Holy moley, I think you all are gonna like this one...
I had hoped to get this posted yesterday to keep with the Valentine's theme but it JUST. WOULDN'T. STOP. I was seriously farting my brains out from 4am until I went to bed at 11:30pm.
I'll post about the God-tier food combo that blew me up like this later but I think for now I'd rather paint a scene for you...
You've decided to make Valentine's Day dinner for us. Little do I know that you've found this blog and decided on a sneaky way to get me to confess...
I've been too shy to ever fart in front of you before but you've heard me say that dairy doesn't sit well with me and you've been read all my posts talking about other things that give me gas, so you decide to do a "Middle Eastern" themed dinner with things like falafel, shwarma, and hummus, all liberally seasoned with fresh garlic. For dessert, cheesecake with plenty of ice cream on the side. And for good measure, you've even been sneaking some inulin powder into my coffee throughout the day...
You see me get a little nervous as I look at the feast you've made but I don't want to disappoint you and it all genuinely looks delicious so I dig in. And it tastes amazing. So much so that I devour it with abandon, without any regard for the consequences...
Later that night you're laying on my tummy while we're watching a movie when suddenly you hear what sounds like a bathtub draining deep within my stomach....
You look up and see my face turning red as I shift uncomfortably. You lay your head back down and surreptitiously put your ear to my belly as you listen to the tortured groaning get louder and louder as my guts fill to the brim with gas over the next hour...
It finally gets to be too much and I try to excuse myself to the bathroom. Seeing your chance, you whine about how comfy you are and instead wrap both of us up in a blanket. I nervously relent as my intestines audibly sound their protest as my asshole clenches inhumanly tight in attempt to hold back winds as strong as an F5 tornado...
Desperation finally wins out. My heart racing, I squeak out:
"You might wanna take off that blanket, I'm really sorry for what's about to happen..."
Simply by relaxing, a massive bubbly fart spills effortlessly out of my big ass. You're surprised to hear such a massive sound in real life. My face is radiating from embarrassment and I apologize profusely as the smell of spoiled milk and rotten garlic fills the air around us.
You reassuringly pat my bloated tummy. It bubbles roaringly in protest.
This process repeats a few more times before I say that maybe you should go because from the way this gas feels, its not gonna be over any time soon. As I stand up, you notice the bulge in my pants that I'd been shifting around trying to hide from you alongside my raging gas...
I see your eyes looking down and my heart stops dead in my throat.
Its then that you sit me down and tell me that you know about my kinks and that you want me to be as comfortable around you as you are around me. You sit me down and start rubbing my angry belly, coaxing out several more huge blasts.
Its around then that the food starts getting to you too and soon we're both hot air balloons filling the room and our blanket with noxious fumes..
...And I've never been happier 😊