J'aime All Over

Milo Kessler · 18 · Son of Aphrodite

[dakotapls]

“so i made cookies, ‘cause i was bored…. you could have some if you want, i don’t really care if you don’t. i just ran out of things to do and made cookies, that’s all.” she shrugged, nonchalantly. “my mom sent me a cook book so i figured i’d put it to use.”

[milo-kessler]

“Um, didn’t you hear? Someone’s already making cookies around here and that is me. That has always been me.” 

[dylanthomson]

“No, mom, I didn’t cry the whole way through it–just, you know, at the start and the middle and a little bit at the end but not the whole way–Diana was just so cool, you know? Mom, stop laughing. No, you can’t tell dad…if you tell dad I cried then I get to tell him you cried at The Bee Movie–Oh, I gotta go, someone’s staring at me. Yeah, I will. Okay, love you.” Dylan cleared his throat as he quickly hung up at looked over at the person. “I totally didn’t cry.” He nodded, hoping they hadn’t heard any of it. 

[milo-kessler]

“Did I just hear you say something about The Bee Movie? I thought that movie was absolutely beautiful. A work of art. A human falling for a bee... man, I wish something like that happened to me. Wanna know why? I’d get free honey all the time.”

[milo-kessler]

“Uhhhh.” Sebastian hadn’t been noticing the other until now. “I… Yes? I don’t quite know if… I mean I guess it looks, yeah. I wasn’t looking at it but it does look good? Who’s Rose?” Sebastian said, head tilting to the side before looking around the beach again.

“Don’t look at it too much or all its shine is going to permanently blind you. You seriously don’t know who Rose is? Have you been living under a rock? If so, how did you do it without getting crushed to death? Rose is my sister and believe me when I tell you she has the best hair products.”

[sebastianfarley-blog]

Sebastian didn’t quite know how he got there, but he had found his way to the beach. A little bewildered by everything happening to him, he took a breath in, before laughing. He only realize after a prolonged moment that he was actually watching someone, quickly averting his eyes to avoid them noticing, only making it that much more obvious. “Ahh. Sorry. I just…. Hey there.” he said, clearly just making it worse.

[milo-kessler]

Feeling inspired to create his own La Mer cream, Milo headed to the beach to recollect some seaweed for scientific purposes. He was in the middle of his task when he felt someone’s eyes on him. Turning around to face the stranger, he spoke, “Were you looking at my hair? It looks pretty good, right? I don’t think my hair has ever been this shiny before. This is all thanks to Rose’s shampoo. That’s some good stuff right there.”  

[milo-kessler]

“I see, I appreciate your inclusivity towards giraffes, but then again…what about all the other animals other than dogs, cats and giraffes? Where are the jokes for them? Well, heat rises and all that so hopefully they’re always nice and warm. No but small little ones are cute, like those kids who use their bedsheets to be a ghost. I’ve seen a few.”

“Their jokes aren’t good, that’s what happens. When have you ever heard of a good beluga whale jokes? That’s right, never. So unless they get better jokes, they don’t deserve to be included. I would make an exception for bees though. They’re the bee’s knees, you know what I’m saying? Nice and warm giraffes, I like that. That is just an unsafe thing to do. I did that once and I almost cracked my head open.”

[milo-kessler]

“And I’m sorry about that, truly. What do you even do with a magic oven?”

“Bake magic Barbie cupcakes, what else? But see, you don’t understand. This magic oven was my life, my soul. And you took that away from me. I’m going to be a nobody in life. Barbie is going to be so disappointed in me.”

[findwolfe-deactivated20170703]

“Oh- gods, I am so sorry.”

[milo-kessler]

“You just broke my magic oven. Outrageous.”

[milo-kessler]

“I didn’t really know they were so popular, thank you for enlightening me. Yes, go to your happy baby giraffe place–are they your favourite animal? You don’t think tiny stupid ghosts are cute? Like, those videos where dogs are dressed up as ghosts and they look so dumb they’re adorable.”

“Yes! Of course they’re my favorite animal. Everyone’s telling dog jokes or cat jokes, but what about giraffes? They need love too. I don’t think anyone realizes how bad the weather is up there and giraffes have to deal with that everyday. Cute? No! Ghosts are creepy. Have you not ever watched a horror movie?” 

[milo-kessler]

“Oh, um…giraffe joke? I’ll try. Why do giraffes take so long to apologise? B-Because it takes them a while to swallow their pride. Was that one alright? I don’t actually think they can dance, man…but if they could that’d be pretty cool don’t you think? Like they’d boogie their little tissue butts to the trash.”

“Much better. You can never go wrong with a giraffe joke. That still doesn’t make up for the weird Kleenex joke you just told me, but all I can think about are cute baby giraffes right now, so I guess it’s alright for now. Cool? I think it would be kind of scary. They’d look like tiny ghosts and I don’t like ghosts.”

[milo-kessler]

“That’s why it’s a joke, because I’m kidding–badum tss. Do you want me to try another to see if you’ll get that one? Aw, come on, I’m not that weird.”

“...I still don’t get it. Fine, I hope it’s a giraffe joke, those are the best. Um, you are kind of weird though. People who think Kleenex can dance are not to be trusted and you kind of have a weird face too.”

[milo-kessler]

“You know…’cause like, a Kleenex is a tissue, and a boogie is something you blow out of your nose into a tissue, so to make a Kleenex dance you just put a little boogie into it because a boogie is like a dance, you know? Disco boogie and all that…”

“No, I don’t know. That makes no sense, Kleenex can’t dance. Everyone knows that. You’re a weird guy and you’re kind of scaring me.” 

[dylanthomson]

“Hey, uh..so, um, how…how do you make a Kleenex dance? 

–No? You don’t know? You…you put a little boogie in it!”

[milo-kessler]

“... I don’t get it.”

[milo-kessler]

Well I just want to make sure I know about all of this so that I might become part of the group.  That sounds so unhealthy though ,and like you would have so many bad stomachaches eating that much cake.  Something tells me that isn’t how you actually make lava cake, but if you want to think of the raw batter as the lava, then who am I to tell you that you’re wrong?  But… you kind of are wrong.  Oh gods, I hope not.  We don’t need another Rose running around.  I doubt he’ll bit your head off, but I’ll find out for you, just in case.

So, how is that coming along? Am I convincing you or what? I know you’re an Athena kid, but not joining us would be a bad decision. It might be unhealthy for the body, but it is healthy for the soul. I have a food baby every single day and I already learned to love it. I even gave it a name, Milo II. Okay, Betty Crocker, how else do you make lava cakes? Oh no, I wouldn’t run around. I don’t like to do that, I’d just get myself a bike instead. I will need it to deliver my Barbie baked goods to the people Rose has wronged. Great, let me know how that goes.

[katclynwhite]

Katelyn half laughed, half giggled at his joke. She thought about what he said. “Um, no. my dad doesn’t know how to knit. But on Christmas he usually gets us matching iphones. But, they are iphones bought with love. Does that count?” She asked, tilting her head towards Milo. 

[milo-kessler]

His eyes widened at her reply. Nudging her gently, he said, “Do you think maybe your father will want to adopt me? I can dye my hair blonde and everything so I look like of you guys. I can be like the Weasley sibling no one knows about.” 

[milo-kessler]

“Ha, it’ll be like me in math class, and biology…and just school. Barbie is gonna be so sad she didn’t think to hire us earlier. But we’ll make it up to her by being the best. A movie would be amazing, like Steve Jobs, but call it…’Milolivia’. You must get it quite a lot.”

“Who needs numbers and science when you can be a cool kid like us? We’re the nicest kids in town. Corny Collins said so and his word is law. Damn, Barbie. I’m afraid old age is getting to her. Ooh, or like The Social Network. Except we don’t fight. My dad says I’m special, so yes.” 

[milo-kessler]

“No one would hate you, they’d all worship you. That’d be a good business, trying to help those who fucked up with my potions. I can give out your business card with every potion. You just get one that says shampoo and something about argan oil, so many places sell hair products–you’re saying you’ve never seen hair products at a store? Then you can pour it in your eyes, can’t you? And by that time I’d know what a moron you were and go admit defeat and get it myself. Milo one day I’m going to take you to a michelin restaurant so you can forget about McDonalds fries. We’ll probably end up taking the subway anyway so sure. Wow, it’s one thing for Chris, Percy, and Annabitch to say it but you? I’m hurt.”

“Really? Do you think they’ll want to rub my belly like Buddha? I know, I have great ideas sometimes. I might have to get myself more Barbie magic ovens just in case you decide to go on a love potion streak. Shampoo with argan oil, got it. Of course I’ve seen hair products before, but I don’t know what they all do. How rude, do you really want me to be blind? How am I going to bake my Barbie goods if I’m blind? A Michelin restaurant? I didn’t know tire shops had restaurants. That is so cool. Do they sell fries as well? See? Everything will work out in your favor. You should be thanking me instead of calling me a moron every two seconds. You know I didn’t mean it, Rosalia. You’re beautiful and amazing and I wanna be like you.” 

[milo-kessler]

“It is, yes. Maybe you should join me with my potion making business. I can get you the bleach if you need me to. Why me? I feel like this is completely unfair, I’d rather just steal you some wallets from the Hermes cabin. I would really like to know what you do with your free time when you’re not in camp if you think a McDonalds kitchen is a win-win for everybody. I’m glad you do. Why does everyone think that?”

“I would, but I don’t know if I want everyone to hate me. Maybe I can just soothe the heartache you cause with my baked goodies. Because I don’t know where it’s sold, that’s why. Also, I don’t know how to pick hair products. What if I mess up and end up buying hair bleach instead of shampoo? Have you not eaten McDonalds fries? They’re good, a great culinary experience. I got it, what if you bring him to the subway during rush hour? It can get very hot in there. Because you are evil. Has that ever crossed your mind?”