A woman not shaving or wearing a dress or wearing makeup or wearing femme clothes or having styled or long hair or caring how she looks or using a masc name or whatever else is actually a neutral thing and not a sign of her being depressed or giving up or being sad or whatever
I'm slowly going insane in this house. I genuinely feel like I am going insane.
Am i forever meant to live in a cycle of agony and pain?
I have thoughts of hurting myself and others now. I was doing so good until now. I feel suicidal and homicidal.
I wonder if I shot my head off right now who would be the one to find me. Maybe a month later. It's an option available to me right now, no one's home besides me.
I want to hurt others. I know its wrong but I can't help it after all that has happened to me. I have seen people I love die, so why not do the same to those who killed them? Why not make those who have put me through excruciating pain both mentally and physically feel the pain I have to feel everytime I bottle things up, and it results in me attempting? I KNOW I shouldn't. I don't know if I will, I dont think I will attempt to hurt others. I am not a violent person. I am no longer a violent person. I have not been a violent person. But I can't get it out of my mind.
I wonder if any of my online friends would notice if I went offline forever.
oh my DAYS I want to talk to someone anyone so badly right now about anything but I know if i do im gonna start genuinely tweaking or imagining death either upon myself or them the entire time I can't do this anymore please just let me be NORMAL.
im so lonely but its for the best that I just stay closed off.
I'm slowly going insane in this house. I genuinely feel like I am going insane.
Am i forever meant to live in a cycle of agony and pain?
I have thoughts of hurting myself and others now. I was doing so good until now. I feel suicidal and homicidal.
I wonder if I shot my head off right now who would be the one to find me. Maybe a month later. It's an option available to me right now, no one's home besides me.
I want to hurt others. I know its wrong but I can't help it after all that has happened to me. I have seen people I love die, so why not do the same to those who killed them? Why not make those who have put me through excruciating pain both mentally and physically feel the pain I have to feel everytime I bottle things up, and it results in me attempting? I KNOW I shouldn't. I don't know if I will, I dont think I will attempt to hurt others. I am not a violent person. I am no longer a violent person. I have not been a violent person. But I can't get it out of my mind.
I wonder if any of my online friends would notice if I went offline forever.
It's always "stop harming yourself or we'll have to lock you up!!!" and never "what do you need to change to want to harm yourself less and how can we help you make some of these changes?" and that's why we're not getting anywhere
happy pride month to those in the closet. to those who went back into the closet. to those who have unsupportive families, friends and relationships. those who were bullied and harassed because of their identity. those who were killed because of who they truly were and loved.
i cleaned off the table of doom and despair today (basically just a table that has been collecting things since like.. september.. and i occasionally have to dig into it to find something)
i found my glasses that I've been missing since maybe last month so that was nice
i don't have to use my old ones anymore !!! :]
I've been going OUTSIDE more yeah mildatay touches grass wow.. I've been hanging out with my friends a lot more..
average cups of water i drink per day? 0. or like half of a water. cups of water i drank TODAY? 2!!!!!! which even though its still a low number methinks I CONSIDER IT IMPROVEMENT okay..
people I've talked to today? 2!!!!!!!! AND I STARTED THE CONVERSATION WITH 1!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeaaaahhh. guhhhh ilysm Sage /semiplat
times I've cried today? 1!!! average per day is maybe 4!! :DD
times I've inflicted harm upon myself today? 1! average is like. 3?? my arm hurts
kinda have been bedrotting the whole day besides the maybe 30 minutes i went outside but thats okay!!
I also drew some stuff today... 2 things.. yyyyyayyyy....... .