❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
Keni
JVL
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Three Goblin Art
Product Placement
art blog(derogatory)
noise dept.
styofa doing anything
trying on a metaphor
@theartofmadeline
todays bird
tannertan36
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Cosmic Funnies
Kiana Khansmith
Misplaced Lens Cap
Show & Tell
★
Stranger Things
seen from United Kingdom
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@mildly-omniscient
Pinned post.
I'm Crowe, here on tumblr at least, I'm 19, I write poetry, writing, reading.
Some of my various interests include psychology, the effects of psilocybin, weed, BDSM, shows like what we do in the shadows, our flag means death, doctor who, deep space nine, and so on and so forth.
Y'all ever write a delirious message to yourself with an art idea after smoking weed and wake up like 'that's a terrible idea but sure' and make it a reality? Well that's what I did which makes this my first digital 'art' for the amazing digital circus. Here's the results!
CW: uncanny valley vibes
been sort of obsessively combing through articles and websites and resources about top surgery and recovery more and more as I gear up to My Big Day and while I hate to report I may have gotten through most of the scientifically rigorous and reputable sites I am at least, now, stumbling over some of the funnier AI generated slop images i've ever seen in my quest for Patient Information
They missed. 😔
friendship addicts will be like “i just need one more hit of your infectious laughter and zest for life”
Decided to have a little ramble about what healing from (emotionally) abusive relationships has been like for me:
A lot of us grew up in unstable households that resulted in us subconsciously seeking out partners that would, in one way or another, hurt us. We are drawn to what is familiar after all. But even when we've become aware of these patterns, it's hard not to miss the way these toxic partners made us feel. After years of being manipulated, lovebomber and getting whiplash from all of the volatile emotions that rise up anything that's different feels boring.
I've been in a few relationships where I later realised that the person I was with was toxic or even abusive towards either me or others. It took a long time for me to see that a relationship shouldn't feel like a rollercoaster, and it will take even more work for me not to want relationships to feel like a rollercoaster. It's funny how despite the fact rapidly cycling through different and opposite emotions feels stressful, it's hard not to crave that turbulence when it's gone. Something about the push and pull that results from being lovebombed is addictive, and it's one of the sneakiest types of withdrawal that I've dealt with.
'Just a little bit of looking around' I'll say opening a dating app, ignoring the fact that deep down I know that the people who will entice me the most are those who I suspect might treat me badly. I notice how I feel the urge to hide what I'm doing, because I don't want to admit what my exact goal is when I open such an app. It's not primarily to find someone I truly connect with and can build a lasting relationship with when I'm in a frenzy like this after all. What I really want is to find someone who makes me feel the same way as the people who I left due to the fact that they were the right type of toxic to draw me in.
Despite how much I want to work to heal, I can't resist the search for a new abuser. My search becomes increasingly fruitless, however, as I get the 'ick' from anyone who does manage to come across as toxic. The surface level charm comes across as cheap more than ever, the endless attention as shallow, and the compliments as insincere. How did this ever work in the past in the first place, considering that even then I did pick up on something being wrong? Did my radar become more sensitive to the point where I can't tolerate the thing that I crave?
I leave another person without a reply as their attention fails to excite me. I'm getting to a place where I get more fulfillment from genuine and meaningful connections rather than the lovebombing that marked my past romantic endeavours, and it's disorienting. My heart might as well be shaking from withdrawal as I crave something I might not be able to enjoy anymore. The more I see through the facades on both an intellectual as well as emotional level, the harder it is to find someone who can scratch that particular itch. There's parts of me that miss my ex who hurt me and everyone else they came into contact with, but even then it's too easy to see through them.
The magic is gone, but the wound that craves it remains like a crater. Nothing can replace the electric excitement that would rise up when these people made me feel like the most important and special person in the world to them. Healthy relationships don't fill the gaps of feeling like you might as well be the only two people in the universe, because that's not how relationships are meant to feel, at least not consistently. So the withdrawal continues, the hunger for pain going unsatisfied, the taste of it having become revolting.
Fuck society, I'm too crippled to study or work with the current systems man. I should just get paid for being pretty and writing poetry tyvm.
In all seriousness, it feels like there is no space in society for people who are disabled to the extent that I am and it is so fucking frustrating cos it feels like the world wants me either useful or dead.
portrait
Everyone is so weird about people who cry easily. Fellas, is it evil and manipulative to *checks notes* have an involuntary stress response?
actually a coworker of mine said something interesting about this. I was saying that I truly can’t help how easily I cry, and I hate when people assume I do it on purpose.
and he paused for a second and then said, “when you’ve been taught from a young age that crying is weak and you should train yourself never to cry for any reason, you assume that everyone else has trained themselves too, so anyone who cries has to be doing it on purpose. it took me a long time to realize that wasn’t true.”
listen we’re never gonna run out of ways the patriarchy hurts all of us.
I feel like I've turned into a Mean Girl^TM cos I heard someone I had conflict with is now talking about how she's worried I'll ruin her reputation and my first thought was 'bold of her to assume her reputation is worth ruining'
but honestly why would i there is a very clear pattern of whose reputation i ruin and she does not qualify THANKFULLY
the holy grail types of fanfic
Friendly reminder that these only happen slowly, carefully, with lots of reader encouragement, engagement, reflection, and support, and an ending is never a guarantee.
Writing communities are gardens, not subscription services
Writing communities are gardens, not subscription services
Mollymauk Tealeaf
it's really funny how the entire world basically just blew the fuck up six short years ago and nobody wants to admit that that may have had some lasting consequences lmao
like so much of Everything today is premised on the idea that the earth-shattering catastrophe which happened within living memory of everyone older than a third grader has had no meaningful material or psychological effects on the general public and i don't think that's good, lol.
"(some of) the top-line economic indicators (sorta) recovered (in most places) so everything is fine and we don't need to talk about it" is not a sustainable framework for interfacing with reality
"why is everyone so angry and paranoid now?" "why is politics so dysfunctional now?" "why is [x] [y] and [z] now? blah blah blah"
2020:
✨🎂 Happy 413! 🎂✨
my housemate sounds like rose lalonde to me rn cos i can just hear vague singing and a keyboard set to sound like an organ
yk the fact that after 7 years of asking therapists about DID and being told 'that's so rare of course you don't have it' having a therapist clock it within a single session while trying to be subtle about it by only mentioning complex trauma and dissociation in general terms is kind of fucking wild. wdym she's now looking at the diagnostic criteria and figuring out how to best help us with that. unusual behaviour.
we are collectively confused and impressed.
bro's im having a fucking time i gotta say
figure out im an alter in a system
realise i am probably a dave strider interject but experience too much dissociation and ?? judgement from other alters cos idk man reading unlearning shame once wasnt enough ig gotta reread it n do the damn exercises properly ig ? and have an identity crisis
then just chill for a bit try n actually do what needs to get done
find out that there's gonna be a fucking. homestuck animated show. bro. what.
i just wanna be back on fucking tumblr and chill but no i gotta question who decided that that should be a thing
cant fucking wait to see it
coworker today was talking about how she tries to drive less to reduce her carbon footprint, so instead of ordering takeout she orders delivery. when I pointed out that this actually results in the exact same amount of emissions because the same amount of driving happens she said "yeah but it's not me driving." and I feel like any critique of progressive individualism I could make based on this would fall flat because like. what else is there to say? she summed up the flaws of individualist environmentalism better than most critics could, without intending to.
okay well given the number of tags that seem to think the problem is how she's calculating her personal carbon footprint and not the idea of a "personal carbon footprint" maybe I should have elaborated some
