Mikal Lois

Modified. Married. Book Worm. College. Dance. Horny. Unique. Happy. Coffee. Tea. Catholic. Pro Life.

[neguinhxx]

My collection for Black is Beautiful.

[chasingtrophywhitetails-deactiv]

Does anyone else reply to a text mentally but not physically then forgets to actually reply all together or is that just me

[feministism]

[drankinwatahmelin]

4. If the car pulls up to you run in the opposite direction.

5. Walk with your keys in your hands and keep a key between each finger

6. If they put you in the trunk kick out the headlights

7. If you get lost find a woman with a child. Never ask a man for help (this one was drilled)

[bando--grand-scamyon]

That scream fire piece of advice is literally life saving

[xyz---123-deactivated20190825]

My health textbook says that if you feel threatened, kick him in the knees, not the balls. The logic being that he’s much more prepared for the latter but the knees are still sensitive? Idk I’m not a health guy.

[finnlessshark-deactivated202410]

knees are a good shout, aim your kick to the side of the knee cap and you will most likely make it hard/impossible for them to chase after you.

and remember SING.

S- solar plexus/sternum. a good punch or elbow aimed here will wind them.

I- instep. stomp on the inner part of their foot. they virtually never expect it.

N- nose. headbutt or punch them in the nose. it’ll stun them.

G- groin. elbow, kick, or punch them in the junk. as hard as you can.

learn how to punch properly, you want to break your attacker’s bones not your’s.

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

“I love ranting Luke”

[beautyandthepriest-deactivated2]

concept: instead of hedwig, Harry goes into the pet store and this little snake in the back of the store talks to him, obviously gets his attention more than the other animals, and harry feels sorry for it so he takes it home. Then the snake helps Harry throughout his years at hogwarts as harry carries it wrapped around his hand all like “pssssst, haaarryyy, the dark lord isss coming sss” or just petty shit like “haaaarrryy, now is the time, assskkk out cho chaaannngg”

[hogwartsaheadcanon]

The snake getting really agitated in second year and Harry like ‘Aw, what’s wrong little friend?’

And snake’s like ‘Nah don’t worry it’s cool, it’s just that big fuck-off snake in the pipes that keeps making you think you’re hearing things—it’s like, ten thousand foot long, and I’m a corn snake, so you know. Bit intimidating.’

[mikallois]

Tips for ordering delivery!

Just started at Waitr, and I've already realized some things that customers can easily do to help out their friendly delivery person(s) find their homes and/or businesses easier!

- If you have a distinct door, lawn decoration, car, etc., mention it in the delivery instructions! This will help us find you easier, especially at night! Sometimes it is hard to see numbers on buildings once it gets dark, and these details help.

- If we are running late, it may not be the drivers fault. Sometimes we are short staffed, sometimes the restaurant is, and sometimes technology hates us. We are trying!!

- If you are in a hotel/duplex/apartment, please be as specific as possible in the delivery instructions. When people neglect to mention the names of hotels or apartment complexes, things can get confusing!

Help us help you🖤

[mikallois]

Ted Bundy is basically a combo of James Deen and Hugh Jackman🖤

[bibliotheque-la-nature]

Cluttered heaven

[mikallois]

Follow me on IG😋

[a-delightful-moment]

@tuerzumhof

[mikallois]

Follow me on IG😋

[grayskymorning]

Lindsay Dewald

[believenthlie]

[serenitybay]

[canadianstuck]

One of the funniest things I ever experienced was when I went to go see John Mulaney live, and halfway through a bit about how expensive college in the States is, he looked down at the sleeve of his suit jacket and just. stopped. dead halt, mid sentence.

And after like three seconds, where we’re all trying to figure out the punchline because the story clearly hadn’t ended, and John Mulaney quietly says, “Has there been tinfoil on my buttons the whole goddamn show?”

He’d taken his suit to the drycleaner, and they’d wrapped the buttons on the sleeves and the coat with tinfoil to protect them, and John Mulaney didn’t notice until half-way through his set, and was SO FLABBERGASTED that he never did finish the story about college and instead did five minutes on how stupid it was that his buttons were reflecting the light and he just didn’t notice, and in that moment I understood more about John Mulaney as a person than I ever have.

[ournameisfun]

during one of his portland shows, he noticed this like 7 year old girl in the front row and asked her (and her parents) if she ‘is aware that she is physically here right now’ or if she was just brought along. turns out her favorite john mulaney bit is the “and I’m new in town” bit and that she’s seen all his stuff. He was so shocked and discomforted by the fact a SEVEN YEAR OLD has seen his shows, that he couldn’t get through a bit about donating to charity without interrupting himself at least three times to import good life lessons on this small child, as if that makes up for all the horrible things he’s said that she heard

[sammysausage]

When I saw him in Ft. Lauderdale, there was a bar in the lobby that people kept leaving to go to. At one point, a guy in the front row just got up and BOOKED IT to get drinks. John Mulaney looked over at a woman who was next to the empty seat and asked, “Are you with him? What’s his name?”

She was, in fact, with him, and she did tell him her date’s name. John Mulaney considered this, looked around, and unplugged his microphone. Leaning in to us, he told us that we were going to trick this guy so fuckin hard. He said, “At some point during the show, I am going to stop and say, ‘Well, you guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale,’ and then you guys are all going to scream back ‘WE LOVE MILKSHAKES!’ He’ll be so confused.”

He then continued on with the show as normal, the drinks guy returned to his seat, and that was that for quite a long time. We thought he had forgotten about it until, at some point during what I believe was his McDonald’s drive-thru bit, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “You guys know what they say here in Ft. Lauderdale…”

Naturally, we erupted with “WE LOVE MILKSHAKES” and John Mulaney SWUNG around to face the drinks guy and said, “I bet you’re real confused now, huh, JASON?!”

[windyvalleyzone]

ah so john mulaney is a chaotic neutral cryptid

[zay4ik]

[secretplace06]

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