❛❛Clinging on❞ / Oc Lore & Angst / PART 2
(The mysteries of The Stars)
TRIGGER WARNING // SELF-HARM IMPLIED/MENTIONED.
I closed his door, leaving quickly.. I hurried to my bedroom.
Most of my stuff in there was decorated by Gemil.. to my liking.
It felt worse even being in this room—my room.
I sat against my door, hands over my face.
“God… what is wrong with me…??” I spoke softly.. it still hurt, everything fucking hurt.
I began to cry.. I tried to cover my mouth. Trying not to be loud.. it worked. Kind of.
I felt like I was sinking in.. some sort of sadness.. guilt even.
I began to claw at my skin, it always helped me calm down.
My furry arms beginning to bleed a bit.. it hurt.. maybe I deserved it.
My eyes getting blurry from the water in them, the lump in my throat feeling worse.
“I’m such a bad person.. what the fuck is wrong with me. I ruin everything.. I..”
I couldn’t speak anymore. Everything hurt.
I clawed at my face, covering my eyes. I felt embarrassed. Like I was being watched, even though I wasn’t.
I felt weak.. I hated crying, I hated showing emotions, especially these ones.
“Nova?… look I.. I’m sorry if I hurt you, if you don’t wanna talk that’s fine.” He’d spoke.
Why now at of all the times… why would Gemil come to my room…?
“Can I at least come in?…” Gemil spoke, it’s as if he heard or knew I was crying. That I was doing it again.
“……” I couldn’t speak. I was scared…
I got up and sat on my bed, rolling down my sleeves.
The door opened, she’d noticed my eyes were a bit red, my fur around my face was wet..
He’d sat by me, on my soft bed.
“Nova, im not mad at you.. if you need to move things slow then I-“ before he could finish I cut him off
“It’s not that, okay?!” I snapped, I didn’t want to lash out but I did.. I always did. Even when I was vulnerable.
Gemil tried to console me, but I didn’t allow it.
“Why can’t you ever just leave me alone?” Why did I say that? Why did I have to yell at him..
“GOD JUST FUCK OFF!” I yelled again, his eyes watering, my eyes tearing up again.
“…” We were both silent, I covered my mouth, reaching for him.
“I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.. I-“ I started crying, my words wobbling.
He quickly hugged me tightly.
“It’s okay, it’ll be okay..” their words making me feel comfortable.
I kept crying and crying.. like a baby.
“Nova.. it’s okay.. I- I know you get like this, it’ll all be okay…”
I hugged him tightly, covering my face on his chest.
