Hey so I need help writing dialogue, esp banter between Tony & Peter, but really any conversations, I am so terrible and awkward at it, any advice??? I guess it’s just really hard for me to write them in character (snarky remarks, etc) when I personally am a polar opposite of Tony especially. Thanks ilu ❤️❤️ :)
Hi friend!! Thanks for the ask!! I'm not gonna lie, this is a hard question for me to answer because I am honestly so bad at analyzing my own writing. Like, I can edit the shit out of it, but ask me about my writing process outside of general technical things and I become empty-headed very quickly lol. But I’m going to give this a try anyway.
First, for what it's worth, I also don't see myself as much like Tony in real life. I'm not terribly quick-witted, I avoid confrontation like the plague, and I'm fairly open with expressing my emotions to anyone who will listen. People who know me IRL would absolutely say I'm a Peter Parker before they'd ever call me a Tony Stark.
Yet, I find Tony so much easier to write? Maybe it's because he has way more screen time to draw from, or maybe because even though I'm not like him I'm very drawn to characters who do the hard work of confronting and engaging with their trauma, but either way Tony's voice comes to me so easily in writing. So, with that in mind, here are some things I personally head-canon about Tony and Peter when it comes to how they interact.
For me, the snarky remarks, etc. between Peter and Tony go hand-in-hand with Tony's personality more than Peter’s. Peter can be very quippy on his own, but his relationship with May alone proves that he doesn't need to hide behind banter in order to have a close, loving relationship with a parental figure, let alone any others in his life. This is often why - when I write Tony and Peter having an emotional conversation - you'll often see Peter making quips for Tony's benefit, not because he necessarily needs to relate to Tony that way himself.
The reasons for this are varied, but mainly it’s because Peter recognizes - just like many people in Tony’s life - that Tony hides behind quips and banter as a defense mechanism when he feels attacked or uncomfortable. It’s a familiar fallback for him, and one that can set him at ease in the right situation. This doesn't have to be a direct or intentional attack, it can just be him feeling triggered or threatened in some way. An offhand comment or even an expression can immediately put him on the defensive and have him trying to hide his real emotions.
As for Peter, well, he’s nothing if not a bit expressive. He often wears his emotions on his sleeve, even if he's not sharing his thoughts verbally-- cues that Tony picks up on pretty quick but often misinterprets, just as Peter sometimes does the same with Tony’s defensive remarks. This creates the potential for a lot of miscommunication between them, even after years of knowing each other.
That said, Tony in my works can be very overly blunt with Peter when he feels Peter needs it-- almost overcompensatingly so at times. Yes, he still gets casually quippy and snarky, but he sees himself as a mentor first and foremost - someone tasked with the responsibility of making sure this incredibly brave and occasionally stupidly self-sacrificing kid survives long enough to become an adult and beyond - and that makes him very willing to impress his opinions upon Peter. He's very protective of Peter and he's not scared to show it, or draw from it to find the motivation to do and say what he thinks is best for Peter even when Peter doesn't agree. This can go well or it can go disastrously, depending on your plot.
Despite all that miscommunication potential, Tony is always trying very hard to overcome his usual defense mechanisms when it comes to his relationship with Peter and be more emotionally available, similar to how we see him emotionally progress in his relationship with Pepper in the films. I think canon supports this view, especially when Tony mentions not wanting to repeat the cycle of his relationship with Howard in Hoco. He is constantly trying to move on from unhelpful learned behaviors he developed as a result of several dysfunctional familial and found family relationships, which for my writing means that for as often as he fucks up, he is always eventually going to try to make amends, and especially with Peter.
Of course, those amends might be a bit fumbled too, but Peter is an intuitive bean who appreciates the effort regardless, so even if one conversation doesn't "solve" an issue between them/nothing is overtly discussed, if it helps them come to an understanding, I'll often let a scene end there. After all, all relationships are constantly evolving, and Peter’s and Tony’s relationship is no different in that regard.
This is all very jumbled but I hope at least a little of this is helpful for you, friend. I find that in order to write Peter and Tony’s dialogue and interactions the first thing I need to implicitly understand in any scene is their separate motivations, so that’s what I tried to focus on here.
Thanks again for the ask and good luck in your writing!! <3<3<3