Narrator: Welcome one and all to this good story,
Of which we do entitle, Homestuck, so.
Joinst thee on this journey, he our hero,
This young man who doth in his bedroom stand.
It just so happens that this day, which one
Shall learn is April's Ides; thirteenth this month,
Of Jesus' years ist nine and doubly thousand;
Is the date o' birth that this man has. Lo,
His age is young; twas but thirteen years, ere
He wert given such life, as he has now
Yet only on this day dost he receive
The name he shall be known by for e'er more!
Hark! Doth one in thine ranks, o' audience,
Wish to provide the name for this young man?
Anon, please give us forth this name, posthaste!
Audience member: I doth this name give: Zoosmell Pooplord
Narrator: What?
Sayst "Zoosmell Pooplord"? "Zoosmell Pooplord", such?
Dost mine ears myself deceive or wert thy
Speak unto this boy the name, thy request
Be Zoosmell Pooplord?
Audience member: 'Deed.
Narrator: Prithee,
Recall once more that this be not one such
Our author, Shakespeare's, much fame'd Comedies.
Tis a tale of Tragedy and sorrow!
One the likes of thou has ne'er previous seen
Such dost once more I call upon this crowd.
What be the name of this young man standst hence?
A different audience member: Wherefore he not take the name of kings? So,
Name'd John, and of fam'ly Egbert.
Narrator: such, John
Egbert his name shall truly be, e'ermore.
Shall now we move on t'ward narrative fair
That's hence to be presented? We'll start, now
With where we lay our scene. Stands John in room,
His date of birth upon us, and scatter'd
There 'round, pastries fine and plenty. Display'd
Upon his walls, in'trests such so as these.
Performance by the Rose (there hence, poor);
The op'rating devices future, low
In success; ghouls, their lore and stories so;
Further, tricks of conjurers o' stage; and
Lastly dost John employ in'trest in games.
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