guys before we take this any further i need to tell u that jschlatt and ted nivison are to me what ramona flowers is to straight men. they’re like my masc alternate of manic pixie dream girls, and that may lead to me lowkey objectifying them in my writing and im SORRY.
but lowkey not sorry bc i see u in this youtuber fanfiction tag, FREAK !
[i’m here too]
it’s kind of a feminist win if u think about it
.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
all of the tags i use are listed below
here is my masterlist
you can send in asks and requests but i make no promises that they will be completed
my only real boundary is that i reserve the right to not complete requests that i don't wanna write
nsfw content is tagged w/ freakybap (ty user kiddiesmores) and there r warnings, if u see sth you don't want to it's on u.
Write ANY spicy story about the schlitties (schlatt’s man tits). I…. I want to respectfully admire and ‘study’ them…… 😳👉👈
╭﹐✦˚₊· 𖤐 * peer-reviewed tit study ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ ╮
imagine: he brings you lunch during a study session. you ask him to help you practice. he volunteers his body. things get clinical—fast.
╰﹒♡₊˚๑ *✧﹒✦ ࣪ ˖ ┊
﹒₊✦ a/n: to the scholar who requested a respectful study of the schlitties…i hope you know this got wildly out of hand.
warnings: explicit content (MINORS DNI !!!) · med student/nurse!y/n · blowjob (m receiving) · power dynamic · public tension · interrupted spice · tit fixation (m & f) · mutual tit grabbing · car sex vibes · dom!schlatt energy · research-based flirting
enjoy, overachievers (｡•̀ ᴗ -)✧
✧✧✧
the practice room smells like disinfectant and stress.
you’ve got your laptop propped up, highlighters scattered, and your folded scrub top draped over the back of a chair. the table in front of you is meant for training—ideal for learning vitals, practicing physicals, or quietly melting into a pile of regret while prepping for exams.
which is exactly what you’re doing.
until the door creaks open.
"i brought food," comes a familiar voice. casual. teasing.
you blink up, startled—and then nearly drop your pen.
schlatt leans in the doorway, brown paper bag in one hand, and that smug little smile on his face. he’s wearing your school hoodie. it fits poorly, in that it’s clearly not his, but his broad frame makes it look criminal anyway.
"what are you—how did you get in here?"
he shrugs, stepping inside like he owns the place. "guy in the lab coat outside owed me a favor."
"you bribed an emt with an energy drink again, didn’t you."
"allegedly."
you groan, but you’re already smiling as he sets the bag down on the table and leans over to kiss your temple.
"you look exhausted," he murmurs.
"that’s because i am."
"then let me help you study."
your brows lift. "you want to help me with… medical exams?"
he leans against the edge of the table, arms crossed over his chest. "yeah. be your little fake patient or whatever."
you raise an eyebrow. "you offering to take your shirt off for educational purposes, big guy?"
he grins. "you tell me."
✧✧✧
he’s shirtless on the table five minutes later.
you’ve barely touched your sandwich. he’s already unwrapped his, humming through bites like this is the best day of his life.
you try to be professional. you do. but it’s hard to keep a straight face when your mock patient is sitting there with his legs dangling off the side, tan skin on display, and that cocky look in his eye.
“vitals?” you prompt, grabbing your clipboard.
“sure,” he says. “but only if you warm your hands first.”
you shoot him a look. “you think this is a massage?”
“no, i just think you touching me should be a luxury experience.”
you sigh, setting the clipboard aside.
“pulse?” you ask, wrapping your fingers around his wrist. his skin is warm. his smirk deepens.
“elevated,” you note.
“wonder why,” he murmurs.
“blood pressure?”
“skyrocketing, sweetheart. must be the hot nurse.”
you glare.
he chuckles.
you step closer.
“breath sounds...” you say, placing your fingers lightly against his ribcage.
he inhales.
so do you.
your hand stalls.
you blink.
he grins. “you good?”
“i’m fine.” you clear your throat. “i’m being professional.”
“you’re being flustered.”
you scowl, reaching for the stethoscope. “lay down.”
“buying me dinner first might’ve been nice.”
“schlatt.”
“okay, okay.”
he lies back across the table, hands behind his head. the stretch of his torso should be illegal.
you place the stethoscope against his chest.
and immediately regret it.
because now you can hear it.
the steady beat of his heart.
strong. confident. comforting.
you glance up.
he’s watching you.
“…normal,” you say.
he smirks. “yours?”
you roll your eyes, moving to write down the fake results.
then, lowly:
“i think you skipped a step, doc.”
you glance over.
“palpation,” he says. “gotta check for tenderness.”
you narrow your eyes. “you’re not tender.”
“try me.”
you move your hands slowly over his chest, palms flat. it's a little ridiculous—he’s just fucking there, all warmth and muscle, and somehow still smug even as you prod his sternum.
"mm. yep," he says. "definitely tender."
you poke him, hard.
“ow.”
“babies don’t get lollipops after exams.”
“but what if i was so good?”
you sigh, bracing your hands on either side of him, leaning over the table.
"you’re the worst patient i’ve ever had."
"yeah? but i’m still your favorite."
you stare at him.
he stares back.
the silence simmers.
then:
"you gonna write me a prescription or what?"
you raise an eyebrow. "for what?"
he grins, hands finding your waist. "for another exam. i think i need a full work-up. maybe… over dinner? in your dorm? with less clothes and more hands-on testing?"
you laugh despite yourself.
“you really want me to ace this exam, huh?
he leans back on his elbows, chest rising slow. “wanna make sure you know your anatomy.”
you eye him. “mm. think i’ve got the basics down.”
his hands slide up your sides, deliberate. “then let’s get into practical application.”
you snort, but your heart’s already racing. you should scold him—remind him this is technically a school facility, that the table beneath him is meant for pretend patients and sterile technique.
instead, you step between his legs and tug his waistband.
“guess i should run another check-up.”
he watches you with a kind of greedy calm, eyes dragging down your face, your uniform, your mouth.
“thorough this time,” he murmurs. “real hands-on. i’ve got symptoms.”
“oh yeah?” you slide his sweats down his hips, slow. “what are we treating?”
he inhales as you wrap your fingers around him. “swelling.”
you bite back a smile. “localized?”
he huffs a laugh. “worse when you’re close.”
“noted.”
you sink to your knees.
he swears under his breath, one hand bracing on the table, the other brushing through your hair like he’s still trying to play it cool—even as you lick a slow stripe along his length. his thighs tense beneath your hands.
“fuck,” he mutters. “you’re gonna ruin me.”
you hum around him in response, mouth warm, slow, wet. you take your time—letting him twitch and strain and clench his jaw, watching the flush creep up his chest.
his voice is wrecked when he speaks again. “you keep doing that and i’m gonna forget what my name is.”
you pull back with a slick pop, eyes up. “tell me if anything hurts.”
“only if you stop.”
you laugh, and duck back down.
he groans louder this time, grip tightening in your hair, not to guide—but to ground. he’s already close, and he knows it. you can feel it in the way his thighs shift, the sharp hitch in his breath. you hollow your cheeks a little, just to watch him fall apart.
and then—
a knock.
“sorry to interrupt! just a reminder we’ve got this room reserved starting at two!”
silence.
utter, fucking silence.
you freeze.
so does he.
“oh my god,” schlatt says, half-choked.
you glance up at him, trying not to laugh, your hand still curled around the base of his cock.
he whispers like it’s a war crime. “you can’t stop now.”
you mouth 'we have to'.
he slaps a hand over his face, groaning like he’s being punished for a past life. “i’m gonna die in here.”
you snort, squeezing his thigh before rising. “then hurry up and tuck that thing back in before they add public indecency to your autopsy report.”
he glares at you, but it’s all for show. his ears are pink.
you hand him a tissue from your bag and fish around for your lip balm like none of this is out of the ordinary. “c’mon, schlatt. shirts on. pants up. act natural.”
he grumbles something about unfulfilled promises and cruel women in positions of power while cleaning up and shimmying back into his sweats.
you smooth your hair, give your reflection a once-over in the dark window, and open the door just wide enough to peek out.
two undergrads stand there awkwardly with clipboards, eyes wide when they recognize you.
“hey,” you say sweetly, “thanks for being patient. if you could just give me two more minutes? then the room’s all yours.”
one of them gives you a thumbs up. the other stares at schlatt—who, behind you, is clearly still adjusting his waistband—and mouths is that your boyfriend?
you shut the door with a snap before answering.
✧✧✧
the walk to the parking lot is suspiciously silent.
not out of guilt. not really. more like shared tension—like you both know damn well what almost just happened and your bodies haven’t gotten the memo it’s over yet.
the second the truck’s in view, schlatt veers toward the passenger side like a man on a mission—but then stops short.
you blink. “uh. you good?”
he glances at you, eyes a little wild. “get in the back.”
you laugh. “what?”
“front’s too cramped.”
“for what?”
he doesn’t answer.
just opens the back door, crawls in, and looks at you expectantly.
and maybe you should say no. maybe you should remind him you both have places to be. maybe you should pretend you’re above a little heat-fueled make-out session in the back seat like a pair of hormonal teenagers.
but your hands are already gripping the door.
and your knees are already pressing into the leather as you slide in after him.
he closes the door behind you.
and that’s all the warning you get.
his hands are on your hips in seconds, pulling you into his lap with a groan like he’s been starving for this. your knees bracket his thighs, your mouth finding his fast—hot, needy, and a little reckless. all the breathy restraint from earlier boils over.
his hands move up your back, under your shirt, fingers greedy against your skin.
you arch into it, one hand threading through his hair, the other gripping his shoulder.
he grins against your mouth. “you’re real handsy for someone who called things off twenty minutes ago.”
“you’re real smug for someone who almost got caught with his pants down.”
“you didn’t seem to mind.”
“i minded plenty,” you whisper, kissing the edge of his jaw, “but you looked so pretty, i got distracted.”
he groans, hands sliding down to squeeze your ass. “say that again.”
you press your forehead to his. “you looked pretty.”
“fuck.”
he kisses you again, rougher this time—biting at your lip, letting out a noise when your hips shift over his.
your fingers skate down his bare chest, dragging slow as you pull back to look at him, breathing hard. he’s flushed, pupils blown, lips wet.
“what?” he asks, breath catching as you swipe your thumbs across his nipples. again. deliberately.
“just thinking,” you murmur, fingers teasing the swell of each pec. “they really are perfect.”
“they’re not even—”
“no, shut up. you’ve got better tits than me.”
he chokes on a laugh. “that’s not true.”
“look at you,” you say, giving one a light squeeze. he jumps. “they bounce. they’ve got mass. shape.”
“stop,” he wheezes, hands tightening on your waist. “i’m gonna develop a complex.”
“a good one,” you hum, leaning in to mouth at his chest, sucking a bruise right under his collarbone. “like a… medical marvel. patient zero for pec envy.”
he groans, head thumping back against the seat. “jesus christ.”
his hands come up, tugging your shirt until it bunches under your arms. he wastes no time reaching for your bra, pulling the cups down until your tits spill out into his waiting palms.
“you really wanna compare?” he says, low and smug, thumbing over one nipple until it hardens under his touch. “’cause baby, you’ve got no idea how obsessed i am.”
“show me.”
he does. with both hands and then his mouth—sucking at one, rolling the other between his fingers, humming like he’s tasting something decadent. you arch with a gasp, fingers tightening in his hair.
“god,” you whisper. “you’re ridiculous.”
he pulls back, lips shiny, eyes gleaming. “admit it.”
“what?”
he gives your tits one last squeeze. “mine are better.”
“you’re delusional.”
he flicks his tongue over your nipple and grins. “say it.”
“never.”
he laughs—open, shameless, so him—and then leans in again, kissing between the swell of your breasts before dragging his mouth back up to yours.
“fine,” he mutters. “we’ll settle this later. in bed. with scientific analysis.”
you groan against his lips, hips grinding down on him. “can’t wait for the peer-reviewed tit study.”
“baby,” he breathes, biting your lip on the next kiss, “i am the peer.”
the windows are fogged. your clothes are barely on. and when he kisses you again, it’s all tongue and heat and wandering hands.
until—
a distant door slams.
you both freeze.
he pulls back, panting. “was that—?”
you scramble off his lap, breathless. “we need to go.”
“what?” he blinks. “no, c’mon, just two more minutes—”
“nope,” you say, tugging your shirt back down. “you said yourself. front seat’s too cramped. you want more hands-on testing, we’re gonna need a controlled environment.”
he’s already climbing forward again, one arm snagging his shirt from the floor. “your place. now.”
“your driving better be as good as your tits.”
he snorts. “buckle up, doc. we’re skipping straight to the home visit.”
If you genuinely use ai to write your fanfiction, hop off my page dawg. I had to learn english and I’ve been writing fanfiction for 7+ years, ranging from Jack Frost x Elsa to markiplier x reader, if you don’t have the passion to do something, put the work to develop and become better at it so you use ai, get out.
I’d rather read 1000 fanfics written by a middle schooler than read one singular ai generated fanfic.
What humans put passion and love into cannot be replicated from art to writing, bots can replicate the art but cannot replicate the passion or emotion humans put into their art.
a/n: what up! i wrote this for my gorgeous loml best friend @plantring who definitely wasn’t holding me at gunpoint, and i’ve been meaning to write a schlatt fic for ages! so, here you go. big guy. maybe charlie next 👀 also the song was just the song i’ve been repeating and had in mind while i wrote this fic ! i hope you guys like it :)
notes: jambo, other unnamed cat referred to as ‘burnt soup’, swearing, cuddles, nicknames, twitch, wii games series, tucker keane & Ted nivison, chuckle sandwich mention, romantic, drinking, hobbies, singing, SFW, NSFW UNDER THE CUT!! , grabby schlatt /pos
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
sfw hcs ˚⟡˖ ࣪
☼ toots. he calls you toots, all the time, every day. it’s either a cheesy nickname, sweets, toots, baby, sweetheart, or sugar. he’s new yorkian yk.
☾ he’ll call you them before you even start dating, just to watch your cheeks flush pink and lips fall agape. the image ingrained in his mind permanently.
☼ such a flirt, before you start dating. he’ll make a wild joke to nobody in particular when you’re with friends, noticing how everybody will laugh but yours is hoarse. watching you squirm in your seat as he lets out a little chuckle, is how he gathers you like him.
☾ you’re the flirtiest friends, and everyone can see it but you two.
☼ maybe your mutual point of realisation is at his house, when he complains about shaving and you offer to shave his chops. “y’better not fuck this up, lady. these are the money bags.” he’d tease, making you laugh. you sit on his lap, claiming it’s for ‘better access’ as you clean up his face.
☾ like i said with ted, schlatt’s also a romantic. maybe a little more old school, but definitely romantic. he’d ask you out on a date first, with pretty flowers and that charming fucking smile. then ask you to be his girlfriend. what? he isn’t a pussy.
☼ if you two don’t live together, he likes seeing you in his space more. he can’t quite describe why, maybe it’s just waking up with you tangled in his sheets in his bed in his room with his cats cuddling up next to you like you’ve been there forever.
☾ speaking of the cats, they’ve picked you over him. if you both call their names at the same time, both the cats will come running to you as if schlatt isn’t even there.
☼ “what the fuck?” he mutters, picking up jambo. “i pay for your food, house you, give you love and attention. and this is how you repay me, shithead? huh? by picking her over me? fuck you!” he frowns, holding jambo up as the orange cat simply meows in response. jambo’s paw finds his nose, and schlatt’s eyes glance at you. seeing you giggling as you cuddled burnt soup like a baby. “you too, you fuckin’ traitor.” he proclaims, pointing at the purring black cat in your hands who’s giving him the cutest stare ever.
☾ huh, kind of reminds him of you.
☼ if you have a pet too, even better.
☾ got a cat? he’ll try and make your cat love him more then you. it doesn’t work, but if you comment he’ll say it’s a work in progress. insists on feeding it every time he’s at your house, probably figures out some sort of nickname for your kitty. cuddles it every chance he gets.
☼ got a dog? he’ll pretend he doesn’t like it, call it dopey since he’s always proclaiming he doesn’t like dogs. but you catch him babying and cuddling your dog when he thinks you’re not around too often to believe him.
☾ best believe jambo and burnt soup will get mad at him when he comes home with another animal’s smell on him, but never get mad at you. he’s such a softie for pets.
☼ schlatt was quite the private man, not a very big fan of making things public on the internet. he knew how people could be. he wouldn’t want to expose you to that, at least not until he was sure you’d be okay with it and you’d been in a relationship for a while.
☾ didn’t mean he couldn’t leave a few subtle messages for his chat, though. maybe a pair of pink slippers on his floor or some jewellery. when chat would notice and spam, he’d smirk.
☼ “what, chat? th’re obviously mine.” he chuckled. gaslighting his twitch as much as he could. if you asked, he’d say it was an accident and he didn’t notice. he’s a good liar to everyone but you.
☾ after a while, he’d open the idea up to you. whether it be a stream, or a youtube video where he can blur your face. but he has one rule.
☼ wii games. he wants to bring back wii games.
☾ and of course since you’re both equally competitive fucks, it turns into a laughing, yelling and tackling match as you both play every wii game imaginable. spewing insults at each other when the other misses in wii tennis, bickering like an elderly couple, screaming and cheering in victory. him claiming he let you win.
☼ “if you win anythin’, that is.” he’d murmur with that dumb grin.
☾ which you reply to with a string of curses and insults
☼ he couldn’t imagine anything more hilarious. plus click bait.
☾ he brings you to chuckle week (RIP CHUCKLE FOREVER IN OUR HEARTS </3) and you all decide to play some of the board games that look like they’re collecting dust in the airBNB you all are staying in.
☼ scrabble? you and schlatt team, ted and tucker team, and you practically knock them off the fucking board. guess who? they’re cooked. uno? reverse. chess? checkmate. you’re winning every time, together for once, and giggling about it too.
☾ “connect 4!” schlatt bellowed, as you two won at yet another game. you sat at the dining table of the airbnb, sitting opposite each other in pairs playing another dusty game. “what the fuck? you two are cheating or some shit.” ted huffs and tucker shakes his head and laughs, with you and schlatt cuddled up with your manic grins and wins in every game under your belt.
☼ turns out putting two competitive (crazy, as tucker calls you) people on a team works.
☾ let’s just say no matter who you’re playing with, you two always win game night.
☼ schlatt will pretend that he doesn’t like whatever hobby you have, playfully rolling his eyes, but if you catch him marvelling at you doing said hobby? no you didn’t.
☾ he’ll let you drag him wherever, but not without complaints. he’ll hold your hand wherever, never let you pay whenever you go out.
☼ “that’s silly.” he’d argue, pushing your card away. “christ, woman. ’m gonna have to fuckin’ confiscate your card ‘n replace it with my own soon.”
☾ he’ll hold you whenever, especially if you like it. whether it be his arm around your shoulders, on your waist, or maybe even a hand in your back pocket
☼ especially in crowds, he’s got you close so you can get through it to where you need to go. he’d hate to lose you in a crowd, not a chance.
☾ he’d get drunk, you’d try and kiss him and he’d be like “fuck off. i have a loving girlfriend.”
☼ and you’d be like “j i’m ur girlfriend.”
☾ “oh! hi girlfriend :)” and then kisses you.
☼ tries to act tough but he’s such a big softie at heart.
☾ he also gets jealous if he catches anyone simply just glancing at you, big 6”4 boy just gives them a simple look
☼ “achlatt! that guy was literally just doing his job.” “don’t give a fuck, y’re my girlfriend. no need for him t’be so cheery to ya.” but he’d also be annoyed if they weren’t nice to you.
☾ sometimes, you’ll catch him cooking and singing to himself as he plays music on a speaker. some glen campbell, maybe arctic monkeys. but he gets embarrassed, despite literally having a christmas album and a real good voice.
☼ “i don’t sing, sugar.” schlatt would argue, food cooking and arms wrapped around your waist as you two gently swayed to the music playing in his kitchen.
☾ a lie that was, you called bullshit
☼ and you’d both sing to whatever was on the speaker, laughing and just holding each other close as you two danced properly. spinning you, dipping you. his hair messy, a look of admiration on his face. no matter how uncoordinated you two were, it was right in your eyes.
☾ same thing i said about ted goes, big broad tall man mmmmm
☼ gives the best cuddles
☾ got plushies in your room? he’ll buy you more, and have fake beef with them. rolling his eyes if you argue that they’re your children.
☼ deep down he knows he loves them
☾ and you
☼ mostly you
─── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───
nsfw hcs ˚⟡˖ ࣪
☼ he’s such a sweetheart in bed
☾ bitey bitey man. he can’t sit still for long
☼ as long as you’re in the privacy of your own home, whatever you’re doing, bet that his lips will be finding your neck.
☾ “can’t help it. taste too good.” he’d complain if you’d whine, that stupid shit eating grin on his gorgeous face. his hands on your hips, and his mouth leaving pinks, purples and reds that he knew you’d have to cover up tomorrow for work.
☾ he’d do anything you asked, especially if you were promising to let him fuck you the minute you got through the door of either of your houses.
☼ horny motherfucker.
☾ in terms of oral, he loves giving and receiving equally
☼ watching you tremble underneath him as he hooks your thighs onto his shoulders and messily eats your pussy, sucking on your clit like it’s his last meal and he’s a starving man. his hands squeezing said thighs as you writhe, eyes watching your every reaction. impossibly harder at your every noise.
☾ and then also, “i didn’t say hover, sweetheart, i said sit.” making you sit on his face, pulling your hips down with his arms tucked under your thighs. devouring you and your perfect fucking cunt.
☼ pulling away later, lips and chops covered in your cum. licking his lips. “light as a fuckin’ feather, baby. don’t know what’cha talkin about.” if you were to ask if you were too heavy.
☾ but then also
☼ running his fingers through your hair as he looked down at you, on your knees so prettily for him. soft groans and sighs coming from his lips, eyes lidded, as you sucked his cock and looked up at him with lust. watching you wrap your lips around it inbetween his legs. tracing your tongue along the veins. pulling your hair, but never too hard: god, he was absolutely feral.
☾ he’s definitely dominant, but he isn’t harsh. he couldn’t stand seeing you hurt. like i said, he’s a softie.
☼ prefers to be face to face, but i feel like he’d really like back shots. simply to grab at your ass, watch the curve of your back arch as he fucked you good. leaving bites along your back as well, leaning over and leaving some on your shoulder.
☾ classic missionary, or you on his lap, are also his favourites. but he’s open to try other things with you, most definitely.
☼ he loves his woman, he really does. and he’d do anything to make sure you’re happy, always give you good loving. he’d hate to ever leave you without.
☾ him getting tipsy makes him even more desperate to please. even more desperate for you. but even sober, he always is
☼ rutting his hips into you, a little drunk as you combed your fingers through his hair “mmm. mine, sweets. god.” he’d grunt, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck as he fucked you perfectly. “need y’so f’ckin bad.”
☾ you flash him during an argument? it’s over as quick as it started. you were right, obviously. he’s following you like a dumb puppy again.
☼ would definitely turn around your plushies during sex. and also lock out the cats.
☾ when you two would unlock the door and come back out to the cats whining, your legs a bit wobbly, or maybe even unable to walk on your own at all, he’d pat the cats and smirk.
☼ “sorry, little shits. y’r mom needed some lovin instead.” he’d coo as you playfully shove him. a chuckle coming from his lips.
☾ he’s a very touchy grabby guy, whether it be your tits, thighs, your ass. he loves it.
☼ he’d get needy, and make it clear. it would never take him long to tell you if he was feeling needy, or he’d show it simply by picking you up or being close to you. it wasn’t hard to tell, and you’d be fucking within minutes.
☾ and if you’re needy? god, he relishes in it. teasing you, maybe even leaving you on the edge of orgasm over and over until your eventually sweet release. depends on how cruel he’s feeling. or maybe touching you, but not enough, just enough to make your hips jerk but not enough to build up anything. he loved the sound of your whiny frustration.
authors note: hi yall. ik it’s been a while, yes i’m evil and terrible IM SORRYYYYYY. ive finally gotten over not wanting to write anymore so hopefully this is the kiddiesmores comeback!! love u so much!! i swear the dry humping is coming btw. also i called this pocket ticket bc its just a short little drabble of things i cant stop thinking about, we will pick up on the main story soon!!
86 Schlatt who stays over at your apartment on the days he has to come in at 6am because you’re closer to the store (and because he gets to lay in your silk sheets).
86 Schlatt who kneels by your bedside in the early morning before work, your hand in his as he rubs your knuckles and shushes for you to go back to bed.
86 Schlatt who loves to sneak kisses out back where the cameras don’t see, whispering in your ear how soft and warm you still felt after being in bed just a few hours ago.
86 Schlatt who does your grocery shopping whenever he notices your fridge is getting too low and he can’t cook anything for you for dinner.
86 Schlatt who makes just the right amount for you and your roommate so you guys don’t have to eat out so much throughout the week.
86 Schlatt who loves to listen to you complain about all the terrible guests you’ve had that day while you blow whatever new vape flavor in his face out back, rubbing your knee as you sit on unopened boxes.
86 Schlatt who threatens to go on the floor and beat them up for you just to make you laugh.
“I can print their faces out and say ‘No Longer Welcome’ and slap it on the front door for ya.”
86 Schlatt who, whenever the kitchen doesn’t need him, is cozying behind you at the POS systems, leaning on you while you put food in and peppering a soft kiss on the side of your head.
i need a jschlatt smut when he's drunk after some big party like a wedding or smth like that, and he's all cute and cuddly but also horny for you and wants to marry you but also fuck you thank you that's all
a/n: coming back with a bang! hope you all enjoy!! im basing this off of drunk bob from bobs burgers “show me your boobs”
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jay was humming along to the song that the uber was playing as the two of you stumbled to the house. the two of you chose to ring in the new year with friends, and the drinks were flowing. his dress shirt was unbuttoned halfway despite the cold, and his jacket was draped over your shoulders. his lips feather over your neck, making goosebumps rise on your skin.
“baby, let me open the door,” you smile, fumbling for your keys.
“but i love you,” jay whines against your skin.
“love you too, baby.” you turn and give him a kiss on the cheek before pushing the door open.
the door isn’t even fully closed before jay is on you, nipping at your skin and feeling you up.
“you’re so beautiful,” jay mumbles. “i love you so much.”
“i love you too jay,” you reply, returning his kisses.
jay scoops you up without a word and throws you over his shoulder. you squeal and grip his shirt, laughing loudly.
“jay!” you squeal. “put me down!”
in response, jay slaps your ass and you can almost picture the grin on his face. he plops you down on the bed that you two share and crawls on top of you. brown hair falls in his face as he smiles, cheeks flushed from the alcohol.
just as you’re sure that he’s going to grind onto you, jay flops down and snuggles into you. his hands grip your soft body gently as his face finds its way into the crook of your neck.
“you’re just so amazin’ baby,” jay says against you. “i got so lucky. you make my life so much brighter.”
he babbles away, complimenting you and rubbing your thighs and hips as he does. he looks up at you and your eyes lock again. you don’t think he’s ever looked at you with such love before. maybe he has and you just weren’t looking?
you run a hand through jay’s hair and smile.
“y’know,” jay says. “i wanna marry you one day.”
your breath catches in your throat. jay is never one to be outwardly affectionate, so this entire moment is charged. you’re sure that you’ll break down into tears if jay keeps saying all these sweet things.
“we’d have everything you wanted. the best damn cake money can buy, and we’d get married on a beach just like you’ve always dreamed of.” jay says, staring at you with literal hearts in his eyes. “and you’d look so beautiful. like the goddess that you are. you’re everything i’ve ever wanted, and i want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life.”
your tears finally sting your eyes before falling and you sniffle, grabbing jay close and hugging him tightly.
“i love you,” you whimper softly. “and i can’t wait to marry you one day.”
jay adjusts, straddling you as he brings your lips to his. what starts out as a loving, passionate kiss turns into a sloppy makeout session. when the two of you break away for air, jay’s fully tenting his pants. you glance down before giggling.
“‘s what you do to me, sweet thing,” jay smiles bashfully. “can’t help it.”
you smile and bring jay back down, nibbling his bottom lip.
“you should show me how much you love me,” you breathe against his lips. “please make me scream.”
jay pulls back slightly and smiles. “baby, you say that shit again and we’re breaking this bed.”
fluff, references to smut, mostly just pure fluff tho :)
You blink your eyes slowly as you wake up. You hear the soft chirping of birds outside, and the sun casts your bedroom in an almost angelic glow. You stretch a little bit, but come to find there’s no resistance. You realize that, unlike most mornings when you wake, Schlatt’s arms aren’t around your waist. You groan, coming to the conclusion you should probably go and look for him. You decided he’s most likely in the kitchen making coffee, probably on his second pot as well. A small grin spreads across your face as you think fondly of him and his crippling caffeine addiction. You’ve had to hide the grounds from him multiple times, tough love as you say.
You swing your legs over the edge of the bed as you try to sit up. “Fuck!” You mutter under your breath, soreness seeping into your entire lower body.
Speaking of tough love, last night was a lot of fun. You slide out from under the comforter and steal one of Schlatt’s shirts. You grab a pair of panties too, but it hardly matters due to the length of the shirt. “Jay?” You call out meekly, wincing with every step to the door. You sneak out of the bedroom and out into the hall. Voices float from the kitchen and you smile. You imagined your boyfriend listening to a podcast, or watching COD videos like he usually does when making the two of you food. You run your fingers through your hair as you slowly make your way to his kitchen. “Jay,” you call out again.
“I am genuinely struggling to walk right now, thank you for that. If you aren’t making me breakfast right now after last night, I might actually kill you.” You complain as you step into the kitchen.
However, as soon as you lay eyes on the scene in front of you, you feel your heart drop.
Ted, Eddie, and Charlie are all sitting at your kitchen table with Schlatt, a look of pure shock on their face. Hand still in your hair and eyes wide, you survey everyone whose eyes are currently on you. Eddie is staring at you wide eyed, brows furrowed together. Charlie is blinking, mouth agape, and rubbing his eyes every few seconds like he expects you to disappear. You snap your eyes up to Schlatt, giving him a panicked look as you tug on the hem of your shirt, attempting to cover yourself further. “So…” You mumble, red flushing your cheeks. “I didn’t know that you guys were coming today.”
“We thought uh, we thought we’d surprise Schlatt for his birthday, but it looks like he surprised us.” Ted says. “We were going to invite you to this, but you said you’d be busy this week with that secret boyfriend of yours- oh. Oh.”
“Yeah…” You mumble as you look at Schlatt helplessly.
“So.” Schlatt says and pushes up from his seat. “It appears the secret’s out.”
He walks over to you and slings an arm over your shoulder. The group’s eye’s follow him do this usually platonic action, something Schlatt has done to them many times, but it has an awfully intimate sort of feel to it this time around. “I cannot believe you two are fucking.” Charlie says.
“We aren’t fucking dude, we’re dating.” You say, punctuating the sentence with an eye roll.
“For how long?” Ted asks.
You look up at Schlatt and he lets out a chuckle. “Uh, for about a year and a half now.” He says.
The shock on everyone's face returns, and Ted looks aghast. “A year?” He says, astounded. “She's been on Chuckle Sandwich since then! You guys have visited me in LA since then! You- you- you probably fucked after seeing me!”
You and Schlatt share a look. “Well yes, but also-” Schlatt starts to say before you smack your hand over his mouth.
“Nope. We are not sharing this fun fact right now, big guy.” You say, knowing exactly what story he was about to share.
“Why? What did you do?” Ted exclaims.
Schlatt muffles against your hand but it stays firmly pressed against his mouth. “Ted, I really don’t think this is the time to share.” You say, sickly false sweetness dripping from your voice.
Ted opens his mouth to say something but is quickly stopped when you yelp. Schlatt bit you. You yank your hand away immediately. “Jesus Jay!”
“Had to have you bring your arm back down. Your shirt was too far up, you were flashing everyone.”
You turn a deep red yet again and say, “I’m going to go change.”
You look up at Schlatt pointedly. “Be good.”
He holds up his hands in mock-surrender. “What have I ever done? You’re the one who gave me the world's most graphic good morning!”
You roll your eyes as you walk out. You rush back to Schlatt’s room and pull on a pair of his sweatpants. They were massively oversized on you, you had to roll the waistband at least four times. “WHEN I WAS IN THE SHOWER? ON THE COUCH?” You hear Ted yell through the wall. Schlatt apparently could not listen to simple instructions. You rush back to the kitchen to see Charlie and Eddie cackling at Ted and Schlatt are arguing. “No dude!” Schlatt yells. “Do you remember what she was wearing that day? You wouldn’t be able to resist either dumbass!”
He points at you like you were an example. “Schlatt.” You said, voice hard.
He knew what you meant immediately. He knows thats your you-need-to-shut-the-fuck-up-before-I beat-your-ass voice. “Sorry doll.” He mumbles, looking at the floor.
Charlie’s jaw falls back open. “Did- did I just hear JSchlatt use- use a- use a pet name? And apologize?”
Schlatt scowls at Charlie as he wraps his arms around your waist. “The fuck about it you fucking bimbo? Do you only call your girlfriend by her name?”
“No but like, I’m not you. I’m not a big ass tough guy.”
“Aw Schlatt’s not that tough, are you love?” You say, and boop Schlatt on the nose for added emphasis.
“Dude you’re fucking embaressing me,” He replies and buries his face into your neck.
Ted, Eddie and Charlie look aghast. This is not the man they know. Eddie opens his mouth to say something, but is shut down by a loud ringing from Schlatt’s phone. He pulls it out, looks at it and sighs. “I have to take this,” He says, annoyed.
He then shoots a pointed look at you. “Be good.” He says, copying you.
You dramatically nod and bat your eyelashes at him as he walks out. You turn back the group, and all of them open their mouths at once to start asking questions.
“So you woke up here?”
“Yup.”
“How often do you sleepover here?”
“Never.”
“The fuck you mean by that?”
“I live here.”
“EXCUSE ME?”
“Mhm.”
You point at a door across the living room. “That's where I stream from. Schlatt streams in the other spare bedroom upstairs.”
“You two live together?”
“Yup. Coming up on four months of living here.”
“You’re kidding right? There’s no way Schlatt can’t be heard screaming in the back of your streams?”
“He’s actually super quiet domestically.”
“Domestically?!? Sorry, are you guys like, in love?”
“Nope. Hate that guy.”
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first schlatt fic ever yayy (i didn't want to post this to ao3 lol) tell if u guys like it and any requests or anything!!
thank u to the wonderful @thecourtjester-e for being the reason this is being written, ur MIIIIND. this goes hand in hand with my cake AND schlatt obsession so ... does a twirl.
HEAVILY based on the song italian leather sofa by CAKE !
summary : for a schlatt & co video, your [ secret ] boyfriend decides to take you out shopping. showing off his douche-bag internet persona, unbeknownst to him; that was actually quite the turn on. with a little fashion show back at home, he shows you just how hungry he's been.
⋮ ⌗ ┆established relationship, secret relationship, schlatt is mean in this one, you're also decently famous!, dabbles in a bit of spoiling, power difference k!nk, degrading mixed with some praising, rough smut.
the bright luminescent lights were beaming across the designer store, your hands gently trailing through the racks of numerous dresses. you weren't used to this sort of environment, but it was very quickly becoming second nature to you. to the internet's eye, you were schlatt's acquaintance who was mostly just known for your face. the running joke was that you were his personal thumbnail over-user, considering every video the two of you did got millions of views. almost the amount that his reaction videos got, and this was on his second channel. surprisingly, not a whole lot of people suspected you to be a pair. rather just an unconventional duo, which kind of worked on your end.
he brought the camera back up to your face, making you smile and droop your shoulders with a grin. "these good enough for you miss socialite?" schlatt sneers out, you wished the viewers could see just how cocky he looked in the moment. "brought her here to the most expensive mall in new york, nothing too smancy." he adds on, turning the camera to his face to wink and smile, "cause you know, i can afford that." god he was so insufferable, in a good way surprisingly. he brings the camera back to you, anticipating for you to say something. "i just need a dress for my event." you snicker out, rolling your eyes and searching the racks yet again.
"and of course you had to come here for it, didn't ya?" he teases, you just shake your head and continue to search the racks. eventually pulling out a red silk dress. schlatt was hoping to god the microphone wouldn't pick up how his breath hitched when he saw it. his mind already reeling on how it'd look on you. "this one?" you ask, looking at the camera with a smile. shaking the hanger and awaiting for schlatt to do anything but gawk. a part of you almost wanting to turn the camera right around just to show the viewers how down bad he was. "yeah get the red, brings out your rosacea real nice." he bites back with a chuckle.
you scoff at him and rub your cheek, worried that it was visible to the camera how aggravated your skin might've been. "yeah, get a purple tux to match your eyebags, dickhead." you groan out, hoping to one up him. you knew the viewers loved the bickering, especially with your one liners. "i'll get a ralph lauren one and call it a day, can't say you can do that." he replies with a smile, he knew you had your own money but he liked to occasionally throw in that he was a smidge more successful.
"yeah i can't wear a tux, no shit schlatt." you roll your eyes and stow the dress back on the rack. almost sending him into a panic, "editor, cut this." he stammers before leaning the camera down for a moment. "keep it, i'm buying it." he practically chokes out. your head whipping back to him with a smile, nodding and stowing the dress in between your arm. you secretly loved how he insisted on things like that, was kind of hot in a way.
he sighs in relief and brings the camera back up with a smile, going right back to his persona. "gonna buy anymore or are you too low on cash for it?" he stated, knowing damn well he'd be leaving this store with a dent in his wallet. "i'll have to look and see." you sigh out, looking to him for a moment before looking back to the racks. "you're no sydney sweeney but i'm sure it'll suffice." he stifles out, making you side eye him as you were just about to pull out another dress.
"and you're not hugh jackman with those chops." you say as you roll your eyes, pulling out another silk dress, except it was black. "now what about this one?" you state as if you didn't just plain insult him, the both of you knew it was just for viewer attention. "it looks like people will only be looking at the dress, saves the trouble of looking at your face." he snickers out, you look at him with a groan. suddenly seeing his lips mouth the words 'keep it. that one too.' it was so hilarious to see the switch, you just wished the rest could see, but of course, they couldn't. "you're truly such a gentleman, mommy must be so proud." you gruffly reply, making him shrug with a smug grin. "that she is." he measly replies.
"see what i put up with for clicks? she's so ungrateful." he adds on, rotating the camera back to his face with a sigh. you shake your head as you eye another dress, the royal blue was catching your eye. "and it seems miss socialite has found yet another dress that's gonna bankrupt her." schlatt chuckles out, panning the camera back over to you as you show off the dress with a smile. "isn't the color so nice?" you ask with the same cavity inducing smile, knowing it'd probably be clipped all over twitter. whatever, as long as it brought money with it. which is almost always did. you watched as schlatt sweetly grinned with a nod, hidden from the view of the lens. "how much is it again?" he says as he reaches for the dress to hang his fingers to the tag.
his eyes widening as he realized it was a $3000 dress, looking back up to you with a grin. he zoomed the lens into the tag, then slowly panned the camera back to his face. his eyes bugging out with his brows furrowed in a comical look, quickly dropping it for a more serious expression, "i spend that in an hour, anyways." he deadpans, making you scoff at him and turn yourself away from him. he looks up from the camera to see your irritated stature and belts out a low laughter, turning the camera right back to you. zooming right into your head, picking up how your head was shaking as you continued to browse the racks. "somebody's sour about that fact." schlatt teases, making you spin your head back to him with narrowed eyes. he was so unserious.
"what's this- event even about anyhow?" he honeyed, at least the question wasn't half bad. you leaned against the rack, twirling the hanger as you thought of how to answer. "it's for this upcoming body-care line, very prestigious." you reply with a grin, feeling a bit prideful that you did get invited to something like that anyhow. "they just don't invite majorly successful people to advertise their products, got it." he pokes, making you nudge his shoulder with a groan. the comments from him were never ending; but so was a lot of other things. "what? you don't think i can be a good representative of smelly goods?" he snickers out, drooping his shoulders at you with a slight pout. "yeah, you totally could." your tone couldn't be any more sarcastic.
he softly pumped a fist in the air and panned the camera back to him, "that's what i thought." he stated, looking back to you with a knowing smile. the little look giving you a good idea of how his ego was far from being bruised. "now if she could go through with this faster- i can get my watch." he sighs out, shaking his head at you as you continued to scroll through the racks. "this is the kind of greed that they talk about in the bible." he adds on, earning a little chuckle from you. his switch off button was no where to be found.
"a lot of talk coming from you, y'know?" you breathily reply, the weight of the dresses getting to you as they restlessly laid on your arm. "i'm allowed to talk." he snapped back, he noticed how the weight of the dresses were getting you as you bobbed your arm up and down to try and balance it. "look, now she's getting all tired. see what internet notoriety does?" he jokes, turning the camera back to your state. "tell that to a mirror." you reply with a chuckle, making him nod. "oh i do, every damn day baby." his tone was unbelievably cocky. though, another part of you was asking; why were you really liking it? now what did that say about YOU?
the camera had already been recording for a good thirty minutes, he followed you around for a short bit more. getting all the funny banter that he would need for the video, he already knew they would eat it up. it was you after all, you were basically an infinite money glitch. yeah, he was mean as shit to you on camera. he just didn't want people to interfere with your relationship, especially when the cameras were gone. he knew if his viewers, particularly his male viewers, knew he bagged such a beautiful girl. he'd never hear the rest of it on twitter, so it seemed it was the smarter decision. plus, what man likes to share? especially not him.
he stowed away his camera with a smile, immediately gripping his hand around your waist as the two of you reached the check-out line. "you're out of your mind if you think you're wearing any of those to that promo event." he whispered into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine. you had a good five dresses in your arms, all together probably the amount that most people pay for a down payment on a bentley. "the black one's my favorite though." you whine out quietly, looking up into his eyes with a smile. "why do you think i don't want you wearing it out then?" he replies, his hands wandering up your back slowly. "just wear the blue one, cmon baby." he pleads. making you sigh and oblige to his request.
you knew exactly why he didn't want you wearing the black one, based on how you saw it was sewn. it'd look damn near painted on your figure, the blue one on the other hand was a lot more 'leave it up to your imagination' sort of deal. the two of you eventually made it up to the cashier, placing your dresses down as he checked the quality and the tag. "find everything to your expectations today, miss?" the cashier says as he begins to scan everything, his eyes a bit narrowed as he noticed the amount that was racking up. you fiddled your hands together in front of you, nodding to the cashier with a soft grin. "everything is to par." you felt so pretentious saying that, but you deserved it in a way.
you watched as the cashier raised his eyebrows to your reply, smiling to himself as he continued to scan the tags. his eyes almost lighting all the way up as the price continued to raise. you saw how his eyes wandered back to you, eyeing how your blouse sat on you. maybe a little too hard too, with a smile plastered on his face as he did so. schlatt let out a deep exhale, knowing it was loud enough to be a signal for him to keep his eyes where he needed them. if he wanted to keep them, that is. the cashier smiled and stood up more straight to eye the total, "$10,034.67, miss." he stated, almost not believing the price. schlatt watched how he was eyeing you, he was one to give second chances but he just blew that on how he was insistent on looking at you like that.
he took a step closer to the counter and leaned down slightly, just to throw it in the little cashier's face that he had a good six inches on him. cocky as ever, maybe some parts of the 'persona' were real after all. your eyes followed to him, noticing how irritated schlatt was getting to be. you knew you had to do something to get out of this, and pronto. you nervously smiled at the cashier before shuffling your hands to your purse, you couldn't imagine he was actually being serious about paying for all of this. that'd just be ridiculous. you felt his hand gently but strictly wrap around your wrist to halt your motion to try and grab your wallet. making you shoot your head back to him, "don't embarrass me like that." he says barely above a whisper. "you know i got it." he adds on with a sigh, pulling his wallet to whip out a black card of all his cards.
he used that card any chance he got, just to be annoying that he did in fact make that much. you watched as he handed it over to the cashier like it was nothing, looking back to you with a soft grin. "what?" he says as if he had no idea why you were looking at him like he had three heads. "douche." you roll your eyes with a smile. he shakes his head and leans his head down to reach you better, "you haven't seen anything yet." he whispers into your ear, you could practically hear the smug grin in his tone. the cashier carefully put all the dresses into the boxes, then slid into the bags. handing over the bag with a smile, "see you next time." he snarkily goodbyes, giving him a soft nod about to open your mouth to save the possibility of embarrassment. "oh you will." schlatt slyly replies before turning with you to leave, making sure to not let go of you for even a second. slightly tilting his head to eye the creep of a cashier, lowering his hand to your behind and nodding. he looked back to you and kissed the top of your head. was it prideful? yeah. did he care? no.
schlatt's head reeled back into the couch's leather, eyes closed as he impatiently waited for your little fashion show. the one that you insisted wasn't going to take long, now having him sit for a good 20 minutes to himself. wasn't your fault though, you were just intensely afraid you would tarnish the dress by putting it on too quickly. okay, and basically gawking at yourself in the mirror for way too long. let a girl live. schlatt opened his eyes and peered them over to the coffee table that had his brand new longiene watch that was sitting in it's neat little box.
"oh, what the hell." he groaned out, leaning over and picking up the small box. smiling to himself as he took it out of the case, draping it around his wrist to snap on. did feel quite nice to have three thousand on his arm, a little ego boost if you will. he twisted it on his wrist, leaning back into the couch with a sigh. "you almost done in there, hon?" he yelled out, spreading his legs out as he fidgeted with the settings on his new watch. you patted down your dress, knowing it was probably best you just escape your little narcissistic moment. for now at least. you took one last look in the mirror, swooshing your hair on your shoulder so you could get one last peak on how nice the backless effect was.
"in there in a sec!" you yelled back from the bathroom, letting go of your hair and smiling to yourself as you opened up the door to walk down the hallway. hoping you were going to get the reaction you were hoping for from him, maybe then the money would seem worth it. he cocked his head to the side as he heard your footsteps, a grin growing on him as he saw the first impressions of the dress. you grazed your hand along your hip as you made your way in front of him. "lil spin for me?" he asked with a smile, leaning back into the couch and crossing his arms. you nodded and twirled yourself around slowly. he licked the roof of his mouth as he watched every movement, deeply stuck almost.
you crossed your hands together behind your back as you stood in front of him, the look on his face alone told you all you needed to know. "it's even backless!" you excitedly state, turning your back towards him to show it off better. "if you don't sit your ass down." schlatt says as he shakes his head, gesturing for you to come over with his finger. you raise an eyebrow and slowly walk over to him, leaning down and letting your palms rest on the leather. purposely not giving him what he wanted right away. looking right into his eyes and titling your head to his just a smidge closer. "i take it you like the dress?" you whisper out, his hands reaching up to your ribs. "do i like the dress, huh?" he mocks back at you with a grin, letting his hands roam around under your breast. his eyes failing him as he looked at how your hips looked poking out.
he leaned his head back and looked up and down at you without shame, almost trying to convey his pleading with his eyes. you leaned your knee onto the leather, cocking your head to the side as you continued to move yourself onto the couch. schlatt's mind reeling as he could see the silk tightening around your hips. "i've already got hypertension, are you trying to make it worse?" he gruffly stated, his hands wandering down right above your hips as he helped you settle on his lap. you roll your eyes as you lean your hands on the edge of the couch, right above his shoulders. "you're so dramatic." you snicker out, adjusting the edges of your dress that were riding up. that little notion not making him the happiest.
his hands went right to your thighs to trail up the fabric, his chest slowly puffing as more and more skin showed. "this is more like it." he muttered, bringing his hands up to your shoulders to toy with the straps as he looked at you. "you don't think?" he added, expecting you to be vocal. he knew exactly what he wanted you to say, which was to admit how needy he was getting you. he could see it by how you gently squirmed under his touch, stroking his ego a little further. you slowly nod and adjust your hips above him, "yes, this is better." you sigh out. which earns him a little chuckle, raising his hand up to cup your chin. "there's the money." he practically seethes out, racing his free hand to your breasts to give them a firm squeeze. it was pretty hard not to.
his hand reaches up so he can gently tug down at the offensive fabric covering you, you arch your back a little to give him a better view. "you trying to say thank you?" he asks, tracing his finger along the silky straps. you softly hum and nudge your shoulders with a smile. "point taken." he adds, pulling down the straps and dropping his hand from your chin to fully engorge his hands to your breasts as the delicate fabric fell onto your stomach. "and no bra? you're just trying to get in trouble." he seethes out, involuntarily bucking his hips up as he looked up into your eyes. watching how the friction was affecting you.
he reaches his hand up to the back of your neck and pulls you into a kiss, gently groaning as your lips meet. his other hand still grabbing a selfish amount of your breast into it. you grind in with his hips, making him deeply exhale and drop his hand to your ass to give a sharp slap. you knew exactly what he wanted, and you knew exactly how you were going to do it. he gently pulled back from your lips after a moment, looking up at you. "i'm kinda exhausted from today, baby." he states, letting his hand grip along your ass again. that didn't mean he didn't want to do it, just meant he wanted you to do all the work. perhaps as a thank you.
you softly nod and lean down to your knees, feeling his hands leave you as you felt your knees hit the hard wood. you could see his smile above you as you began fiddling with his belt, his jeans practically making a tent. unbuckling the belt and pulling it off slowly, knowing damn well he wasn't in the mood for anything that slow. it was just fun to be a bit of a tease sometimes. he trailed his hand to the top of your scalp, ruffling your hair gently as he looked down at you. "cmon baby." his voice cooed, you sigh and unbutton his jeans. letting the zipper come undone as you pulled down at them. being met with a rather aggressive hard on from him.
you looked up to him, his fingertips running through your hair as he smiled down at you. then dropping his hand down the side of your face, shaking his head as he ran a thumb along your bottom lip. "so pretty." he whispered, letting his hand drop to your chin as your hands fiddled with his boxers. his anticipation only growing further, but he wasn't satisfied just yet. he fluttered his eyes shut as he felt your mouth wrap around him, his hand shooting right back to your hair to grab a fistful. you paced yourself as you listened to his grunts coming from his stubbornly closed lips. he wanted so badly to just slam your head down, but right now; it felt way too good to mess anything up. he could afford the patience.
he kept his grip on your hair, his mouth gaping open as he looked down to the saliva mess you were creating from your tongue. he wasn't usually the biggest fan of messy sex, but today would just have to be an exception. bucking his hips slightly, causing you to accidentally slam your mouth around his base. even the gagging sound beginning to excite him a little too much. he liked the sound of struggle, knowing it was hard to keep up. he leaned his head into the leather and looked down to see your eyes glaring at him, even the gloss over your eyes made him want to bite back. "keep it up with your mouth and i'll give you what your hips are begging for." he choked out, his stomach twitching from underneath his shirt. he knew was cusping at the edge.
you felt your body warm up at his words, only making you give him a real show with your mouth. his grunts becoming incredibly obvious now, he wanted the real thing. he let you pump him for a few more moments before pulling your hair to unlatch your lips from him. watching as the saliva slowly dripped from your gaping mouth, snickering to himself. "uh-uh, i want you up here baby." he breathily stated, releasing your hair from his fist. he watched as you crawled back onto his lap with a shit eating grin. "hike it up for me." he added on, trailing his hands on your thighs as you curled up the fabric around your hips. he looked down to your underwear and shook his head, "off." he demanded, making you quickly pull of the couch for a moment to toss them off of you. quickly plopping back onto his lap, his eyes zoned on the new sight.
his fingers quickly moved under you to rub along your clit, smiling to himself as it immediately made an effect on you. "you like me spending all that money on you?" he asked, continuing his pace. you shakily nod, only able to respond in needy whimpers. "come on, answer me baby. or i'll have to stop rubbing on you like this." he snickered out, knowing he was going get the exact answer he wanted. "y-yes!" you choke out, bucking your hips with the movement of his fingers. "and you just love paying back, don't you?" he sighs out, looking down to his fingers. your hands grip along the edge of the couch, almost about to fall back. "you just get whatever you want, huh?" he adds on, biting down on his tongue as he fastened his pace along you.
his kept his eyes down, slowly trailing his fingers from your clit to your slit with a grin. "you want this, don't you baby?" he groaned out as he teased the tip of his finger on your slit. you looked at him and leaned forward, almost trying to push it inside yourself. "mm-mm, don't get shy now- if you don't say what you want, i can't give it to you baby. tell me." he seethed out, shaking his head softly at your impatience. "please- give it to me." you whimper out, progressively just getting more and more needy. with that, and a click of his tongue, he shoved one finger inside you. your eyes shutting as it reached fully inside. "already two?" you groan out, earning him a little chuckle. "it's just one for now, baby." your hips immediately pressing down into his legs as he curled his finger. it really was unbelievable just how nice the one felt.
he watched as your head flailed back to his motions, his free hand reaching up your chest. letting his fingers grip along your neck gently, making you fix your head back down. "show me that you want more, baby. i know a sweet- sweet whore like you can." he sneered out, letting his grip tighten along your throat slightly. your noises only growing more desperate as he curled his fingers right where it needed to be, your hips switching along him. he watched how your hips moved with ease, knowing how good it feel right on his dick; but he could be patient. this was more than worth it. "god- you fucking slut." he seethed out, popping another finger in as he smoothed out his pacing. "you deserved another one for that." he added on, pumping his fingers in and out.
you lean down and press your palm into his chest to stabilize yourself, huffing for air as he continued. he snickered to himself as he could see how quickly you were just giving in, bringing his free hand to cup your face as he kept his finger's pacing. "it's a miracle you can take my cock when you act like this with my damn fingers." he muttered, keeping his grip tight on your face. your eyes fluttering open and shut as he kept on, unsure on how much longer he could go with this before you would completely unravel. "got you in the palm of my hand, don't i?" he adds on, swallowing deeply and waiting for you to do anything but whine out. your hips begin to whine on his fingers, making him look down at the mess you were creating with yourself. "fucking yourself back with my fingers? show me how you really feel, hm?" he grunted out, smiling as he noticed how close you were to coming right on him.
slowly nodding with a grin as he noticed the immense relief that washed on your face, feeling your hips slowly come to a stop. he groaned and pulled out his fingers of you, settling both his hands now on your hips as he raised your body up. "my turn, yeah? only fair right?" he seethed out, your body was already so exhausted. you knew it'd be worth it though, adjusting the fabric of the dress before settling yourself on his dick. schlatt's hands gripping tightly into your hips as you pushed all the way down, a bit surprised you did it so quickly. no questions. just how he wanted you. you kept your hand on his chest as you bounced yourself, his eyes transfixed on how your breasts were bouncing with you. a part of him wanting to just completely take over.
he slapped his hand along your back, causing you to fall right where he wanted you. running his fingertips into your back as he latched his lips onto your breast, lapping his tongue the best he could with your rapid bouncing. his eyes closed as he focused on sucking down on you, enjoying every last moment. roaming his hand along your back as he pulled you in close, smashing every inch of your flesh against his face. his other hand giving a sharp slap on your ass as you were reeling him in more and more. choking out a yell, only encouraging you to keep your vigorous pacing on his cock. your arms wrapping along his shoulders as you wailed out, schlatt's body stiffening as he felt your insides tighten around him. unable to control himself, his lips letting go of your breasts. his head falling to the back of the couch, all he could do was look at you and pant. it couldn't be more perfect.
you were so drowned in the pleasure, you didn't even realize how intense you were going. oh but he knew, letting out a low groan as you continued. his eyes failing to keep open, but he needed them open so he could see how good your tits looked while you bounced so desperately. almost like your life depended on it. his hand trailed up your sides, the dress had basically became a hip cover at this point. the only thing you could hear from him was a few 'fucks' and 'shit's underneath his breath, watching him beneath you as he struggled to keep himself together. "god- don't let me stop you now." he groaned out, bucking his hips to meet with yours as your pacing began to lessen. looking up into your eyes as he noticed how tired and shaky your legs were getting.
finally having enough, just wanting to rummage every bit inside of you. grabbing onto your sides and bucking his hips up and down, a pace you couldn't do if you tried. he smiled as he watched your lips fall agape, you really were just letting go. just for him. he'd be lying if he said that's not what he wanted. "come on. let go." he stifles out through his grunts, giving you another rash slap to the ass. "this is exactly what you wanted, hm?" he adds, looking up to you and expecting an immediate answer. he noticed the side of your ass reddening, only exciting him further to do it again. "answer me." he grunts out, practically branding your ass with his palm. you yelp out and grip onto the edge of the couch to not complete fall over, "g-god yes!" you shakily whimper out, huffing in and out.
he flails his head back and continues to mindlessly pump into you, almost choking on his breath as he climaxes. slowing down his pacing as he lets it fill inside, rubbing his hands around the raised up skin on your hip. the heat radiating off his palms. "you wanna show me the other dresses?" he snickers out, trying to catch up with his breaths. running a hand through his hair with a smile, you groan and pull yourself off of him. almost stumbling on your own movements, "if that's what you want." you huff out, watching as he began to pull up his boxers. "what? scared of round two?" he stifles out, sitting up more upright as he watched you fix yourself back up. you roll your eyes with a grin as you pull up the straps of the dress, his grin growing as he's reminded just how good you look.
you peel up the fabric up to cover up your breasts, wincing as you try to move your hips. the silk pairing perfectly with your dampened skin, and he was well aware of how beautiful it looked. "yeah. i'm taking you back to that store soon." he mutters, eyeing you up and down. "you've made it clear it's worth it."
author's note : i think this was the most excited i've gotten off a one shot idea, maybe Ever. perhaps it's because it's based on one of my favorite CAKE song, but none the less @thecourtjester-e is a mastermind and i appreciate the patience and creativity that was helped put into this. so PLEASE check them out !! 💌 their new series is one of my personal favs and i'm sure it will be yours too :,))
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ ❄︎ just pure fluff. talks of having kids. established relationship. not proof read. english is not my first language.
You were laying down on the bed, wire headphones plugged in on your phone as you listened to one of the hundreds of playlists you’ve created, mindlessly scrolling through pinterest when Schlatt walks in, camcorder in hand.
“And here- Oh look, it’s mommy!”
You frown, looking up from your phone immediately in pure confusion. “Mommy?”
He chuckles. “I’m recording a video for our future kids.”
Three days ago, on Christmas, you gifted Schlatt the exact same camcorder model his parents had when he was a child, and apparently the year ending nostalgia really got to him since he’s been recording little home videos for your future selfs basically every day.
You sat up on the bed to try and look a little more presentable for your imaginary kids. You wave at the camera, “Hey kids! Mommy loves you already, even though I’m still taking birth control!”
Schlatt snorts, the little wrinkles in his eyes making a sweet appearance as the corners of his mouth moved up.
“Show them what you’re listening to!”
You turn your phone screen to the camera, the song title and album cover showing up in your lock screen.
“See, kids? Ya mama’s music taste is trash,” he teased, moving the camera up to film your face. You roll your eyes at him, a big smile plastered on your face. “Don’t end up like this, I’ll kick y’all out!”
“Sorry guys, y’all are only allowed to listen to your father’s christmas album until you’re 18.” You teased back, earning an earnest laugh from Schlatt.
“That’d be a good way to punish them, tho.”
You just laugh at him, shaking your head as you took your headphones off, moving away from the center of the bed and a little over to the left, giving your boyfriend space to lay down with you, and he did. He laid down right next to you, using your chest as pillows, turning the camera around to get you both in frame.
“Look how cute we are,” You said, pointing over to the viewfinder. “We definitely should procreate. Our genes are too good to gatekeep like that.”
It was Schlatt’s turn to laugh and shake his head at your antics. “That’s a wrap. Bye kids, love ya!”
With that, he stopped recording, carefully placing the heavy camera on his nightstand before coming back to lay next to you, pulling you into his arms, both your bodies tangled together.
“Ya know toots, hate to say it but now we really have to get married and have kids, because if one day you ever break up with me, I’m gonna kill myself and leave that video as my suicide note.”
You threw your head back, loud laugh echoing through the apartment, quickly joined by Schlatt’s low, little giggles.
omg don’t look at me!! wrote this in one go because i have two other wips that have been a huge pain in the ass for me and wanted to post something before the year ends :( hope y’all had the best holidays ever, and an even better new years 🫶🫶🫶
can I pretty please with a cherry on top request fluff like late night gaming fluff 🙏🏻
˗ˏˋ ❝ for you, i'm an insomniac. ❞ ˎˊ˗
this idea is so SO cute, i hope you enjoy ! thank you for your patience for how long this has taken me :,)
summary : schlatt begs you to come over to watch him play re4, he doesn't admit it's because he misses you so he just says it's because of 'how cool it was that he found his old playstation two.'
♯┆established relationship, only fluff, fem reader !
as the covers slowly became one with you, the distress from your work day became nearly invisible. working with the general public wasn't a walk in the park so it was the moments like these that somewhat made it worth it. your eyelids eventually became heavy as you attempted to pay attention to the video that was quietly playing on your tv. whatever youtuber that was talking through the screen was quickly beginning to sound like gibberish as your brain began to completely shut off. seems like your body was actually allowing you to sleep peacefully for the night.
letting out a final sigh before allowing yourself to fully surrender to the exhaustion, closing your eyes and hoping the next day makes up for the last. you were too comfortable to even nudge your tired arm to the remote to shut off the video, your electricity bill would thank you, but that didn't feel necessary in the slightest. just silently thankful that it wasn't another night of taking sleep aid because you were stuck awake at midnight when you had an early morning shift the following day. instead, it was a quiet friday night where you knew you could just seep into your covers until noon if you pleased, just as you'd been begging for in the past five days.
“♪ ding ding! ♪” then went off your phone, immediately making your closed eyes scrunch up in aggravation. it was probably just your friend sending some video, no need to check it. they’d understand in the morning. back to focusing on the soft ambiance of the gibberish you were hearing play from your tv, no need to worry about anything other than sleep.
“♪ ding ding! ♪” sounding off loudly once again from your phone, only making you more frustrated with the insistent noise. whoever was texting you wasn't even giving you a five minute waiting period, if it was your friend, you were more than likely going to bite their head off. your sleep was more important than some funny video, the aggravation was definitely your deprivation talking though. you slowly open up your eyes and narrow your eyes to your phone laying on the nightstand. silently pondering if you should check it, reluctant to say the least. maybe it was important, maybe it was your parent? now the unnecessary anxiety was pushing itself into your system, oh goodie.
you groan and push yourself out of the comfortable position, silently scolding yourself because it was obvious you weren't going to find that perfect balance of comfort in a spot easily again. you groggily sit yourself up and yank the phone into your palm and look at the pestering notification screen, your face slightly softening when your tired brain registered who it was that was ‘bugging’ you.
schlatt <3 : Hey goober. Guess what I found hiding in my storage collecting dust.
schlatt <3 : It's my old PS2 in case you were dying to know. Original RE4 too.
you quietly chuckle to yourself as you get your brain to finally wake up enough to acknowledge what the text actually said, you knew he could be random at times; just was hilarious that he felt the need to text you at near midnight about how he found his old gaming console. you type back to him with a soft grin plastered on your face, a teeny bit curious as to what he was probably wanting out of this late night conversation.
you : you're going through your storage at midnight?
schlatt <3 : Yeah.
schlatt <3 : Why. You gonna judge me?
you : no no lol
schlatt <3 : Thought so.
schlatt <3 : You want to come over? It's good nostalgia.
you eyed the last message for a moment, knowing full well that future you would scold you for passing on a good night's sleep. it had been a bit since you saw him after all; though the logical part of your brain was working its magic apparently.
you : i'm reallyyyy exhausted, maybe tomorrow? :(
schlatt <3 : Oh come on.
schlatt <3 : Visibly showing you the reaction. Yeah.
schlatt <3 : Seriously though, you can sleep at mine. Just sleep on the couch while I play and stuff.
it was getting a bit harder to say no, though the thought of driving the distance to his place felt like a nightmare with how tired you were. you were slowly coming out of your groggy state anyhow, so it was beginning to get even more tempting.
you : so you're not gonna be mad if i immediately pass out when i get there ... that's what you're saying ??
schlatt <3 : Of course not. Just want you to see how cool the console is. Even if it's just a few minutes. Then you can honk shoo all you want, baby.
it was as if anytime this man said 'baby' it activated some neuron in your brain to oblige to whatever he had to say, not that it was necessarily terrible. you sighed and fiddled your thumbs above the screen; hovering over the letters and debating if you'd hate yourself later for what you were about to do.
you : okaaay. i'll be there in a bit, just get it set up and everything. :,)
schlatt <3 : Sweet. Be safe. ❤️
you smiled at his last text and shut your phone's screen off as you propped yourself off the bed, you were still in your sleep attire but you didn't feel like changing; he'd understand obviously. not like he was expecting you to show up in some body-con fit to show off his twenty year old gaming console. you swiftly grabbed your bag and made your way to the front door, little did you know schlatt was being well prepared for a spontaneous night like this.
your body was so tired from the driving, the distance between schlatt and you was not a measly amount. he somehow made it worth it every time though. you made your way out of your car and groggily walked to the front door, holding your arms together when the rash realization hit you from how cold it was. would've been smarter to bring a hoodie of some sort, but whatever. you shake off the shivers and knock on the front door, rocking yourself back and forth to keep some natural body heat going.
the door practically swung open moments after you knocked, being greeted with schlatt smiling like it was christmas morning. he immediately stepped out to the doorway to wrap his arms around you and feverishly kiss the top of your head, seems like he really did miss you; just didn't want to bruise his pride and say that in a text message. he soon stopped with his insistent kisses to your scalp and looked down to your eyes, immediately realizing you were, in fact, exhausted. "oh you poor baby." he quietly chuckled out before taking a step back into the doorway to let you enter, his hand never leaving the small of your back as you made your way inside the much warmer atmosphere.
he rubbed your back gently as he shut the front door and locked it, looking back to you and your improper attire for the weather conditions of the north. "and you're trying to give yourself hypothermia." he sighed out as he let his hand trail to your shoulders, giving the tense tissue a soft squeeze and quickly noticing how tense you were. "wasn't thinking that quickly." you mutter out as you look to him and tiredly grin, in return making him take back the notion of wanting to scold you like a concerned father about your carelessness about your health with such chilly weather. your smile was just too cute for him to try and be upset with when it met his gaze. "well- you'll warm up here fine. days if you want." he jokes, but secretly hoping you'd pick to stay the weekend over at his place instead of wallowing in your apartment.
he had that pleading look complimenting his smile, as if his eyes were doing the begging for him. the temptations were obviously making their works, you sigh and pummel your cheek into the soft fabric of his shirt. the action making him lowly chuckle and wrap his arms around you, engulfed as if he wanted to create a cage around you. a silent 'lovely, won't you please stay?' you let your body weight lean against him with a soft sigh, "this was your plan all along?" you murmur into his chest, you could almost feel the soft nod he was giving you. clicking his tongue before looking down to your head and smiling, "i did want to show you the PS2." he chuckled, knowing he wasn't fooling a soul with his words. upon hearing his reply, you softly raise your head to meet with his eyes once again, "maybe i'm not too tired..." you replied with a grin.
he gently tucked his bottom lip in as he heard your reply, instantly being filled with glee; turns out his plan was going to fall perfectly into place. "i was hoping you'd say that." he practically whispered as he stared into your eyes, then trailing his gaze to the living room in which he set up prior to your arrival. you couldn't help but follow the direction of where his eyes were landing, being pleasantly surprised with the view being given to you. your grip on him softening as you saw the coffee table arranged with your favorite drinks and snacks, as well as a singular PS2 controller laying in the middle. you look back to him in slight shock and smile, "seems like you had a plan?" you questioned with a quiet snicker. he smugly shrugged and took a step back from your grasp and cross his arms, "ah, table just- came to be like that. keep fixing it and it keeps going back to that. i think it might be somethin' paranor-" he snickers out before you cut him off with a gentle kiss, your giggles escaping onto his lips as you pursed your lips against his. his laughter was about one in the same, tuned in with yours as he rubbed the edge of your chin with his fingertips.
your laughter was never fading, only lessening when you gently pulled away from the embrace; looking into his eyes with a smile. "you lead the way then." you mutter out and poke his shoulder with a stiffed giggle, making him just roll his eyes and shake his head. "i got a better idea," he admitted with a rather mischievous expression before giving you a certain look, letting you know what he was plotting silently. you furrowed your eyebrows and shook your head with widened eyes, only making him nod with a widening smile. "no. no!" you exclaim with a smile before he ignored your pleas and grabbed you up by the waist and flopped you onto his shoulder. making you just give up on trying to fight it off at this point. he just giggled and gave you a light tap on the behind before walking the both of you to the living room, "air jail for you not wearing a damn coat." he chuckled out, making you gently kick your legs in protest with a groan. you knew he'd get you for that little blip sooner or later.
he gently placed you on the couch, letting a soft grumble escape his lips. letting himself plop on the couch right beside you and immediately pull you to get close as possible to him, it was incredibly evident he missed you terribly. you leaned your head into the crook of his neck, taking in as much body heat from him as you possibly could; he was practically a heat pad. "you can stay like this as i play, y'know?" he muttered as he eyed the tv with the loading screen glowing in the front of you two. "are you gonna start it up, or are you too cozy?" you reply, tilting your head against him so you could get the perfect up close view of his side profile. "yeah, yeah." he softly snickered out as he reluctantly raised his body up to grab the controller, returning right back to his original position. you watched as his finger darted to the buttons to start up the game, seeing how his face practically lit up when the intro music began playing.
you let your body relax into his as you eyed his movements, noticing the little crook in his brow as he was throughly concentrated on getting the controls correct. "1998 ... i'll never forget it." he softly muttered, syncing his voice with leon's as the opening scene began to play out. it was as if he's played this game countless times, which would appear to you as surprising considering he's never stated he even liked the idea of horror games. "you remember it all?" you reply with a snarky tone, snickering to yourself as you adjusted yourself on him. he lightly shrugged and looked to you as the opening scene continued to play on, "not all, just enough from my brother playing it when i was small." he mumbled as he was trying his best to focus on you and the opening scene at the same time, it'd had to have been years since he touched this game. so multitasking was something he'd have to push himself to do. especially when it came to you.
you saw how his attention went back to the screen as the scene faded out, leaving him to his own defenses when playing it. hoping that he wouldn't get jump-scared and jolt his body against yours, cause that'd just be embarrassing. you yawned and sprawled your stretching arms around his waist and let your body sink into the couch further, your head practically at his hip now; not that he really minded. he was pretty much a pillow anyway you laid on him, and even if he didn't outwardly show it, he was happy to be that small ounce of comfort for you. even if it meant making half of his body go to sleep as he mindlessly played video games.
he could feel your body slipping against his, letting his hand scruff up the top of your head with a low chuckle. you looked up to him, enjoying this new point of view of him. how he had his tongue slightly poked from his lips as he walked through the forest in the game, seeing how focused he was to not get startled by a zombie of some sort. his body slightly leaning forward to eye the screen better, you could tell there was about to be a jump-scare of some nature; you just thought it was hilarious to not entail him about it. curling up a smile as he turned a corner, attempting to find the village, and being met with his fate. a loud roar from a zombie rung through the speakers, making him immediately jump in his place. with that silly reaction, you just couldn't help but snicker to yourself about it. making him snap his head to you with a furrowed brow, "you're not funny." he snaps, the newfound adrenaline still working its way into his system.
you just shake your head and nuzzle your cheek into his side with another giggle, "you were so startled, i couldn't help it," you stammer out in the midst of your choked out laughter. he slowly shook his head at you and narrowed his eyes softly, "fine then, you make a grand attempt at it." he snickered out, secretly hoping you'd agree to his plea. he was already imagining how cute you'd look while focusing intently to the video game. you shrug and lean your body back up straight, taking the controller from his hand with a smile. you were a little excited to make him look like a dweeb, to say the least. you adjust your body against the couch, whereas he was already letting his chin rest in his palm as he eyed your movements. even tired, he thought you were the most heart piercing he could fathom. you could see him in your peripheral vision as you moved the controls to walk through the alley. focusing on the incoming noises, for a game that was made twenty years; it sure wasn't playing about thrill factor. guess that's why they call it a classic, yeah?
he was incredibly dead-set on seeing you get started, seemed like he was paying attention to the background noise more than before; which is hilarious considering he was the one who needed to worry about it when playing it for himself. you navigated the gravel and keep your focus on anything incoming, your body involuntarily pulling closer to the edge of the couch. the sight making schlatt try his best to bite back a laugh, seeing you so focused but so exhausted was definitely a visionary. you neared closer to a little shack, immediately clicking on the switch to a hand held. seemed like common sense, y'know dark small place is going to equal the perfect opportunity to scare the shit out of the player. you walked into the shed, hoping to find some sort of loot of some kind, being met with a raging zombie that was growling loudly through the speaker. which in turn, didn't make you jump. it just made schlatt jump. yeah, he really was not cut out for games like this, it was cute to see him attempt them though. you look to him for a moment and back to the screen with a smile as you shot down the zombie, collecting the loot that fell from the character.
you dropped the controller in your lap, trailing your eyes back to him with a snarky giggle; knowing full well the look on his face was not an expression of him being impressed. he just slowly shook his head and gently took the controller from your lap, the slow movement almost being funnier than his face alone. you try your best to not burst out laughing, tight lining your lips and slowly breathing to control yourself. "this game sucks anyways." he stammers out, swiftly putting the controller on the coffee table before flinging his body closer to yours to pull you into a kiss, you could feel the grin from his lips as he did so. "i still have mario kart against you." he snickers out as he pulls himself off of your lips slightly, pressing his lips back onto yours before you could even get the chance to defend yourself. you lightly pat his shoulder in an attempt to get your words out, but his muffled laughter was evidence enough that he didn't like the idea of that. instead, just smothering himself on you. seemed like a much better idea of a fun night, considering he really wasn't that invested in the game. rather that you were in his grasp after such a long while.
you successfully pull yourself off of him to look him in the eye, trying to get your words out in the air despite your infectious laughter. "so you're saying we should retry mario kart?" you stifle out with a smile, his hands continuing to move down your back with a slow motion. "i don't think i want to be cussed out by yoshi again." he chuckles out, his reply making you roll your eyes and nudge his shoulder lightly. "maybe it'll be waluigi this time." you claim, letting your body fall completely on the soft cushion. the sight alone making schlatt slowly not care about mario kart as much. he attempted to get his priorities in check, "so now you're copying me with wario? wow..." he replied with a smug grin plastered on his face. you reach your hand up and shake his face with your palm in a playful aggressive manner, immediately making his face scrunch up in confusion and amusement.
"i say you be daisy, y'know considering all the fuss between her and wario." he slyly spoke, leaning his face towards yours as you laid against the cushion. "what? because you look like him too?" you snicker, making him roll his eyes with a low chuckle. "oh, shut the fuck up." he playfully pokes before kissing you again, letting his hands trail down your arms. you giggle into the kiss once more, lightly tugging at the collar of his shirt to bring him in closer. drifting your hands to his neck, feeling the roughness of his beard trying to grow under his chin. he let his lips leave yours just so he could get a better look of you underneath him, silently thanking whatever being let him have this gracious view. "you're pretty like daisy too." he stammered out, sighing softly and keeping his eyes on you in near disbelief, "guess that compliments for my mean mug, yeah?" he adds on, making you blow a raspberry and shake your head with a choked out giggle.
"whatever that means." you sigh out, you knew you were getting tired but this whole thing was too much fun to miss out on. he could see it in your eyes, and a small part of him decided to go easier on you. considering your hell of a work week, if you'd allow it; he'd just let you live comfortably under him. he respected you enough to let you have your independence though, or at least until you brought it up. "you know exactly what that means, baby." he cooed out before slipping his hand underneath you to raise you up, seeing how exhausted you were from the look in your eye. you just allowed him to move you like a rag doll, eventually leaning against his shoulder and sighing from the immense comfort of how soft he was. he grabbed the controller and switched out of the game, putting on gran turismo 4, seemed more appropriate to play while he let you sleep. he promised you that anyhow.
you let your eyes softly shut as you heard the opening music ring from the speakers, wrapping your arms around him once more. he looked to your tired demeanor for a moment before continuing on with the game. feeling a smile growing on his lips as he drank in the moment, hoping you wouldn't open your eyes and see his lingering eyes. "days if you want." he softly whispered, as he looked down to your twitchy body falling asleep. he didn't seem to get a reply, safely assuming your body had enough of the day. he couldn't really ask for more though, you were here. it's all he could ask for on a night like this. he sighed and gently kissed the top of your head before trailing his eyes back to the screen. letting his head rest against the top of yours with a warm grin. you didn't take one bite of the snacks he specifically bought for you, but he was just secretly hoping that meant you'd be over long enough to enjoy them in the daytime. this was enough for him in the meantime.
author's note : i swear i was kickin' my feet when writing this, i LOVE soft schlatt. i hope you enjoyed !! i hope i can make my posting schedule more consistent soon, so in the meantime i throughly appreciate your patience :,) also thank you so much for the kind words with my return and stuff, you guys are actual sweethearts.
the fact that i could see each of the chuckle boys as like.. hallmark christmas love interests is so silly to me
and idk if there's anyone out there who knows these movies well, we don't have cable in my house so i've only seen a small handful so if im wrong shhh no im not + also this was written real late so if u see mistakes nuh uh
Ted is the teasing and kind, handsome guy that can't help but show up at all the right places to poke fun at you. He's a friend of your parents who sing his praises mentioning that he's been such a help while you've been away, and he's happy to meet you, saying he's heard much about you from your parents and takes that opportunity to tease but he's also the kind to notice your jacket isn't quite keeping you warm and gives you his scarf, telling him to keep it cause you look better in it than him anyways.
Schlatt is the grew up hotter than you were expecting kind of guy, who has a shocking soft spot for christmas despite how he teased and tormented you as kids. He acts a bit aloof around you at first until he finds out you aren't very fond of Christmas and takes it upon himself to change your mind, bringing you hot chocolate and tricking you into skating under the lights with him and guiding you along the ice because it's been so long since you last went skating, he leads you on this tour around the town showing off all the decorations on the houses only to find yourselves in the big decorated town square under the mistletoe and he's so smug and says he has no idea how that got there but... tradition is tradition after all
Charlie is the childhood neighbour and friend who you slowly grew away from but is glowing to see you and invite you along and open up all these old feelings for him along the way. Everything is a trip down memory lane and your parents can't help but laugh fondly as you two immediately go back to stealing cookies and sneaking onto the roof to sit together and watch the stars, starting snowball fights and smearing flour and icing on each other as you bake. Like the most cutesy cliche things like throwing snow in the air to make it sprinkle down around you or making snow angels. Then finally confessing to each other you both had feelings "before everything" during the annual christmas dance and while he was too scared to when you were younger, he invites you to dance and the two of you are at the centre of the room as the night progresses, never once letting go of each other.
Omg, yes, I'm so glad I found your blog, I absolutely love ur writing! Anyways, I was thinking recently a lot about how ted or schlatt(separately) would do if readers cat hated them. Specifically inspired by my childhood male pet cat who hated all men for some reason, so like what if readers cat hated man too, including Schatt and Ted and how would the two cope with the cat, especially with a reader who loves their cat more than life and treats the cat like their baby.
-💣 Anon
Thanks so much! ❤️ and I love this idea! I hope you enjoy! I wrote for both of the boys, sorry of they’re similar i just wanted to make sure they were both meeting the request the best I could :(
X fem reader
❥ Jschlatt:
Schlatt had never been one to shy away from a challenge, but this was a whole different ballgame. Your cat perched on its favorite spot on the back of the couch. It glared at him like he was the ultimate enemy. And sure he’d faced some fierce opponents in his life, but none quite like this… A fluffy ball of fury with sharp claws and an aversion to his very existence.
“Come on, furball, what’s your deal with me, huh?” Schlatt muttered, holding out a treat. But as expected, the cat hissed in response, tail flicking with irritation. Schlatt glanced at you, half-amused, half-frustrated. “Your little demon hates me.”
You smiled sweetly from the kitchen, clearly unbothered. “He doesn’t hate you. He just… has trust issues with men.”
“Yeah, no kidding.” Schlatt muttered, stuffing the treat back in his pocket. He watched as you moved around, your attention on anything but the cold war happening between him and the cat. It stung a little, mostly because you loved your cat more than anything, and Schlatt just wanted to be a part of that little bubble.
Later that evening while you were reading on the couch your cat curled up contentedly on your lap. Schlatt sat beside you giving the animal plenty of space. “I’m telling you, it’s personal. I haven’t done a damn thing, and he acts like I kicked him.”
“He’s just protective,” you said, scratching behind the cat’s ears as it purred in contentment. “He doesn’t know how amazing you are yet.”
“Yeah? Doesn’t feel that way.” Schlatt crossed his arms, his eyes locked on the little furball a mix of determination and affection in his gaze. “You love him, so I gotta get him to love me. I’m not giving up.”
The next few days became a silent competition between Schlatt and the cat. He tried everything, treats, toys, even soft-talking to the feline when you weren’t around. But the cat, true to form, would hiss, swat, or flat-out ignore his every attempt.
One night after you’d fallen asleep on the couch with your cat beside you Schlatt sat on the floor, staring at the sleeping ball of fluff. “I get it, alright? You’re her baby. But you gotta cut me some slack here, man. I’m trying.” He spoke quietly as if not to wake you. “I’m not going anywhere, so maybe... ease up on the whole hating me thing?”
To his surprise the cat blinked lazily at him, but there was no immediate swipe. It was a small victory.
The breakthrough came a few nights later when Schlatt found himself alone with the cat while you ran out for groceries. He sat on the couch scrolling through his phone when the cat jumped up beside him. Schlatt froze, not daring to make a move.
“You finally gonna give me a chance, huh?” He murmured. The cat stared at him for a moment then slowly curled up at the farthest end of the couch. It wasn’t much, but for Schlatt, it was a win.
When you came home, you found Schlatt grinning, pointing at the cat. “Did you see that? Progress.”
You laughed softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “Looks like he’s starting to come around.”
Schlatt wrapped an arm around you, feeling triumphant. “I told you, babe. It’s only a matter of time before we’re best buddies. Just wait.”
From that point on, the cat’s hostility slowly lessened. And every time Schlatt got a bit closer, literally or figuratively, he’d look at you with that smug grin of his as if to say, See? Told you I’d win him over.
Because in the end, Schlatt knew there was no way he’d let a cat get in the way of the two things he loved most: you and your weird little family.
❥ Ted:
Ted had always considered himself a bit of an animal whisperer. Dogs loved him. Birds? Sure, they’d chirp at him from time to time. But your cat? Your beloved furball who, for reasons Ted couldn’t understand, seemed to despise him on sight? That was a different story.
“I don’t get it,” Ted said, standing a safe distance from where the cat was sprawled on your lap. The feline’s eyes were half-closed, but the moment Ted moved too close those eyes would snap open, ears flattening like a silent warning.
You giggled from your spot on the couch, running a hand through the cat’s fur. “He’s just picky. Besides, he’s never liked men. Nothing personal.”
Ted gave you a look, half-bewildered, half-amused. “How can it not be personal? I’ve been nothing but nice to him! Look, I even bought him treats.” He held up the bag of cat treats he’d picked up on his way over waving it like it was some peace offering.
Your cat of course was unimpressed.
“He’ll come around,” you said with a smile, completely confident in your cat’s ability to forgive. Ted, however, wasn’t so sure.
For the next few days, Ted became a man on a mission. If you loved your cat as much as you said you , and it was obvious that you adored the little furball, then Ted was going to win the feline over. That was just the way it had to be.
First, he tried some charm. He’d lean down, give the cat his most disarming smile and speak to it in the softest tone. “Hey, buddy. We don’t have to be enemies, you know? I’m a great guy. Your mom likes me. Maybe we could start over?”
The cat blinked slowly and then turned away, flicking its tail in Ted’s direction. He sighed.
Next came the food. Every time he came over Ted brought new treats, convinced that sooner or later, the cat would crack. But it seemed the feline’s hatred ran deep because not even the fanciest most expensive treats Ted could find would win him any favor. At most the cat would sniff the offering, glance at Ted with a smug “nice try” look then walk away.
You watched all of this with a mix of amusement and sympathy. “They’re stubborn,” you said one evening after Ted’s latest attempt at befriending your cat ended in failure. “But so are you.”
“Yeah but he’s winning,” Ted muttered, looking defeated as the cat curled up smugly on the other side of the room, far from him. “And I don’t like losing.”
Then one day while you were in the kitchen making tea Ted was alone in the living room with the cat. He sat on the floor, facing the animal, trying to bridge the unspoken divide. “Alright, listen up,” Ted began in a serious tone. “I get it. You’re the king of the castle. But I’m not trying to take your throne, okay? I just want to make her happy. And if that means you and I have to find some middle ground, then fine. Let’s do it.”
The cat blinked at him still looking unimpressed, but for the first time, it didn’t turn away.
Ted, feeling like he might have made some small progress, reached out carefully and the cat didn’t immediately swat at him. It wasn’t exactly purring in his lap but it was something. Ted’s heart swelled with hope.
You walked back into the room just in time to catch the tail end of the scene. “Wait, is he… is he letting you pet him?”
Ted grinned proudly, hand hovering above the cat’s head still wary but cautiously optimistic. “I think we’ve had a breakthrough.”
Ted glanced up at you, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Yeah, well, it only took me three bags of treats, a couple hours of groveling, and a motivational speech.”
But as if on cue, your cat did the unthinkable… He leaned into Ted’s hand, just a little, allowing the smallest of pats. Ted froze , his eyes wide in disbelief.
You gasped beaming at the sight. “He likes you!”
Ted chuckled his heart racing at the sight of your happiness. “Yeah, well, how could he not? I’m irresistible.” He teases
From that day forward, Ted and your cat were far from best friends, but there was a mutual understanding. The cat still gave him a hard time now and then but every once in a while, it would curl up near him. Even sometimes let him pet him without fuss. And each time that happened Ted would look at you with the biggest grin. Like he’d just won the world’s most important battle.
