my life is both extremely private and extremely public

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my life is both extremely private and extremely public
are you guys ever reading a good fic and then the author just adds a random terrible line and you just stare at it like this:
mood
texts with dean du laurentis
Pleasee🙏
i hate social anxiety
I know they hate
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i’m very passionate about isolation
my tt vid
jealously || drew starkey
authors note: reposting!! tried to shorten, edit and make it better. enjoyyyy 🥵 here’s part 2!
warnings: smut smut smut! hair pulling, mentions of odessa (lol sorry)
synopsis: reader reflects on her past memories with drew
Y/N reclined her seat in the sun, the warm heat hitting her skin as she stretched out on the lounge chair. Her body was covered with oil, giving her a glow as she sipped from her drink, ice clinking gently against the glass. The sounds of the ocean waves crashing in the distance blended with the chatter of her friends, creating a peaceful yet lively background. She tilted her head slightly toward Madelyn, who had been unusually quiet for a while.
“He’s been asking about you, you know?” she said.
Y/N’s heart started to beat faster at Madelyn’s casual remark, her grip tightening slightly around her glass. “Really?” she managed to ask, her voice barely hiding the shock. She tried to sound nonchalant, but the nerves were growing in her stomach.
Madelyn gave her a knowing smile, leaning back in her own chair as she adjusted her sunglasses. “Yeah. He’s brought you up a few times. Not subtle at all.”
Y/N blinked, feeling her pulse quicken. Her mind raced, unsure what to do with that information. It had been a while—too long, really—since they had last spoken. She’d convinced herself she was fine with that, but hearing Drew had been asking about her stirred something deep inside her she hadn’t allowed herself to feel in months.
She shifted her body, peeking over her sunglasses as her gaze drifted across the beach. Drew stood a little ways away, football in hand, laughing with the boys. The sun seemed to cling to his skin, illuminating the sharp angles of his jaw and the soft tan he’d picked up over the summer. His muscles flexed as he threw the ball, the sun highlighting every line and curve.
A pang of longing hit her like a wave, and she swallowed hard. She missed him. More than she could admit, even to herself. Memories of their late nights together crept into her mind—how they’d sit on his couch for hours, tangled up in each other, sharing secrets and stories until the early morning. The way his hands would linger on her skin, his touch gentle, but filled with meaning.
“So? What are you gonna do about it?” Madelyn’s teasing voice snapped Y/N out of her thoughts, pulling her back to the present.
She hesitated, not sure what to say. “I don’t know,” she murmured, almost to herself, her eyes lingering on Drew as he wiped sweat from his brow. “I don’t even know what I’d say.”
Y/N’s fingers traced the rim of her glass, her mind caught between the present and the past. Memories of Drew began filling her mind as she watched him now—laughing, tossing the football effortlessly—she couldn’t help but think back to that night in his apartment.
They had been sprawled on his couch, the dim, warm lighting casting soft shadows over the room. They both were drunk—more than either would admit. Y/N’s legs were lazily draped across his lap, with his hand tracing slow circles on her skin, the warmth of his touch sending gentle sparks through her.
Drew had thrown his head back, laughing hard. "No, I’m serious, he was so weird!" she giggled, her own laughter echoing through the room as she told him about her terrible date with some guy she met on Raya.
"He was probably just nervous," Drew teased, his deep laugh vibrating against her.
"Maybe," she shrugged, still laughing, "but then he made me pay the bill!"
Drew let out another laugh, his fingers never stopping their soft movements on her leg. "Now that’s fucked up," he said, shaking his head. His laughter eventually faded into a grin as his eyes settled on her, his gaze lingering a little too long. The way he looked at her—like she was the only person in the room—made her get butterflies in her stomach.
Without thinking, Y/N blurted, "I’ve seen you on there—on Raya." The words hung in the air, light and teasing, but there was a curiosity behind them.
Drew’s lips curled into a knowing smile, his blue eyes shining. "Yeah?" He didn’t seem surprised, he had seen her there too. "I don’t use it much," he admitted, his tone casual as he leaned forward to place his drink on the coffee table. When he settled back, his hand slid from her knee to rest higher on her thigh, the gesture making her pulse quicken.
His touch was warm, familiar, yet it made her heart race in a way that left her both nervous and wanting more. The way he touched her always carried something deeper, something unsaid. He was confusing like that—always affectionate, always close, yet never making it clear where they stood. She knew him better than anyone, but sometimes it felt like there was a wall between them, one she couldn’t quite get through.
And then there was Odessa. She didn’t have to search for answers; the internet was full of speculation. Fans had noticed how much time Drew spent with her, and it was impossible to ignore when he’d taken her to the LOEWE show just a few weeks ago. Photos of them together, smiling and looking so comfortable, had spread like wildfire. Y/N had seen the comments—fans picking sides, arguing over who Drew was really with.
She’d never asked him about it, though. The thought of confronting it, of showing just how much it bothered her, made her feel sick. Instead, she kept her jealousy bottled up, letting it simmer beneath the surface. Every time she saw Drew with Odessa, or read another comment speculating about them, it chipped away at her, leaving her more confused about where she stood in his life.
In the back of her mind, all she could think about was Odessa—and the fact that she’d never know where she truly stood with him if she didn’t ask. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to say a word, afraid of what his answer might be.
Her thoughts were a blur, caught somewhere between the warmth of Drew’s touch and the memories that swirled around them. She had been lost in them for what felt like minutes when Drew’s voice said something to her.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, his voice soft but curious, snapping her out of her thoughts.
A blush rose to her cheeks, and she quickly averted her gaze, too embarrassed to admit what had really been on her mind—the swirl of feelings, the confusing pull between wanting more and fearing what it would mean. She cleared her throat. “Nothing,” she said with a soft smile, brushing it off. “I should probably get going.”
Drew frowned slightly, his eyes lingering on her. “Stay the night. You’ve had a lot to drink,” he said, sounding concerned. “You can take my bed.”
Her heart raced at the offer. His bed. The thought of lying in the sheets that smelled like him, surrounded by the comfort of his space, sent her mind spinning. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she looked at him.
“I will... but only if you sleep in the bed with me,” she teased, her voice soft but playful.
Drew blinked, clearly caught off guard, his mouth slightly open as he processed what she had just said. “Okay, yeah,” he mumbled, almost too quiet, the surprised look on his face noticeable.
Y/N’s smile widened as she saw his reaction. “Do you have something I could wear?” she asked innocently, though the spark in her eyes hinted at something else. “Unless you’d prefer I go without.”
Drew’s eyes widened, his throat bobbing as he swallowed hard. The image of her, naked in his bed, flashed through his mind, making his head spin. He tried to play it cool, but his voice faltered as he replied, “Uh, yeah... I’ll find you something.” Inside, he could barely think straight, the thought of her in his bed consuming him.
Drew stood from the couch, his movements a little slower than usual, the weight of the moment hanging between them. He walked to his bedroom, disappearing into the walk-in closet. Y/N sat there, her heart hammering in her chest, replaying their teasing exchange. She couldn’t believe she had said that—inviting him to sleep next to her, wearing his clothes. The thought made her stomach twist with a mixture of excitement and nerves.
Drew returned, holding a soft T-shirt and a pair of his sweatpants. "Here," he said quietly, handing them to her with a small, almost shy smile. She took them, murmuring a soft "thank you" before heading to the bathroom.
Inside, Y/N caught her reflection in the mirror, taking a deep breathe, trying to calm her racing heart. Changing into Drew’s clothes felt so intimate, so personal. His scent clung to the fabric, making her feel both comforted and unsettled. She felt nervous—actually spending the night in his bed, with him, like this. It was everything she wanted, but now that it was happening, the reality of it made her feel almost sick.
When she finally emerged from the bathroom, she found Drew in the kitchen, snacking on leftovers. The sight of him casually leaning against the counter, lost in his own thoughts, made her smile. She walked over to him, grabbing a slice of pizza and pouring herself another drink.
Drew’s eyes were on her, watching the way his clothes hung on her body. Something about it—her in his shirt, in his kitchen, so effortlessly fitting into his space—made his throat tighten. He wanted to say something, tell her how much he wanted her, how badly he’d been holding back, but he couldn’t.
He looked over at her, his gaze softening as he stepped closer. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her into him gently. His lips pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, leaning down, his voice low as he whispered in her ear, “You tired?”
Her heart raced at his closeness, but she tried to stay calm, even though she could feel the nervous energy building with every passing second. She looked up at him, her pulse quickening under his gaze. “No, not really,” she replied.
Trying to regain some composure, she shifted out of his touch, leaning against the kitchen island, hoping the cool surface might help steady her nerves. But Drew wasn’t giving her much space to breathe. He stepped in front of her, his body still close, his presence overwhelming in the most intoxicating way.
"I’ve missed you, you know?" Drew’s voice was soft, almost vulnerable, as he stood close to her. The last few weeks had been a whirlwind for him, and being here with her felt like a long-overdue moment of peace.
Y/N, however, wanted to roll her eyes at him, to brush off his words, but the jealousy she had been trying to bury rose up, sharp and painful. She knew where most of his time had been spent—he and Odessa had been inseparable recently, especially during fashion week, and the thought pissed her off.
"You looked busy at fashion week," she said, her voice blunt, laced with the resentment she could no longer hide.
What she didn’t know was that while she was grappling with her feelings, Drew had been struggling with his own. In his hotel room that very morning, before the sun even rose, he laid back on the bed, buckling his hips, moaning her name.
Drew sighed, his brow furrowing. "We’re just friends," he said, stepping closer, his hands gently cupping her face, his thumb brushing over her lips with an intimacy that only confused her more.
Y/N’s eyes flicked up to meet his, her heart racing. "So are we," she countered, her voice quiet but pointed as she straightened up, trying to keep her composure.
Drew paused, a sad smile crossing his face, a look of realization and regret in his eyes. "No, we’re not," he whispered, his words hanging heavy between them. His gaze softened as he searched her face, as if trying to explain what words couldn’t.
She stared up at him, her breath catching in her throat. She couldn’t believe this was happening, that they were finally at this moment. "I know," she whispered, the truth slipping from her lips before she had the chance to second-guess herself.
In an instant, Drew closed the small distance between them, his lips crashing into hers with a force that left her breathless, and all the tension, all the unspoken feelings, came flooding out. Her hand reached up, fingers softly holding onto his wrist as she leaned into him.
The kiss deepened quickly, his tongue brushing her lips, asking for more, and she opened for him, finally letting him in. It was heated, desperate, like they had both been waiting for this for far too long.
Drew’s hands slid to her waist, pulling her impossibly closer as if there were no space left between them. Y/N's hands found their way to the nape of his neck, fingers in his hair, their bodies pressed together in an intense, almost painful closeness.
“Come to bed,” Drew whispered against her lips, his breath warm and urgent.
Reluctantly, they broke the kiss, but his hand finding hers and taking it into his as he guided her towards the bedroom. Y/N glanced back at him, her eyes conveying a mix of desire and need, silently begging for him to continue.
Drew’s gaze softened as he stood in front of her once more, leaning in to kiss her again. His hands roamed down to her waist again, pulling her up against him as he lifted her. The kiss was fiery, with the urgency of their emotions, and even though they were both slightly drunk, the intensity of the moment was unmistakable.
He carried her to his side of the bed, carefully lowering himself as he sat down, her knees straddling his legs. The kiss never broke; each touch igniting a deeper passion. His hands moved over her back, sliding up and down, his grip firm and on her hips.
Y/N began to grind against him, feeling him growing against her with each movement. The moan that escaped Drew’s lips against hers was a low and desperate sound, his hands exploring every curve of her body.
Y/N’s fingers tangled in Drew’s hair, pulling him closer as she grinded against him, their movements becoming more frantic. The sensation of feeling his cock grow harder made her pulse race. She could feel the raw need in his every touch, every shiver that ran through her.
Drew's hands slid up her back, his fingers pressing firmly as he guided her movements. He pulled her closer, their bodies aligning perfectly, the friction between them intense. The bed creaked beneath them as Drew laid back, taking Y/N with him. She straddled him, her hands exploring his chest.
He broke the kiss for a moment, his breathing ragged as he looked up at her, his eyes dark with passion. “Tell me what you want,” he whispered.
Her eyes locked onto his and she felt like she could barely speak. “I want you,” she managed to say. She began to unbutton his shirt, her fingers trembling slightly as she revealed more of his skin.
Drew’s hands found the hem of her shirt, pushing it up and over her head with a sense of urgency. He traced kisses down her neck and shoulders, his touch sending shivers down her spine. As she worked to free him from his shirt, he leaned up, their bodies pressing together as he began to undo the buttons of her jeans.
As he stood up, taking off his belt and reaching for the button of his pants, she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Every movement he made seemed effortless, like he knew exactly what he was doing and how it would affect her. The way his body moved, the confidence in his posture—it all mesmerized her.
Drew reached out his hand, and she took it, standing up to meet him as his lips found hers again, his hands found their way to her back, unclasping her bra.
He pulled back just enough to look at her, his eyes scanning her body, taking her in. His gaze was intense his hand, resting on the back of her neck, slowly traced its way down to her chest, his fingertips barely brushing against her skin. The soft touch sent shivers down her spine, every inch of her body alive with anticipation.
Drew paused for a moment, as if savoring the closeness between them, the charged silence that hung in the air. His thumb grazed her skin lightly teasing and testing her. Her breath caught in her throat as she stood in front of him.
The whisper caught Y/N completely off guard. "Sit on my face." She blinked in shock, staring at Drew in disbelief. He had never been this bold, not like this. The Drew she knew was quiet, tender, sometimes shy. But now, the intensity in his voice sent a wave of heat through her body. Her heart raced, and she could barely believe the words had come from him.
Yet, despite the surprise, she found herself nodding, as her body moved instinctively to obey him. Drew laid back on the bed, still in his boxers, his hand reaching out for hers. She straddled him, her knees sinking into the soft mattress.
"Come closer, baby. Hold the headboard," he instructed. The words made her pulse quicken even more, and she slowly scooted up, gripping the headboard for support. Her heart hammered in her chest, a mixture of nervousness and desire flooding her senses.
Before she could process it all, Drew’s strong hands gripped her waist, pulling her down with a swiftness that nearly knocked the breath out of her. She gasped, her body tensing as his mouth moved against her folds, his tongue grazing over her clit that left her mind spinning.
She closed her eyes, biting her lip as the sensations took over. His grip on her hips was firm, holding her steady as his tongue continued to eat her out. Y/N’s fingers tightened around the headboard, trying to keep herself grounded as waves of pleasure coursed through her.
Drew’s own breathing became heavier, and she could feel his grip shifting slightly as one hand moved down his own body, pulling his cock out for some relief. He groaned softly against her, stroking himself, as if the taste of her and the sound of her pleasure was enough to drive him wild.
Her breaths came in ragged gasps, the overwhelming sensations making it hard to think straight. Drew's tongue moved faster, sending her spiraling closer and closer to the edge, her body trembling with need as his grip tightened on her hips, holding her right where he wanted her.
His grip tightened on her hips, Y/N couldn't stop herself—she began to grind up against his face, searching for more of that incredible feeling. His tongue continued to work against her, and the friction only intensified the pleasure.
Drew groaned against her, the sound vibrating through her body, making her moan louder. "That's it, baby," he whispered between breaths, encouraging her, his hands guiding her movements. Y/N’s body reacted naturally, moving against him with more urgency.
The rhythm became faster, more desperate, her hips rolling against his face as she gripped the headboard tighter. Her breath was shallow, every inch of her alive with sensation. It was all too much and yet not enough.
“I can’t—” she gasped, her voice trembling as she felt herself spiraling out of control. He responded with even more determination, his tongue pressing harder, his hands keeping her steady.
And then it hit her, the pleasure rushing through her body tensed as she moaned out, her hips bucking wildly against him as she came all over hid face. Drew held her steady, his mouth never leaving her until she was completely undone.
Her legs trembled uncontrollably as she finally stilled, breathing heavily, feeling the aftershocks of her release pulse through her body. His hands gently moved up and down her thighs, soothing her as she came down, his lips curling into a soft smile beneath her.
Y/N slowly made her way down his body, her hands trailing over him, before reaching the waistband of his boxers. She hesitated for a moment, her eyes flicking up to meet his as she tugged them down. She was her knees in front of him, her ass in the air, she was the image of temptation, and Drew felt like he might come undone just from the sight of her. His pulse quickened, his eyes locked on her every movement.
Without breaking eye contact, Y/N took the tip of him into her mouth, her lips soft and warm as they wrapped around him. Drew let out a low groan, his hand going to her hair, gripping it gently as he watched her in awe. She was teasing him, taking her time, her tongue swirling slowly over the tip, and the intensity of the eye contact sent a rush of heat through his body.
He leaned his head back, his breath hitching as he felt her take more of him into her mouth, her pace steady but deliberate. “God, you look so good like this,” Drew muttered. His hand tightened in her hair as he watched her, smirking despite the tension building within him.
"Come here," he wispered. Y/N looked up at him, her heart racing as she crawled up his body, straddling his lap. Drew sat up straighter, pulling her closer until their chests were pressed together. His hands slid up her sides, cupping her breasts, his touch sending sparks through her skin.
He leaned in, taking one of her breasts into his mouth, his tongue flicking over her nipple before sucking gently. Y/N gasped at the sensation, her fingers threading through his hair as she arched into him. Each flick of his tongue sent a shiver down her spine, her hips grinding against him as she felt herself getting wetter.
With a swift movement, Drew flipped her over, his strength and urgency catching Y/N off guard. Her face was pressed into the mattress, her ass in the air once again, exposed and vulnerable. She felt a shiver run down her spine as Drew’s hands traced the curve of her back, his touch both soft and commanding.
His grip tightened as he grabbed her ass, squeezing firmly, making her gasp. The control he held over her in that moment made her pulse quicken, her body aching for more.
"Beg for it, baby," he said, his voice deep and rough. The demand sent a rush of heat straight through her, making her feel alive.
Y/N bit her lip, trying to gather her thoughts as his hands roamed her body, teasing her. She could feel how badly he wanted her, how close he was, but he was making her work for it.
“Please, Drew,” she whispered, her voice breathless. “I need you. I need you so bad.”
Drew smirked, satisfied with her response, his hands squeezing her ass again, sending jolts of pleasure through her. "Louder," he demanded, his voice full of authority.
She whimpered, pushing back against him, her body craving more. “Please, daddy. I can’t wait any longer.” Her voice was louder now, desperate, her body trembling with need.
"Good girl," he whispered, and in one fluid motion, he positioned himself behind her, ready to give her everything she'd begged for.
As Drew's hips moved in and out of her, the intense rhythm driving them both wild, Y/N gripped the sheets tightly. He had dreamed of this day for so long, and he could barely contain himself as he threw his head back, lost in the sheer pleasure of the moment.
"Fuck, you have no idea what you do to me," he groaned, his voice thick with desire. His praise only heightened her need, making her even wetter as the sound of their skin slapping together echoed in the room.
Despite her breathless moans, she was struggling to form coherent words, her mind clouded with pleasure. Drew's demand for her to talk made her gasp. "Talk, let me hear you," he urged, as he slammed back into her.
Y/N’s moans were her primary response, but she managed to tease him. “Maybe if you spent less time with Odessa, you’d know exactly what you’re missing.”
Drew’s eyes sparkled with a mix of surprise and amusement. He suddenly pulled her hair into a makeshift ponytail, his body pressing firmly against hers. Leaning in close, he whispered into her ear, “Oh, really? Is that right?” He said.
Y/N felt a shiver run through her, realizing she’d spoken too soon. Caught off guard by his intimate grip and the intense pressure of his body against hers, she struggled to respond. Her breaths came in ragged gasps as Drew’s hips drove into her with even more force.
“Nothing to say, huh?” Drew teased softly, his voice low and playful, “Need me to fuck the jealousy out of you?”
His movements were relentless, the sound of his balls slapping up against her, and the pressure building in her stomach making her moan, unable to respond to him. His focus remained on her, gripping her ass, moving in and out of her, he was determined to make her come all over him, to feel her fall apart around him.
“I got you another drink,” Madelyn said, her voice pulling Y/N out of her reverie. Y/N jumped slightly, her mind still tangled in memories of Drew.
Madelyn handed her the drink, and Y/N took it with a grateful nod. “Thank you,” she said, her voice betraying the adrenaline pumping through her. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the flutter of nerves.
As Y/N sipped her drink, her gaze drifted back to where Drew was standing. Her emotions were all over the place. The sight of him, so close yet so distant, made her wish for things left unsaid and dreams yet to be realized. She could almost feel the pull of their past and the uncertain promise of what could come next.

