Rating Jarethās multiple outfits in Labyrinth
Was inspired by a post from @witch-among-starsā when they made a post about Erenās various hairstyles from SnK. Also note that David Bowie played Jareth, and itās impossible to make David Bowie look truly bad in anything.
Baby-napping Armor (10/10)
Look at this outfit! Look at it! This is his first outfit in the entire movie, so of course he has to look absolutely beyond fabulous. Alright, I dunno if this actually is armor or not, but I can definitely see him kicking butt and taking names in this. And that cape? That big, ridiculous collar? This outfit screams Gothic Fae King and I am living for it.
Also known as theĀ āmost cosplayed outfitā of Jareth, and for good reason. Itās actually pretty easy to throw together, especially since you can find this cosplay readily available online and at Spirit Halloween when it comes to town. I actually have a cosplay of this as well sitting in my closet. I may get some hate for rating it so low, but letās be honest, this is far from his most fabulous outfit. The only reason we remember it so fondly is because this is the outfit he dances and singsĀ āMagic Danceā in. (To be honest, I feel like heād look ridiculous dancing around and singing with muppets in any of his other outfits).
āLetās go terrorize a teenage girl and hand out drugged fruit.ā (7/10)
Okay, literally all he did here was take his Dance Magic Dance outfit and throw a cape/jacket thing over it. Everything I had to say about the Dance Magic Dance outfit goes here as well with the addition that the cape/jacket thing helps complete the look. Not his most fabulous though.
Dramatically Sitting in a Window (8/10)
Looks like a low-key, relaxed version of the Baby-napping Armor. Like, this is probably what it looks like if he took the armored layer off and switched out the sheer black cape for a shimmering blue one. He looks positively beautiful here, but I miss the over-the-top armor.
Dreamy Drug-fueled Hallucination Sequence (9/10)
Peak 80s right here everybody. The blue streaks in his hair, the poufy sleeves, the over-the-top bedazzling of the top and beltā¦ EVERYTHING. He straight up looks like a king right here. The only reason itās not a 10/10 is because some of his other outfits put up some intense competition, but this one is truly iconic. Iād put this as the second most cosplayed outfit of his.
Goblin King Babysitter (7/10)
Looks like a combination of the Dance Magic Dance outfit and the Dramatically Sitting in a Window outfit. Not much else to say on it other than that. The guy looks lovely here.Ā
āYOUR EYES CAN BE SO CRUEL!ā (11/10)
It might seem weird that Iām rating an outfit so simplistic so high, but this is personally one of my favorite outfits in the entire film! The dark colors, the heeled boots (which he wears in every outfit), the leather top and gloves, AHH HEāS SO BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY!!!! I will never take criticism on this, he is the most attractive in this outfit, bar none!
The Final Confrontation (5/10)
Okay so the first half of the outfit looks great. The frills? Feathers? The Cape? All good. Looks nice. Butā¦ *looks down* WHAT IS THAT?! Now look, I know the infamous Bowie Bulge is prevalent in most of his other outfits. It just is. That was an intentional decision made by the filmmakers. But holy cow, itās just way too noticeable in this scene. How did Sarah go through this scene without looking down even once?! Not even a glance? Iām sorry I donāt think Iām strong enough to handle this one. I know for some this is a favorite, but I just canāt.
