Incudes: Psychological Horror, Manipulation, Toxicity
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The tv casts a blue glow within the late of hours of tonight. The ice cream that always keeps me company through an emotion roller coaster I call: a Hunger Games marathon, now spilled against the white marble floors of his apartment. My body seems to automatically move closer to the screen as if its close proximity would stop reality from hitting me like a truck.
The Editor in Chief of Paradis Global was dead and my boyfriend killed him.
The picture they use to honor such an expected death was the same one with two pairs of golden eyes and a smile that might've been hidden from thick mustache but showed every within every crinkle that surrounded his eyes.
Pyxis had taken me in when no other Marleyan would.
Almost all marleyans had taken great offense for such a reputable publishing company being taken over by an Eldian after many years of marleyan leadership, despite the fact that Paradis Global was founded by Eldians themselves. Nonetheless, Pyxis was a brilliant writer who created a turning point in a marleyan dominated field and his efforts will always have an impact.
Even as every ave of grief hit me, I can't help but think about my position as senior editor and how Pyxis death puts a bigger target on my back than the nape of any titan.
Marleyans are good at pointing fingers, and it doesn't take me long to imagine the glances I'll get tomorrow as the new editor in chief--surpassing my predecessor.
Never would I have thought a few innocent complaints about my coverage being repeatedly rejected would lead to my boss' murder. While being banished to write about missing people and new flowers in season sucks as you watch people earn their big break in half the time your ambitions have stretched, a disgusting crime is never something I would warrant.
But it's my fault that I had mistaken a safe place for a hit list or some sort of death note.
Its also my mistake that instead of thinking of a plan to get the fuck out of his apartment I quickly turn off the tv l and start cleaning the ice cream off the floor as I hear keys jangle against the door.
The door opens and I mentally force my body to act unfazed and move my arm to clean the ice cream.
"Hey babe...oh its fine I got it"
He squats down to my level and our eyes lock.
Were these the same eyes that looked into a warm soul?
The same hands that caused a death by strangling?
Instead of feeding the fear that I tried so hard to suppress I stood up and forced myself to walk to our bedroom. I couldn't start packing my things outright nor could I use this room as an escape. My mind raced to come up with a plan that resulted in me leaving in one piece.
"Everything ok? How was work?" he yelled form the kitchen
"Fine....um I'm just gonna go for a walk. Have you seen my sneakers?" I yelled back at him trying my hardest to mask the fear in my voice.
Silence was his only response.
The only sound that infiltrated the quiet hum of the air conditioning was slow steps the crept towards the bedroom against the marble floor. My body froze and my feet were planted to the ground as if he already chained them here.
He knows Ive seen blood stains on his laundry, he knows I dont buy his overtime being the excuse for his late night arrivals, and he definitely knows, the reason why I haven't turned around even as he stands at the door is because Im afraid I'll see a monster.
I do as I'm told because I'm scared there will be consequences if I dont.
But instead of a killer holding a knife, I see one holding a pair of sneakers instead.
"You always leave your sneakers at the door. You sure you're ok? Is it Pyxis again?"
No it wasn't and it will never be again. The amount of stress he put me through could never reach the amount that surges though my body right now.
"No...I just need some fresh air.....thanks" I manage to walk up to him and reach for my sneakers but he pulls them away from my desperate hands as if holding me back from escape.
"I'll come with youâ he smiles at me and takes my shoes with him to the door where he begins to tie his own.
âReally? I know youâre tired and just got home. Iâll only be out for a few minutes and I saw on the news the weather wa-â
âSince when do you watch the news?â
I never watched the news especially being that Iâd see my own people oppressed everyday in multiple forms. I shouldâve known he would use that fact about me to his advantage.
He would kill and the one person that would suspect it would be oblivious to it all.
âNot recently, I just heard this monthâs weather is great at this time of dayâ
âHm did Pyxis make you cover that kind of thing again? He finished tying his shoes and opened the door.
âNo. Iâve been mostly editing pieces these last few monthsâ I refused to look him in the eye as I kept my voice as detached as possible.
He clicked his tongue as he locked back the door with his key. His annoyance evidence even the side of his face
âThat bastard shouldnât be in his position. All that advocacy for Eldians in a marleyan dominated field was bullshit and nothing but marketing tacticâ he spats.
I wouldâve agreed with him if he didnât murder that same person. Mostly because as kind and innocent as he was, not one Eldian under Paradis Global got to cover stories that would give us the recognition we deserved. Instead of giving us the space to flourish, he made us the backbone of PG as we were casted out to cover stories no one read.
People say he works for powerful marleyans that use him to hush the people that demanded change and the rebellions that rise big enough to become a threat.
As much as I should probably hate him, he gave me a chances as times and would sometimes help me slip through the cracks with a fake name that looked Marleyan enough to give me the ability to write about stories that mattered and more people would actually read.
I didnât have that now. Because the cracks that I slipped through, closed the minute his death was announced.
âWell heâs dead now. So thereâs no point in worrying about itâ I admitted. Regretting it immediately.
I could feel the brief hesitation his body exuded on our walk.
âYou knowâ his head remained fixed on the sidewalk.
âItâs all over the news ArminâŠ..how could I not?â
âIâm sorry you had to find out that wayâ
About his death? Or about his murder?
The rest of the walk was quiet. His hands would stay in his pockets and his occasional quick glances at me served as a reminder to withhold a face sad enough to prevent suspicion.
My mind went on autopilot as I went through my nightly routine. It was as if my body took control of movements that it had memorized for the last three years in this apartment.
Meanwhile, It gave me the mental space to create an escape route that ensured my safety and possibly the police.
Out of the million plans my mind created, something kept convincing me that the best escape route was to simply leave. Armin was a light sleeper and would almost always wake up by the slightest movements I'd make in my sleep.
I clapped my hand and he didnât move a muscle. I had around 50 seconds to get out of bed, grab my phone, and make a run for it as I pulled on some sort of shoe on my way out.
Once my back was halfway off the bed, my moments froze as I felt a hand grab my wrist like a tether keeping me bound to this apartment. He turned his body to me so that his blue eyes were the only thing I could possibly make out in this dark room.
âI really hoped I could be the one to tell you first you know?â
He sat up now, our eyes at the same level.
âThat way you wouldnât look at me like thatâ
âLike what Armin?â My efforts to hide the fear in my voice were gone now.
âLike some killerâŠ.some monsterâ
âIs that what you are? Are my complaints excuses for your actions?â
His grip on my wrist remained tight like cuffs. As if I was the criminal.
As if I should be the one in cuffs...serving a crime committed out of sheer possessiveness.
âYou donât complainâŠ.you practically urged me to handle your problemsâ
His eyes searched mine yet I couldnât understand what he was looking for. Not one bone in my body wanted things to turn out this way. Yes, I wanted Pyxis gone. His image as a Marylean advocate was something he flaunted and used in the public. Yet it was hard to hate that he mightâve worked for the enemy, because he gave me a chance and in this world, that was scarce.
âDonât do thatâ I said
âPin this on me and expect me to be ok with thisâ I tried to yank my wrist from his hand but his grip followed.
"Pin this on you?" He'd chuckled as if what I was saying was unbelievable.
"I take full responsibility for getting rid of your worries"
I didn't know my worries were so dire to him. All the times I had confided in a place I thought was safe spiraled in my mind. How many muders have I been responsible for? How many casual complaints activated this side of him?
"Is that what you think this is? Are my worries some sort of hit list?"
He'd chuckled again and let go of my wrist while looking down at his lap. Was he setting me free or letting me think I was?
"If that's how you want to put it? Sure...."
He'd get up. Carrying himself with so much normalcy as if we both didn't know he wasn't a killer.
"I want you to be happy" He pushes the door lightly making it slam shut.
He's trapping me in here. He saw the defiance in my eyes.
The desperation and the fear.
"You cant be happy with all these people....bothering you. Which is why you need me..."
He slowly stalked toward me. I already knew I was trapped in this room, but his body so close felt like a cage.
"You're my boyfriend, not my executioner"
Tears formed in my eyes and I hated myself for being weak in this moment. This moment where I couldve ran, fight, or hide.
instead of standing here shaking like I was his prey.
"Im both" he said softly, as he placed his hands on my shoulders and rubbed the skin on my arms as if to soothe my reaction to the threat that stood in front of me.
My mind went blank as he guided me towards our bed. Everyone talks about choosing between fight or flight within high risks situations yet no one mentions how your body reacts when your mind falls in the middle.
I cant speak for everyone but I decided to freeze and let him move my body under the sheets and into his arms like a lifeless doll.
I glanced at the door that remained shut. I was supposed to be out there calling the cops and telling them everything but like always I found my way into the embrace of my executioner, who I have been convincing was my boyfriend for years.
Not my best, but I wanted to try something different :D
