I'm too numb...

independent blog for OCs and canon characters multi-verse || multi-ship || OC friendly private and selective 21+ only; dark themes will be present written by daliah; est. jan 2013 ⇤ ○ ⇥ oɴce a killer, ᴀʟᴡᴀʏs a killer. my hands are ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀᴇᴅ in blood. and not even your salty tears of ƒσяgινєηєѕѕ and ℓσνє, can ωαѕн away the ＰＡＩＮ I have c a u s e d .

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

“Gosh, are you sure you’re not some kind of dream I’ve been having for the last couple years?” She asked teasingly. There were many moments where she wondered how she ever got so lucky as to have Lucius as a soulmate. Cristina smiled wider at his words and nosed against his cheek, arms still around him. She had wanted to marry him for the longest time and just thinking about it made her want it even more. “One day. You’re my forever, Lucius.”

Cristina was so happy by getting to feel his lips on hers that she hardly could put together words despite the fact that she could go on and on about how much she loved Lucius for hours. “I never minded when you’d come in. A cute guy with the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen constantly flirting with me even though he knew I had work to do? How can I complain about that?” As soon as they were moving back against the shelves, she giggled softly into his lips, fingers brushing through his hair she adored so much. “I love you,” she muttered in between kisses, pressing her body further against his.

            “I PROMISE YOU that I’m not just some dream you’ve been having. I’ve very real and every moment between us has been real. And if it was a dream, I would never want to wake up.” His smile never seemed to leave his lips as they stood there and she was the only person that seemed to get that sort of thing out of him. “Maybe once you finish up with everything here we can start thinking about it some more. That way we don’t have to keep dreaming about it. I just want you to be mine and by my side forever.”

            “It was always impossible for me to study or get any of my things when you were there. But I could never complain either. I would much rather give you my attention than try and do my school work.” Lucius chuckled and let his hands move along her sides. He continued to kiss her and hold her close to him, not wanting to let go and break the contact. “I love you too.” He mumbled against her lips, one hand eventually moving to the back of her neck. “More than anything in the world.”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

“They’re a…an alright group.” Cristina had some friends, but they were mostly superficial. The biggest reason she hadn’t heard about the underground workings of the city was mostly because they weren’t very much concerned with anyone else but themselves. Still, she supposed that it may have been a good thing then just to keep all of them out of trouble, even though it would’ve been much quicker to find Veronika in the first place. “Oh…I see…” she said in response to hearing about her family. “Sorry to hear about your brother…is he getting out anytime soon?” She figured that perhaps the answers to these may be wiped from her mind, but she still wanted to know even if just for the present.

The little kindness of simply offering her water was enough to make her smile, put her at ease. “Thank you…even though I’ve been looking for you all this time…I still wasn’t even sure it was you when I found you. And it’s not exactly easy to approach a stranger and ask if they’ll wipe your memory. That’s a quick way to make it weird,” she noted, uncapping the water bottle and taking a sip. Cristina listened with fascination when she talked about the abilities of others like her, and the very thought of losing a limb like one of the other curse workers made her shiver. “It sounds like a tough life.” That was an understatement. Cristina couldn’t imagine losing any fraction of her memory unwillingly. “Do you ever think about stopping it?” She asked, her brows furrowed. “I mean, I know you said you have to do it forever, but truly, if you could, would you?”

            VERONIKA SHRUGGED SLIGHTLY at the question. While she was close to her bother than her other siblings, she wasn’t entirely concerned as to when he would be getting out of jail. There was no bad blood. He just was older and knew how to take care of himself. When he did get out he would find his way to her like he always seemed to do. “He was sentenced to ten years. So he won’t be getting out for a few more years. But maybe he’ll get out on good behavior and parole. We don’t talk much anymore. Being in the mob, prisons are places I tend to avoid. I don’t need anyone looking into who I am.” She paused as she took another sip of her water. “Don’t be sorry. He was dumb enough to get caught. That’s his own fault honestly.”

            “No, I suppose I can’t blame you. It would be a weird thing to just start off with right off the bat. I feel most people wouldn’t do it at all. So I give you props for finally approaching and asking.” Veronika smiled at her before moving out of the kitchen and into the living room. Without a second thought she plopped herself down on the couch. “Feel free to sit if you’d like.” A small laugh left her lips and she nodded a bit. “It can be tough. But after awhile you get used to it. So I can’t complain. Would I ever stop it? Probably not. There’s no reason for me not to so I suppose I would just keep doing it.” She thought some more, setting her water on the coffee table. “Maybe I would if I started to lose big chucks of memory or important bits. I guess that would be a good reason to stop.” But realistically she hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

The woman’s home was not much different than her own it seemed, especially in terms of neatness. She felt quite cozy there and it eased a lot of her fear about coming over in the first place. “I might have heard about him in passing…though I don’t really have a group of friends who pay much attention to the crime bosses of the city. I’ve always known they existed, but I don’t remember them by name,” she told her, still looking around with interest. As she talked about her own upbringing, she nodded. “And you’ve stayed here since then, I suppose?”

When Veronika mentioned the coffee that had long since gone cold, Cristina laughed softly. “Oh, I would actually. Truly, I just got a cup of coffee to look normal while I worked up the courage to approach you,” she admitted, giving a small shrug of her shoulders. She really wanted to know more about the woman, like where she came from and when she discovered her powers, but she didn’t want to upset her if it was sensitive. “I can’t imagine losing anything like that…it does make the memory thing seem easier.” Cristina’s eyes went wide as she looked at the journals now, wondering just what stories were recorded in them, probably ones that would open her mind to all kinds of magic. “I see…how wonderful to have records like that,” she commented, following her into the kitchen. “Have you ever forgotten people?” She wondered out loud. “I mean, like, important people in your life?”

            “WELL, YOU’VE GOT a good group of friends. Better to stay out of the mess and ignore it than to get involved.” Veronika mused with a slight shrug of her shoulders. Did she regret the choices she made? No. But she knew that she was roped into everything until the day she died. And there was no way to get out. She watched the other as she continued to look around, not minding that she did. Everything that needed to be hidden away was so there was no harm in her looking. “We originally didn’t come to the city. But once my brother was put into jail, I needed to figure something out so I came here. Plenty of opportunity, they say. I haven’t left since. That was about six years ago.”

            She moved over to the fridge, grabbing to bottle of water for them. “Here you go. You can leave the coffee on the counter. I’ll get rid of it later. I suppose I don’t blame you. I would have done the same thing.” Veronika could tell that Cristina was curious but she would let her ask her questions instead of just telling her things out right. “Curse work is a blessing and a curse. You get the ability to do amazing things but the blow back will always come right back at you. But it can be as simple as a luck worker getting some bad luck for a little while. Or losing a limb like a death worker.” Memory work had it’s advantages and she had a small price to pay. But she was lucky that normally small things in her memory was taken. Not huge chucks that would make her confused. “I need the journals just in case. I don’t want to lose everything I’ve done in life.” She opened the water and took a sip of it before shaking her head. “Thankfully, no. I haven’t. I typically lose small things like what I did before breakfast last Tuesday or what color dress I wore to a party. But you never know, one day it might happen.”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

At the compliments that Lucius gave her, Cristina’s cheeks turned even more red. She never got tired of hearing his sweet words. “You are far too kind to me and I can’t wait to make you my husband one day, you hear me? You’re the only man for me, Luc. Forever,” she murmured sincerely. For what seemed like their entire relationship now, she had pictured the rest of her life planned out with him.

“You’re right. We should plan more nights like that because I’ve spent far too long without getting to have one with you.” She couldn’t help but giggle a little into his lips as she kissed him back tenderly. It took everything she had to keep herself from going weak in the knees over the feeling of kissing him. “Me neither. I liked having my handsome bad boy coming in to distract me,” she teased, brushing her nose against his. She continued to play with his hair, keeping him close. “I can’t help it. I’ve been thinking about kissing you against those shelves since you came in.”

            SEEING HER CHEEKS redden again, Lucius couldn’t help but chuckle softly. “I will always tell you these sorts of things. Every one of them is true and I wouldn’t change anything about it.” He told her happy, meaning every word. He was quiet for a moment, thinking over his next bit of words. “I’d marry you in a heartbeat, Cristina. I’m pretty sure I would have not long after we met. No one else compares to you.” He didn’t know what he was waiting for but he knew soon enough he would officially ask her.

            “And that, my dear, is a crime. We need time together despite how busy we both seem to get.” Arms wrapped around her as he kissed her to keep her close even though he knew that she wasn’t going anywhere for the moment. “We both know I came in there way too often, never with the intention of reading anything. Always just to see you and to see how long I could get away with distracting you without getting you in trouble.” His smile grew a bit, leaning into her touch some more. “We can make that happen.” Lucius said quietly before kissing her again but this time moving her backwards until she was up against one of the nearby shelves.

[lucyllawless]

[blackcatrph]

** things i’ve said as resident mom friend **

“ everyone needs someone. ”

“ you need to drink more. and no, i don’t mean more alcohol. ”

“ please let me know when you get home. ”

“ i can’t believe you didn’t listen to me! ”

“ i would say i told you so, but i think the sentiment might be lost on you. ”

“ i’m so proud of you. ”

 “ have you eaten today ? ” 

“ it’s okay, i’m here. ”

“ you had me so worried ! ”

“ who do i need to fight ? ”

“ i’ll make this better, just tell me how. ”

“ you probably shouldn’t try climbing that. ”

“ you’re okay. you’re safe. i’ve got you. ”

“ which hospital are you at ? ”

“ hey, hey calm down. it’s just a scratch. ”

“ go the fuck to sleep. ”

“ it’s three in the morning, why aren’t you in bed ? ”

“ maybe a shower would make you feel better ? ”

“ listen, i know you’re scared, but if you don’t do it you’ll only regret it later. ”

“ don’t force yourself. ”

“ crying doesn’t make you weak. ”

“ you look beautiful. don’t ever doubt that. ”

“ you don’t need to worry about me. ”

“ do you really think that’s a good idea ? ”

“ do i even want to know ? ”

“ what did you do now ? ”

“ i love you. ”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

Cristina felt her smile grow so wide her cheeks began to hurt as she relished his words. “You know, I’ll want you to be by my side forever. There’s no other person I want to have cheering me on and sharing my success with, darling,” she murmured. She meant every word she said to him. He was really everything she could have ever wanted.

“Won’t it? I think you and I have been needing a night out,” she told him, already picturing getting to sit across from her love at a romantically decorated table. Cristina couldn’t help but grin at his reaction to her touches. All this time and she had learned just how to work him up. “Oh please, you’ve been my favorite distraction from work since I used to be a part time librarian,” she laughed, tilting her head to kiss the corner of his lips.

            “YOU ARE THE love of my life. The only one I could ever want beside me. You are so incredibly amazing and I’m so grateful to have you in my life.” Lucius said as he watched her. No one seemed to make such an impact in his life like she did and he couldn’t ask for anyone better. He was over the moon to be with her. “I love you more than anything in the world. Everything about you and what you do is perfect.”

            “It’s nice every now and again to have a night just for the two of us. Not every night needs to be focused around work.” Lucius mused, excited to have some time with her. A nice dinner and the night back home sounded perfect to him. A small smirk appeared as she kissed the corner of his lips, catching her lips in his own kiss before she could pull away. “I certainly spent too much time distracting you then. But I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” Hands moved along her hips and he sighed happily. “You’re tempting, my love.”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

All this time, Cristina had almost entirely convinced herself that Veronika wasn’t a real person, that she was some kind of wonderful urban legend she would dream of meeting one day, but now here she was. She still couldn’t believe it. She followed her into the elevator and waited patiently, still awkwardly holding the coffee she lost interest in. “I actually live about ten minutes from here. I’ve grown up in the city my whole life,” she answered her. “And where are you from?”

As she listened to Veronika explain her scars, she tensed a bit. In all the explanations she had heard about the woman, people never gave explanations for the scar, merely said that it was there. “Oh…I never knew that. Not that it makes a difference now. I just would have assumed someone knew but they never did.” She followed quickly behind the woman, bashful about this whole thing considering they barely knew each other. The explanation of it all was very simple, and still very tempting, but Cristina couldn’t get over what would happen to the other. “Well…I think that still sounds bad…why do you keep doing it?” She asked curiously, looking around the apartment. “You have a lovely home, by the way.”

            THE INSIDE OF her apartment was big and spacious but everything was neat and in order. There was a full wall of book cases holding some books but mostly journals. Veronika closed the door behind Cristina and out of habit locked it. “You grew up in the city but you’ve never heard of Ivan Zacharov? You much be living under a rock, my dear. He’s not one to be messed with. Just keep that in mind.” Veronika told her as she moved further into the apartment. “I grew up in a small town in Russia. My brother and I came to the states when we were sixteen and eighteen.”

            “Would you like something else to drink? I can’t imagine that coffee you’re still holding is any good.” She asked, grinning a bit. Despite her reputation and normally cold demeanor, the woman could be nice. “It’s not as bad as you think. Losing a memory is a small price to pay compared to what some of the others experience. Death workers lose a body part and physical workers get sick. At least there is no harm to my body.” Veronika shrugged slight before pointing towards the bookshelf. “All of those journals contain my life. Everything I have done. It allows me to keep my memories even if the physical ones are no longer there.” She moved into the kitchen to get herself a water. “I never know what memory will be gone. It could be something like what I ate for breakfast last week or it could be my memory of who I am. But the work and money are worth it. And working for Zacharov keeps me protected as long as I don’t go against him.”

[fresh-hot-rp-memes]

Send “brush” to accidentally touch one of my muse’s scars

Send “trace” to purposely touch one of my muse’s scars

Send either of these words plus “reverse” for our muses to switch places

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

It was strange, Cristina was not feeling much reluctance anymore, she simply wanted to stop hurting so much with all her thoughts of heartbreak. Part of her wondered how the woman could do it, take away those thoughts that had kept her up so often now. Did it harm her? Did it hurt? Did she get those new thoughts? She had so many questions about it all, but she didn’t want to bombard the other or come off as too ignorant about the process to be worked with.

“And a pleasure to finally meet you. Just knowing you’re a real person solves the biggest mystery for me that I had,” she told her. When asked about the scars, she shook her head. “No. I just always remembered because I figured that would be the easiest way to identify you.” She hadn’t thought about where or how Veronika would have gotten those scars, but now she was greatly curious. She tipped her head to the other woman as she stepped past her into the building. “Does it hurt? I mean, for me. Or even for you?” She asked, waiting a step ahead for her to catch up.

            VERONIKA LET THE door close behind her and she moved towards the elevator. A light laugh left her lips and she looked over at the other woman. “I am indeed a real person. But at least know you don’t have to wonder about that.” She mused, pressing the button to get the elevator. For a moment she was quiet, trying to find the best way to phrase everything. “Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking?” As the door opened, she stepped inside and waited for Cristina to follow before she hit the button for her floor.

            “It’s the symbol of those who have proven themselves and are loyal to the Zacharov crime family. Most people are wise to stay away from those with this scar.” She told her with a slight shrug of her shoulders. Once they got to the right floor, she moved to head towards one of the only doors on the floor. Her keys were in her hand in a moment and a light sigh left her lips as she opened the door. “No, it won’t hurt either of us. Thankfully the blow back I deal with is painless. I will lose one of my own memories but it’s a small price. Especially compared to the death workers who lose a body part.” She set her keys down on a nearby table, glancing back at the other.

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

“You are the love of my life and I’m so glad I have you at my side…” she said sincerely, smiling as she kept him close to her. “And you are the best cheerleader I could ever ask for.” Cristina laughed softly as she said it, knowing that her Lucius made everything seem easier, even something as difficult as working on the shop all this time.

She hummed in agreement, already thinking about what she’d be wearing that evening. “It will be. I think we deserve it.” Cristina knew exactly what she was doing, and she couldn’t help herself from dragging her fingertips over his scalp again slowly. “What?” She asked coyly. “I just like playing with my boyfriend’s hair.”

            A LAUGH OF his own left his lips and he continued to smile at her. “I’ll be by your side for as long as you’ll let me be. And I’ll be your cheerleader for everything that you do.” She deserved everything in the world and he would do anything to get that for her. He wanted to see her achieve everything she wanted to and this was no exception. Seeing her put her heart and soul into the shop made him more than happy. 

            “We definitely do deserve it. It’ll be nice to have some time together and not worrying about anything else.” Lucius said as he smile again. At the feeling of her hands in his hair again, he gripped her hips a little tighter and pulled her close to him. “You know exactly what you’re doing.” He hummed, looking her over. “And as tempted as I am, I don’t want to take away from your time.”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

For a moment, Cristina wondered if she was making a poor decision coming to the woman in the first place. Was the heartbreak of a broken engagement so bad that she needed some divine intervention to forget it? What if people asked her about it? Could she play it off like it was some running joke as if she didn’t remember? Just thinking about coming home to find half of her once joint belongings gone made her tear up, but she blinked it away.

Finally, she took a sip of her coffee which was now lukewarm. She hardly even noticed with her nerves so high. Still, she kept up with the other woman easily. “I actually never got a name in all the time I’ve heard about you, but it’s nice to finally meet you. I’m Cristina DeBarge.” She glanced over at the woman and bit her lip. “It’s taken a while to piece it together. You hear things here and there about a pretty woman with a scar on her neck who can make people forget. You were hard to find but I’m glad I did.”

            EVERYONE SEEMED TO deal with heartbreak differently and she knew that people would continue to ask her to make them forget it. Could she blame them? No. But she knew what it was like to have holes in her memory. Each one she took or added to someone else, one of her own was gone. It wasn’t the greatest thing and she wouldn’t wish having those holes on anyone. But at least she could control the ones she took from others. It was always a guessing game afterwards to figure out which of her was gone.

            “Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you , Cristina.” Veronika said as she looked back over at her. She nodded slightly at what she said, happy that she had been hard to find. “Do you know what the scars mean? People tend to avoid those with this scar.” Crime families were usually one to avoid but if she wasn’t from the area she wouldn’t blame her from knowing. As they approached the tall building she lived in, Veronika held the door open for Cristina. “So what were those questions you wanted to ask, hm?”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

“You’ve helped, you know. Just by being there every night when I get home and giving me your love,” she told him honestly. She really couldn’t have done it without him. All the work she put into it was that much better with him to share it with. “This isn’t just something wonderful for me, honey bunny. This is wonderful for us.”

She couldn’t help how much her grin grew seeing his reaction to the gentle movements of her fingers in his hair. Cristina hummed softly and returned the kiss, savoring the feeling. “That sounds lovely,” she murmured against his lips. “But everything with you sounds lovely.” Playfully, she tugged on a lock of his hair.

            “WELL, I’M GLAD that you think that. I’ll always be there to give you all the love and attention you deserve. But you have done much more with this than I have. I’ve just been cheering you on from the sidelines.” A light laugh left his lips but he continued to smile at her. He would do anything for her and he was sure that she knew that well enough.

            He smiled at her words, hands moving to rest on her hips as they stood there. “Perfect. It’ll be nice to get out and enjoy some time with just us.” Lucius mused, eventually biting the inside of his cheek as she tugged at his hair. “That’s dangerous, love. You know where doing that leads you.”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

Ever since she had sat down, Cristina hadn’t taken a sip of her coffee. Part of her had just done it for appearances so she wouldn’t be watched too closely by anyone. “I figured that if you did a good enough job, I wouldn’t remember anything that I could regret,” she said softly, eyes shifting to the table so she wouldn’t stare too hard at the woman and be perceived as rude. She had come in with the idea that she couldn’t take back wanting that fraction of her memory to be wiped, and she convinced herself she was entirely okay with it.

Before she could even speak, the woman had begun walking. Cristina scrambled to her feet and grabbed her purse, nearly spilling the unsipped coffee in the process. She hurried after the other woman, finally catching up once outside. “Can I ask a question? I just…I have a few after hearing about you for so long…”

            “IT’S NOT A matter of if I do a good enough job. I will but that doesn’t mean later down the line some thing will make you regret it.Nothing is guaranteed in this life.” She said with a shrug of her shoulders. Veronika knew what she was doing and prided herself in her capabilities. She wasn’t one to half ass a job and hope for the best afterwards. It would always come back to bite her if she did work that way. And that was something she didn’t want to deal with. As she walked, she looked at Cristina as she finally caught up to her. 

            She raised an eyebrow at her before nodding her head. “Sure, you may ask your questions. I'll answer the best I can.” There was a brief pause as she turned the corner. “But I have a question of my own first. How exactly did you hear about me?” Veronika didn’t really care about the answer but she was curious as to who had pointed her in the right direction. “And I suppose I should introduce myself but I’m sure you already know who I am. Veronika Solokov.”

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

Cristina brightened even more at the praise from Lucius. “I’m proud of it too. I’ve wanted this forever…” she told him honestly, though her gaze remained on him. She was always so happy to just see his face, especially when he was smiling at her. No matter how long they’d been together, it always melted her heart.

“Then let’s go out. Let’s celebrate being together, hm?” She suggested, raking her nails gently over his scalp, nose brushing his gently. “You pick the place and I’ll wear something cute.”

            HE COULD HAVE melted into a puddle as she smiled even more and he didn’t think he would ever get used to the sight. She always managed to make him warm and comfortable whenever he was with her. “Good, you should be proud of it. You’ve put so much hard work into it. It’ll be amazing when you’re finally finished with it.” Lucius said, keeping his eyes on her.

            For a moment he was distracted by her nails against his scalp and he couldn’t help but catch her lips in another kiss before he spoke. “What about that nice restaurant we went to a few months ago? You liked that place, right?” Lucius finally got out, smiling some more.

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible·:

Cristina twiddled her thumbs nervously. She knew that this woman would help her forget, but she was not sure of what else she was able to do. Still, it was worth it to her, no matter what the consequence was. “I didn’t expect to be. I’m sure I won’t be the last either.” It was so cliché, asking to forget about a lost lover, but for her, that was her greatest desire.

She straightened up a bit when asked if they could go elsewhere. Cristina wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but of course the woman couldn’t do her work in public. “I suppose I wouldn’t have much of a choice. But I don’t mind. Wherever you’re most comfortable,” she told her.

            “NO, YOU CERTAINLY won’t be the last one.” Veronika mused as she watched her. She took a sip of her coffee and considered the options in front of her. “You understand that it’s something that can’t be reversed, correct? I don’t want you coming back to me crying when you realize the mistake you made.” She fell silent for a moment as she watched a few of the other people around them. It wasn’t like she was above doing things like this but she still wanted to make sure that she knew what she was asking for. 

            “I haven’t agreed to anything yet. But people like to listen to conversations they aren’t a part of. And I don’t need more rumors floating around about me.” Veronika stood, coffee in hand. “Come on, love. Let’s get this figured out. I need a good reason to do this for you.” Without waiting for an answer, she moved to head towards the door.

[militiaebelli]

cristinatheincredible​:

Nothing else mattered when Lucius was within reach of her. In his kiss, she had forgotten all about any of the other things she had to do besides spend time with the man she loved. “I know…and I’m sorry because I know I’ve been so focused on the store lately…” she murmured, though her worry had melted entirely away.

The next kiss caused her to blush darkly, her grip on him tightening. “Hmm…you know I would do anything as long as I can be with you,” she whispered against his lips, reaching up to brush his hair back lovingly.

            “YOU’VE BEEN WORKING so hard on this. I’m proud of you, you know. I can see all the care that’s gone into it.” Lucius told her with a quick glance around. But his attention quickly went back to Cristina, his smile growing. He truly was proud of her and he loved seeing her happy and doing what she wanted to be doing. “So, no need to apologize.”

            Lucius leaned into her touch a bit, realizing how much he had missed little things like that. “I know, I know. I just wanted to spoil you. But if staying in is what you want, we can save that for another day.”