liberate yourself

[midoria-shuv]

In my late twenties, I have come to accepting my perks and quirks. I am biscuit hoarder. I must have 4-5 types of biscuits in my home at all times which I mix and self serve during my tea time. I have a box of mini cheese crackers biscuits, a box of saltines, a box of plain milk, a fancy light green packet of hazelnut cookies for special occasions, such as Tuesdays and an unopened packet of ladyfingers. If I remember it correctly, only my mother-in-law is aware of my “passion” for biscuits when she one day noticed me purchasing six different boxes of biscuits.

All these flash backed as I find myself drawn to this box of coconut biscuits and my arm automatically reached out to grab one. A breeze of sense and self reflection hit me with a vague picture of “biscuits at home” . With much restraint, I hold back, I walk home with pace lugging my groceries…

like a guilty person looking for an escape..

[midoria-shuv]

His gaze follows as I light up the candle with his lighter.

He lets out a smile and says, “so, you finally learned to light up my lighter?”

“10th times is the charm!” I reply accepting, few burns can’t really hurt..

[midoria-shuv]

You can still taste the sweet blueberries in your mouth. You pick up some nectarine and a bagel for your partner and carry them in your hand as you walk home. You come across a plant store and think about the claim he made in the morning before going to work. He called you a “deliberate plant killer” as he saw your dry parsley plant in the kitchen. A flash back followed the history of many plants that you brought home excitedly then forgot to nurse.

You let out a deep breath as you recall the challenge you accepted this morning to keep the next house plant alive for a year or face the consequence of lifetime banter.

You wander off then shake off that feeling and get out of that plant store. Your hands are full to carry a plant today. Maybe another day.

[midoria-shuv]

Cigarette in a red saree….

It was pouring rain on the night of “Bijoya Doshomi”..With two days in hand and million tasks to complete, i quickly draped myself in blood red saree that I specifically bought for the occasion.

I nervously made my way to buy a packet of cigarettes for the first time. I can’t recall the name I purchased but my heart was racing.

I was counting the hours in my head..

Time flies, as we pause between conversations and laughter to catch our breaths. My heart teeming with ache and gratitude, realized I came to say goodbye to my safe place. As my eyes filled in tears, nonchalantly she got up and lit a cigarette..

We share a couple of cigarettes and few more laughs and watch the sky grow darker..

The cigarette left a bitter taste in my mouth but the evening remained as a precious memory..

[midoria-shuv]

Do you see me?

I am shifting, floating.. among the clouds..

I fade in the wind..

Do I reach the North Sea?

In my mind, I hear the waves crushing mercilessly..

I see my aching spirit crumble as it shatters in the sea..

With the rumbling noise of the approaching train, I come back to reality..

I take off for now..

Another day will come for me to think of a song or knit a poem..

[midoria-shuv]

Do you realize that writing doesn't come as easy when you are happy as the way it flows like a stream when you are tangled within the paths of a deep forest trying to find your direction?

May be it's something I have adopted lately to escape the despair and confinement of my own helplessness. May be the mask of my deluded life is slowly wearing off and all I am left with is an unspoken desire. May be the reason that makes me so attractive to the person who loves me the most is fading leaving me powerless... Beauty, is never what I mean though, it's the way I enjoy everything in life, he says, made him love and protect me so gently from the world. Now, my fear is in wondering off to an unknown where the word meaning has lost all its purpose..

[midoria-shuv]

Seeking myself

Every morning, you wake up and schedule your tasks and organize your events for the day in order, one after another. You walk along the rhythm of your life and your surroundings abiding your role and duties. You participate within the crowd and enjoy the atmosphere circling the conversation and laughter.

Then suddenly, the wind changes and the spell that's been holding you together, breaks. You look around, you see people's faces, hear their stories again and ask yourself, "why am I here?"

"how did I lose myself in others? "

Your vision becomes hazy as the dark clouds begin to gather within your mind of imprisonment and the reflection that you have been building on the mirror slowly fades.

You don't see the light anymore, rather you fall into the pitch of darkness as you seek nothing but your own self..

[midoria-shuv]

Reminiscing..

Coming across something that's taken me back to where it all began.. The carefree innocence of love that overpowered all the social norms and conscience. The bravery in heart to be one, and fly like a Mocking Jay..

Now, distracted by the days engraved in memories, I stand still to the moment it clicked again.. The moment, when all the broken pieces that were once shattered by denial and agony are pieced back together by acceptance and forgiveness.. Realizing, it was never a moment of indulging to impulse, however, it has been my journey way back to a place of familiarity and completeness..

#innerthoughts #acceptance #innocence #carefree #mockingjay #completeness #poetry #connection #lyrical #story #peace #journey #life #realization #reminiscing

[midoria-shuv]

Becoming

Every evening, the little girl opened the curtain from her bedroom and looked through the windows. She enjoyed staring at the open field right in front of her house where a group of neighboring kids played football or cricket or just ran across the field and cheered care freely. 

A care free life, more specifically, freedom is all she ever dreamed of. Freedom to explore the world and the people around her more deeply and to let her be known as who she was. A strong will to choose, perhaps build her own path leading to becoming her best true self. 

Today evening, as she stood at the roof top to enjoy the colors of the sky and fill her lungs with fresh air, upon returning close to where she lived before, her eyes caught the view of the field followed by the old building she spent her childhood in. She walked towards the east corner of the roof top to get a closer look and stayed still mesmerized and in reminiscent. 

A smile lit up on her face and lightness sat on her heart as she thought of that little girl full of hopes that one day she would make it, reach her goal and be free.

[midoria-shuv]

Grey