letting go of pain is the first step to living.

Yeomwha is the representation of a mother's sorrow, and the General Shaman is the representation of a mother's love. Yeomwha's pain is the most natural pain a human can experience, the loss of a child, but her means of looking to soothe it harms and devastates, depriving other people's children of happiness. Her punishment is equally given to her child.

Ultimately, Head Over Heels is a story about the inherent human desire to be loved and to be remembered, to smile and grow. The children's wishes were simple: To have a high school ceremony and to be an adult. The children's wishes were powerful: To grow up with no burden.

Head Over Heels is a prayer for children to be happy and for adults to grieve accordingly. Without open grief, there can't be authentic joy. Cry when you wish to, and smile when you mean it. Don't hide your pain to make others comfortable. Your life is yours, not anyone else's. And most importantly, call out to your loved ones and let them hear their name called lovingly.

[mgsapphire]

Healing the mother wound

I absolutely loved My Perfect Stranger maybe because I relate to Yoon Young so much. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and change my mother's fate.

The show reminded us that, at the end of the day, we're just an amalgam of our family's past. We love saying that humans are a blank canvas when we're first born, but if anything, at least the quality of it, is decided way before we're born.

We're all the stories of our families, those we know about and those we don't know about. I, for one, I'm deeply afraid of men, not necessarily because of my personal experiences but because of the way my mother raised me because of hers.

Our decisions today will impact the future, in small and gentle ripples, that could eventually become a wave.

The message of the tv show might seem contradictory at first sight, but so beautiful when understood properly. We are who we are because of our past but also despite it. We are not meant to carry the burden of our predecessors, but every so often, we might think about them, because their burdens are what lead to our birth.

We might not choose family, but family is threaded deeply within our heart, tugging at it even when we're just breathing, reminded us that we're a woven canvas of everyone that came before us.

[mgsapphire]

Current Watchlist (June 2023)

Delightfully Deceitful

Happiness Battle

Dr. Romantic 3

Bloodhounds

My Perfect Stranger

Please be my Family

[mgsapphire]

A tragedy is not romantic

Ok, I've been watching Dr. Romantic 3 and since last week, I've been meaning to comment on it. First of all, I know most kdrama discourse has moved over to tiktok during my absence. But I need to say this. And for a drama to make me regain my passion for meta essays is awesome.

I absolutely love Ahn Hyo Seop performance in this season. It's been literally a year since a performance moved me so much. I spent days still feeling the chills whenever I remembered the episodes of disaster relief.

Having said that, I want to emphasize on this week's episodes. Some people think the main issue is the jealousy Seo Woo Jin seems to have against Kang Dong Joo. But, in my opinion, these episodes are not aimed at settling the fan war about who the better doctor is, but at master Kim's realization that both of his brightest students are flawed, because they've pursued his teachings this far.

Seo Woo Jin literally can't imagine resting because it means, for him, that he's wasting time not saving lives. His hand is not worth the same as the lives being lost. Doctor Seo has proved time and time again that his main problem is that he fails to put himself first. This has been persistent since we first met him. He is reckless in his pursuit of saving lives.

On the other hand, Kang Dong Joo, ever since we first met him, has pursued recognition. Because that's the way he thinks he can save the most lives. This is not a flaw on itself, but in this episode we saw how he has trouble asking for help. He could have called Master Kim at any moment, but feared that he would fail in Master Kim's eyes, even though Master Kim himself said he could reach for help at any moment.

Doctor Seo and Doctor Kang have always been meant to resemble each other, because they are meant to pursuit resemblance to Master Kim. Neither is better than the other, because when Master Kim walked into that Trauma Room, he did not see Doctor Kang as more brilliant, or Doctor Seo as more determined.

What he saw was his best students, and specifically doctor Seo who sees him as a father figure, break themselves in the pursuit of medicine. He saw doctor Kang unable to ask for help when he most needed it, and doctor Seo unable to rest when he most needed it.

Medicine is meant to be romantic, and while self-sacrifice is romantic, it can easily turn into a tragedy. The older student broke his own expectations, and the younger one put his tools at risk, because they so desperately wanted to be like their idol.

Like doctor Kang said, only Master Kim can be Master Kim. They don't need to resemble him, they need to become doctors with their own set of ideals, who know their own limits. Master Kim has come to the realization that he may have pushed them too far without realizing. That yes, they are brilliant, but oh, so human.

This is just another knock of reality that Master Kim keeps receiving ever since Woo Jin injured his hand. His teachings are not dangerous, we can see how other doctors have coped better with them. It's just that these two particular students are stubborn and think in extremes, they want to be the best doctors they know they can be, but are pushing themselves to the edge without taking a break.

A teacher is meant to nurture those gentle and fragile sides as well, and Master Kim is trying his best, but the foundations for their mentalities started way before he instilled gentleness in them.

[mgsapphire]

I decided to come back after more than a 6 months absence bc this is my happy place and I need my happy place.

Currently super invested on Blind.

[mgsapphire]

Current Watchlist

Blind

Little Women

Golden Spoon

Big Mouth

[mgsapphire]

What's the price of Immortality?

I honestly would rewatch the mess that Bulgasal is just for those last few minutes in the 14th episode. That's a part of Immortality that I often feel is brushed by when these storylines are written. The mortal one begs the immortal one to build connections, but then, those connections will die. It's not the agony of the curse, like a sword being stabbed and not being able to take it out. Or helping souls heal their grudges.

Most shows won't go into the truly raw and gritty side of Immortality. Bulgasal is just that, a being doesn't become more cunning for having lived so long, but resentful and pained, tormented. That's Hwal. That's Hwal in the last few minutes of episode 14. That's Hwal repeating cycles over and over again just because he's resentful. Hurting others, but most importantly hurting himself.

Make no mistake, Hwal is a bad person. This is the best example of a morally gray character, so complex. Hwal is always thinking about himself, and yes, his family too, but it's always about keeping them at arms length to avoid getting hurt. Yes, he doesn't want them to die, or suffer harm. But that's because he doesn't want to suffer an eternity more with the grief, not because he wants to see them grow.

Hwal is so blinded by pain, that you can truly tell that he hasn't become wiser, he has become a prickly porcupine that hurts others to protect himself. Immortality is a curse because you realize how short the moments in your life where you're truly happy are.

I honestly don't love Bulgasal, the performances aren't the best, and I hate more than one character (Hwal included), but this is truly a plot driven drama and those 5 minutes of Hwal torturing himself over the choices he made when raising Hye-Suk made ir all worth it.

[mgsapphire]

Who's to say Who's to live and Who's to die?

One thing that Ghost Doctor keeps taking us back to is the constant decision making Doctor Cha did when he was still in the living realm. He would often decide who would live and who would die, without taking anyone's else opinions on the matter.

This is a complex topic, as for one, saving lives is the ultimate purpose in a doctor's career, and two, we can't give false hopes that will end up in dead ends.

However, a Doctor can't play God, and I'm reminded of a professor's words to us when asked if he believed in God, he said "A doctor must believe in a higher being to prevent us from playing God." He explained that we can't never pretend to know the outcome. Another professor told us she doesn't like prognosis because diseases take unexpected turns most of the times.

Doctor Cha liked to believe his words were ultimate, because he was talented enough to save lives no one else could save. And because he believe if he couldn't save them, there was no point in trying, and no one else could either. Little by little, we're beginning to see the repercussions of his mentality unfold.

His students developed the mentality of not helping the unsaveable, which extended to him, even if one did it out of malice, the other didn't bother arguing. His patients resented him from the other realm, and he doesn't have many people on his corner –living or in limbo– and he can't really blame them.

In medicine, a well balanced doctor needs both the skills and the sympathy, which is the ultimate message Ghost Doctor is trying to give us. Doctor Ko has the sympathy and theory but not the skills nor will to actually execute what he desires. He has many insecurities which weigh him down, and Doctor Cha has the skills but lacks the sympathy.

Neither of them can truly help people, not even when both were in the same realm, because they lack what the other has.

It is not that they try to play Gods, but that they don't try to do their absolute best to be able to hold their heads up high in front of the families of those they help. Grey's Anatomy may be bad, but the one line that stuck to me:

Why do we hump on every dead or dying patient that comes through those doors?

So we can tell their family that we did everything we could.

We do our best as Healthcare providers, so when we go home after a bad day, we know we did everything we could, and even if doubt eats at us, we can find some solace in knowing we did the best we could with what we had.

Because we don't get to say who lives and who dies, we only get to sometimes look at death and say "not today".

[mgsapphire]

I love how in every show where reencarnation is involved, the lives of all of those involved suddenly decide to be born at the same time.

I think the only one where I was kinda okay with that was in Legend of the Blue Sea, because his friend was born way before him.

Also, I'm aware it's to fulfill some kind of divine profecy, but wouldn't it be cool to have a story where the profecy fulfills itself slowly through time? And the last piece of the puzzle is all like wtf?

Yes, this is a vent.

[mgsapphire]

Bulgasal gas been great so far, but, I swear, Lee Joon's acting is getting on my last nerves. It's not that he's a bad choice, but I personally think an immortal's personality wouldn't be as erratic.

[mgsapphire]

BL shows I need to commend.

I wish I could say LGBT, but alas, no, most of lgbt media representation falls under the BL genre, and I'm left having to look for crumbles of the other representation (thank Mine, Nevertheless and Bad Buddy for them this year)

Some of the reasons I don't watch BL are the fetishization of gay relationships –which is really weird–, the lack of consent and/or healthy relationships – which is concerning, as the shows are often the only approach to representation for young boys who like boys-, and how cliché they tend to be – also the reason why I've strayed away from the romance genre–. But, I also believe praises should be given to shows taking steps towards the right path, and here are the ones I choose.

1. Light On Me

This show made a really good representation of healthy dialogue, and how confusing the exploration of one's own sexuality may be. Sadly, I can't explain further because I want to avoid spoilers as there is a love triangle.

2. Bad Buddy

This show has the healthiest couple of the romance genre in general, where they properly communicate and have a perspective of us vs the world, and not that of you vs me. It also puts the end to a lot of troubling plots like the "I'm not gay, he's the exception " and the weird obsession a lot of people have with knowing who takes the woman's position. Also, probably one of the few BL to pass the Bechdel test.

3. My Love Mix-up!

Similarly to Light On Me, it makes a great depiction of teenagers who struggle with their feelings and sexuality, maintaining it very healthy and fun throughout.

[mgsapphire]

Top 5 kdramas of 2021

With the New Year approaching, I wanted to post my personal top 5 Korean shows. Just because.

1. Beyond Evil

This show was a masterpiece all in all. A lot of the plot resonated a lot with me, mainly because of the way they didn't shy away from social issues at all.

2. Law School

The way the characters are all fleshed out is what makes this story great. The plot may seem generic but every single character is just so complex. Similarly to Beyond Evil, the social commentary is amazing. I've done plenty of posts on them.

3. The Devil Judge

This show is supposed to exaggerate the issues already present in modern society, but it's scary how a lot of the first episodes were more eerily similar to modern society than Law School, which somehow relied on idealism, and Beyond Evil, that focused on a very grim part.

4. Youth of May

I started this show without much expectations, as there's only two actors whose shows I would and do watch despite their quality: Song Kang and Lee Do Hyun. My parasocial relationships with them is that of a proud mother watching from afar, because I've been watching them since their very minor roles, knowing they would grow big. And there is satisfaction in being able to say "I called it.".

Anyways, despite that, the show surprised me and shook me to the core, it made me want to dive deeper into the history behind the Gwangju Uprising. The acting is phenomenal and the ending is one of my absolute favorites ever.

5. Doom At Your Service

Had the ending been different, I would have put it further up the list. But oh well, this show made me pour my passion into the meta analysis, and sparked back on my interest in writing essays. It was a show of masterful and delightful attention to detail, with an Amazing message.

[mgsapphire]

A worm inside a circle

When I was young, there was a book I read that talked about a flea circus. How fleas were trained not to jump too high, so they could not escape even if they were freed.

According to the book, they were kept inside jars, so that when they tried to jump, they would be hit by the lid or surrounding glass. Eventually, they would learn to only take small leaps in order to avoid getting hurt.

Woo Cheon makes a similar analogy.

We are so often trapped inside what we know, because we have learned that otherwise, we could be harmed. Like fleas, who meet glasses and elephants tied to poles, and like worm inside circles.

We only know our comfort, and learn to shy away from pain.

And when you are forced to struggle to survive, and live in constant pain, you'd rather stay within that comfort, instead of venturing out, to see if anywhere else you'll meet less pain.

That's what Woo Cheon and In Sook were, trained fleas. Not daring to jump too high.

Trained elephants, that were tied to a pole since young and don't dare to attempt to pull when they grow.

Their lives were cruel and messy, and for fear of finding more cruelty and pain, they withstood the lives they knew.

It is not until a switch flips for both of them when they meet. Pieces of the clock that are their lives were put back into motion. For In Sook, who has barely lived, it seems only fair to take the chance to finally live whatever little she has left.

Like she said, enjoy the little things. Little things that she hadn't even allowed herself to have. A crush on someone, friends to talk to, and why not add murder into the mix? Her clock is desperately back in motion, trying too fast to catch up too soon.

And for Woo Cheon? A chance to not do what he does. I'm not justifying him being a contract killer in any way. But it's not like he justifies it either. He lives pained and scared. It's easy to forget with his innocent and shy behavior, he's someone who takes life away. What will be his character arc, I wonder?

[mgsapphire]

What would you do if you knew you're living on borrowed time?

Something that I've always found very odd and mind wrecking is the concept of morality. Of doing good. If you don't believe in consequences beyond the realm we live in, then, you do good in fear of consequences in your own realm.

No one truly does good because they wish so, they do good because they wish to lessen the harm of living. We don't wish to help others live better, we wish for us to live better.

What if you don't get to live tomorrow? Would you do the things you were holding off from doing? Not only the trips and the money spent, but the cursing of that one person you could never truly curse out. Not the apologies and the redeeming, but the breaking of the car windows of that one person everyone hates, but no one says out loud.

It is not until you are forced to face your own mortality that you truly get to live.

Because you get to experience anger at how little life has given you, even if you've lived for 90 years. There's never enough time when you're faced with knowing the time you own.

That's what Pye In Sook has come to find out. No matter the amends she tries to make, she is due for dying. What does it matter anyway? She never truly lived and consequences of whatever crime she does now are void.

Even so, when forced to face women who have a pain that mirrors her own, the way the fun house mirrors us. In Sook is not alone, life hasn't only wronged her. What consequences does she have to face when dying? She has to face the consequences of bringing down Seong Mi Do and Kang Se Yeon with her.

In Sook has been dealt a bad hand, not only because she's dying, but also because she lived by surviving and not by enjoying. But so did the women who now are her partners in crime.

So, what would you do if you knew your life's timestamp?

[mgsapphire]

It's about time i change my banner and icon. Idk what drama to put tho.

Neither of them has tickled my metaloving heart yet.

[mgsapphire]

Current watchlist

Melancholia

The Silent Sea

Our Beloved Summer

Bad and Crazy

The One and Only

Moonshine

The Red Sleeve

Bulgasal: Immortal Souls