Overcast Astronaut

A place for indiscriminate thought-dumping.

[milkyskittles]

Crush Math

+1 for her laugh,

How my name sounds

Warm— 

From her smiling lips. 

+2 for her hand on my knee,

On my arms or hips, 

“Sorry.”

Please don’t be. 

+3 for late night texts,

+4 for heart-reacts

Is it delusion or just the facts? 

Despite the confusion, the math still tracks.

[milkyskittles]

The Arsonist

Sometimes the house has to be on-fucking-fire for the walls to come down. How it hurts to feel sun after a long winter, to burn and peel off layers of fear. Mouthing the words: “I love you”-- barely a whisper in your ear. The way wood splinters. Smoldering embers and smoke in your hair. Sometimes, the body remembers what our minds spare. When you’ve lived in fear and the past resides here, and all the smoke alarms are going off, and you say “I don’t care, I did this on a dare anyway,” what you really mean to say is “I don’t know how to open up the door,” so you set it on fire and instead of saying “I’m sorry” you say “I like it better burnt to the ground.” Yes, sometimes the house has to be on-fucking-fire for the walls to come down.

[milkyskittles]

I’m all out— defenseless

The ink ran dry

Too tired to cry

Too sad to sleep

Someone save me

I’m full of “maybe”

On my way to “no”

Not anymore

Not ever

Never

Again. 

The end.

[milkyskittles]

To The Moon

“I’ll give you space”

Not that kind though

Not the kind I’d give you:

The kind with galaxies, stars

Far– to the moon and back 

Lightyears of love and all that.

Your space is distance 

Shroedinger’s friendship:

Both alive and dead

Liminal memories

And words left unsaid.

[milkyskittles]

Capitol Hill

There’s that spot that always smells like pee

And that other one– this one dryer

And another– this one wetter

Gay people deserve better

But still 

This is where I learned 

Here on Cap Hill

Gay people like Halloween

And iced coffee 

French bulldogs

And the conservatory 

There’s no rainbow flag tattoo 

Big enough to deter straight men

Girls can break your heart too 

And not every ex can be your friend.

[milkyskittles]

Insidiously, 

the warmth seeps in

Like honey in tea

Or perfume on skin

You dissolve me and win

Prized words, feelings, thoughts

Bound up with pink ribbon

Bleeding hearts and forget-me-nots

Curious hearts inquire within

Speaking everything except 

“I love you,” in the empty spots

Between, we must accept 

Fault lines in reality 

Can you see what I see?

Will you be what I want you to be?

Or is this the casual brutality 

Of hope— alone at the end of my rope

Waiting for the water to rise, high tides 

To wash clean the salt from my eyes?

[milkyskittles]

Something about you

Held me under, 

Drowning in

Everything about you

The more I learned

I loved, 

Something about you

Caught me, humbled

First steps stumbled

Last words fumbled, 

And still, I love

Everything about you

In the silence,

In the dark blanks,

My ears, my lungs fill--

With nothing but love, still.

[milkyskittles]

On The Swings

Flying through the air, 

Not a care,

In a dark park

Feet dangling,

Chains in hand, unplanned,

Wind through hair,

“Why not?” I thought,

Just felt right tonight 

After sundown

After golden hour, now or 

Never or tomorrow, 

Or the next day,

But now felt okay.

[milkyskittles]

From both ends,

I’m burning again

But what for?

Heavy fade

Extinguished

By her fingers

Touched,

At last

Finally,

At peace.

[milkyskittles]

Of course you’re sad

High hopes

Underpaid and tired

Of the same 180 square feet

Dull, flat faces in the alley

Hoping time heals 

What money can’t fix

...

Sometimes you cry

For a few rainy weeks

At once, 

The pain of love 

And the disappointment

Of knowing better

Of course you’re sad.

[milkyskittles]

On the floor

In the closet

Sorting bones

...

Windows darken

Down the street

On the homes

...

In the houses

They’re alone

On their phones.

[milkyskittles]

Slip me under your tongue,

In your lungs,

My dear,

Whisper in my ear

How you care,

Wouldn’t dare,

Leave me here.

It’s sincere— 

What the soul holds,

Between the folds,

Of the sheets, 

Trapped heartbeats,

Vestigial body heat,

Warms cold feet.

[milkyskittles]

“It takes more muscles

To frown 

Than to smile”

His warm hand

Squeezes my shoulder

My lips droop 

On their own

[milkyskittles]

Quiet destruction—

The less we say,

The more it weighs.

[milkyskittles]

A stranger’s affection

Staves off 

that terminal, lovesick affliction 

Dries tears from

eyes for lustful conniption 

Set sights on

seductive dream of perfection 

Gracefully descends

into that familiar, eventual friction

Gravity-bound—

down is the only direction.

[milkyskittles]

I feel like quicksand

Cold, wet, gravity-bound ooze

Descending inwards

[milkyskittles]

It doesn’t count 

if it’s not obsession, 

unmistakable impression

of wholeness. 

All I want is 

to be a possession; 

Protected,

in a palm, 

Safe, 

in your pocket 

Touched,

I’m still here. 

An irrefutable confession 

of love— is this fullness?

anything less pales, 

white and pulseless, 

The organ fails.